


I Love You Seoul (I Hate You Seoul)

by pretty_one



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: A lot of sleeping, Cute, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drugs, Fluff, I'm not good enough to be that descriptively graphic, Idols, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, Na Jaemin-centric, Scandal, Small Towns, Some Humor, just a little physical fighting of sorts, okay the graphic descriptions of violence isn't really that graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:34:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 112,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28809711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_one/pseuds/pretty_one
Summary: Na Jaemin had a dream.A dream that was taken away when he was swept up in and trapped in a world he never imagined he of all people would be thrown in when all he ever wanted was to be an idol.Jaemin was trapped and just when he thought there was no way out, a member of his team found one for him. Jaemin ends up taking refuge in a nameless town outside Seoul, a town so small you could count the number of stop signs on one hand and everyone knew each other's names.In the hopes that Jaemin can find himself again, away from the person he has started to become, he embraces this new setting and he even finds something special by the name of Jeno, along the way. But how long can he hold on to that? How long will his reality take a backseat and allow him to live in a dream?Because it is only a matter of time before this dream Jaemin is living will all collapse on top of him, the only question being who else will be dragged down with him?
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 20





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so this one here is something else let me tell ya. 
> 
> Now first off, I don't know much about NCT Dream, just small stuff I have seen here and there most (and by most I mean practically all) of it coming from my sister who knows more about them. 
> 
> I also don't really know much about drug and their effects as far as detoxing and all that, but I guess it's a good thing this is all fiction eh? That being said, hopefully, the timeline or whatever still makes sense for the story and the holes aren't too big. 
> 
> (I am so sorry for some of the things I put Jaemin through but I promise it's all for the greater good in the end)

Na Jaemin had a dream. 

He had a dream to be an idol, and it almost seemed too good to be true when it was announced that he would be one part of the new six-member SM K-Pop group, NCT Youth. Jaemin didn’t really care for the name, he thought it was kind of dumb, but it’s not like he could tell the company that. 

Jaemin heard a rumor that the reason behind the group name was because their group was going to involve something called graduating, meaning once a member was no longer a “youth” then that member would no longer be in the group and they would rotate a new trainee in their place. Jaemin hoped that wasn’t true, he couldn’t fathom that SM would group these boys and have them go through hardships, the long days and longer nights, and grow to be a family only to rip that family apart just because they no longer fit the name. They would never stoop that low, right?

Together these six strangers were determined to debut, and it was after long days and late nights that the six of them huddled together and dreamed of their moment to shine. 

They pushed themselves past their limits day after day, but it seemed like nothing was working. Almost as soon as they were given a promised debut date, it was taken away from them. They watched group after group make their debut but still, NCT Youth was nothing but six boys, struggling to keep their spirits up and their dreams of debuting alive. 

They stopped reacting whenever the manager would come and give them a new debut date. They knew it would just be taken out from under them just like every other time. They nodded their heads and went back to their dance practice when given the news, and the manager who told them took notice of it. 

He waited until after midnight, when the six trainees for NCT Youth were the last ones in the practice room, laying on the floor catching their breath. He walked up to the group who immediately started to stand up and bow to the manager, but he stopped them with a hand and crouched down to sit on the floor with them. 

“I know you guys are discouraged about your debut date constantly being pushed back,” the boys looked at each other nervously before looking back at the manager, “but if you really want to make sure you debut, I know what you can do.” 

The boys looked at each other again, a spark of hope daring to reach their eyes. The boys didn’t say anything at first, just looked at each other willing someone to talk. And although they didn't have an official leader for their unofficial group, it was almost just natural for Mark to step up and be the voice for them all. 

“What do you mean?” 

And that’s how it all started. As it turned out, the reason why all these groups were debuting before them was because they were more energetic, happier, a more fun group to watch on stage, and that was all because the SM managers provided the artist with what they like to call, ‘a little help from Mr. Greenie’. 

Drugs. It was drugs that were helping these boys debut before them, specifically it was speed. At first, the boys were all astounded that a company as big as SM would be willing to put their artist at such a risk, but seeing the looks of dismay the manager waved his hand in the air and gave a good-natured chuckle.

“It’s not even that bad, just a little bit here and there to make you guys look more lively and more likable on stage that's all. You are all young and so it won’t really affect you as you think. Just think of it as an extra little confidence boost.” 

The manager's words were dripping with conviction. It was honestly hard for the boys listening to not agree with him. He made it sound so convincing, but it seemed like Jaemin was the only one holding off. He didn’t know a lot about drugs of any kind, save for maybe weed, but he knew there was no way that any kind of drug wouldn’t really affect them. 

The manager left shortly after that, telling the boys to think about it and find him when they were ready to debut. They all watched as the manager sauntered out of the room, leaving a thick fog of silence behind him. Jaemin looked at the other five boys, their faces set in concentration, Jisung being the only one who was sharing a look similar to Jaemin. 

“You guys aren’t actually thinking about this, are you?” Jaemin was met with silence and almost guilty looks. “Guys! We can’t do drugs just to debut, do you know what those things do to you?” 

Jaemin wasn’t surprised when it was Mark that spoke up first, “It’s not like it would be forever Jaemin-ah. Just until we debut.” Jaemin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He wanted to debut just as much as the rest of them did, but he just couldn’t fathom the rationality behind the theory. 

“This is a stupid idea hyung.  _ Stupid _ .” Jaemin crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes. But when he looked back at the group of boys in front of him, he didn’t even need to be looking at them to feel the wave of desperation pouring out of them. 

He locked eyes with each member, and that’s when he knew he was gone. He knew exactly what they were going through because he was going through it too. He wanted so badly to live his dream and debut. Their name was picked, their songs were set. They practiced so hard, Jaemin was sure he could probably do it in his sleep. So how was he supposed to turn down an opportunity to finally debut? 

It was simple, he couldn’t. “Fine, but only until we debut. I don’t like the idea of becoming dependent on anything other than maybe you guys, but even that’s questionable.”

That was six months ago, and a very distant memory for Jaemin. After the boys decided they would try it just until they debuted, Mark went to find the manager to let them know they were in, and the boys debuted two weeks later. When they finally made their debut they became Korea’s fastest rookie group to rise to fame. They had only been an official group for 4 months when they began charting in the top 100, which was rare for a rookie group, even if they were from the all-famous SM. 

But their stage presence was to die for and it seemed like they couldn’t be stopped. Stage after stage, NCT Youth kept going, showing no signs of stopping. SM was already a name not to be messed with but with NCT Youth, they gained all the more fame. 

It was roughly 5 minutes before the start of their show and Jaemin was neatly cutting two lines of white powder, laughing at the words he said 6 months ago,  _ only until debut.  _ Well here Na Jaemin was, six months after debut and there wasn’t a single night he could remember where he didn’t sniff up the white powder. 

With SM’s drug of choice for the boys being speed, it wasn’t as hard as cocaine, but it still got the boys hyped up without fail and they were energetic for every show. It worked well for them because it was actually not an illegal drug if you were using it for ADHD and it was prescribed in specific doses from a doctor. And while Jaemin joked about some of the members having ADHD, he was sure that wasn’t actually true. 

But the drug came in different forms and apparently was very easy for SM to get their hands on because they seemed to have an endless supply of all forms for them. Injecting the drug was never an option to them because it was too hard for them to explain away the marks, but they could smoke it, snort it, or take the pill. Jaemin liked to snort his, mainly because it only lasted for half the time, having taken the pill form before and not liking how long the effects lasted after their concert.

Mark, Renjun, and Chenle all took the pills looking for the longer haul, while Donghyuck and Jisung wanted the quick fix and preferred smoking it. The pills generally took about 20 minutes before the high took over, so Mark, Renjun, and Chenle were all ready for the show, the high just starting to kick in, while Donghyuck and Jisung were waiting for the last minute possible since smoking gave an immediate effect. 

Jaemin took his time cutting the powder into even lines, wondering if he would ever be able to go on stage without the confidence boost snorting these drugs gave him. He released a heavy sigh as he looked down, wondering if maybe he should try that tonight, but then a rough hand landed on his shoulder. 

“Hurry up kid, you go on stage in 5 and you can’t go up without that.” It was one of the stage managers, and Jaemin looked over to the other five boys looking at him questioningly. Jaemin pushed his earlier thoughts away as he quickly bent over and with practiced ease, took no time at all to sniff up the white powder, wiping the back of his nose and standing with his eyes closed for a moment. 

When he opened his eyes again, he made his way over to his members who were waiting anxiously with their hands already in the middle, waiting for Jaemin to add his hand. With a smile on his face, he put his hand on top of the others and shouted along with them at the top of his lungs,  _ yoo dream cha cha cha!  _ And then off to the stage they went, blood pumping with a healthy dose of excitement and a not so healthy dose of amphetamines. 

After the concerts were always the worst. The boys were tired not only from the exhaustion of dancing and singing, and jumping around, but because the drugs from the beginning of the concert were starting to wear off and it was making everyone a bit more touchy. 

It affected each member differently, but the general feeling while coming down from the high was a weird balance between restlessness and utter exhaustion. The three who took the pills weren’t as bad since their high lasted the longest, but without increasing the number of pills, the amount of energy they exerted seemed to expel the effects of the drug quicker and quicker, so even they were having a hard time in the end.

The craving for more grew stronger and stronger every day it was honestly starting to scare Jaemin. But any time he tried to go on stage without doing a line, a voice inside his head reminded him that this was the only reason he was even able to debut. What if he didn’t do a line, how would he perform? Would he be the same Jaemin that the fans love? Would he be as energetic? As happy? Would they even pay attention to him? Every time he was about to try, that voice just got louder and louder and Jaemin couldn’t find it in himself to shut it up, so instead, he listened to it every time. 

Without the drug, Jaemin felt so tired, and honestly, he hated feeling that way. He wished he could stop, but he knows that he can’t. He knows he can’t express this fear to the managers. Not after all they have done to help not only him but his five members that he has come to think of as family, finally, reach their dream of becoming idols. 

But when the concert is over, the drugs have worn off, and it's nighttime in the Youth dorm, Jaemin can’t help the thoughts that litter his mind, and the hate he has towards the drugs and himself. It seems as if the night gives him no sense of defense and his worries and fears come out to play. And there is one person who not only shares those worries with him, but Jaemin feels safest talking about it with. 

Jisung shares his room with Chenle, but he always seemed to crash the hardest from the drug, so Jaemin was never worried about waking him up whenever he went to Jisung’s room. Mark used to share the room with them, but then the company came up with the idea of putting Mark in another unit within the company so they roomed him with some of them to get better acquainted.

Although Jisung was younger than Jaemin, it was only by 2 years, and there was something about the boy that just resonated with Jaemin. He felt comfortable around him and despite the fact that he was his hyung, he didn’t tease him when he came to his bunk late at night with tears in his eyes. Instead, he welcomed Jaemin and they just talked. 

And like most nights this week, Jaemin found himself walking to the room next to his and opening the door to find the room dark and both boys in their beds. Jaemin almost decided to go back to his room not wanting to wake the maknae up, but then he heard a sound coming from the bottom bunk, a sigh of exasperation that sounded too awake. Jaemin walked over to the bottom bunk and pulled down the covers making Jisung flip his phone to his chest and look up in fear before realizing that it was just Jaemin and not a manager, or their leader there to scold him. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?” Jaemin asked with a knowing grin. 

“Aren’t you?” the younger countered easily. 

Jaemin let out a chuckle before he shook his head at Jisung, “Withdrawn.” Jisung sat up in his bed and scooted over, making room so Jaemin could sit down. Once Jaemin was settled, Jisung threw the blanket over the two of them and Jaemin gave a nod of thanks. 

“You’re earlier than usual hyung, what’s on your mind?” 

Jaemin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, leaving his face in his hands. “How useless do we have to be to become happy?” Jaemin could feel Jisung shifting next to him and waited until he was situated to go on. “I just feel like the fans that love us and cheer for us on stage, is that really us they love? Or is it the drugs in us they love? If we went out there without taking a hit before the show, would they still cheer?” 

Jisung stayed silent a moment, gathering his thoughts before he spoke up. “I like to believe that they would still love us for us, but I don’t really know hyung.” His voice was soft, apologetic almost as he went on, “But if you hate it that much, why don’t you stop?” 

Jaemin’s breath caught in his throat. This wasn’t the first time Jisung had asked him this. Actually, Jisung has asked him this every night Jaemin came to his bed but each and every time Jaemin couldn’t answer him. He couldn’t answer him because he was scared. He didn’t want to show how scared he really was and how dependent he has become on the drug to help him perform. So instead he changed the subject.

“I just wish that sometimes we could take a break you know. Go see the country, get out of the city and out of the limelight. You lived in Busan for a little bit didn’t you?” Jaemin turned his head to Jisung waiting for an answer, but even with the low light, Jaemin could see Jisung’s face scrunched up in thought. 

Jaemin waited another minute before he poked Jisung’s cheek and Jisung immediately flinched back and raked his eyes over Jaemin. “What are you thinking so hard about Jisungie? I can see the smoke coming out of your ears.” 

“Nothing, sorry hyung just lost in thought I guess. Yeah, I lived in Busan for a little bit. But my family doesn’t actually go back there very often. Instead, we have a vacation home of sorts in a little no-name town not super far from here actually. ” 

Jaemin nodded his head in understanding before he abruptly laid down on the bed bringing the maknae roughly down with him. “I’m tired Jisungie, let’s go to sleep.” 

“Yah! Go sleep in your own bed if you’re tired!” Jisung tried to get out from under the grasp of Jaemin, but his hold was too tight. 

“Did you just yah me? Don’t yah your hyung you ungrateful little-” Jaemin was cut off by Jisung’s elbow digging into his ribs which caused Jaemin to fall off the bed and drag Jisung with him. Giggles echoed around the room, mostly from Jaemin, as the two started wrestling. 

“Yah!!” The unmistakable voice of their now official leader Mark burst through the door, letting the soft light cascade on Jaemin and Jisung’s intertwined bodies freezing them on the spot. “What are you guys doing, do you know what time it is? Jaemin let go of Jisung!”

Reluctantly, Jaemin let go of Jisung with a grunt and one last poke to his ribs earning a rare glare from their leader before he stood up and bowed formally to Mark and gave a very resolute “Sorry.” Before he darted towards his room, but not before Mark was able to smack him upside the head. 

“Aish what am I gonna do with you, he’s the maknae, not you,” Mark chastised, but Jaemin could hear the slight twinge of humor in his voice. Being the youngest, Jisung was definitely more loved on than any other member, but Jaemin was the one to show his affection for the maknae the most whenever he could and in every way possible. 

“He’s a baby, how else am I supposed to go about it, hyung?” Jaemin smirked at Mark, dodging his hand one last time before he scampered off to his room, shutting the door softly. He tiptoed over to his bed, trying his hardest not to wake up Donghyuck and Renjun who he shared the room with. 

When Jaemin was settled in his bed, it took no time at all for his thoughts from earlier to come back with a vengeance. The thoughts came in like crashing waves, and Jaemin found it harder and harder to keep his head above water. The thoughts of wanting to throw the drugs away mixed with the craving for it all hit him at once, and not for the first time, Jaemin watched the sunrise, not having slept a wink. 

But what Jaemin was unaware of was the same thing was happening to the youngest in the room next to him, except instead of thoughts of doubt and hate filling his head, it was instead filled with plans and hope to help his hyung get away. 


	2. 2

Despite Jaemin getting absolutely no sleep the night before, that was no excuse in the eyes of SM. That just meant that instead of his usual dose of the speed, the managers slipped in a little extra to make sure he was lively on stage. The makeup artist added more concealer under his eyes, and bam, problem solved. 

Because the makeup artist had to spend more time on Jaemin, he was the last one to arrive on the set where the other boys had already been prepped and ready for a good amount of time and they were all waiting on him. He still hadn’t taken his normal, now doubled, dose of the speed, but he was already running late so he decided to forgo it just for a night. And while he wanted to say he skipped it only because he was running late, the reality was that he plain and simple didn’t want to take it. Something about his talk with Jisung last night made him genuinely wonder if the fans would still like him the same without that crutch. 

Jaemin turned towards the leader and bowed his head, to which Mark just shook his head gently and motioned for him to come over. Jaemin complied quickly, not wanting to cause the group any more delays or issues. Once he was over, it was nothing but smiles all around most likely due to the copious amounts of speed running through their systems, but Jaemin was going to ignore that less than satisfying fact. 

Once he was there, Donghyuck was the one to lead tonight’s chant shouting about going crazy on the stage or something while they all had their hands in the middle, ending the chant with a loud screech Jaemin was almost sure could have been heard throughout the entire venue. 

Jaemin felt a small pinch at the base of his skull at Donghyuck’s screech, but he decided to ignore it assuming it was just because he had the unfortunate luck to be standing right next to Donghyuck when he let out the pterodactyl scream. Jaemin scrunched his nose at the slight pain but smiled when he caught Jisung giving him a questioning look. Jaemin shook his head when Jisung pulled his attention again mouthing  _ what’s wrong?  _

The boys all went to their predetermined spots to get into the safety harnesses and whatever other things that were needed to safely descend from the ceiling. SM decided that it would be a good entrance for the boys to float down from the ceiling to give a more exciting start to the concert, but personally, Jaemin felt it was all kind of weird and very over the top for a still rookie group. 

Jaemin waited patiently as the staff member buckled the last belt when he felt the pinch at the base of his skull again. Since the staff member was the only one there, Jaemin figured it to be safe enough to give in to the pain and rub his head in the hopes that it would help. 

“Are you okay Jaemin-ah?” Jaemin opened his eyes at his name and looked over to see the staff that was helping him. She was a tiny thing, she reminded him of the girl cat from The Aristocrats. On a general note, most of the staff from SM were cold and unwelcoming, but this girl was one of the rare ones who was actually nice and Jaemin genuinely liked her. 

He offered her a small smile and dropped his hand from his head, “Yeah, I’m fine I’m just nervous about the whole flying thing.” He gave a nervous chuckle and the staff member gave him a sympathetic look. She rested her hand on Jaemin’s shoulder and squeezed lightly. 

“Don’t worry too much about it Jaemin-ah. If I know anything about you I know you’ll manage to make the whole flying thing look as if you were born with wings.” Jaemin chuckled at her comment and her smile widened. She released his arm and put her fists in the air and switched her smile for a determined look and thrust her fists in front of Jaemin and he touched his fists to hers. 

Once she pulled back, she finished strapping Jaemin in and started counting down. He was to go on first followed by Jisung, but there was a video that played first before any of them came fluttering down. While waiting for the contraption to raise him, Jaemin couldn’t seem to ignore the pain at the base of his skull that came back with a force not to be reckoned with. 

He didn’t understand where the headache came from since he had been feeling fine most of the day and it couldn’t have hit at a worse time. He kept his eyes closed and refrained from rubbing them not wanting to mess up his makeup, but that wasn’t doing anything to help the situation and before he knew it he could feel his body going up and his eyes flew open to see he was no longer on the ground. 

He looked around the room and locked eyes with the staff member who helped him into his gear and she flashed a quick thumbs up and a big smile right before Jaemin was out of sight. Being raised into the air did absolutely nothing for his headache, and neither did the giant spotlight directed perfectly on him as he was shown floating down to the stage as if it were normal. 

The roar of the crowd was deafening and again, no help to his headache. As he was cascading down to the stage he had his eyes shut to avoid the light, hoping that it looked like he was some otherworldly being gracefully embracing the stage versus a very much in pain boy who wanted nothing more than to lie down. 

Once his turn was up and he was standing on the stage, the same staff lady that helped him into the harness was back again to help him out of it this time. His eyes remained closed as she worked around him and he heard a countdown from his in-ears, but the voice was too loud so he pulled them out. 

“Jaemin-ah, are you sure you’re okay?” Jaemin nodded with his eyes shut, not sure if he could command his voice to stay steady enough and he felt a hand on his lower back rubbing soothing circles. 

Before he could say anything else the hand was gone and he could hear the screaming from the crowd intensify massively and before he knew it he was shoved back on stage with the rest of his members diving in headfirst to the first song of their two-hour set. 

___

Jaemin had never been as exhausted as he was once the concert ended. Throughout the entire thing his headache did not let up and it became increasingly more and more difficult to keep up with the choreography and singing. Luckily the rest of his members were so high from the drugs they didn’t seem to notice, all but one. 

Jisung had found him multiple times during the short breaks they had between set changes and whatever other nonsense things the staff thought was a good idea for a concert. Each and every time Jisung would try and ask how Jaemin was, he would just brush him off with a smile saying he was fine, but the more Jisung asked him the harder it became to keep up the lie. 

When the concert ended, Jisung was once again there with the desire to really talk to Jaemin but a staff member got to him first. Jaemin was expecting Jisung, so when there was a hand on his arm he turned around exasperated and honestly sort of annoyed that Jisung wouldn’t just drop the whole thing, so he was prepared to tell him off. 

“Jisung seriously I told you,” but when Jaemin turned around to see a staff member hold his arm, he stopped talking. 

“The CEO wants to see you.” the man said, no room for interpretation needed. Jaemin flicked his eyes over to where Jisung was standing, the fear in his eyes probably resembled the fear in his own. Jaemin wanted so badly to run the other way, the boss never wanted to just talk. If the CEO wanted to talk to you that meant you royally screwed up and you better have figured out a solution before you stood in front of him. 

And the worst part was Jaemin had no idea what he did to warrant a talk from the CEO. He knew he made a few mistakes tonight, but he felt like he covered it pretty well on stage. And, it’s not like he was perfect. There have been plenty of nights when he and other members had made mistakes and he never got in trouble for it then, so what was new? 

Jaemin swallowed past his nerves and followed the man, daring one last glance at Jisung before he was out of sight. Jaemin followed the man through the backstage and into the back room where a dressing room had turned into a mobile office of sorts. Jaemin didn’t really understand why the boss always traveled with his office to these concerts (or why he seemed to be present at every single concert) but he wasn’t going to be the one to point that out.

The CEO was sitting in his chair behind a desk with his feet propped up and his hands folded in his lap. Once Jaemin walked in, a smile broke out on his face and he dropped his feet to the ground and swept his hand in a welcoming motion. “Jaemin! Come on in son.” 

His voice held the tone of happiness, and while Jaemin had been practically dedicated his life to the four walls of his dorm for training which made him seem somewhat dimwitted, he wasn’t totally stupid. He knew how to read a room and how to see the thinly veiled threat hiding within the man's words. But still, Jaemin walked in with a hesitant smile and sat in the chair in front of the desk where he motioned for him to sit. 

“That will be all Yeonngsu.” he directed his words at the man who brought Jaemin here but never took his eyes off Jaemin. 

Yeongsu bowed to the man and then quickly left the room making sure to close the door behind him. The silence was thick enough that a knife could cut through it as the CEO stared at Jaemin, unblinking. Just when Jaemin was about to burst from the apprehension the CEO finally spoke. 

“Quite the concert tonight don’t you think?” Again, his tone was light as if he and Jaemin were old pals from college but Jaemin still detected an absolute threat hiding behind the words. Not trusting his voice, he just nodded his head and offered a small smile hoping it was enough. 

The CEO stood from his chair and walked over to where Jaemin sat standing behind him and letting his hands fall heavily on Jaemin’s shoulders. “You know Jaemin, we here at SM provide for our artist. Do you understand?”

Jaemin didn’t understand, but he nodded his head as if he did. 

“And when our artists decide to reject what we provide for them, it’s a bit disrespectful. Wouldn’t you agree?” The CEO tightened his grip on Jaemin’s shoulders and he had to work hard to not wince. His headache from the start of the show was still ever so present and only getting worse by the minute, so the CEO adding another source of pain was becoming unbearable. 

“I watched the performance tonight Jaemin. And you looked terrible. You were offbeat, you messed up the dance, and you made the whole group look like fools.” The CEO was suddenly in Jaemin’s face, searching for something. Jaemin immediately averted his eyes to show respect, but even with his eyes trained on the floor, he could feel the eyes of the CEO on him. 

“Something was off tonight Jaemin. And like I said, it’s not very respectful to not take what we provide for you.” Suddenly everything clicked in Jaemin’s head. The drugs. He was talking about the drugs. Jaemin didn’t take them tonight and apparently word got back all the way to the CEO. 

“I don’t take lightly to disrespect Jaemin. Especially since the things we do here at SM are for your benefit. I mean, you had to have noticed didn’t you? The crowd wasn’t as excited, and they were looking at everyone but you. You were ruining the entire show and I can’t have that. Do you understand me?” 

With his eyes still trained on the floor, Jaemin nodded his head. The CEO rose to his full height and patted the side of Jaemin’s face, his hand so big it basically covered his whole face. 

“Well, I’m glad we came to an understanding then.” He walked back to sit behind his desk before he spoke up again, “But, lessons are never learned without consequences.” Jaemin’s eyes snapped up to the CEO’s not sure what that meant, and he watched as the CEO snapped his fingers and two men Jaemin didn’t recognize came in on either side of him and yanked him up from the chair he sat in. 

The CEO spoke up again before the men managed to drag Jaemin out of the room, “Just keep in mind Jaemin. You belong to me. You are my property and nothing else. So don’t go around thinking that you are anything but that. It would be who of you to follow the simple rules and be grateful for the opportunity I have bestowed on you, don’t take it for granted again.” 

And then the men dragged him out of the room and threw him into another one, this one much less used if the lack of furniture was any sign. Jaemin was shoved inside with so much force he almost hit the opposing wall, but luckily he still had some sense and was able to put his hands out in front of him in order to brace himself. 

The door shut loudly leaving Jaemin alone in the room, not even a light to aid him. He felt his way over to the wall, using that as a guide to hopefully find a lightswitch, actually thankful for the lack of furniture in the room. When he finally found it he switched the light the door swung open again and it was the same two men that dragged him to the CEO in the first place. 

They walked in the room, closing and locking the door behind them looking at Jaemin like he was their next meal. Jaemin swallowed hard and was about to ask what they wanted when the wind was knocked out of him thanks to a fist to his gut. 

Jaemin doubled over but wasn’t given the time to recover before another blow came to almost the same exact spot, and Jaemin swore he could feel the bruise already forming. “Boss says you need to be taught how to be more grateful.” one of them says right as he hits Jaemin again. 

“And we were more than happy to oblige,” the other one says while Jaemin tries to catch his breath. Then he kicks the back of Jaemin’s knee, making him crumble to the ground in a heap making both men laugh. Each of them kicked Jaemin one last time before he heard the door open and their footsteps retreated. 

Jaemin laid on the ground for another few minutes, attempting to make his breathing normal before he tried to stand up and ignore the pain in his ribs. He knew he was going to have to go back out to Jisung who will have nothing but questions, so he had to act as normal as possible because there was no way in hell he was going to tell Jisung what happened. 

He practiced walking back and forth a few times before he figured it wouldn’t get any better than that and walked out into the hallway to find Jisung pacing at the end. When Jaemin got closer to Jisung he cleared his throat to get his attention, 

“Better be careful Mouse, you’re going to start a fire if you go any faster.” Jisung whipped his head towards Jaemin’s voice and stopped in his tracks, his eyes wracking over Jaemin’s entire being before he rushed over to him. 

“Where were you? What happened? What did the CEO want? Are you okay?” Jisung fired off question after question leaving Jaemin’s mind reeling for a moment before he brought his hands up to cover Jisung’s mouth, stopping any other questions he had at the ready. 

“Jeez Jisung, maybe you should have debuted as a rapper. I didn't think words could come out of someone’s mouth as fast as they just came out of yours.” Jisung rolled his eyes before he gently removed Jaemin’s hand from his mouth and took a deep breath. 

“Hyung,” Jaemin sighed as he brought his arm around Jisung’s neck and started guiding them down the hall, not really knowing where they were going but hoping it was in the right direction of the dressing rooms. 

“Come on, I’m tired and I want to take this makeup off and go home to sleep.” Jaemin could feel the tension in Jisung’s shoulders so he started rubbing his hand up and down Jisung’s arm. “I’m fine Mouse, the CEO just wanted to ask me something, it's nothing so don’t worry about it.” 

Jisung released a sigh and started guiding the two of them the opposite way from where Jaemin was walking. Jaemin grunted slightly when Jisung pushed into his side to make him go the other way, feeling Jisung tense up again. But before he could ask anything Jaemin ruffled Jisung’s hair and laughed when he immediately brought his hands up to stop him. 

“Aigoo, look at our little baby guiding hyung the right way, such a good dongsaeng!” Jisung put more space between the two of them so Jaemin couldn’t reach out and tussle his hair again and Jaemin was silently thankful for it. Because his ribs were hurting a lot more than he first thought, so having Jisung that close to him and having his elbow jabbing him, even if it was lightly, made it a lot worse. 

Eventually, Jisung made his way back over to Jaemin, but he was being noticeably softer with Jaemin, making sure to not hit his side but still offering his support if Jaemin needed it. This didn’t pass by Jaemin and deep down he was super grateful for Jisung being so intuned with him. 

Once they made it back to the dressing room, Jisung and Jaemin were greeted by Renjun, Chenle, and Donghyuck running around the room half-naked while Mark was sitting in the corner watching them with a mixture of fondness and annoyance. Despite the noise, Mark either heard or felt when Jisung and Jaemin entered the room and looked towards them. 

Almost as if he sensed something was off Mark made his way over to them with concern etched on his features. He tried going up to Jaemin, but Jisung subtly stopped him from touching Jaemin, slightly shaking his head at their leader. He looked confused at first but then seemed to understand and took a step back looking over Jaemin instead. 

“Where were you Jaemin? Why are you hunched over like that?” Jaemin didn’t realize he was even hunched over, but at Mark’s question he stood up straighter and offered the leader a smile he hoped was convincing. 

“I landed my leg kinda funny during one of the songs so it’s just a little sore, but I’m fine hyung just need a little rest and I’ll be good as new.” Mark looked like he didn’t believe a word of what Jaemin was saying but after one look at Jisung, he decided to let it go. For now. 

“Well, why don’t you and Mouse take your makeup off and head to the van. I’ll get the three hooligans calmed down before they crash and we can leave.” 

Mark patted Jaemin’s shoulder and looked at Jisung one last time before he made his way over to where Donghyunk was currently holding Chenle upside down and Renjun was trying to give Chenle water. 

Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at the scene, the three of them were always super rambunctious after a concert. The natural high from performing in front of thousands mixed in with the drug induced high was always more effective for the three of them, making their moods last like this for a lot longer than the other three boys. 

Mark always seemed to come down from his high the quickest, probably because his subconscious knew that he was going to have to take care of the other members, so he was able to come to a normal state of mind in order to do so. 

Jaemin shook his head at the scene of Mark scolding the three of them before he made his way over to where Jisung had already taken his makeup off and was waiting for Jaemin with a clean makeup wipe. Jaemin smiled at him as he made his way over and Jisung started gently scrubbing his face with the wipe. 

Aside from the sounds of Mark trying to control the three boys behind them it was silent. Jaemin closed his eyes and allowed Jisung to take his makeup off, Jaemin almost falling asleep with the soft way Jisung was treating him until Jisung spoke up.

“So are you going to tell me what happened, or am I going to have to guess?” Jisung lowered his voice in an attempt to not disturb Jaemin too much. Jaemin slowly opened his eyes to find Jisung staring at him with baby doe eyes. Jaemin debated on if he really wanted to tell Jisung what happened tonight. On the one hand, his choice to forgo the drug was really weighing on his mind, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to burden Jisung with his stupid decisions. But, Jisung was a stubborn kid and he was determined, especially when it was something he wanted. 

Jaemin took a deep breath in and released it slowly before he answered Jisung. “I skipped the drugs before the concert tonight.” The shock on Jisung’s face was immediate, and if Jaemin were in a better mood, he would have laughed at his expression. 

“I remembered what we had talked about the other night and I was just curious you know. I wanted to see if it were true and apparently it was and now I know,” Jaemin looked to the ground before he finished with, “And the CEO noticed so he pulled me in to talk about it and that’s it.” 

Jisung stayed silent as he looked at Jaemin, only believing half of what he was saying but not really being at a point where he could say anything. Jaemin was acting like it was no big deal but it was easy for Jisung to tell that whatever the CEO said to Jaemin was really weighing down on him, but he was refusing to let Jisung in.

“Hyung,” before Jisung could finish his sentence Jaemin stood up and clapped his hands together, and started walking away. “Well, I’m gonna go make sure I have all my stuff in the van, I’ll meet you out there yeah?” and with a pat to the head and a fake smile thrown Jisung’s direction, Jaemin was gone with the wind. 

This did nothing but make Jisung’s worry shoot through the roof, past the normal amount of worry he already always had for his hyung. Jaemin was always against this drug thing from the start and in a way was sort of peer-pressured into the whole thing, so Jisung always felt extremely guilty for it, especially given his own secret regarding the drug. 

Jisung decided this was a problem for a later day and got up to help Mark round up the other members so they could finally get home. Jisung was suddenly very tired and just wanted to go home, but the only way that could happen was for the rest of the boys to be in the car as well. Jisung figured Chenle, Renjun, and Donghyuck were close to crashing and he didn’t want a repeat of last week when Mark thought it would be easier to carry them to the car after they crashed. 

By the time he and Mark were able to get the three calm enough to get in the car, Jaemin was already asleep, or at least he made it look that way because even with Jisung’s gentle shake to get Jaemin’s attention, he stayed in his position with his eyes closed and Jisung was forced to ride back to the dorm in silence. 

___

Jisung wanted to talk to Jaemin before they all went to bed that night knowing full well there wouldn’t be a chance to talk to him the next day since they had back to back concerts which meant a jam packed schedule, but by the time he had helped Mark get the three hooligans inside Jaemin was already in his bed seemingly asleep. Jisung waited and hoped that like most nights, Jaemin would come to his room but he was left with an empty bed. 

The next morning Jisung woke up to find Jaemin sleeping on the floor next to his bed. He shook his head at the absurdity that was Jaemin before he slid down next to him, laying so he was face to face with Jaemin. 

“Hyung?” 

Jaemin opened his eyes slowly, looking around for a confused minute before he looked back at Jisung and a smile lit up his face. Jaemin wasn’t able to say anything before their leader burst through the room already yelling. 

“You guys  _ why  _ are you still in bed? We have to go like  _ now _ ! We are already late!” Mark started running around the room throwing covers off of beds and dragging bodies to the floor. Mark was very sweet with the wake-up calls really, it was no wonder he wasn’t in charge of them more often. But since they actually  _ were _ running late, Jisung again missed his chance to really talk to Jaemin and make sure he was okay from last night. 

The day blurred by and before they knew it, it was already time to get ready for the concert, and surprisingly enough Jaemin was glad for it. His arms and stomach were still kind of sore from the night before but he barely noticed it because he was so caught up in the events of things, but one thing he did notice was how closely the staff members seemed to be looking after him. 

____

Jisung watched helplessly as Jaemin seemed to spiral deeper and deeper into the hole he was digging. Ever since the night he went on stage without taking the drugs, he’d been distant. Jisung knew the staff talked to him, but what he doesn’t know for sure is if the staff hurt him. They were smart enough to know not to leave visible marks, but Jisung watched how Jaemin walked and noticed his clothing was straying away from the usual form fitting outfits and leaning more towards loose fitted clothes as if they were trying to hide something. 

For the next few concerts Jaemin was continuously pulled right after a concert to ‘speak to the CEO’ and every time after when Jisung would find him, he was walking a different way, favoring one side over the other, and just overall looked worn out. And that’s when Jisung knew they were hurting him. But Jisung didn’t understand why. Jaemin was taking the drugs, he knew he was because he was always shadowed by a staff member to make sure of it, and Jaemin’s persona completely changed on stage. He was the happy go lucky idol that everyone knew and loved, but it seemed only Jisung was able to see through the lie. 

Jisung was waiting for the right time to send Jaemin away, but he was afraid that if he waited any longer Jaemin wasn’t going to be there to save. With the staff breathing down his neck and the sudden increase in the amount he took before each concert, Jisung knew he had to act now. 

So after their concert, once they were taken back home, he immediately went upstairs to where he was stashing money and drugs, gathering them in a small backpack and shoving it under his bed. He pulled out his phone and checked the staffs’ schedule to make sure the meeting was still a go, and thankfully it was. It was in three hours, well after the lot of them would have already retired to their rooms. 

Jisung was sitting in the common room with Jaemin as he waited anxiously as the clock ticked down closer to the meeting, forcing himself to stop looking at Jaemin so much. But even if he stared at Jaemin all night, he was sure that he wouldn’t even notice he was so out of it, which made Jisung will the clock to move faster all the more. 

An hour later, Jaemin walked upstairs presumably to go to bed, and Jisung followed close behind. 

“Goodnight hyung,” Jisung called to Jaemin. Jaemin did nothing but put his hand in the air before he quietly shut the door behind him. Jisung sighed heavily before going to his room to go over the stuff in the bag to make sure everything was there. He tried to play a game on his phone to pass the time but he was too anxious to focus and kept losing due to the fact that he kept looking at the top left of his screen at the time. 

Another painstakingly long hour passed when Chenle finally walked in, eyes already closed as he flopped down in his bed and started snoring almost instantly. Jisung huffed another sigh and decided to close his eyes in yet another attempt to pass the time. 

Just when he was actually about to fall asleep Jisung was startled awake by the sound of his alarm going off. He sat up in bed, frantically feeling around to find his phone, only to find it was on the floor under his bed. When he finally found it, he saw it was five minutes after the staff was in their meeting, therefore meaning it was finally time.

Jisung blindly threw his hands under his bed again, finding purchase on the bag pulling it out to check the contents one last time. When he was satisfied, he walked over to his door, opening it slowly and checking the hallways to make sure no one was patrolling them. 

Quickly he made his way the short distance to Jaemin’s room, not bothering to knock knowing if he did no one would answer anyway. Jisung had a feeling Jaemin was still awake considering the bags under his eyes that just seemed to be getting darker as time passed, and Donghyuck and Renjun were probably already knocked out. 

When Jisung walked in, his heart sank for a minute seeing Jaemin’s bed empty but a quick look to the left and he found Jaemin sitting on the floor by the window looking up at the night sky. Instead of feeling relieved at finding him, Jisung’s heart just sank lower when he saw the blank look on his hyung’s face, and silent tears rolling down his cheeks. 

Jisung shut the door, Jaemin still not looking over, it took Jisung walking up to Jaemin and shaking his shoulder for him to even register that someone was there. Jaemin offered him a barely there smile, which was all too fake for Jisung’s liking but he was glad Jaemin was at least trying. 

“Hey Jisungie, what are you doing here? It’s late and you should get some sleep.” Jaemin turned his body to look at Jisung, but his eyes were far away.

“Hyung, I need you to listen to me, can you do that?” 

Jaemin blinked a few times and his attention seemed to be slowly returning at the sound of Jisung’s voice. 

“Jisung, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” It was as if Jaemin’s hyung mode was activated, and he was suddenly very alert. Jisung was trying to keep the worry and panic out of his voice, but seeing Jaemin like this terrified him. It terrified him so much he wanted to cry, but he knew he had to be strong. 

Jisung pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and handed it to Jaemin. He looked down at it confused before looking back at Jisung and asking, “What is this?” But as he asked he began to open the folded paper, frowning at the words on it. “Jisung this is an address, why are you giving it to me?” 

For whatever reason, Jaemin’s confusion made it harder for Jisung to hold back his tears. He had to swallow three times and take just as many deep breaths in order to control himself enough to answer him. 

“You need to leave hyung.” Jaemin’s shock was evident on his face at Jisung’s words, but Jisung didn’t allow him to express it with his own words. “Hyung, I’m begging you. It’s not good for you to be here, and I can’t watch you deteriorate the way you have been.” 

“Jisung, I,”

“No hyung! You can’t stay here! The drugs, the staff, I just, you need to get away. Isn’t that what you wanted? Remember how you always wanted to get away, take a vacation?” Jaemin nodded his head albeit unsurely, “Well now you can! Remember how I told you my family has a house in some no-name town?”

“Jisung I can’t,”

“No, but you can. Just, just for a little bit. Just clear your head for a little bit, yeah? That’s the address and the code for the house, just clear your head a little, get away from all of this.” 

Jaemin was shaking his head at Jisung and it was getting harder to keep his voice normal and the tears at bay. “Jisung, how am I supposed to leave? It’s not like they’re just going to let me,” 

“I already have it figured out hyung, look,” Jisung sniffed and wiped his face clear of his almost tears glad for the distraction. He pulled at the bag and brought out the bus ticket, a wad of cash, and a bag of something Jaemin couldn’t see the contents of. “I already got a bus ticket and the staff are all in a meeting right now and we both know how long those things last, I have cash and,” 

“Jisung, Jisung, hey slow down!” Jisung was frantically rifling through the items in the bag and talking faster than Jaemin could understand. “Hey look at me for a minute will ya?” 

Jisung looked up at Jaemin, no longer able to hold back the tears. Jaemin wiped away the few that managed to get past Jisung’s stubbornness, and continued to rub at Jisungs cheeks to try and calm him. “What’s going on Mouse?” 

At the nickname, Jisung’s emotions cracked again. He let out a sob and allowed himself to be pulled to Jaemin’s chest as he rubbed his back and tried to calm him. But Jisung didn’t allow them to stay that way for long because Jaemin was the one who needed help, not Jisung. 

Jisung quickly pushed back, taking Jaemin by complete surprise. “I’m scared hyung.” 

“Scared of what?” 

“I’m scared I’m going to lose you. If you stay here, you get it so much worse can’t you see that?” Jisung angrily wiped at the tears falling down his face before he went on. “I’m not saying for you to leave forever, I’m just saying to leave and clear your head to decide if this is really what you want for your life.” 

Jaemin looked at Jisung, shocked to the core at the amount of maturity Jisung held in his body. Jaemin couldn’t believe this was coming from their youngest member. A boy who just like Jaemin and the rest of the members, had a dream to be an idol. And yet here he was having secured an entire plan to help Jaemin escape. 

“I couldn’t live with myself if I sat here and watched you struggle without at least trying to help you. I know you’ve always wanted to be an idol hyung, but is it really worth it if it means you have to lose a part of yourself? I know you were against the drugs from the beginning, but we were all so desperate, and you gave up more than the rest of us.”

Jaemin looked back down at the paper Jisung gave him, crushing it in his hands, and watching as tears fell from his face, wetting the paper. He looked back up at Jisung, his eyes red and puffy from the short burst of tears, and he realized Jisung was right. 

Jaemin always had an aversion to the drugs, but he loved his members, and he loved being able to perform on stage with them, but at what cost? Was it really worth it if he had to do something he hated? But still, he had one thing on his mind, 

“How am I supposed to leave without you Jisung? Without the others? Don’t you think the company will lose their minds if I suddenly disappear? You guys are the only people I talk to, you’ll be the first ones they look-” 

“Don’t worry about that part. I’m the only one that knows and the company while smart in some areas, is also very dumb in others. As long as I’m here they’ll never figure out where you are for as long as you need.” 

Jaemin looked at Jisung, the confidence behind his words astounding. But Jaemin still had his doubts. Jaemin knew at first hand how the staff gets when something doesn’t go their way, and a member of the ever popular SM group going missing was definitely an example of something not going their way. 

“Jisung, I just, I can’t leave you guys here to deal with the consequences. Just because I can’t handle,”

“Can’t handle?  _ Can’t handle?  _ Hyung do you even hear yourself? Being forced to take drugs just so you can hold onto a dream you have shouldn’t be something anyone needs to handle. You need a break from this life to remember that there is something else out there that’s not getting high every night. You’re losing yourself hyung and I’m afraid if you stay here any longer, the route you're taking? I’m going to forget what it’s like to have you come into my room in the middle of the night and insist we sleep in the same bed.”

“Jisung, I’m not going to die. It’s just a little,” 

“No hyung, it’s not  _ just  _ anything. I am afraid you are going to die by the drugs themselves, or the hands of the staff here.” 

Jaemin stared at Jisung, not wanting to know how he knew about the staff. He pretended to not understand what Jisung meant, but it was clear that Jisung knew  _ exactly  _ what happened behind closed doors when Jaemin refused to do something they asked. 

“Jisung,”

“Hyung, please, just, for me? Can you at least try? Just try to see it from my perspective. I love you, and I don’t want to lose you and this is the only thing I can think of to make sure that doesn’t happen.” 

Jaemin looked at Jisung, watched as tears filled his eyes again, but the stubbornness was back as he refused to let the tears fall. Jaemin couldn’t believe he was actually considering  _ running away  _ but that’s exactly what he was doing. He looked down at the paper again, reading over Jisung’s small handwriting, and then looking at the bus ticket.

“It’s a twenty-minute drive to the bus station in a taxi,” Jisung said quietly, to which Jaemin just nodded his head. Jaemin kept quiet as he continued to think, and thankfully Jisung let him be. 

Could he really just leave? Jaemin couldn’t lie, the idea of leaving and getting away from all of this? It was appealing. He could just imagine a life without the threat of the staff, a breath of fresh air, a chance to not have to worry about anything and just enjoy the sun. 

“How is this supposed to even work Jisung?” Jaemin looked up and was blinded by the smile that adorned Jisung’s face. It was abundantly clear that Jaemin was saying yes, and that made Jisung extremely happy and very relieved. 

Jisung took no time to pull Jaemin closer and explain to him his well thought out plan. Jisung bought a bus ticket for Jaemin, explaining that was the only way he could think that was less trackable since there were multiple busses going to the same place, and that they didn’t check bags. The bus ride was going to take at least five hours, if not more with traffic. Jisung explained what the house looked like and that it wasn’t that far from a 24-hour convenience store so that was a major plus. 

“What about your family? Won’t they stop by the house?” 

“No, they’re in Japan for something and I already let them know that a friend was going to stay there and it was fine with them.” 

Jisung then went on to explain that he gathered as much money as he could for Jaemin, but that since it was a small town the stuff there was cheap anyway so it should last him for a good amount of time. And then quicker than Jaemin was expecting, Jisung was standing the two of them up and giving him the bag to hang over his shoulders. 

“Whoa, whoa, what’s the rush here Jisung?” Jisung pinned Jaemin with a look, “Okay fine I get the rush but cut me some slack here.” 

Jisung stopped what he was doing and looked over Jaemin. “I think this will help hyung, I really do.” Jaemin couldn’t help the tears that slipped from his eyes, but Jisung was quick to catch them with his thumb and it left Jaemin wondering who was really the hyung in this situation. 

“You should go soon before the staff comes out of the meeting.” Jaemin pulled Jisung into a hug and he quickly returned it with just as much force as Jaemin was giving. When Jaemin finally pulled back, he was surprised to see a smile on Jisung’s face. “Go hyung.” 

And then Jaemin was gone. 

Sneaking out of the building proved to be a lot easier than he expected and he wondered why they didn’t sneak out more often. It took no time at all to hail a taxi, considering the time of night, and Jaemin climbed in, giving his destination to the driver trying to keep his voice steady. 

Jaemin looked out the window and watched as the company building became nothing but a distant memory. And despite the bad memories that the staff has littered Jaemin with, he couldn’t help but think of the good memories he made with the boys. 

He sighed as the building was officially out of sight, and he couldn’t believe he was actually running away. That  _ Jisung _ was helping him  _ run away _ . But that was nothing more than a distant memory as the taxi quickly pulled up to the bus station and Jaemin got on the bus without looking back. 


	3. 3

The bus left at midnight and was only supposed to take 4 hours but it ended up being closer to 6 hours because even in the dead of night, traffic in Seoul was something not to mess with. Jaemin was at his wit's end being on this bus and he almost wondered if the abuse from SM was better. But then he was finally at his destination and the sight took his breath away. 

It was 6 in the morning, just when the sun was rising and Jaemin had never seen anything more beautiful. He was still at the bus station but that didn’t take away from the sunrise at all. The station was small in comparison to the one in Seoul, so there was less stuff to block the way. 

Jaemin couldn’t remember a time before he debuted that he saw the sunrise, and it was something he decided he missed. He didn’t realize he stopped moving in the middle of the station until another body crashed into him, causing his bag to fall from his shoulder. 

He quickly turned to apologize but found no one there until he looked down. Whoever ran into him from behind had a substantial amount of things in her hands and was currently on the ground gathering them up. “I’m so sorry, that was my fault I shouldn’t have been standing in the middle, are you okay?” Jaemin rushed out as he bent down to help the girl. 

She looked up towards his voice but wasn’t looking directly at him, instead, she was looking just over his shoulder when she spoke. “Oh no it wasn’t you, I have really bad eyesight so I should have known better.” There was a soft smile on her face full of understanding, something Jaemin wasn’t used to coming from the city. 

Jaemin was surprised to find it was easy to return the smile to the stranger and help her stand up. “Do you not wear glasses?” the girl gave a short laugh before she brushed her hair behind her ears and answered Jaemin almost sheepishly, 

“I do, but I took them off on the bus and can’t remember where I put them.”She laughed again and scratched her head before shifting her weight and squinting at Jaemin. “Do you have  _ blue _ hair?” She sounded like she was trying to piece something together but couldn’t quite figure out what. 

It was Jaemin’s turn to laugh sheepishly before giving the stranger an answer, “Uhh yeah, it was an uh, I lost a bet with some friends.” The stranger squinted harder at Jaemin and he wondered if she was able to see straight through him. 

“Uh-huh.” She didn’t sound satisfied but eventually, she backed off Jaemin and shrugged to herself. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone in this town with blue hair. The only people I’ve seen with blue hair are Kpop idols.” Suddenly she gasped and pointed at Jaemin, squinting again, “Oh my god are you an idol?” 

Jaemin panicked. He was supposed to start over. He was supposed to be a different Jaemin, and two minutes into it he was already possibly recognized. He stayed silent at her question and was honestly thinking about just running away. It’s not like she could follow him with her bad eyesight. 

Just as he was about to run, the girl started laughing again and blindly shot her arm out to pat what Jaemin assumed was supposed to be his arm. She missed by about an inch so Jaemin took a step forward so when her arm came down again she made purchase. 

“Ahh, I’m just kidding. What kind of idol would willingly visit this small town am I right? That must have been some bet huh? Even though I can’t really see you I’m sure you look great with it.” 

Jaemin released a breath and stepped closer to the girl when he saw a group of people headed their way. With her terrible eyesight, he was sure she didn’t see them coming, so he moved them over to a nearby bench. She moved easily but she continued to talk barely even noticing that they were moving. 

“I always wondered what would happen if I dyed my hair a crazy color, like pink. Or purple! Maybe orange. I don’t know I probably never could do that. Anyway, what’s your name?” 

Jaemin had walked them over to a bench and sat them down as she asked this and he panicked again, afraid she might recognize his name. Was Jaemin a common name? He certainly couldn’t give his surname, _that_ he knew was a more uncommon name. He was taking too long and he knew it, so he blurted the first thing he could think of. “Jae. Kim uh, Jae.” 

The girl wasn’t even fazed by his stuttering, instead, she offered him a smile and stuck her hand out in his general direction and replied, “Nice to meet you, Jae, I’m Minjee, Bai Minjee.” Jaemin stuck his hand out and shook hers with a smile. 

“Nice to meet you Minjee.” Jaemin let go of her hand and she sat back on the bench, releasing a sigh. It was a comfortable silence and while Jaemin wanted to leave and find Jisung’s house, he didn’t feel comfortable leaving Minjee here alone with her clumsiness and bad eyesight. 

“Minjee, how are you getting home?” Minjee turned her attention back to Jaemin and waved her hand in the hair and tilted her head back against the bench. 

“Oh don't worry, my mom is coming to pick me up from here anyway and she’s bringing the backups.” She gestured to her forehead and Jaemin assumed she was motioning glasses and couldn’t help but chuckle. “What about you? I think it’s safe to say that you aren’t from here, are you meeting a friend or something?” 

“Uh yeah, I’m meeting him at his house.” Jaemin glanced down at his pocket where the address of Jisung’s house was written down, wondering how the hell he was supposed to figure out how to get there. He had never been there and even if this was a small town, there was no telling how long it was going to take for a foreigner to find it. 

“You don’t sound too sure. Have you ever been there?” Concern bled into her tone and Jaemin couldn’t help but hate the pity in her voice. And apparently his silence was answer enough for her because before he could come up with a lie, she stood up and cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, “Mrs. Cho? Mrs. Cho, are you here? It’s Minjee!” 

Jaemin looked around frantically and yanked Minjee down, whispering harshly, “What the hell are you doing?”

Minjee brushed his hand off her arm and clicked her tongue at him. “What does it look like I’m doing, I’m calling out for Mrs. Cho.” Minjee stood up again and shouted, louder this time, “Mrs. Cho! I need you!” 

Jaemin shrunk down on the bench, casting glances at the people around them, wishing he had run away earlier when he had the chance. Who the hell was this girl? She was crazy and Jaemin was stuck because he couldn’t in good conscience leave her to fend for herself. She continued to shout until finally an older woman emerged from one of the buildings and stalked towards Minjee who was still yelling. 

“Would you quit with the yelling, I’m old, not deaf.” Jaemin turned to the woman who looked slightly annoyed, but fondness overpowered it. When she stood in front of Minjee she smacked the back of her head, and all Minjee did was smile innocently at the woman. “Where are your glasses girl? You know you’re blind as a bat without them.” the woman chastised. 

Minjee shrugged her shoulders and gave another innocent smile. “I lost them on the bus. Or in the bathroom. Maybe in my bag, I don’t know, but it’s fine cause mom is bringing the backups.” She didn’t sound too concerned, almost like this was a common occurrence. And based on the woman’s reaction, it was. She smacked her upside the head again, this time a bit harder. 

“The number of times you lose those glasses. You’re lucky your mom doesn’t glue them to your face.” The woman sighed before turning her attention to Jaemin who was still sitting on the bench watching the interaction between the two. “And who is this?” 

Before Jaemin could answer himself Minjee did it for him, “This is Jae. He was on the same bus as me I think.” Jaemin stood up from the bench and bowed 90 degrees to the woman, but she quickly pushed him back up to standing. “There’s no need for that son.” She smiled warmly at him, and Jaemin was shocked again to be able to return the smile. 

She turned back to Minjee, her hands on her hips, and asked, “And why are you shouting my name for all of Korea to hear?” 

Minjee’s face lightened up and she clapped her hands together, “Right! My new friend here is going to his friends' house for the first time and I don’t think he knows where it’s at.” Jaemin looked over at Minjee, confused as to why she was telling this woman that as if she was going to be able to help him. 

He was about to voice this information when Minjee spoke up again. “Mrs. Cho has lived here her whole life and she knows every person and every house. She’s quite the old bat, but she comes in use when GPS signals don’t always accurately reach out here.” Mrs. Cho flicked Minjee in the center of her forehead, hard enough the sound echoed. 

“Is that any way to talk to your elder? Especially when you’re asking for help?” Minjee rubbed her forehead and Jaemin suppressed the urge to laugh at Minjee’s pain. She kind of deserved that one, but again, the fondness on Mrs. Cho’s face overtook the anger but Minjee couldn’t see that. 

Mrs. Cho turned towards Jaemin, the smile on her face warm and inviting, “What’s the name of your friend sweetheart?” Jaemin faltered for a moment before he remembered the address written on the paper in his pocket. He fumbled around before he pulled it out and went to hand it to her instead. 

Mrs. Cho raised her eyebrow at the paper, not taking it. “I have the address here.” Mrs. Cho smiled and gave a short laugh before she placed her hand over Jaemin’s and gently pressed it down. 

“What’s the name of your friend?” 

“Jisung. Park Jisung.” Jaemin said his name, unsure of why Mrs. Cho wanted his name instead of the address, but he also wasn’t in a place to question her. She smiled when she heard the name, her face lighting up in recognition and then confusion. 

For the third time in the span of five minutes, Jaemin panicked. Did she know that Jisung wasn’t going to be there? That this was the family's vacation home or whatever Jisung told him? What if she knew that Jisung was an idol in Seoul and assumed that Jaemin was also an idol? 

Much to Jaemin’s relief, Mrs. Cho didn’t say anything even if she did know. Instead, she offered another smile to Jaemin before turning her attention back to Minjee. “Don’t you leave this spot, your mom is coming to get you and she doesn’t need to be chasing you around, and you don’t need to be running into things you hear me?” 

Minjee rolled her eyes, but brought her hand up to her temple in a mock salute, nodding her head. It was Mrs. Cho’s turn to roll her eyes at Minjee and then took a step forward to push her head back slightly, to which Minjee just laughed. “Bye Jae! I hope to see you again, but like  _ actually  _ see you. You know.” 

Jaemin laughed at her and nodded his head before he remembered she probably couldn’t see it. “Of course Minjee, it was nice to meet you.” Minjee waved in his and Mrs. Cho’s direction before she sat back down on the bench with a huff and leaned her head back on the wall, closing her eyes.  “Come on, are you okay with walking?” Mrs. Cho grabbed Jaemin’s attention and nodded at her allowing her to lead the way. They walked in silence at first, mainly because everyone she walked by stopped to say hello, and she never refused anyone, calling them all by their names and asking about their families. And not generic questions, every question she asked was personal and would only be asked by someone who really knew the other person. 

For lack of a better word, Jaemin was mesmerized. This woman really did seem to know everyone in this town and she cared about all of them as well. Jaemin wasn’t sure how she could store that much information, that much  _ personal  _ information, and keep it all straight. Jaemin sometimes had trouble keeping his own members' likes and dislikes and this woman seemed to know just about every detail of everyone in this town. 

Slowly they made their way through the station fewer people for Mrs. Cho to talk to until finally, it was just the two of them walking down a beaten but well used path. They walked in silence for a beat before Mrs. Cho broke the silence and turned to Jaemin. “You from the city?” 

Jaemin cleared his throat before he turned to her and answered, “Yes ma’am.” Mrs. Cho waved her hand in Jaemin’s direction and chuckled at his formality.

“There’s no need for the formalities here. I know it’s a small town and all but we are basically all family here so just treat us as such. No one will look at you funny for it. You can call me Mrs. Cho.” Jaemin nodded his head shyly at her before offering a smile. “You know the Park’s only use this house as a vacation type home, and they’re currently out of town, hell, I’m pretty sure they’re over in Japan.” 

It seemed as if Jaemin was bound to stay in a constant state of panic in this town. 

“I doubt anyone else realizes this, so don’t look so pale kid. Jisung is a good kid and I’m sure you have your reasons for being here, and I’m not going to pry.” Jaemin swallowed his panic for the time being, but given the events of his day, he wasn’t naive to think the panic wouldn’t resurface. “Although you do look somewhat familiar to me, I just can’t place why.” 

And the panic returned with lightning speed. Was it possible she had seen him on TV before? Jaemin was aware that this was a small town where GPS and cell phone signals weren’t the best, but was he really dumb enough to believe that the people here had no knowledge of the outside world? Of movies, and music? He was a fool and he never should have left Seoul. This was a bad idea and he never should have let Jisung convince him otherwise. 

He was about to speak up, but when he looked up from the ground he realized that they were standing in front of a small house. Mrs. Cho was looking at him with concern, and Jaemin tried to put on a convincing smile to set her at ease, but by the look on her face, he knew he failed. “I uh,” Jaemin tried to explain but Mrs. Cho put her hand up to stop him and shook her head at him. 

“Like I said, I’m not going to pry.” Her smile widened before she turned back to where they just came from. “If you take this road all the way down there is a 24-hour convenience store where you can get anything just short of a plane ticket.” She chuckled at herself before turning back to Jaemin and offering him yet another smile. 

“This house is the only one here for a few miles, but it’s a short walk to the town where there are other stores and places to hang out and whatnot, but like I said, the 24-hour store probably has what you need. You don’t seem to be the type to mingle do you, Jae?” 

Jaemin looked at her confused for a moment, forgetting he lied about his name before he realized she was talking to him. “Oh, right, uh yeah I just don’t like crowds, I guess.” That wasn’t a total lie since he did kind of hate crowds, mainly the ones that are always trying to take his picture or tell him that they loved him and he was their bias. Tomato, tomatoh. 

Mrs. Cho smiled at him again, and Jaemin couldn’t help but wonder if her cheeks hurt with how much she seemed to smile. “Well if you need anything, I’m usually at the bus station, don’t be afraid to come and find me.” 

Jaemin bowed to her again, this time not as low as he did the first time, and Mrs. Cho reached out and ruffled Jaemin’s hair before he stood up again and offered his own smile to Mrs. Cho. She waved at Jaemin before finally turning and walking away, leaving him alone once again. 

He looked down on his watch and realized it was 8 in the morning. He didn’t realize how much time had passed from when he got off the bus and arrived in front of Jisung’s family home. Apparently, he had talked with Minjee for longer than the 10 minutes he had originally guessed, and the walk from the station to here must have also been a lot longer than he realized. 

Storing that information aside, Jaemin pulled the slip of paper with the address on it again looking for the passcode to get into the house. When he found it written in Jisung’s small print, he couldn’t help but start to miss him. It had only been a handful of hours since he last saw him, but it felt like it had been so much longer. 

He pushed the thought away as he pressed the passcode into the door. It felt weird to put a passcode into a house like this, he was more used to putting passcodes in apartment buildings and more upscale buildings that were newer. This house was definitely older on the outside, but when he opened the door he was surprised to see that the house was actually modernly updated. 

After he took his shoes off in the entryway, he stepped in to see the living room to the left of him, the kitchen immediately to the right. All the appliances in the kitchen were shiny and new and looked familiar to the appliances he was used to using in his own home before he left to become a trainee. The living room shared the same vibe, a flatscreen sat on an entertainment center in front of a worn in looking couch that was split in two, the bigger one facing the TV while the smaller one was facing the entryway on the far side of the room. 

Jaemin walked to the back of the house and found a full-size bathroom on the right facing a hallway that had three more rooms. He walked down the hallway to the room at the end and he knew right away it was Jisung’s room. 

He walked in and was not at all surprised that even though Jisung hadn’t been to this house in at least two years, it was a mess. His bed was unmade and he had clothes and shoes strewn across both the floor and even on his bed. The bed was full-sized, a dresser at the foot with a small TV and a PlayStation on top, video games stacked neatly underneath. 

Jaemin laughed at the wall of baseball hats that was above his bed before leaving Jisung’s room and walking down to what must have been his parents' room. Jaemin didn’t feel right walking into that room so instead, he shut the door. Then he came upon the last room that was decorated very plain and was painfully obvious that this was the guest room. 

Jaemin walked in and looked around for a quick minute, but there was nothing special about the room. A full-size bed sat in the middle with a dresser in the corner and a smaller TV sitting on top. The walls were beige and the bedding was white with blue accents. Jaemin was sure this was the room Jisung intended for Jaemin to use, but something about it made him feel weird. So instead of setting his stuff there, he took it out with him to the living room setting his bag beside the coffee table in between the entertainment center and couch. 

He moved to the kitchen and opened the fridge and freezer, finding the melon freezer pops Jisung was always talking about. That was the only thing in the freezer which wasn’t that surprising considering Jisung told Jaemin that he visited this place often enough that his mother always made sure to keep at least those in the freezer. He looked in the pantry and cabinet to find nothing really, which again wasn’t that much of a shock to Jaemin but that meant he would have to go to the store sooner rather than later. 

When he was done looking through the kitchen Jaemin sat down on the couch and took in his new surroundings, not sure what to do with it all. He checked his watch again and he had managed to waste an hour exploring the house and he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. 

Sitting on the couch, Jaemin realized how comfortable it actually was. It wasn’t until he sat on that couch that he realized how long he had been sitting on that bus, in those hard seats. He also failed to realize just how tired he was at that moment. He knew there was something he was supposed to do, but a lot had happened in the span of the last 24 hours, and Jaemin was wiped so he could not for the life of him remember what it was he had to do. 

It wasn’t long before Jaemin felt the pull of sleep making his eyes droop and his head fall to the side, followed quickly by his entire body dropping on the couch. It took no longer than three minutes before he was knocked out cold on the couch. 

___

When Jaemin woke up, he was severely confused as he looked around a very unfamiliar room. The usual ruckus of the dorm was nowhere to be found, and there was also an uncomfortable pain in his neck he only felt when he fell asleep on the couch or at a weird angle like on top of Jisung. 

He rubbed at his eyes and stretched out his limbs as he gingerly stood up and waited for his eyes to adjust. The room was dark and he was still unfamiliar with where he was, nothing looking like the dorm he was so used to. When his vision finally cleared, he looked to the left and saw a picture of Jisung on the table, and then he remembered where he was. 

“Oh yeah,” Jaemin mumbled out loud for no one to hear. He rubbed his face again to further clear his vision before he stood up from the couch to stretch the rest of his body. Walking to the kitchen, he caught sight of a clock that read 10 pm, and his eyes almost came out of his head. 

Jaemin had slept for 13 hours. He was almost sure the last time he ever slept that long was when he got sick as a kid after staying awake for too long playing video games with his friends. His sister was sure he was dead and told his parents that she wanted his room if he was. Jaemin shook his head at the thought and then without warning his stomach let out the loudest noise he had ever heard. Apparently not sleeping for 13 hours makes a guy pretty hungry. 

He moved further into the kitchen opening the freezer to find nothing but the melon ice pops, realizing he was supposed to go to the store since that was the only food in the house. Jaemin threw his head back and groaned at the thought, wishing there was at least something else in the house so he could put off shopping until at least tomorrow. He may have just slept for 13 hours but that didn’t mean he wanted to go shopping right now. 

But after another interruption from his stomach, he figured he had no choice. Jaemin dragged his feet back to the living room and bent down to his backpack and pulled out the envelope Jisung gave him right before he left and pulled it open to find the wad of money and a note he didn’t realize was attached with it. 

He pulled out the note and opened it to find Jisung’s handwriting sprawled out on half the page. When he unfolded the rest of it, another bag fell out of the paper and when Jaemin picked it up to examine it he recognized the all too familiar drug instantly. Quickly he scanned over the note Jisung wrote, confusion making his vision blurry. 

_ Hyung,  _

_ I’m sorry this was all so sudden, but this was all I could get together. Like I said, things are cheap in that town anyway so honestly the money should be enough. I also pulled up all the speed I could. I know the point of you getting away was to get rid of the drug thing, but I sent these just in case. I’m sorry again for all of this, I hope you are okay. I love you hyung, please let yourself rest. You deserve it.  _

Jaemin folded the note back up and placed it in the envelope, stashing the drugs in with it and then putting them both back at the bottom of his bag. He wiped his eyes of any stray tears and folded the money into his pocket and walked back to the kitchen to shut the light off before leaving the house. 

He didn’t bother to lock the door, knowing that if he came back with too many things in his hands he wouldn’t be able to unlock the door. Jaemin had to think back to what Mrs. Cho told him about the 24-hour store, hoping he was remembering correctly and it was a straight shot there because if it wasn’t he was going to be screwed.

It only took about five minutes before Jaemin was able to see the lights of the store, sighing in relief that he remembered Mrs. Cho’s words correctly. He walked up to the entrance of the store, not at all surprised to see it empty aside from the worker behind the counter who was playing on his phone. 

At the sound of the bell, the boy looked up at Jaemin and immediately smiled at him looking identical to something Jaemin has seen before but couldn’t recall what it was. He offered a stiff nod to the stranger before he grabbed a basket and went about the store to pick out food and other essentials. The boy goes back to his phone with a shrug and allows Jaemin to shop in peace. 

Jaemin doesn’t take long shopping, just picks things almost at random so he can hurry up and get back to the house, but making sure he has enough so he’s not back at the store too often while he’s here. Once he’s satisfied with what he has, he takes it up to the only register in the store where the boy from before is back to playing on his phone. 

The boy puts his phone in his pocket and smiles at Jaemin again before he starts taking the items out of the basket, and asks Jaemin a question. A question Jaemin does not hear because he is way too busy gawking at this boy's smile. He was trying to figure out what he reminded him of when he first walked in, and apparently, he just had to see him up close to realize that this boy reminded him of a Samoyed puppy. 

A hand waving in his face finally brought Jaemin back to reality, feeling himself flush in embarrassment. When he focused back in, the boy in front of him was laughing lightly looking at Jaemin like he was waiting for an answer. When Jaemin just looked at him in confusion, the boy repeated his question. 

“You’re not from here, are you? Seoul?”

Jaemin looked at the boy in shock. How had he known he was from Seoul? Did he know who he was? That he was famous? “Uh, yeah I am. How, how did you know that?” 

The boy kept his smile on his face and Jaemin watched as his eyes flicked up to his head and then back down to meet his eyes. Subconsciously Jaemin brought his hand up to his hair when the boy spoke again as he scanned the items in Jaemin’s basket. 

“Not a lot of people around here have blue hair like that.” Jaemin nodded his head numbly at the boy, still not completely convinced this stranger didn’t know exactly who he was. Jaemin was still trying to figure out how to answer the boy when he spoke up again. “How long are you staying?” 

Jaemin fumbled for an answer since he didn’t have one for this boy, let alone himself. Jaemin had no idea how long he was going to be here, and he hadn’t really thought about that when Jisung was giving him the one-way bus ticket. “Well, I’m not really sure. A while, I guess?” 

The boy nodded his head as he continued to scan the items from Jaemin’s basket and told him, “Well unless you want a whole bunch of questions about your blue hair and life in Seoul we actually have some hair dye over there.” He jerked his head towards the back of the store where there were soaps and shampoos before continuing, “I bet you would look good with brown hair.” 

It took a moment for the boy’s words to sink in, but when they did Jaemin couldn’t help but let his jaw drop at the boy's words. Did he just?

“Did you just,” Jaemin’s words trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence and the boy looked up at him, innocent as can be. A moment passed before it finally settled what he had said to this complete stranger and Jaemin watched as his complexion quickly took on that of a tomato. 

“No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just, I was saying that you know, If you didn’t want to stick out like a sore thumb in this tiny town a normal colored head would help. Not that you won’t probably get asked a lot of questions being an out of towner, but at least it would lessen if you had different hair.” The boy stumbled over his words and Jaemin found it hard to get a word in, “Not that the blue doesn’t look good on you I just,” 

Jaemin finally put the boy out of his misery by putting his hand on top of his to make him stop, offering him a smile when he looked up. The boy let out a sigh as he locked eyes with Jaemin. “Thanks,” Jaemin searches the boy’s short for a nametag, and when he comes up empty the boy answered, 

“Jeno.” 

Jaemin smiles at him again, “Thanks Jeno.” before he turned towards the direction Jeno was motioning to where the hair dye was. Once he found the shades of dye, Jaemin couldn’t help but look over at the counter again where Jeno continued to scan his items while also mumbling to himself. He was still noticeably red in the face, and Jaemin couldn’t help the smile adorning his face. 

Getting an idea, Jaemin picked up two different shades of the brown dye, and brought them both to the counter where Jeno was done scanning his items, but still mumbling to himself. There was only a slight pink dusting Jeno’s cheeks when he looked at the two boxes Jaemin set down, and he looked up in confusion at Jaemin’s smug face. It wasn’t often that he was able to tease someone and he wasn’t about to just let this opportunity pass him by. 

“Which one would look better on me?” Jaemin asked innocently and was immediately satisfied when the light dusting of pink previously on Jeno’s cheeks immediately deepens back to the rich red from before as he looked back at the boxes set in front of him. Jeno glanced up at Jaemin one more time before grabbing the darker of the two shades and scanning that box, adding it with the rest of Jaemin’s things. 

Jaemin smiled again before grabbing the lighter shade and returning it to the shelf where he found it and coming back to the counter. Jeno was still looking down, refusing to look up at Jaemin when he gave him his total. Jaemin counted out the exact change and handed it over to Jeno before taking the bags in his hands and trying one last time to get Jeno to look up. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around?” but still, Jeno refused to look up and just nodded his head at Jaemin who couldn’t hold back his laugh any longer. Surprisingly that got Jeno to finally look up and meet Jaemin’s eyes. 

“Yeah, maybe.” Jaemin smiled at him again before he turned to walk away. He was almost out the door when he heard Jeno shout, “Wait!” Jaemin turned around in shock and waited for Jeno to finish. “You didn’t tell me your name.” 

Jaemin laughed again at the unsure tone of Jeno’s voice and offered another smile as he told him, “Jaemin.” Jeno nodded his head and Jaemin watched as Jeno tested the name out before he smiled at Jaemin and waves, pulling his phone back out. Jaemin shook his head at Jeno before finally exiting the store and starting the walk back to the house.

When he got back to the house, he was glad he didn’t lock the door because the store didn’t have plastic bags, instead, they used paper ones and Jaemin bought enough groceries to fill three of them. And it proved to be one hell of a task to open the door with three paper bags, so Jaemin couldn’t imagine how he would have put a code in the door before even opening it. 

Once inside he set the bags on the kitchen table and after turning the light on, he made sure to go back and lock the door. He put all the cold stuff away and decided to leave the dry goods in the bags to be put away later. He dug out the ramen he bought, deciding that would be a meal enough for tonight. 

While he was making the ramen, he remembered that he was supposed to call Jisung when he got there but he forgot and decided to take a 13 hour nap instead. Jaemin looked at the clock and figured they were probably just finishing practice, assuming they kept the same schedule even with Jaemin “missing”. With that information, he decided he would try and call Jisung after he ate in order to give him time to settle down and do whatever he needed to do. 

Once the food was done, it didn’t take long for Jaemin to consume the entirety of the contents. He considered making another bowl but decided against it when he thought about how puffy his face already was going to be in the morning, and he didn’t want to add to it. He cleaned up his mess in the kitchen before he made his way to the living room, grabbing the home phone and scrolling through the contents before he found Jisung’s name and pressed dial. 

The phone rang three times before it was picked up, “Hey uncle what’s up?” 

Jaemin was relieved at first to hear a familiar voice, but that relief was quickly replaced with confusion. He took the phone away from his ear to make sure it was Jisung he called and when he confirmed it he was all the more confused. It was Jisung’s name, Jisung’s voice, but why was he calling him uncle?

“Jisung, I’m not your uncle,” Jaemin trailed off when Jisung continued to talk as if he were talking to his uncle, but decided to stay silent as he heard a door closing and a sigh from Jisung.

“You don’t think I know that hyung?” and that’s when Jaemin realized that Jisung was probably out in the common area and he couldn’t let anyone know who he was talking to. This whole plan of his was supposed to be a secret anyway because who knows what would have happened to Jisung had they known he was the one who helped Jaemin. 

“Oh,” Jaemin dumbly supplied, to which Jisung just laughed 

“So I see you made it okay, did you go to the store?” 

Jaemin shook his head to clear his thoughts from wandering back to what types of things Jisung had to deal with since Jaemin was ‘missing’ and all before he cleared his throat to answer Jisung. “Yeah uh, I actually didn’t know where the house was and so someone helped me find it and the store.” 

“Oh yeah? Who helped you?” 

Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at the memory, thinking about Minjee and Mrs. Cho. “Well a girl named Minjee was trying to help me, but she didn’t really know so she guided me towards Mrs. Cho. Said she knew you and your family.” 

Jaemin could almost hear Jisung thinking on the other line before he heard him snap his fingers. “Ah! Yeah, I know Mrs. Cho. She was always super nice, she hangs out at the bus station sometimes to help any foreigners that come in. Minjee though, I don’t recognize her name.” 

Jaemin nodded his head and hummed at Jisung’s words before Jisung spoke again. “So you went to the store and got food, right?” 

Jaemin rolled his eyes at Jisung’s mother tendencies before he answered Jisung. “Yes, I did. I even saw a puppy there.” Jaemin thought back to the boy behind the counter and how eerily similar he looked to the Samoyed dog he loved so much. 

Jisung made an unimpressed noise that Jaemin decided to ignore before he went on explaining what he got from the store. They talked idly for a bit before Jaemin heard Jisung yawning and realized that knowing Jisung, he probably didn’t sleep at all last night after Jaemin left, and then had to deal with whatever mess that produced today. And while Jaemin desperately wanted to ask Jisung about it, he knew it was just going to make him want to come back so he held his tongue. 

“Well, I just wanted to call and let you know I’m here Mouse. Go get some sleep, you sound tired.” Jaemin heard shuffling from Jisung as he probably was trying to wake himself up for Jaemin and he couldn’t help but laugh at the maknae. 

“No, I’m fine, I'm awake.” 

“Okay, well then I’m tired so how about we both go to sleep okay? I’ll call you again tomorrow I promise. Get some sleep.”

“Okay hyung,” Jisung’s voice came out barely audible and Jaemin wished he was there so he could pinch his cheeks at how cute he was being. 

“Thank you again, Jisung. It really means a lot to me that you went through all of this for little old me.” 

Jisung's voice sounded more alert and focused than Jaemin had ever heard it when he answered, “I just want you to get better hyung. I want you to be happy. Get some rest and forget about the Na Jaemin of NCT Youth and just be Na Jaemin, okay?” 

Jaemin had to clear his throat before he could answer Jisung, tears threatening to spill over. “Okay Mouse, goodnight.” 

“Goodnight hyung.” 

Once Jaemin hung up, he scrubbed his face to stop the tears that wanted so desperately to fall. And although he was tired from the trip, it seemed that his mind was more awake than ever at the moment. So instead of wasting that energy on Jisung back home in a situation Jaemin has no control over, he let his mind wander back to the boy behind the counter, Jeno he recalled was his name. 

He thought back to his smile, and the way his face reddened when he was embarrassed, and just how easy it was for him to get embarrassed. It was then Jaemin remembered the hair dye he bought alone with his groceries and decided that there was no better time than now to dye his hair. 

Since he’s been an idol, he doesn’t remember the last time he 1. Dyed his own hair and 2. Dyed it a natural color. Jaemin’s natural hair color was in fact a light brown, so he found it ironic that Jeno chose this shade over the other one. 

Jaemin had to read the directions on the back of the box on how to actually dye his hair since he’s never actually done it himself, he always went to a salon to get it done if the makeup artist were too busy to do it for him. He was glad to see the directions were simple and since he was dying his blue hair brown, he didn’t need to bleach it or anything. 

Jaemin forgot how terrible the smell was to him and how much he hated dying his hair until he opened the bottle and mistakenly took a giant whiff of it. He reeled his head back and squeezed his eyes shut as if that was going to make the smell go away. But he knew that he had no choice but to move forward so he quickly put the too big gloves on and quickly started pouring the dye over his head, giving a silent farewell to the blue. 

As he went on with the process he found he was just being dramatic with the smell, and it actually wasn’t that bad. He covered his entire head, still having some dye left over so just to make sure he got all of his hair he combed his fingers through each strand dumping the rest of the dye on top. 

Once finished he put the shower cap that came with the dye on his head wondering what the hell that was even supposed to do. His reflection reminded him of the old lady from Courage the Cowardly Dog for some reason and the mere thought of it sent him into a laughing fit. 

Feeling delirious from the fumes, Jaemin decided maybe it was best for him to wait for the designated hour somewhere not in the bathroom. He went to the kitchen and decided to snack on a few things as he sat down in the living room to watch TV to pass the time. Jaemin felt increasingly weird being alone in a quiet house with nothing to do, and no one to talk to. He was so used to always having someone there if he did want to talk. He hadn’t been alone since he was living at home and both his parents were at work and his one sister never wanted to have much to do with him anyway, too busy with girl things. 

Thankfully the hour passes quicker than he was expecting and so he stands up to take a shower and reveal to himself his new and improved normal hair. His shower was quick and he was fascinated at how the water turned brown as he washed out the dye, mesmerized by it until the water turned clear again and he stepped out of the shower. 

He didn’t pack any clothes but Jisung said he always kept clothes in his room and Jaemin was more than welcome to use whatever he wanted. Jaemin still felt weird about it, but he quickly got over it when he realized that most of the clothes in the drawers were brand new, the price tags still attached to most of them. 

Jaemin rolled his eyes and smiled fondly at the clothes before grabbing what he liked and putting them on. After he was dressed, Jaemin was actually kind of excited to go see his hair. It had been such a long time since he had his natural hair color back and he was excited to see how it looked. 

After drying his hair, Jaemin looked at his reflection, and he wasn’t sure what to think. He wanted to say that all he noticed was his hair, and how different it looked in comparison to what he was used to, but what he saw in his reflection was someone he didn’t recognize. 

His eyes were sunken in, there was dark bruise like bags under his eyes, his face was pale, and his cheeks were also sunken in. How long had he been looking like this? How much makeup was put on him to cover this up? Because Jaemin doesn’t ever remember looking quite this bad when he was home on the rare occasions he would look at himself in the mirror. 

The person standing in front of the mirror is nothing but a shell of who Jaemin believed himself to be. When did it get this bad? His vision became blurry as tears filled his eyes and Jaemin hurried to shut the light off in the bathroom and make his way back to the living room. 

He turned the TV on as a distraction, playing a show he didn’t recognize, and curled up on the couch, willing the image of himself to go away. Eventually, the tears stopped and he felt his eyes begin to droop with the promise of sleep. Jaemin easily gave in to it, not strong enough or willing enough to fight it and the sound of some infomercial lulled him to sleep. 


	4. 4

Jaemin woke up in the middle of the night, the TV still on with some kind of religious sermon blaring through the small room. Jaemin blinked his eyes and panicked for a minute, not familiar with where he was until his brain finally caught up with him. He looked around for the remote to turn the TV off, his eyes raw from crying making it harder to find. 

When he finally found the remote to turn the TV off there was a loud grumble from his stomach. He looked around the room trying to find a clock to tell him what time it was, and after what felt like way too much effort he finally found a clock where red numbers read 3:23. With how dark the room was, Jaemin knew it was three in the morning, and then his stomach grumbled again. 

Feeling more awake after hearing his stomach again, Jaemin felt suddenly anxious. There was no real reason why he should feel anxious, but something was definitely off. Instead of trying to figure out what was making him so anxious, he decided it to be easier if he fed his growling stomach. 

Jaemin stood up from the couch to go to the kitchen, but as soon as he stood on his feet he got dizzy and swayed on his feet. He was able to catch himself last second so he didn’t fall, but he stood in place for a moment just to make sure of it. When he was sure he would be okay he made his way to the kitchen. 

“That was weird,” he mumbled to himself as he opened the fridge and scanned the items he had in there. It wasn’t much since most of the things he bought were dry goods anyway, but he pulled everything out anyway laying them on the counter. He then moved over to the dry goods, opening a bag of chips and snacking on them while pulling out the ramen. 

He started making the ramen and realized that he had finished the bag of chips, but he was still hungry, so he pulled another bag of chips and started munching on those. Soon Jaemin found himself opening yet another bag of chips. He had no idea where this was all coming from but it felt like he hadn’t eaten his entire life. 

Once the ramen was done he finished it in record speed and started making another bowl. It wasn’t long before he was back in the cabinet pulling out more snacks and eating those as well. Within the next half hour, Jaemin had successfully eaten all the groceries he had just gotten the other night. 

Jaemin had no idea what had gotten into him, but something snapped inside him. It was like this was the first time he had ever seen food and no matter how much he ate, he couldn’t seem to feel full. So he just kept eating until everything was gone, and even then he still felt like he could eat more. 

He looked through the fridge and cabinets again as if food was magically going to appear if he opened and closed the doors a few times, but when he came up empty he shut the doors in irritation. His shoulder began to twitch which just added to his irritation but he was at a loss as to what he was supposed to do about it. 

Jaemin walked back into the living room to sit back on the couch and maybe watch some TV and calm down his weird nerves, but as he flipped through the channels he realized there was nothing on. He turned the TV off and then threw the remote on the table in front of him, resorting to bouncing his leg up and down. 

Jaemin thought back to the now empty kitchen, and the irritation from before was thrown out the window and was replaced with a nervous energy that had Jaemin’s stomach turning. Nervousness took over his whole body as he thought about having no food left in the kitchen. Why would he eat all the food? Why didn’t he just stop eating with the one cup of ramen? Why did he have to keep eating when he just got that food?

Jaemin started pacing the living room, his hands shaking and his shoulder still twitching. He was confused about what he was supposed to do and he was angry at himself for acting so recklessly. All the pacing and panicking was starting to make Jaemin extremely tired, but he couldn’t bear to go to sleep when the kitchen was in the state it was in. He had to do something about it, but what was he supposed to do? 

Then it hit him. He just had to call Jisung, because Jisung would know what to do right? Jisung always knew what to do, and because of that Jaemin always wondered who really was the hyung in their relationship. Without giving it any more thought Jaemin made his way to the phone and hit the redial button and waited anxiously for Jisung to pick up, hoping he would. 

“Hyung?” his voice sounded drowsy but Jaemin was too anxious to realize it was because the younger had been sleeping. Instead, Jaemin started explaining to Jisung what his problem was, not realizing how fast he was speaking. 

“Hey Jisungie I have a problem and I’m just, I’m not sure what to do about it? Because you see I was hungry so I ate, but then I just kept on eating you know like I had never been fed before. And then I got really mad because there was no food and that’s kind of silly to get mad because I was the one who ate it all you know?” Jaemin gave a short laugh at that before going on, 

“But now I don’t know what to do because I can’t not have food you know? What if I get hungry again? How am I supposed to eat? And then my arm started doing this thing and then my leg started doing the same thing and then I called you and now I’m kind of scared and I don’t know what to do,” At some point during his storytelling, Jaemin had begun to cry. He didn’t realize he had started until he took a breath to continue his story but he choked on a sob. 

“Hyung, hyung can you hear me?” 

“I’m scared Jisungie, hyung is scared. I feel funny and the lights are bright and my head hurts and I’m still hungry but I’m so tired, Jisung please,” Jaemin was pleading with Jisung, although he wasn’t sure what he thought Jisung was going to do. He was all the way in Seoul, there was nothing he  _ could  _ do. 

“Hyung, please I need you to listen to me, can you hear me?” 

“I can hear you,” Jaemin whispered, his mood yet again changing. 

“In the bag I gave you, I put a bag of the pills and I need you to take them.” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened in shock as he pulled the phone away from his ear. Did he just hear Jisung tell him to take the drugs he was trying to get away from? Wasn’t the point of him coming out here to  _ stop  _ that habit?

“Jisung, no!” 

Jaemin wanted to argue further but Jisung cut him off, “Hyung, I know, I know! I’m sorry but I think you are going into withdrawal. Your body has gotten used to the drug and you haven’t taken it in at least two days and your body is going into shock.”

Jaemin heard what Jisung was saying, but his brain couldn’t wrap around the idea that his body was craving the drugs. “Hyung, I know it’s hard but I didn’t realize it would happen this fast. I’m sorry but I don’t know what else to do, and I don’t know what will happen if you don’t take the drug.” 

Jaemin started crying loudly, not wanting to take the drug, but he also wanted to stop feeling the way he currently was. And even though Jaemin could hear the doubt and unsure nature of Jisung’s voice, he hated the part of his body that reacted positively to the idea of taking the drug again. He remembered the feeling it gave him too well, and he couldn’t believe he was so weak that he couldn’t last more than a day without the stupid drug.

“I’m sorry hyung, I’m so sorry,” Jisung was repeating the same thing over and over and Jaemin could hear the thickness in his voice, and even with him being out of his mind, he knew Jisung was crying. 

Jaemin took the phone with him as he walked over to where he set his backpack and dumped the bag upside down, watching as the Ziploc bag with the white pills fell onto the ground unceremoniously. “I thought I had more time hyung, I didn’t know, I didn’t know. And it hasn’t been exactly quiet here the last day,” 

Jisung was still apologizing on the phone and crying as Jaemin took the bag into the bathroom and with too much practice, shook out two pills and began crushing them into a fine dust. He made one line, and with tears still rolling down his cheek, he hesitated before he bent over and sniffed up the powder. 

Jaemin sat on the lid of the toilet, his head tilted back as he waited for the drug to take its effect. Jisung stayed on the phone the entire time, his constant apologies turning into background noise as the drug found its way into Jaemin’s system and effectively calmed him down. 

Jisung was still ranting on the phone about being sorry that Jaemin had to go through this, his tears seemed to flow more freely at this point, but with the drug setting in Jaemin’s system, he had almost forgotten that he had called Jisung in the first place. He stood up from the toilet and grabbed the phone, putting it up to his ear to hear Jisung still repeating sorry over and over. 

“Jisung,” he tried getting his attention but Jisung was so caught up in himself he didn’t hear so Jaemin tried again. “ _ Jisung _ ,” but still there was no answer. Jaemin couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out of him as he listened to Jisung lose his mind sounding like a broken record and shouted his name even louder this time. 

“ _ Jisung!”  _

“Hyung?” He had finally got his attention, giving him a moment to gather himself before he spoke again. 

“I’m sorry I scared you, I’m okay now.” Jaemin’s voice took on an eerie calm and Jisung wished he was less happy at hearing his voice sound normal again. Only because he knew that the only reason he was even talking normally was because the drug must have taken effect. 

“I’m sorry hyung. I promise I  _ promise _ I am going to find a better alternative for you just as soon as things calm down here.” Jisung’s voice was still thick with tears so he cleared his throat to be better heard. “But I think you’re going to have to keep taking the drug for now,” 

Jaemin nodded his head at the phone before remembering that Jisung couldn’t actually see him so he mumbled out an answer. “Mm.” 

Jisung’s voice lowered an octave as he apologized for the nth time in the last minute. “I’m really sorry hyung, I didn’t think this through.”

“It’s okay Jisungie, I believe in you. Now get some sleep. You sound tired, I’ll talk to you later okay?” and without waiting for an answer from Jisung, Jaemin ended the call and tossed the phone on the couch. 

Jaemin plopped down next to where he threw the phone, leaning his head back on the couch, and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly feeling restless, he jumped up to his feet and pursed his lips trying to find something he could do. 

He walked down the hallway and into Jisung’s room, poking around at the random things he had covering his floor before he found a stack of CDs and fingered through them. Picking one at random he popped it in the CD player that was in the living room and turned the volume up. 

It was an older kpop band, and Jaemin was briefly surprised that Jisung not only knew the band but liked them enough to have a CD. Jaemin was glad the house was located in the middle of nowhere because the longer the first song went on, the more Jaemin felt the need to dance around and sing as loud as he could. He turned the music up even more and belted out the lyrics like he didn’t just have a mini meltdown no more than twenty minutes ago. 

He released all his pent up energy in terrible dancing and off-key singing around the living room, and eventually the kitchen. Jaemin felt like he was on cloud 9 right now and nothing was going to bring him down. Why did he think the drug was such a bad thing? It put him in a  _ great  _ mood, so he couldn’t remember why he hated it so much. 

Jaemin listened to the CD six times through, singing and dancing as if it were the last time he would ever hear the songs before he was suddenly beginning to tire out. He stopped in the middle of the living room, his chest heaving and sweat dripping down into his eyes. He wiped his face and shuffled over to the CD player to turn the music off, a weight suddenly weighing him down. 

He barely made it over to the couch when his knees gave out and he fell onto the couch with a thud. As soon as his head hit the couch his eyes shut and he found himself swallowed by darkness as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

____

When Jaemin woke up again, he was surprised to find that it was starting to get dark outside. He could have sworn the last time he woke up it was nearing the sunrise so he assumed that meant he probably didn’t sleep for that long. 

He stretched his arms over his head and sat up on the couch when a sudden urge hit him like a freight train. “I have to pee.” He said to nobody in particular before rushing off to the bathroom. In his hurry, he forgot to turn the light to the bathroom on so before he washed his hands he flicked it on and almost screamed at the reflection in the mirror. 

His eyes were red and swollen, and he looked pale as a ghost. Jaemin also forgot that he dyed his hair, however long ago so he almost thought he was dreaming when he saw the natural brown hair in place of the bright blue he remembered having last. 

Not liking the sight in front of him, Jaemin washed his hands quickly and shut the light off, escaping the bathroom and going back into the living room. When he sat back down on the couch he turned to find a clock but instead he was met with a blinking red light on the answering machine of the home phone. 

Jaemin stood from the couch and made his way over to the answering machine, pushing the button that relayed the messages. 

_ You have 7 unread messages. _

Jaemin’s eyes bulged at the amount of messages but clicked through them nonetheless.

_ Hyung? Why aren’t you answering? Call me back.  _

_ Okay hyung seriously, what are you doing that you can’t answer the phone? _

_ Jaemin hyung, I shouldn’t have to call you this many times.  _

_ You better be asleep and not dead or else I’m going to come out there and kill you.  _

_ Okay, hyung who the hell sleeps this long? _

_ Is the phone ringing not enough of a wake-up call?? _

_ If you don’t call me back soon I’m calling the cops and sending them to the house.  _

After the last message, Jaemin couldn’t help but chuckle at the absurdity of all of Jisung’s messages. He was so dramatic making it sound like Jaemin had gone missing for a week rather than just sleeping for a little bit. Still, he picked up the phone hitting the redial button shaking his head. 

“Hyung this better be you,” Jisung’s voice came out in a rushed whisper and Jaemin didn’t even try to hold back his laughter. 

“Yes, Jisung it is. Why are you being so dramatic? Seven messages, really? I was sleeping for a little bit and you sounded ready to send the entire Korean army to find me.” 

“Hyung, you weren’t,” Jisung exhaled roughly, “do you know how long you were sleeping?” 

Jaemin looked around the still dark room and threw out a guess, not sure why Jisung sounded so worried, “I don’t know a few hours?” 

Jaemin heard Jisung sigh heavily before he breathed out, “It’s been over 24 hours hyung. The last time you called me was around 4 in the morning,  _ yesterday _ .” 

Jaemin stopped breathing. Yesterday? The last time he called Jisung was  _ yesterday _ ? “What time is it?” Jaemin rasped out. 

“It’s 6 pm on Saturday hyung.” 

Shock wasn’t strong enough of a word to explain how Jaemin was feeling with this news. There was no way he slept for that long. He remembered being on the phone with Jisung, and he remembered listening to the CD in the living room for a while. He even remembered falling asleep, but there was no way he slept for that long. That was impossible, wasn’t it?

“Hyung, look I’m sorry but I can’t talk right now. I have to go deal with some stuff. But I’m going to call you later and you better answer or I  _ will _ send the Korean army to that house to find you.” 

Even if Jaemin wanted to respond to Jisung he wasn’t given the chance because the line went dead. Jaemin was left staring at the phone, still in disbelief that he had slept for that long. He wasn’t sure how it was even possible but it had to be the only explanation. At least it explained why he had to pee so bad when he woke up. 

Deciding he would rather not think about that less than satisfying fact, he set the phone back on the table and made his way to make something to eat. Only to discover that there was no food. Jaemin checked the cabinet once, twice, three times coming up empty every time. 

Just when he was about to come to the conclusion that someone broke into the house and ate all the food he bought, he remembered the events of yesterday. He remembered eating everything in the house before calling Jisung in a panic only to find out he was going into withdrawal from the drug his body was so used to taking almost as often as he breathed. 

Jaemin sighed in defeat and wondered if he could just wait to go to the store again until later. He didn’t want to miss Jisung’s call again and suffer the wrath of the maknae, but then his stomach decided to weigh in on the debate by making a very loud and very obvious note of disagreement. 

Figuring he probably had some time before Jisung called him back he decided to take a trip down to the 24-hour store to get food. He knew going to the store was a necessary thing in order to get food, but he really just needed a distraction. Jaemin didn’t want to think about last night, or technically yesterday, because he hated how weak he had been. He hated that he succumbed to the drugs with such ease and if he thought about it anymore he was afraid he was going to break down again. 

So with that in mind, he made his way over to the backpack Jisung packed for him and pulled out some of the money from the envelope, pocketing it and making his way out the door and down the somewhat familiar road to the convenience store. 

The walk only took Jaemin 10 minutes before he saw the sign for the store, its lights starting to flicker on as the sun was starting to set and the sky was darkening. When Jaemin stepped into the store there were a few people milling about, and one of them was at the counter. As soon as Jaemin grabbed a basket, the person at the counter finished checking out to reveal a familiar face. 

_ The samoyed.  _

It was the same boy from the first time Jaemin was here. He remembered how the boy blushed when talking about Jaemin’s hair color. He smiled at the memory before he walked forward to find an aisle that wasn’t occupied. He was still concerned someone was going to recognize him, so he made sure to keep to the shadows and if someone came down the same aisle as him he would quickly move to the next one. 

There were only three of them in the store, including the cashier (his name escaping Jaemin) so it didn’t take long for Jaemin to be the only customer in the store. He watched as the cashier pulled out his phone and started playing a game with the sound on. 

Jaemin sat back and watched as the boy's face contorted into one of deep concentration as his eyes flew around the screen just as fast as his fingers were. Jaemin watched in awe as the boy played his game for another minute before throwing his phone on the counter and thrusting his fists in the air in triumph. 

Jaemin couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled his way through his chest and out of his lip at the sight, scaring the poor cashier. He locked eyes with Jaemin for a brief second before a shy smile crept on his face and he bowed slightly to Jaemin. Jaemin bowed back before he turned down a different aisle to finish his shopping. 

Once he was done he made his way up to the counter where the boy was back to playing his game, this time with the sound off. When Jaemin set his basket on the counter the cashier looked up to greet Jaemin. 

“Hi, how are- hey!” Jaemin looked up in surprise at the cashier’s exclamation, finding him smiling and pointing at him. “You dyed your hair! I almost didn't recognize you,” the boy said with an easy smile that made his eyes almost disappear. 

_ Cute. _

“It looks good!” the cashier kept the smile on his face as he started taking the items out of Jaemin’s basket to scan them. Jaemin took the chance to look down at his nametag,  _ Jeno. _

He looked back at Jeno and returned the smile and nodded his head in thanks. When Jeno spoke up again. “So how long are you in town for?”

Jaemin wasn’t expecting to be asked anything so he looked up in shock and confusion. When there was no answer, Jeno stopped scanning the items and looked up just as confused as Jaemin was. “What?” 

Jeno laughed before he started scanning again, “How long are you here for? You said last time you were just visiting right?” 

“Oh, uh yeah. I’m not sure how long I’ll be here, awhile maybe?” Jaemin sounded unsure and that’s because he really was. He had no idea how long he was going to be able to stay here, he was surprised he was still here now. He thought for sure SM would be turning over each and every rock until they found him, and not because they cared about him. Jaemin was an investment and SM couldn’t lose something that important. 

Jeno nodded his head in understanding before he asked another question. “How old are you?” 

Jaemin only hesitated a moment before he answered, “19,” to which Jeno’s eyes lit up and he pointed at himself with an open mouthed smile his similarities to a samoyed skyrocketing. 

“Me too! There’s not a lot of people, and by not a lot I mean literally none, that are my age so it’s cool to finally have someone to relate to. Hey if you’re ever bored I’m usually free whenever I’m not working if you want to hang out or something,” He started off the sentence strong but by the end of it he trailed off with an awkward note at seeing the shock on Jaemin’s face. 

Jaemin couldn’t help but ask, “Do you really not know who I am?” 

Jeno looked at Jaemin in confusion and laughed awkwardly, “Uh, you’re Jaemin? Visiting from Seoul, and that’s about it?” Jeno’s voice rose at the end of each sentence, making it sound more like a question versus a statement and despite that Jaemin was elated. Jeno really had no idea who he was. He truly was in a town where no one knew him and he could be free. 

“Yeah, maybe,” Jaemin replied belatedly to Jeno saying they could hang out if he wanted, so it took Jeno a minute to realize what Jaemin was talking about. When he did, he smiled the eye smile that made him look most like the samoyed, and then he nodded his head and went back to scanning the remainder of Jaemin’s things. 

Once Jeno finished and Jaemin paid, he started to walk out the door giving another small smile to Jeno. Just as the door was about to shut behind him Jeno shouted for Jaemin to stop. He turned around and caught the door before it closed all the way and saw Jeno walk out from behind the counter and up to Jaemin. They were about the same height, Jeno the smallest bit taller than Jaemin but he walked with such confidence it felt a foot taller than Jaemin in the moment. 

Jeno held out his hand in front of Jaemin, “Give me your phone.” 

Jaemin spluttered as an answer, giving Jeno a quick once over. “I don’t have a phone.” 

Jeno’s features fell and he quirked an eyebrow in confusion before he asked, “Who doesn’t have a phone?” 

Jaemin stood up taller before he answered Jeno, “Not everyone in society needs a cell phone to survive.” 

Jeno took a step back and raised his hands in defense, an easy smile on his face. “Fair enough. Well, you obviously know where to find me if you ever want to hang out.” Jaemin smiled back at Jeno and watched as he walked back to stand behind the counter, waving at Jaemin before he walked out the door. 

Jaemin walked back to the house, not able to keep the smile off his face thinking about Jeno. Not only did he look like a puppy, but he acted almost exactly like one. He got excited over small things, and even when he was shocked or confused all it took was a smile to set him back at ease and he was back to being happy and cheerful. 

Jaemin made it back to the house quicker than he thought, his mind completely occupied with the likes of a cashier boy. Jaemin started putting the food away still lost in thought when the phone rang, but he didn’t register it for a good few rings before it finally hit him and he dove from the kitchen over the couch in order to catch it before it stopped ringing. 

“Hello?” Jaemin said breathlessly. 

“Why are you out of breath?” Was Jisung’s immediate response, and Jaemin tried to get his breathing under control before answering. 

“No reason, what’s up?” Jaemin felt like he pulled it off pretty well, but by the way Jisung stayed silent a moment before answering Jaemin he knew he failed. 

“How are you hyung? After yesterday and all when you called,” Jaemin cut Jisung off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Can we maybe not talk about yesterday, Mouse?” Before going to the store, Jaemin decided that he wanted to forget yesterday even happened. He didn’t want to think back to the panic he put himself in and the solution he used to stop the panic. He went to the store as a distraction and surprisingly it worked, so he wanted to keep it up. 

“Of course hyung.” Jisung complied easily and Jaemin was forever grateful for it. 

“So how is everyone there?” Jaemin asked. He wasn’t really sure what to ask considering most of what was happening back home was probably chaos, but he already kind of missed everyone and wanted to know how they were doing. 

“They’re, okay. Considering. They miss you.” Jisung went on talking about the members and what they were doing, tactfully avoiding the subject of Jaemin running away putting the entire company in uproar. Jaemin listened as Jisung went on about each member, and he went back to putting his food away. 

He found himself zoning out of the conversation, not because he didn’t care, but as he was putting the food away he couldn’t help but think of Jeno at the store and it seemed Jisung noticed as well. 

“Hyung, are you there? Did you fall asleep again?” 

“What? No, I’m here. What?”

Jisung laughed from the other end and Jaemin instantly felt calmer hearing it. It felt like he hadn’t heard Jisung properly laugh in ages, it was a refreshing moment. 

“You sound distracted hyung, what are you doing?”

“I went to the store to get more food. I’m just putting it away.” 

“Hmm. No, that’s not you’re putting things away voice. You’re thinking about something, what is it?” There was a teasing lilt in Jisung’s voice and if Jaemin were standing in front of him he would waste no time flicking his forehead. 

But since that wasn’t the case Jaemin could do nothing more than roll his eyes. And yet he still found himself telling Jisung about Jeno. After hearing all that Jaemin had to say about the short interactions he had with Jeno, Jaemin heard Jisung clap once and his voice boomed over the phone. 

“I think you should hang out with him,” he said matter of factly. Jaemin choked on his spit at Jisung’s declaration. 

“Jisung!” 

“What?” Jisung said innocently. 

“I barely know the guy, how can I hang out with him after having a total of two conversations with him?”

“You obviously like him hyung, what's wrong with hanging out with him? Plus that’s how you get to know people, by hanging out with them.” 

Jaemin got quiet at Jisung’s words. Honestly speaking, he wanted to hang out with Jeno. It wasn’t hard to tell that they would probably get along great, and it would be a good distraction. Jaemin wasn’t sure how he was supposed to spend all this time alone, he was so used to being surrounded by noise and five other boys so being alone for the first time was uncomfortable. 

But the reality was, he was afraid eventually Jeno would recognize who he was and his secret would be out. SM would find him and they would drag him back to Seoul and they would probably beat him within an inch of his life for running away, and who knows what they would do when they found out it was Jisung who orchestrated the whole thing. He knows he already asked Jeno if he recognized him, and his response seemed genuine but Jaemin was still scared. 

“What if he recognizes me?” His voice lacked his usual confidence and he heard Jisung sigh on the other side. 

“Hyung, don’t you think he would have said something if he recognized you? Plus what are the chances he follows a rookie boy band group enough that he knows your face?” Jisung reasoned. 

Jaemin wanted to believe him, but that fear was still buried within him so he couldn’t agree with Jisung just yet. 

“Just think about it hyung, okay? You don’t have to call him up right now and make a playdate, but at least give it some thought. You said he told you there aren’t other people your age so he very well might be your one friend.” 

Jaemin agreed to think about it before changing the subject to something else to try and lighten the mood. The two talked for a bit longer before Jisung had to go, another meeting had been called and Jisung pretended like it wasn’t about Jaemin’s disappearance. Jaemin appreciated the attempt to calm Jaemin’s racing heart, but it didn’t do much. 

Once they got off the phone, Jaemin finished putting the food away, deciding to lay on the couch instead of eating. He wasn’t as hungry as he was before he went to the store, the reality of his situation making him lose his appetite. He laid down on the couch, letting his mind wander back to Jeno and imagine what it would be like if he were just a normal kid here on vacation. 

Despite having slept an entire day after sleeping for 13 hours the day before, Jaemin found himself falling asleep daydreaming about what a friendship with Jeno might entail. He only had two conversations with Jeno, but there was something about him that made Jaemin believe that they would get along without even having to try. 

Then for a fleeting moment, Jaemin imagined what if he and Jeno were more than friends? He laughed at the thought and immediately swiped it away from his brain, going back to them being friends. He pictured the things they could do, things Jaemin saw on TV shows that he never got to experience because of his time as a trainee. He imagined himself doing that with Jeno and quickly found himself falling asleep to the idea. 


	5. 5

Jaemin woke up an hour later, his body apparently tired of sleeping. He had a lot of pent up energy from it, but no way to release it. He started feeling anxious again, and the last time that happened he ate all the food in the house and had a mental breakdown, the only thing that could calm him was taking the drug. 

That was the last thing Jaemin wanted to do so he started pacing the living room, thinking that maybe if he just kept moving the sensation would go away. The thought was much easier said than done of course. 

The more he paced the room, the more he realized how much pain he was in. His legs throbbed as if he ran a 5k race, and his head was starting to pound in sync with his heart. The room began to feel too suffocating and Jaemin was losing his ability to breathe. 

In an attempt to cool down he decided a brief walk outside should help him, the weather always got colder at night here anyway. He walked outside, closing the door behind him, not bothering to lock the door. He started walking up and down just in front of the house feeling somewhat better, and he was about to go back inside but then he remembered that the drugs were in there and his panic rose again. 

Jaemin knew that Jisung told him to just take the drug, but he really didn’t want to. He was tired of relying on it and he wanted it out of his system. So logically he figured the further away from the drugs, the less likely he was to want to take it, right?

Not giving it a second thought Jaemin started walking down the path away from the house counting his steps as he did to try and distract himself. He lost count somewhere around the 700’s and when he looked up he saw the all too familiar front of the convenience store. 

Jaemin was about to turn back towards the house when the door suddenly opened and he was face to face with the cashier that helped him both times he shopped there. 

“Oh,” came the cashier’s surprised reply, “Jaemin!” A brilliant smile broke out on his face and Jaemin found himself stilling for the first time that night. Jaemin continued to stare at him without saying anything, but he must not have felt awkward at all because he just leaned back and put his hands in his pockets, completely at ease. 

“What are you doing here?” Jaemin shook his head, brought back to reality by his question. He shook his head again to clear it and then looked at him trying to remember his name, annoyed that he managed to forget it yet again. 

_ Jeno _

Jaemin snapped his fingers and then pointed at Jeno, making him laugh again but it sounded a lot more awkward and unnatural before he tried getting Jaemin’s attention since he looked away again. “Hey, Jaemin are you okay?”

Jaemin snapped his head to look at Jeno and scratched the back of his head. “What? Me? Yeah, I’m fine. Are you busy?” Jaemin was rambling. He had no idea what he was saying, why was he asking him this? It’s not like they were friends, he’d talked to him all of two times! Jaemin was losing his mind, and he was doing it in front of someone who was basically a stranger. 

“Nope,” Jeno easily replied either completely ignoring Jaemin’s mini breakdown or deciding to ignore it, “I just got off work, do you want to do something?”

Jaemin’s heart started racing, did Jeno really say that? Did Jeno want to do something with him? Jaemin must have been losing his mind quicker than he originally thought because there was no way Jeno wanted to do something with him. 

Through his panic, Jaemin’s speech began to speed up to an ungodly rate. He started fidgeting with his hands and looking everywhere but at Jeno as he spoke, “No, no, I’m okay I was just taking a walk. I’m actually pretty tired. I think I’m going to head back thanks bye.” 

Jaemin turned on his heel, ready to speed race his way back to the house but a hand on his arm stopped him. “Whoa there speed racer, where’s the fire?” Jeno was laughing at Jaemin, but Jaemin was frozen in his spot, his mind zeroing in on Jeno’s touch. 

He felt like he was on fire and Jeno’s hand cooled him down. Jaemin’s mind slowed down along with his heart and he no longer felt the urge to run. He wanted to stand here with Jeno until the end of time. 

“Let me walk you home,” Jeno said. 

Jaemin’s eyes widened into saucers at Jeno’s words and he started shaking his head. “No, you don’t have to, it's okay. I’m sure you’re tired from work.” 

Jeno shook his head and smiled at Jaemin, “It’s not that big of a deal. Plus, you don’t have a cell phone so I can at least know where you’re staying, that way I have some way to ask you to hang out in case I get tired of waiting for you to ask.” 

Jaemin’s words caught in his throat, his confusion at Jeno wanting to be friends causing it. Here he was, rambling like a fool and probably looking half out of his mind and Jeno wanted to hang out with him? Not knowing what else to say, Jaemin simply nodded his head and Jeno smiled in return putting his hand out to gesture Jaemin to lead the way. 

The walk started out in a comfortable silence, and Jaemin was surprised at that. He expected Jeno to ask him a bunch of questions but he seemed more than content to walk in silence. Jaemin found that Jeno’s presence was very calming and soothing. He felt like something familiar and he made him forget why he was walking outside in the first place. 

As they walked along the trail, Jaemin was finding it harder and harder to walk straight, constantly bumping into Jeno’s side. Jeno however didn’t do anything about this aside from a small chuckle under his breath here and there, until Jaemin almost tripped over his own feet. Jeno looked at Jaemin in concern, and then after a moment of hesitation, he pulled Jaemin closer to him, throwing an arm around his shoulder to keep him upright. 

Thankfully, they were almost back to the house when Jaemin was sure he was going to drop to the ground. He wasn’t sure why he was so tired all of a sudden. When he woke up he had so much energy and he was almost sure he was going to be able to stay awake for three days straight since he had been sleeping so much the last two days, but now it was a feat that he was even able to keep his eyes open. 

Standing in front of the house he heard Jeno give a low whistle of appreciation. “So this is where you’re staying? It looks pretty nice! Consider me jealous!” Jeno smiled again at Jaemin, who tiredly returned a half ass smile and then proceeded to fall over, face first on the ground. Somehow he was already asleep before he hit the ground, so he didn’t even feel the mix of rocks and dirt scrape his face when he fell onto it. 

Jeno tried to grab him before he hit the dirt, but he didn’t react fast enough so he was forced to watch Jaemin hit the ground with a loud thump. Jeno gasped in shock and immediately bent over to help pick him up and help him inside. Jeno struggled to open the door while also trying to support Jaemin, but he finally managed to do it. 

He took both his and Jaemin’s shoes off before half carrying, half dragging Jaemin to the couch in the living room. Jeno huffed and he dropped Jaemin’s already asleep body on the couch, laughing at the absurdity as he wiped away the few rocks and dirt that stuck to his face.

No more than 15 minutes ago, Jaemin was talking so fast Jeno hardly caught half the words he was saying. His body must have been on high alert because he was moving around so much it made Jeno tired just looking at him. Now all of a sudden the kid is passed the hell out, not even a tornado would wake him. 

Jeno wasn’t sure why he was going to great lengths for this guy, he just met him two days ago but there was something about him. Granted a big part of that was simply because he was the same age as him, but still, this seemed like more work than it was worth. But again, he looked at Jaemin’s sleeping face and he couldn’t help but want a friendship with him. 

With one last glance at his sleeping form, Jeno walked into the kitchen to find a paper and pen, writing down his number and a quick note leaving it over by the answering machine. He walked back over to the living room, looking for a blanket to cover Jaemin with before leaving. He found one on the chair on the other side of the room, so he quickly unfolded it and laid it across Jaemin before he shut the lights off and finally headed home. 

____

Jaemin woke up screaming, and confused. 

He’d had a nightmare about being dragged back to SM, being forced to watch the CEO as he beat Jisung senseless and there was nothing Jaemin could do about it. Jisung kept calling out for Jaemin, but Jaemin was glued to his seat and no sound came from his voice when he tried telling the CEO to stop. He didn’t remember falling asleep, and honestly, he wasn’t sure how that was possible. He had been sleeping so much he didn’t understand how he could just  _ keep _ sleeping. 

He got up from the couch and went to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face to try and rid himself of the lingering memory of his nightmare, and winced as soon as the water hit the face. He looked up in the mirror and saw the left side of his face was red with small scratches he didn’t remember how he got. The red marks brought Jaemin back to his nightmare and he found himself leaning over the sink beginning to hyperventilate. 

He had to take several deep breaths in, keeping his focus on the water faucet to rid himself of the nightmare and its lingering feeling. When he was able to breathe normally again he looked back at the mirror again, wiping at the red marks on his cheek trying to remember if they were there yesterday. He shook his head figuring it would be nearly impossible to try and remember something he had no recollection of so he turned the bathroom light off and walked back into the kitchen. 

As soon as he walked out of the bathroom, he saw it was daylight outside, surprised that he missed that detail when he went to the bathroom in the first place. And then he realized this was the first time it’s been daylight for him since arriving here. Any other time he was always waking up when it was nighttime. He opened the blinds to look outside, but he wasn’t prepared for the bright and natural light, so once it hit his eyes he immediately squinted and shied away from it. 

A headache immediately spiked in the front of his head and then he got that anxious feeling he knew all too well. Jaemin decided he really didn’t want to deal with that today so he took no time to run over to his backpack and take out the Ziploc baggie with the drugs in it. 

He quickly took the pills to the kitchen table and smashed it with the bottom of a glass he had pulled out for water. He didn’t even take the time to line the powder up, he just leaned over and snorted the contents up, praying for the effect to happen quickly. 

Jaemin only remembered some of yesterday, and he really didn’t want a repeat of it. He stood in the same spot until he started to feel the drug work its way through his system, feeling as all his aches and pains seemed to disappear and euphoria was taking over. Jaemin felt like he could breathe again. 

He stood in the kitchen for another moment before deciding that this was the best time to get a lot of stuff done, mainly cleaning. Aside from Jisung’s room, the house was already clean when he got there but there was a definite layer of dust sitting on all the furniture from being untouched for so long. 

Jaemin decided to start in the kitchen first, between that and the living room those were the least dusty because those were the two rooms he used the most. Before he started cleaning he went into Jisung’s room and flipped through his CDs again, this time choosing a different artist from the last time he listened to music. 

He moved to put the CD in the player but when he tripped on one of Jisung’s shoes and knocked down the things he had on his shelf trying to catch himself, he sighed and decided that maybe he should clean this room first. 

Jaemin quickly put the CD in the player and went back to Jisung’s room to start cleaning it. He wasn’t sure which of the clothes were clean and which were dirty, so he decided to just wash all of them. He ended up sorting out 6 piles of laundry to do, laughing at the ridiculous amount of clothes Jisung had. 

Cleaning Jisung’s room took a lot longer than he expected, the CD having replayed more than a few times, but with the help of the music and speed, he felt like it was no more than 10 minutes that had passed. He went into the living room to change the CD, but not before he had a little dance break, dancing in the living room to the last song on the current CD. 

Jaemin was feeling great, and he was feeling happy. He felt like he could take on the world and nothing could stop him. After changing the CD he moved to the kitchen and looked through the contents of the fridge and cabinet, and decided that tonight was a good night to actually cook something for dinner instead of just eating his normal cup of ramen. 

He got all the ingredients out and lined them up on the counter in front of him when the music suddenly stopped. He looked up in confusion, half expecting someone to be standing by the music player. He looked up and didn’t see anyone standing there, so he walked over to inspect the CD. 

On his way over he passed by the answering machine, a white piece of paper catching his attention. He picked up the paper and saw 10 digits written in black ink with a note under it. 

_ In case you ever want a friend, _

_ Jeno.  _

Jaemin found himself smiling at the simple note. Then that smile turned into a full on laugh and he couldn’t help himself as he picked up the phone and quickly dialed the number. The phone rang four times before someone picked up. 

“Hello?”

“Jeno!” Jaemin shouted into the phone and waited for Jeno’s answer. 

“Jaemin?” Jeno sounded unsure, but there was a hint of amusement behind it. “What are you doing?” He looked around the store to make sure there wasn’t a customer before he leaned back against the counter and listened to Jaemin talk excitedly through the phone. 

“Oh, I’m not really doing anything special. I was just cleaning and other stuff and I saw your note! You’re so nice to leave it I didn’t even see it until I was cleaning and I walked by it and I was like hey a piece of paper!” 

Jaemin was talking a million miles a minute similar to how he was the night before and to be honest, Jeno wasn’t even picking up half of what he was saying. He started to sound like Alvin and the Chipmunks but if they were high on cocaine or something. Jeno laughed as he listened to Jaemin go on, never stopping once to take a breath which was rather impressive. 

When Jaemin did finally take a breath Jeno cut in before he was off again, “Jaemin, Jaemin hey can you breathe for a minute?” Jeno listened as Jaemin dutifully took in three exaggerated breaths of air before he started talking again, but this time it was at a more reasonable speed. 

“Do you want to come over for dinner?” The question still came out rushed, but at least this time Jeno was able to catch the word dinner and was able to put together what he asked. He internally cursed his schedule for being one of the rare times he was scheduled at night before he answered him. 

“I’m sorry Jaem, I can’t tonight I have the night shift.” He was expecting Jaemin to sound disappointed, but instead, he sounded just as chipper as when he picked up the phone. 

“That’s okay!” Jeno’s confusion started to turn into worry when he realized that despite only meeting Jaemin twice so far, this was very unlike him. He came to get used to his quiet voice and very small movements, even when he was speaking super fast the other night, he was still very quiet and reserved about it. 

“Jaemin, are you okay?” 

“What? Yeah of course I am!” 

Jeno tried to shake the weird feeling he was getting and smile into the phone. “How about I take a rain check on dinner?”

“Okay!” 

And then the line went dead. 

Jeno looked down at his phone in disbelief, laughing at his black screen. Jaemin seemed very excited, and while it was more than entertaining to hear him talking like that and sounding so alive, Jeno still had a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that was telling him that there was something not normal about the interaction he just had. 

A customer walked into the store shaking Jeno out of his thoughts as he welcomed him and waited for him to finish his shopping. It was weird how attached Jeno had already apparently become towards Jaemin considering he had only walked him home a few nights, but there was something about him that drew Jeno in. And when he found out that Jaemin was the same age as him, he became even more determined to be his friend. 

Jeno so desperately wanted someone his own age again, he missed it more than he thought he would. He would never want to replace Ten and Kun of course, but something about having a friend his age instead of older than him enticed Jeno so much. 

At first, he thought he was coming on too strong with Jaemin, freaking him out and effectively pushing him away. He was like a puppy in that sense, he got so excited about a potential friend that sometimes he overstepped his bounds without realizing what he was doing. 

Jeno tried to stay reserved when around new people, and oftentimes he came off as being a bland and boring person because of it. But at least when that was the case people didn’t find him too suffocating and immediately write him off. Jaemin however was a very timid person from the start, but he seemed alright with Jeno even going as far as teasing him the first night they met with the hair dye, so Jeno figured that was a green light and he wouldn’t have to hold back. 

Jeno was pulled from his thoughts again as the front doorbell chimed signaling another customer. He looked to the doorway and was surprised to see Jaemin walk through the door, a huge smile on his face. “Jaemin? What are you doing here?” Jeno couldn’t help but laugh at him, his smile so big his eyes looked like they were closed. 

“I need snacks!” Jaemin said excitedly. But instead of going around the shop to get said snacks, he walked up to the counter where Jeno was stationed and leaned his elbows on the counter. Jeno shook his head and tilted his head back in laughter. 

“You just got snacks the other night didn’t you?”

Jaemin leaned back from the counter, his face serious all of a sudden as he thought back trying to remember. Then he looked back at Jeno, the smile from before back on his face. “Who knows, but I’m here now, what are you doing?” 

Jeno couldn’t help the smile on his face looking down at Jaemin. This was the first time he had seen Jaemin smile this big, and this much. He had to admit that it was contagious. Jeno found himself smiling just because Jaemin was. 

Thankfully the night was extremely slow, with only a few customers coming in every so often. At one point Jaemin put on Jeno’s work vest and pretended to be the worker, greeting customers, and acting like he had any clue where anything was or what the customer was talking about. 

The customers either took it in stride or joined in on Jaemin laughing when he failed horribly at pretending like he knew what he was talking about. He even tried mixing different accents at one point in the night, one of the customers actually began to help him perfect an accent for about 10 minutes before finally leaving. 

Jeno had never had so much fun on a night shift, and he owed it all to Jaemin. The time went by faster than he could blink, and Jeno could see as Jaemin started to lose all his energy. They ended the night with Jaemin sitting on the floor of Jeno’s feet, the two of them talking about nothing and everything. 

It was mostly Jeno talking, Jaemin almost half asleep on the floor, but making sure to make noises of affirmation to make sure Jeno knew he was still listening. Jeno talked about his life in the small town, things he liked, things he didn’t like, anything to fill the air. 

Jaemin seemed to be content sitting on the floor listening to Jeno’s ramblings, and Jeno almost felt bad when his shift was over and it was time to go home. He bent down and heard Jaemin’s soft snores, knowing he was passed out. He gently shook his leg, Jaemin’s head snapping up to attention. 

“Hey, Jaemin, time to go home okay?” Jaemin looked around the room in complete confusion before landing back on Jeno, his eyes softening. He nodded his head and let Jeno help him up, leaning heavily on him as soon as he was on his feet. Jeno stumbled back for a moment not expecting to shoulder Jaemin’s weight before he corrected himself and adjusted for Jaemin. 

Jeno nodded at the employee taking over for him, shrugging off his vest as best he could with Jaemin leaning on him, and guided the two of them out the door and on the way to where Jaemin was staying. The entire walk home, Jaemin kept mumbling something, but it was too mumbled for Jeno to understand and he figured he was probably just Jaemin making noises at this point. He chuckled at Jaemin, the way he was acting now made him seem much younger than he actually was and that just made him all the cuter to Jeno. 

When they finally made it to the house, Jeno had to shake Jaemin awake in order to put the door code in. “Jaemin, hey you gotta get up and put the code in, I don’t know what it is.” Jaemin forced his head up and leaned forward opening the door without putting a code in and Jeno was about to stop him but the door opened and Jaemin walked in, plopping down on the couch. 

“You don’t lock the door?” Jeno asked incredulously. He knew this was a small town and there was absolutely no chance for someone to break in, but Jaemin was from the city and he didn’t know anyone here so he was surprised that he didn’t take the time to lock the door. 

He walked inside to tell Jaemin that he should still lock the door, but when he walked in he remembered the last time he brought Jaemin here the door was also unlocked, He started to tell Jaemin that he should really lock the door but when he looked to the couch, Jaemin was already snoring sound asleep. Jeno shook his head at Jaemin, laughing as he grabbed a blanket and covered him, repeating what he’d done the other night. “Is this going to become a routine? Me tucking you in at night?”

Jaemin made a noise in his sleep, burrowing deeper into the blanket. Jeno patted his head before finally walking out of the house, making sure to lock the door on his way out. The entire walk home, Jeno couldn’t stop thinking about Jaemin and the time they spent together in the store. It felt like a real friendship and Jeno had never been more excited. 

He felt like a kid coming home from his first day of kindergarten to tell his mom about the new friend he made. He really hoped that Jaemin didn’t decide that Jeno was too boring for him, or too weird to stick around. He genuinely enjoyed his time with Jaemin, even if it always ended up with him basically carrying Jaemin home at the end of the night and tucking him in. That was something Jeno was already getting used to, and it had only happened a few times, but Jeno welcomed it every time. 

____

Jaemin woke up half an hour later, the sky outside still dark and a massive headache pounding from behind his eyes. He groaned as he sat up, bringing the blanket with him and shoving it over his head as a poor attempt to make his headache go away. 

With the blanket still on his head, Jaemin walked to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, filling it to the brim and finishing the entire thing in one go. He stood in the same spot for a moment before he decided it was safe enough to walk back to the couch and attempt to go back to sleep, despite knowing it was a losing battle before he even tried. 

Despite that, Jaemin laid down on the couch, moving the blanket away from his face when it started to get too hard to breathe. The cool air that hit Jaemin’s face was the wake up call he definitely didn’t ask for but got anyway. 

His head still hurt, but if there was one thing Jaemin was moderately okay at it was ignoring his problems. So he stood up from the couch ditching the blanket and embraced the idea that he was probably going to be up the rest of the night. 

The night dragged on, Jaemin snooping around the house looking at some random family pictures Jisung’s parents kept around. There wasn’t much to it since this was a vacation home after all but he still found some entertainment in the few photos they kept there. He poked around the house, organized the kitchen, and even alphabetized Jisung’s CD collection before he had officially run out of things to do. 

He moved back to the couch when the sun outside started to rise and he flipped through the channels landing on an old drama he vaguely remembers his mom watching religiously when he was growing up. There must have been a marathon on of the show and Jaemin ended up being sucked into the show despite having come in the middle of it. He watched the show the entire day, not noticing just how much time had passed until a new show started and Jaemin saw how dark the living room was. 

Jaemin checked the time on the clock that was sitting on the table, blinking a few times to make sure he was seeing the right numbers. It was well after 10 pm and Jaemin couldn’t believe how long he had been stationed on the couch. He stood up to stretch his stiff limbs and was instantly hit with another sway of boredom. He glanced around the room trying to find something else to do when an idea came to him. 

It had easily become a routine for Jaemin to walk down to the store when he was bored. At first, it started out with him walking down there just for something to do, just hoping that Jeno would be there. When he wasn’t there, Jaemin would walk up and down the aisle for a little bit on the off chance that Jeno would come in for work while Jaemin was still there. 

More often than not, Jaemin would walk in to find a different person behind the counter and he started getting kind of frustrated with it, so then he started calling Jeno before he walked down to make sure he was actually there before he walked all the way there only to be disappointed. 

Jaemin was going down there so often, he ended up memorizing Jeno’s schedule and not even needing to call him anymore. They never did anything special, it was mostly the same thing they did the first night, Jeno doing most of the talking and Jaemin asking him endless questions. 

They became fast friends and Jaemin really felt like he was thriving. Despite wanting to quit taking the drugs, Jaemin continued to do so simply because he didn't know how he was as a person without them and he was afraid Jeno wouldn’t like him if he stopped taking them and went crazy from it. His friendship with Jeno was one of the easiest and quickest friendships Jaemin had ever experienced and he didn’t want to let that go. He was so caught up in the friendship with Jeno that he didn’t even realize that he had gone days without talking to Jisung, so when the phone rang one night when Jeno wasn’t working he was surprised to see Jisung’s name on the caller ID. 

Jaemin picked up the phone with a lot more excitement after realizing how long it had been since talking to Jisung. “Hey Mouse, it’s been a while how are you?”

“Hey hyung,” Jisung sounded tired. Like,  _ really _ tired and that made Jaemin’s excitement immediately churn into worry. 

“What’s wrong Jisung?” Jaemin waited with bated breath for Jisung to answer, but he was taking way too long which was a dead giveaway that he was about to lie to Jaemin. 

Jisung was okay when it came to lying, but it was always so much harder for him to lie to Jaemin, so he rarely did it. But in this situation, Jisung knew it was a sensitive subject and he wanted to shield Jaemin from it as much as he could. 

“I’m okay hyung, I’m just tired but I do have something to tell you.” Jaemin sat on the couch, preparing himself for whatever Jisung had to tell him. “I think I know how to help you with the whole drug thing.”

Jaemin’s interest was immediately piqued. He forgot that Jisung was even looking for a solution or a way to help him to not need the drugs. Jaemin wanted so badly to be normal, to not need the drug in his daily life, and most importantly he really wanted to not have to work around the drug whenever he wanted to hang out with Jeno. As he was getting closer with him, he felt more and more guilty about taking the drug before seeing him, and at this point, he would eat an entire jar of strawberry flavored things if it meant he didn’t need the drug to feel okay. 

“How?” 

Jisung took a deep breath in and Jaemin had a feeling he wasn’t going to like whatever Jisung was about to say. “You have to do a detox,” Jaemin shook his head not understanding what Jisung was saying before he continued, “Like, basically you have to stop taking the drug. Not all at once, but over the course of probably a few weeks.” 

“A few  _ weeks _ ?” Jaemin was kind of hoping for a solution in a few  _ days, weeks _ was too long, and he didn’t know how to do that. 

“I know hyung, it’s a lot to ask but trying to cut cold turkey is going to be too hard on your body. You have to give it time to get used to functioning on its own without the drug to help,” Jaemin huffed out a sigh and heard Jisung do the same. “I know it’s going to be hard, but you just have to start taking less and less each time you take the drug until eventually you don’t need it anymore. That’s the most that can be done without a medical professional.”

“Okay Jisung, I believe you.” Jaemin couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice, so for the rest of the call, Jisung made an attempt to cheer Jaemin up. He asked about Jeno and what the two of them talked about and did together, Jaemin’s mood instantly shooting up. 

Jaemin loved talking about Jeno, and all the stories he told him about his childhood, Jaemin comparing Jeno to a puppy over and over. Jisung’s heart warmed at the thought of Jaemin having found a friend that really makes him happy, hoping it was enough to help him through the grueling process that the next few weeks were going to be for him. 

The two boys stayed on the phone for a few hours, just talking like they used to at the dorm, steering away from anything related to Jaemin’s situation and the chaos the company was currently in because of it. They talked until Jisung had to keep stopping because he was yawning every five seconds, so Jaemin told him to go to sleep. 

Jisung sleepily agreed and Jaemin wished he could see him right now, and pat his head and tuck him into bed like he always used to do when Jisung tried to stay up way past what he was physically able to. 

Jaemin hung the phone back up on the receiver and then surveyed the room. He had taken the drug a few hours ago, so he wasn’t really that tired, and he knew Jeno wasn’t at work, so going to the store was out. 

Despite Jisung’s warning to not quit the drug cold turkey, he really didn’t want to wait that long to be back to normal, so he decided that was exactly what he was going to do. Starting tomorrow Jaemin was no longer going to take the drug. 

Having decided that, Jaemin knew that meant he was going to have to not see Jeno for a few days, not wanting him to have to deal with Jaemin at his worst and also knowing that he was going to be more than unbearable for the time being. It seemed like an easy enough plan, but if Jaemin learned anything in his short time on this earth it was that nearly nothing came easy.

The first day was always easiest, Jaemin was able to find enough things around the house to do in order to distract him, and the faint headache he always got was something he was also coming to expect and had gotten used to. The second day made for a much harder time, he quickly ran out of ways to distract himself, and the aches and pains started increasing. The third day was almost unbearable, so he didn’t even know what the fourth day was going to be like. 

As it turns out the fourth day was alright, it almost felt like the first or second day and Jaemin was feeling confident that he could actually do this. He couldn’t believe that Jisung was trying to tell him to slowly ease himself off the drug when he was cruising through this week like he had. 

And then the fifth day hit. 

Jaemin was half out of his mind in pain. He thought the third day was the worst but he was  _ not  _ prepared for the fifth day. He was sure he had never been in this much pain or felt this paranoid. He couldn’t concentrate on anything in front of him, his eyes roaming around the room and his heart racing. 

Jaemin was sure he was going to start a fire with how much he was pacing on the carpet, and even the hardwood floor. His craving for the drug was at an all time high, and he was more than ready to cave, but he was so lost that he couldn’t even tell his left from his right. 

He couldn’t remember where he even had the drugs. Were they in the kitchen? Behind the couch? Did he even have any left? Jaemin was ripping his hair out in fistfuls trying to focus on one thing, his feet. He looked down at his feet but instead of seeing his feet, he saw two tentacles. 

He screeched and jumped back, trying to get away from the tentacle but they continued to follow him. He tripped over something on the floor, and collapsed to the ground, curling in on himself willing the tentacles to go away. 

He tried counting to 10 to calm down, but he only made it to three before he got confused and opened his eyes anyway, thankful to see his feet in place of the tentacles. Jaemin took a shaky breath and looked around the room briefly forgetting where he was when he heard a loud sound. 

He couldn’t figure out where the sound was coming from, or what it even was. He frantically looked around the room looking for the source but coming up with nothing. The sound went away and Jaemin chalked it up to his imagination, but then the noise sounded again, and Jaemin whipped his head towards the door, and stared at it, willing for the sound to happen again. 

When it eventually did, Jaemin realized it was a knock. The noise was someone knocking, but who could be knocking on the door? Wasn’t it late? Who would be knocking on his door anyway? He didn’t know anyone here, he was all alone, he didn’t know anyone, he was all alone. And then a voice carried through the door,

“Jaemin, it’s Jeno!”


	6. 6

“Jaemin, it’s Jeno!” Jaemin stood still at the voice, the voice nor the name sounding familiar to him at first. He stayed where he was for another 30 seconds before the voice finally registered. 

_ It’s Jeno. _

The name stuck in Jaemin’s mind, but something was off. He was alone in this town, wasn’t he? He didn’t know anyone, so what was this person doing at his door? Was he going to try and hurt him? What did he want? Questions floated around Jaemin’s skull before the person spoke again, “Jaemin?” 

And then something clicked. 

_ It’s Jeno! _

Jaemin knew Jeno! Jeno was a friend and he was Jaemin’s friend, he wouldn’t hurt him, right? He stood up from the floor and cautiously walked to the front door, even though he had a better idea of who he was he still couldn’t get rid of the suspicion that something was off here. He slowly opened the door only enough so in case it wasn’t actually someone Jaemin knew on the other side he could quickly close the door and run to safety. 

Jaemin watched as the boy’s smile showed off all his teeth, making his eyes disappear, and Jaemin visibly relaxed, knowing instantly that this was in fact Jeno and he knew him but he was still on high alert. He looked over Jeno’s frame, eyes stopping on the bags in either hand. Noticing where Jaemin was looking Jeno lifted the bags and his smile widened even more. 

“My rain check from however long ago. I realized we were so busy you coming to the store for a few days that I never kept my promise. Can I cash it in?” Jaemin kept the door cracked as he processed Jeno’s words. He didn’t understand what Jeno meant by that, and it must have shown on his face because Jeno raised the bags again, but his smile faltered a bit. 

“Remember when you asked me to come over for dinner but I had to work?” Jaemin tried looking back on his memory but there was too much noise around him to concentrate. He still couldn’t tell his left from his right, so there was no way he was going to remember something from what was possibly a week ago. 

Jeno took a step closer to Jaemin, his smile completely gone now, and concern was written all over his face. “Jaemin, are you okay?” 

Being closer to Jaemin, he could smell something familiar, and the fog in his brain cleared a fraction more. He locked eyes with Jeno, and another wave of calm washed over him. Unconsciously Jaemin opened the door wider motioning for Jeno to come in. 

Jeno offered a small smile to Jaemin as he walked in, toeing his shoes off in the entryway. He made his way over to the kitchen to set the bags down, and Jaemin began to feel anxious again the further Jeno was from him. 

He quickly moved into the kitchen to be closer to Jeno, but once he got there he realized too late what a bad idea that was. He moved too fast and it made the room start to spin. Jaemin almost fell over, but Jeno was quick enough to stop him from hitting the ground. 

“Whoa, Jaemin are you okay?” Jaemin didn’t answer right away, closing his eyes and breathing in a smell that was unique to Jeno. He was losing his mind not five minutes ago, making himself believe that he had tentacles for feet and that he knew no one in this town. But as soon as a familiar face came Jaemin felt his head clear just enough, and he didn’t want to let that brief feeling go.

Jaemin wanted so badly to not have to rely on the drug, but he also couldn’t bear to have Jeno see him in this state, and he was also just as unwilling to try and make Jeno leave. Because once he left, who knew what Jaemin would hallucinate next. He was still in an immeasurable amount of pain and the pull to the drug was still just as strong but he was more willing to try and bare his teeth through it now that Jeno was here, but a nagging voice in the back of his head told him that this feeling was nothing but a fleeting moment, and only one thing would truly clear his head.

Jaemin knew what he had to do, and while he hated everything about it, he hated more for Jeno to see him in his lowest state, but he also didn’t want Jeno to leave. Just thinking about him leaving made the piercing in his head sharper, and his stomach hollow. 

“Yeah, I just, I’ll be right back.” Jaemin turned away from Jeno, not waiting for an answer. Jeno offered him a moment of clarity and he was able to remember that he kept the drug in the bathroom, so he tried to walk quickly to the bathroom, but not too quickly that he fell again. He didn’t want Jeno to worry about him to the point that he came to help him up. It would be too easy to see how much he was shaking and how very  _ not  _ okay he was. 

He locked the bathroom door behind him and pulled out the Ziploc baggie of drugs he kept hidden inside one of the pill bottles inside the medicine cabinet. After he opened the baggie, he shook out a handful of the pills into his palm and proceeded to stare at them for a moment.

Jaemin looked down at the drugs, and there was something holding him back from taking them. He didn’t know what it was, since he knew as soon as he took the drug all his problems would go away. He would be happy, and carefree and he would have a great time with Jeno. But there was something really weird in the pit of his belly that was telling him to not take the drug. 

Jaemin stared at the drugs, not knowing what to do. He was still in almost unbearable pain from the lack of the drug, but he just couldn’t force himself to take it. He knew Jeno was out in the other room waiting for him, and the thought of that was just enough for Jaemin to quickly shove the bag back inside the pill bottle and ignore the sharp shooting pain in his skull at the movement. He made it to the fifth day, and maybe with Jeno here, he could be enough of a distraction for Jaemin.

He turned on the cold water, running his hands under the water and splashing his face a few times. It numbed his headache for the smallest amount of time, but it also served as a sort of wake up call for him. He hadn’t seen Jeno in a few days and once he realized who it was, he was genuinely happy to see him. 

Jaemin walked out of the bathroom to find Jeno sitting at the kitchen table, the food all set out in front of him as he played a game on his phone. At hearing Jaemin’s footsteps Jeno looked up from his game the phone making a dying sound. 

“There you are, I was concerned you fell in the toilet or something.” Jeno chuckled nervously watching Jaemin walk closer towards him, waiting for an answer. 

Jaemin stopped at the chair right next to Jeno sitting down heavily and trying his hardest to give Jeno a genuine smile. It took no time at all for Jeno to immediately smile and that put Jaemin at ease. Jeno looked over his face, his eyes landing on Jaemin’s wet bangs. 

His hand immediately moved to touch the back of Jaemin’s head, checking for a temperature. “Jaemin are you feeling sick?” Jaemin shook his head, not wanting to worry Jeno, but that seemed to have the opposite effect. 

Being around someone versus being alone definitely had a different effect on how Jaemin reacted to not having the drug in his system. While he was still in a lot of pain and the room was still spinning, with Jeno, he was substantially more calm with all the symptoms. He still felt the pull to the drug and his hands wouldn’t stop twitching, but he also felt comfortable enough with Jeno that he didn’t want to move in order to get to the drug. Again, he knew that this was just a fleeting moment, and reality was going to crash down on him at any time, but he was going to ride this wave as long as he could. 

Jeno felt the sides of Jaemin’s cheeks despite Jaemin shaking his head, and Jaemin felt himself lean into the touch as he closed his eyes. He felt his shoulder twitch almost in tune with his hands, and he tried to stop it before Jeno could see it, but he was too late. 

“Does your shoulder hurt?” Jeno asked. Jaemin opened his eyes and shook his head slowly to avoid more dizziness. Whether it was from all the pacing before Jeno showed up or it was the presence of Jeno himself, Jaemin was suddenly very tired. He felt like everything was moving in slow motion and he wanted nothing more than to just lay down. 

“How about we watch a movie?” Jeno offered. 

Despite a moment ago when he decided he wanted Jeno to stay, he didn’t want to force him to do something he didn’t want to, and suddenly he was worried that Jeno didn’t actually want to stay. And while his whole body was against it, Jaemin couldn’t stand the idea that he forced Jeno into something he didn’t want to do so he told him in a quiet voice, “Jeno you don’t have to, it's okay,” but Jeno started shaking his head. 

“Uh huh. This is my raincheck I’m cashing in and I plan on using it to the fullest. Let’s watch a movie.” Jeno smiled at Jaemin, but it didn’t look like the other ones he gave him. Still, Jaemin nodded his head and tried to ignore the twitching in his shoulder. 

Jaemin leaned on Jeno as they walked over to the couch. Jaemin sat down in a heap and allowed Jeno to pick the movie and put it in the DVD player. He brought over a blanket to share between the both of them, shutting the light off on the way. 

As the movie started Jaemin found himself fidgeting uncontrollably. He couldn’t seem to focus on the movie, focusing on other things such as crossing and uncrossing his arms, tapping his fingers on his thigh, and looking anywhere but at the TV screen. 

Jeno must have taken notice, it wasn’t hard to see how much Jaemin was moving around, but in an attempt to stop Jaemin’s fidgeting (and after a long internal battle with himself) he placed a hesitant hand on Jaemin’s thigh. Jaemin looked over at Jeno, but he kept his eyes on the screen. He started rubbing his thumb back and forth and Jaemin quickly focused on that. 

It calmed Jaemin down enough, having only one thing to focus on and it wasn’t long before he could feel his head start to droop. He tried to stay awake, but the more he tried, the harder it was for him to keep his head up.

Even though Jeno’s focus seemed to be on the movie, it was clear he had other things in his sight. When Jaemin’s head dropped for the third time he felt a hand on his head as he was guided to lay down in his lap. Jaemin tried to fight it, but he was too tired to do much so he allowed his head to be guided until he was laying down, falling asleep within minutes of his head hitting Jeno’s lap. 

____

Jeno looked down on Jaemin as he slept, and he couldn’t help the worry that washed over him. When he came over tonight, Jaemin looked nothing like himself. Over the past week or so, he had come to know Jaemin as an actual friend so he became used to how he acted and tonight wasn’t it. He looked confused when he opened the door, almost like he didn’t recognize Jeno. And he knew it had been a few days since they had seen each other, but Jaemin was acting almost like he had never seen Jeno before in his life. 

He didn’t want to freak Jaemin out anymore, so he pretended like nothing was wrong and put on the brightest smile he could muster up. Jaemin looked uncomfortable and Jeno wanted to make him feel more comfortable and help him with whatever it was he was going through at the moment. 

When he came out of the bathroom, he looked worse than when he opened the door. Jeno couldn’t keep the worry off his face when he noticed his wet bangs. Matched with his pale complexion, Jeno was almost relieved to have a possible explanation as to why Jaemin was acting so weird, he must be sick. 

But when he felt Jaemin’s forehead and cheeks, he didn’t feel a fever. Still, Jaemin didn’t look well at all. His arm was twitching constantly along with his hands, and Jeno wasn’t sure if Jaemin even realized how much it was twitching. He pretended to not notice it as he suggested that they watch a movie knowing Jaemin well enough to know that he was about to ask him to leave. 

Jeno beat him to it, too scared to leave Jaemin alone. He may not have a fever, but there was something seriously wrong with him and Jeno couldn’t in good conscious leave him alone. When they were settled on the couch, he couldn’t help but watch Jaemin out of the corner of his eye as Jaemin continued to move around and fidgeted nonstop. 

Although it was way out of character for Jeno since skinship wasn’t ever something he was super comfortable with, he was glad that putting his hand on Jaemin’s thigh seemed to help, and even more glad when he seemed to be falling asleep. Jeno hoped that whatever it was Jaemin had going on, maybe a good night’s sleep would be just what he needed. 

With Jaemin’s head now in his lap, Jeno couldn’t help but stare at him and the calmness that surrounded him for the first time that night. And that was the calm before the storm. 

Another minute of silence passed by and then Jaemin started twitching again. Jeno looked closer at Jaemin’s face, trying to see if he was awake but seeing his eyes still closed confused him. Jaemin started whining in his sleep, his twitching becoming more violent. The twitching quickly delved into thrashing, and then the screams started. 

The first scream was more so Jaemin shouting no, but then it quickly progressed into blood curdling screams. Jaemin was actively thrashing around, his fists and feet flying and it was all Jeno could do to keep them both on the couch. 

Jeno’s heart was racing and his palms were sweating. Jaemin was screaming and Jeno couldn’t get him to stop. 

“Jaemin, Jaemin please wake up Jaemin,” Jeno repeated himself over and over trying to wake Jaemin up but it wasn’t working. Jaemin was still screaming and thrashing around. Jeno sat him up and hugged him in the hopes that he would stop thrashing about.

“Jaemin, it’s okay, it’s okay hey it’s alright please,” Jeno realized too late that Jaemin must have been having a nightmare, and an extremely violent one at that. 

Jeno’s mind went blank, and he couldn’t remember if it was sleepwalking you weren’t supposed to wake people up from or if it was nightmares. Jeno really hoped it was the former versus the latter because he couldn’t handle seeing Jaemin like this for much longer. 

As Jaemin continued to thrash in Jeno’s arms, his screaming only getting louder Jeno continued to try and pull Jaemin back to reality repeating that he was safe and that he was okay. With a final scream, Jeno watched as Jaemin’s eyes flew open and he looked around the room frantically, tears staining his cheeks. 

Jeno grabbed his face and locked eyes with him. Jaemin was looking everywhere but in front of him, tears falling endlessly. “Jaemin, hey right here, look at me right here,” Jeno desperately tried to get Jaemin’s attention, but he was still freaked out from whatever he saw in his dream that he couldn’t focus. 

Jeno pulled Jaemin to his chest, squeezing him tightly. He rocked them back and forth, telling Jaemin over and over that he was okay, that nothing could hurt him and that Jeno was there for him. Slowly, Jeno felt Jaemin’s breathing slow down, and his crying stop. 

Jeno continued to rock them both, not letting up on his reassuring words. He was too afraid to let Jaemin go despite feeling his body go slack and his breathing even out. Even as Jaemin’s heartbeat was back to a normal speed, Jeno couldn’t seem to get his heart to follow suit.

Jeno had never seen someone like that, and he didn’t know how to help. His heart felt like it was going to beat out of his chest as it was still racing and he was still scared out of his mind. Jaemin wasn’t thrashing around and screaming anymore, but Jeno couldn't get the image out of his head. Seeing Jaemin in such a vulnerable state like that had Jeno wanted to die right there. 

He may not know Jaemin as well as he knew others, but to see Jaemin go through that was something Jeno couldn’t handle. There was no way Jeno was going to be able to just leave like that, he couldn’t imagine Jaemin going through that alone. 

Jeno scooted down the couch so he could pull Jaemin in a more comfortable position, making it so Jaemin was laying on his chest. He then matched his breathing with Jaemin’s in order to calm down before he wiggled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through his contacts. When he found who he was looking for he started a new message thread. 

_ Hey can you cover my shift at the store tomorrow? Something came up _

Jeno waited with bated breath, hoping he replied quickly and thankful he did. 

_ I mean I guess why can’t you do it  _

_ I’ll tell you later _

Jeno set his phone on the coffee table in front of the couch and then brought his hands back to Jaemin, stroking down his spine hoping to keep him asleep and relaxed. For the rest of the night, Jeno couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to. He was too scared Jaemin was going to wake up screaming again, and he couldn’t risk being delirious in case Jaemin needed him. 

He watched as light filled the living room, signaling the start of a new day. It wasn’t until late morning, early afternoon that Jaemin began to stir under him. Jeno closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep as Jaemin sat up from his chest. He heard him stretch and then decided that was enough time as he ‘woke up’ as well, giving a fake yawn and rubbing his eyes. 

Jaemin looked at Jeno confused, and Jeno almost cooed at how cute Jaemin looked. “We must have both fallen asleep during the movie,” Jeno said, hoping to alleviate some of Jaemin’s obvious confusion. Jaemin just nodded his head, his eyes still half closed. 

Jeno sat up and moved away from Jaemin so he could stand up and stretch his aching joints. He looked down at Jaemin who was falling back asleep while sitting up. Jeno chuckled at him before he pushed his shoulders down to lay back down on the couch. 

“I have to go to work, and you look tired as hell. Why don’t you go back to sleep and I’ll come back over after work?” Jeno asked. Jaemin’s eyes shot open and Jeno jumped a bit not expecting that reaction. 

“You want to come over after work?” the disbelief in Jaemin’s voice should have offended Jeno, but instead it just made him sad. Jaemin seemed way too shocked that he wanted to spend time with him after work, but Jeno decided to make light of it. 

“Yeah, unless you don’t want me to, that’s cool too,” Jeno tried not to sound super disappointed, but he definitely let a little bit slide into his tone. 

Jaemin looked at Jeno sleepily, calculating his actions before he closed his eyes again and mumbled, “fine but you have to bring snacks. Nothing strawberry flavored. But I like chocolate. And chocolate milk. And peaches.” 

Jeno was sure Jaemin was still listing foods that he liked, but it turned into a jumbled mess at the end as he seemed to fall asleep in the middle of his sentence. Jeno shook his head at the sleeping boy before he grabbed the blanket that fell on the floor and covered him with it. 

Jeno sat in the chair across from the couch for another 30 minutes, to make sure Jaemin didn’t have another nightmare before he dared step foot outside. Once outside, he pulled his phone out again, speed dialing one of his few friends he had in this town. The call was picked up on the 6th ring. 

_ What the hell are you doing up this early?  _

Jeno rolled his eyes at the greeting. “Good morning to you too hyung. I need to talk to you. Can you meet me at the park?

_ My my aren’t we bossy this morning.  _

“Hyung,” Jeno let the panic and desperation from last night bleed into his tone, hoping his friend understood the urgency. Thankfully he did. 

_ I’ll be there in 10.  _

The call ended and Jeno started jogging the familiar path to the park, managing to make it there in just over 5 minutes. He waited on the swing for his hyung to come, trying to piece together exactly how he was going to explain the whole Jaemin situation to him. 

When Jeno told Jaemin there weren't any other kids his age in this town, he wasn’t lying. Once everyone graduated from high school they all moved away to college, only leaving a few stragglers behind, Jeno being one of them. He didn’t really have the desire to go to college, and he felt weird asking his aunt and uncle to pay for him. They had three other kids to send off to school and he didn’t want to add a fourth to that. 

Jeno made friends with people older than him since all the kids that were younger than him were either younger by at least 7 years or they already had their own friend groups that Jeno wasn’t a part of. He was closest with two people, only two years older than him, Ten and Kun. They definitely treated him like a younger brother most of the time, but a younger brother they actually liked so it worked out for everyone. 

Jeno was closer to Ten than he was to Kun, generally turning to Ten for advice. His living situation was similar to Jeno’s since he was actually from Thailand and moved to Korea to live with his extended family when his own parents died. Jeno looked up at the sky and started counting the stars while waiting for Ten. He kept his eyes to the sky when he heard footsteps approaching, and stayed silent still when the swing next to him became occupied. 

“So, what’s up?” Jeno heard Ten’s voice, his tone unsure. Ten was usually a very animated person, excited with childlike wonder, but seeing Jeno the way he was made Ten change his tone. 

Jeno finally looked over at Ten, a smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Ten sighed at his expression and put his hand on his shoulder. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets and motioned for Jeno to follow him. 

They started walking down the pathway around the park and Ten released a sigh. “What’s going on dude? I haven’t seen that look on your face since before you decided to not go to college. Meaning, something really heavy is weighing on your mind.” 

Jeno laughed humorlessly as he kicked a rock and stopped walking to turn and look at Ten. “The boy from the market,”

“With the pretty brown eyes that match his hair and the bright smile that lights up his face?” Ten interrupted Jeno with a knowing smile on his face, “I’ve never heard of him.” 

Jeno pushed Ten, giving a short laugh before he went on. “I don’t know what’s going on, but whatever it is? It’s not good hyung. There’s something,” Jeno took a deep breath in trying to sort out his words. 

“Jeno, what do you mean?” Ten was confused as ever, not understanding what Jeno was going on about. 

“I hadn’t seen him in a couple days so last night, I went over there and he didn’t look well. He looked pale, and he was nervous as hell, fidgeting all over. I tried to calm him down with a movie but after he fell asleep he had a dream. A nightmare.” 

“Okay, so he had a nightmare what’s weird about that?” Jeno looked at Ten as he remembered Jaemin’s screams. He remembered how much he thrashed around and how pained his face looked. A shiver worked its way down Jeno’s spine and bile rose in his throat. He cast the images away not wanting to relive them when he turned back to Ten. 

“This was different hyung, it wasn’t something anyone should go through, but I don't know what to do. I’m so scared hyung, I was so scared last night when he wouldn’t wake up. What if I wasn’t there? He’s all alone in that house and he’s all alone in this village what if-” Jeno started to get frantic towards the end so Ten stepped forward and put his hands on Jeno’s shoulders and guided him over to sit down. 

“Jeno, Jeno, calm down, look,” Ten sighed like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, “if he’s all alone, all you have to do is be there for him.” 

Jeno looked at Ten confused, “Be there for him?”

Ten rolled his eyes before he spoke again, “Yes, just be his friend J. That’s what friends do. They care for each other and it’s clear that you care for him, and I’m sure he cares for you as well.” Jeno looked at him skeptically and Ten couldn’t help but laugh. 

Then Ten’s face became more serious as he pushed Jeno slightly away from him and looked him up and down, “Unless, are you trying to sleep with him?” 

Jeno stood up from his spot, throwing Ten’s hands off him and shouting, “Are you stupid?  _ No.  _ I’m not trying to sleep with him, Jesus hyung.” Jeno crossed his arms and looked away from Ten, too embarrassed by his question to make eye contact. Ten laughed at Jeno’s reaction before he stepped forward grabbing his attention again. 

“Look, all I’m saying is he obviously needs a friend right now since he’s going through stuff. Just like I needed a friend when my Korean wasn’t very good, and you needed a friend when everyone your age was leaving here to go off to college.”

Jeno rubbed at his forehead and forced out a sigh. He looked at Ten, but he still felt terrified for Jaemin. Being his friend sounded too easy and like it wasn’t enough. Jeno wanted to do  _ more  _ for Jaemin. 

As if guessing what Jeno was thinking, Ten stepped forward again and poked his forehead, “Hey, stop that. I know what you’re thinking but look Jeno, sometimes all someone needs is a friend. Someone to lean on, someone to laugh with, someone to share moments with. I’m not saying that just by being his friend will magically cure whatever chaos is in what’s his name's life, but it can’t hurt.” 

Jeno let Ten’s words sink in, realizing that he was right. When Ten first came to the village he was only 10 years old. His Korean was rusty and it was hard for him to communicate with the kids his age, they made fun of him for not being able to speak the language and then criticized him when he pronounced something wrong. Jeno remembered seeing Ten on this very playground sitting all alone away from all the other kids who were playing. He remembered going up to Ten and asking him if he wanted to play with him. 

It was hard at first because Ten still didn’t know the language, but despite that Jeno went up to him every day and asked him to play. Jeno stuck by his side and always tried his hardest to make Ten feel included, especially after learning he wasn’t from here. Jeno tried helping Ten by teaching him Korean while they played games on the playground and Ten was forever grateful for it. 

Ten was more determined to learn the Korean language because Jeno tried so hard to make him feel included, and once he set his mind to it, it turned out Ten actually had quite the ear for languages. After he mastered the Korean language, he went on to learn Mandarin, and then English. As far as Jeno knew he was currently learning Japanese. 

Ten used to always tell him that Jeno was the one who really motivated him to learn all those languages. Jeno would always laugh and tell him that wasn’t true, but Ten insisted that if Jeno hadn’t continued to ask Ten to play as a kid, he would have been stuck living in Korea only knowing Thai. But now, here he was, fluent in 4 languages. 

Then Jeno thought back to when he graduated high school, and all his friends were moving out of the town to go to college. For a brief moment, Jeno humored the thought of going to college with his friends. Leaving the small town and doing bigger and better things while furthering his education. But then he remembered that he was living with his aunt and uncle, who had two other kids already in college and another one soon to enter, so he felt like it was a burden to ask them to put him through college as well. 

Jeno easily gave up the idea of leaving, despite his aunt and uncle trying to assure him it was okay if he wanted to go and that they could figure it out. But Jeno was really okay, he didn’t even know what he would have gone to college for anyway. 

He saw all of his friends off, wishing them luck and leaving empty promises that they would stay in contact. Ten knew all too well what it was like to have to leave your friends and feel like you had no one in your corner. He gave Jeno a week before he started coming to his door, knocking and asking him to come out and play. Jeno always pushed him and told him to stop asking that, but the appreciation was clear in his eyes. 

Jeno felt lonely when his friends left and Ten was the one person who was always there for him. He didn’t end up going to college, instead, he stayed in the small town teaching dance to the younger kids. Ten genuinely enjoyed the small town and he really liked the people so it was his choice to stay behind, and he wanted to make sure Jeno was okay with his decision to stay behind as well. 

Eventually, Kun started joining them after he came back from trying college and deciding it wasn’t for him. The three of them became close in no time and Jeno felt okay again. But the idea always pulled on him, while Ten and Kun were only two years older than him, Jeno really wanted someone his age to hang out with. He wanted someone he could relate to on a different level, someone who didn’t constantly use the hyung card when it came to being in charge. 

Jeno looked at Ten with a new understanding and Ten clapped his hands together. “Aigoo, there’s a good dongsaeng!” 

Jeno pushed Ten away and stood up to leave. “You’re annoying and I’m leaving.” 

“Yah!” Ten yelled after Jeno tried to grab at him but he was already out of arm's reach when Ten shot forward. Jeno turned around and stuck his tongue out at Ten before he started at a dead sprint leaving Ten behind. 

Once Ten was out of sight, Jeno slowed down to a walk. He thought back to what Ten told him about being a friend to Jaemin, and he knew he was right. He didn’t know why Jaemin came here, or why he was here alone, but he needed to be for Jaemin what Ten was for him, and what he was for Ten. Jaemin needed a friend and that’s exactly what Jeno was going to be. 

Making up his mind Jeno made his way over to the store to pick up the snacks Jaemin requested before falling back asleep this morning. He took his time looking around the store, trying to remember what Jaemin said he wanted. He remembered him saying something about chocolate, and strawberry, but he couldn’t remember which one he said he liked more so he decided to just get both to be safe. 

He picked out a few snacks for himself as well and after paying at the counter he made his way back to the house where Jaemin was staying. It was mid-afternoon by the time he got there, glad he left the door unlocked since he didn’t know the code. 

Jeno let himself in and he was mildly surprised to find Jaemin was still sound asleep on the couch in the same position he left him in earlier. Jeno laughed at his sleeping form before he quietly made his way over to the kitchen and began to put the food away in the cabinets. 

He had just opened the fridge to put the bottle of chocolate milk away when the shrill sound of the phone ringing made Jeno almost drop it. He quickly set the bottle down on the counter, leaving the fridge open as he jumped over to grab the phone before it could wake Jaemin up. 

“Hello?” he whispered into the phone. He wasn’t sure why he was answering the call considering that this definitely was not his house, but he reasoned that it was just instinct to answer a ringing phone. 

“You’re not Jaemin,” the voice on the other end was rough and suspicious, and if Jeno were standing in front of this person he had a feeling he would end up having to dodge his fist. 

“Uh, no I’m a friend of Jaemin though, who is this?” 

“A friend?” The voice sounded even more suspicious and Jeno found his patience wearing thin. 

“Yeah, a friend. What’s so-” 

“He hasn’t been out there for that long.” 

“So? Is he not allowed to make friends out here? Why is that such an issue?” Jeno found himself getting defensive not only for Jaemin but for himself as well. Why was it so shocking to this person on the phone that Jaemin made a friend while being here for that amount of time? Instead of answering Jeno’s question the person asked one of his own. 

“Where is he?” 

Jeno rolled his eyes and scoffed at the person. “He’s sleeping.” and before Jeno could ask who was calling the person spoke up again. 

“Tell him Jisung called when he wakes up.” and then without any warning, the line went dead. 

Jeno stared at the phone in disbelief for a minute before he laughed at the absurdity of whoever this Jisung guy was. He couldn’t imagine Jaemin being friends with someone like him. Someone so rude and just all around seemed kinda douchey. 

Jeno hung up the phone and made his way back to the kitchen to finish putting away the food. When he was finished he walked out into the living room to check on Jaemin. He was still sleeping in the same position, and something in Jeno’s brain was telling him that he should be worried. 

When he left earlier it was somewhere around mid-afternoon, and he came back early evening and Jaemin was  _ still  _ asleep. At first, he thought it to be a good thing since he had such a rough night last night, but Jeno was concerned that it was a bit too much time to be asleep for a normal person. 

He got closer to Jaemin, wanting to make sure he was still breathing. He got down on the ground in front of Jaemin, watching for his chest to move. He didn’t immediately see it, so he got closer to him and was about to lay his head on Jaemin’s chest to listen to his heartbeat when Jaemin’s body suddenly jerked into awareness making Jeno yelp in surprise. 

“Ah!” 

“Ah!!” 

“Why are you screaming!?” Jaemin asked Jeno. 

“Why are you popping up like a freaking zombie!?” Jeno fired back. 

Both boys sat apart from each other, their hands laying over their chest, trying to slow their breathing back to normal. Once they regulated their breathing they looked at each other and released the tension with a short laugh. 

Jeno stood up from the ground and Jaemin sat up properly on the couch. Jeno was about to say something to Jaemin, but then his face suddenly contorted into one of pain. Jeno immediately got back on the ground in front of Jaemin, grabbing his attention. 

“Are you okay?” 

Jaemin nodded his head slowly, brushing Jeno away. He opened one eye to look around the room before he stood up and waved Jeno off again. “I’m fine I just need the bathroom.” Jeno watched as Jaemin carefully made his way to the bathroom, and didn’t release his breath until he heard the bathroom door shut. 

Jeno shrunk in on himself, fear from seeing Jaemin’s face in pain manifesting in his mind. He decided to give Jaemin some time to sort himself out in the bathroom, going back to the kitchen to make dinner for both of them. 

Jaemin hadn’t eaten any of the chicken Jeno brought over last night and by the looks of it, he slept all day today so he was bound to be hungry. Jeno wasn’t the best cook, and honestly, he didn’t trust himself to cook anyway, but he knew Jaemin had to eat something. 

He pulled out two bowls of ramen, heating up some water while he waited. He didn’t want to make the ramen right away since he wasn’t sure how long Jaemin was going to be in the bathroom, and he didn’t want the noodles to get soggy or cold before Jaemin could eat them. 

He pulled out his phone instead to pass the time, but after playing three rounds of his game, he was beginning to get nervous. Jaemin had been in the bathroom for a really long time and Jeno felt like he should go check on him. 

He walked out of the kitchen into the hallway where the bathroom was and softly knocked on the door. “Jaemin, are you okay in there?” Jeno heard something drop on the floor and Jaemin curse under his breath. 

“What, yeah, I’m fine.” Jaemin sounded rushed and sort of panicked so it was hard for Jeno to believe him. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll be out in a minute and we can eat something and maybe watch that movie we fell asleep watching last night.” 

Jeno still didn’t believe Jaemin sounded okay, but who was he to decide that? So Jeno hummed a response, but he stayed in front of the door just to make sure he was okay before he left. A minute later Jeno heard Jaemin sniffing, and that’s when he decided to leave. He didn’t want to hear Jaemin crying, knew that would be way too much for his heart to handle after last night, so he quickly made his way back to the kitchen to reheat the water in preparation for the ramen. 

When Jaemin finally came out a few minutes later, Jeno was more than prepared to find Jaemin’s eyes red and puffy from crying, but he was surprised that that wasn’t the case. Jaemin instead came out with a giant smile on his face. He seemed totally at peace, and maybe even a bit happy? 

Jeno looked at Jaemin confused as he was positive he heard Jaemin sniffling, assuming he was crying in the bathroom. But considering Jaemin seemed to be completely fine, Jeno assumed that maybe he was still traumatized from last night and that was causing him to hear things. 

Jeno wiped the confusion from his face and replaced it with a smile as Jaemin came closer to the table where Jeno was sitting, taking the seat right next to him. 

“Hey Jeno, thanks for coming over and making dinner. It’s cool to have someone to hang out with!” Jaemin’s voice was very chipper and animated, and it threw Jeno off but he would be lying if he said he hated it. He was glad Jaemin seemed to be in a better mood. 

“Yeah no problem Jaemin, I brought snacks too, as requested.” Jaemin’s mouth dropped open at the mention of snacks and he jumped up from his chair clapping his hands together and making a mad dash to the fridge to investigate. Jeno watched from the table as Jaemin rifled through the snacks, making happy comments on every single one, until he got to the strawberry flavored ones. 

Jaemin turned in a truly dramatic fashion with his mouth wide open in disgust as he held the strawberry flavored snack with his index finger and thumb, making sure to hold it away from his face. 

“You  _ dare  _ bring this monstrosity of a food into this house?!” Jeno stared at Jaemin in disbelief before he busted up laughing at Jaemin’s face and the way his voice dropped lower than his normal voice as if he was truly scandalized by the snack. 

“It’s strawberry, Jaemin. Not Satan himself.” 

Jaemin scoffed as he threw the snack down on the table in front of him. “Oh, but it might as well be Satan himself!” 

Jeno’s laugh bubbled through his chest as he listened to the absurdity of Jaemin’s words. The more Jeno laughed, the more heated Jaemin seemed to get as he explained why strawberry flavored anything was the world's worst sin. As Jeno continued to listen to Jaemin’s rant, he realized that had nothing to worry about. Jaemin was just fine, just a little hiccup last night that was all. It seemed as if he worried for nothing, and he was ready to cast last night aside and enjoy his time with Jaemin. 


	7. 7

After Jaemin woke up to a screaming Jeno he knew right away something was wrong. He instantly knew that since he decided against taking the drug last night, that was what caused him to have a terrible nightmare. He couldn’t remember what the nightmare was about but what he did remember was someone holding him close when he finally managed to break free from it. 

He didn’t remember clearly enough who it was since after he was calmed down he ended up falling asleep again after wearing himself out from the nightmare. Now that he was awake however, he realized that it had to be Jeno that was there last night when he had his nightmare. The thought of Jeno seeing him like that made Jaemin’s stomach turn and his head spin. 

“Jaemin, are you okay?” Jaemin saw the concern on Jeno’s face, and that only pushed his pain further. Jaemin was making Jeno worry when he shouldn’t be bothered with the likes of Jaemin. He nodded his head and made an excuse about going to the bathroom, not waiting for Jeno’s reply. 

He quickly locked himself in the bathroom and pulled out the bottle with the drugs hiding in them. He turned the bottle over and shook it until the plastic bag came out and fell on the floor. Jaemin stared at the bag on the floor, contemplating what he was supposed to do. 

Last night he decided against taking the drug because he thought Jeno being there would help him, but that ended up in Jaemin having a nightmare and making Jeno worry for him when he shouldn’t. But on the other hand, he didn’t want the drugged up version of Jaemin to be the only one Jeno ever saw. 

He tossed his options back and forth in his head, making his headache worse. Either he could have Jeno see the panicked out of his mind without the drug, or he could see the fake always happy and upbeat on the drugs Jaemin. He wasn’t sure which one was worse. He never wished more that he never took the drug more than he did at this moment. 

He wanted to remember the things Jeno said, enjoy the time they spent together. But no matter if he took the drug or not, he knew he wasn’t going to remember. He was either going to be so high that’s all he focused on, or he was going to be in so much pain and itching for the drug he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else. 

A knock at the door startled Jaemin into knocking over the empty pill bottle over having it bounce on the floor a few times. Jaemin cursed under his breath as he tried to catch the bottle and make the noise stop. 

“Jaemin, are you okay in there?”

Jaemin tried to keep the panic from his voice when he answered, but when Jeno asked again if he really was okay, he knew he did a terrible job. Jaemin reassured him he was okay before telling him to make food for them that way he would leave and not have to hear what Jaemin was about to do. 

Jeno agreed to make them food and so Jaemin assumed he left to start it so he bent over to pick up the white pills and shake two of them out. After contemplating for a moment, Jaemin decided to put one of the pills back in the bag. Maybe if he took less than what he normally did, it wouldn’t hit him as hard and he could still enjoy his time with Jeno. 

He quickly crushed up the white pill and lined the dust up on the counter with his finger. Without thinking too much he bent over and snorted the contents, tilting his head back and sniffing again. He stayed in the bathroom for another minute before he finally stepped out. 

He walked into the kitchen to find Jeno sitting at the table, playing a game on his phone. He smiled easily at Jeno, feeling the effect of the drugs taking over his body and calming him down. His head wasn’t hurting as much and he felt a lightness in his steps. 

Jeno smiled back at Jaemin and that made him feel warm all over. Jaemin spent the next half hour scolding Jeno about why strawberry is the worst taste in the entire world, relishing in Jeno’s laugh at Jaemin’s apparent ridiculousness.

When Jeno had finally had enough of Jaemin’s preaching, he shoved a glass of chocolate milk and canned peaches in Jaemin’s hand and guided him over to the living room and turned on a movie. While Jaemin was usually hyped up when he took the drugs, it was almost like Jeno was counteracting that effect and instead just keeping Jaemin calm. 

Once they were settled in on the couch Jaemin noticed how hard Jeno seemed to be fighting to stay awake. His eyes looked bloodshot and his movements and reactions were extremely slow. Jaemin was able to fully stare at Jeno, and he didn’t seem to have a clue. 

Jaemin watched as Jeno’s head drooped and his eyes closed, no longer having the strength to keep them open. Jaemin looked at the uncomfortable position and decided that was no good for him. So he stood up from his spot and moved over to Jeno, slowly pushing him back against the couch, and then laying him down. He brought his feet up to fit the length of the couch, and then he brought a pillow to put under his head and finally a blanket to cover his body. 

Jaemin turned the movie and lights off, being careful not to be too noisy and wake Jeno up. Because of the drug, Jaemin was much too awake, knowing for a fact that even if he had laid down he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He decided instead to take the phone into the guest bedroom and call Jisung. 

Despite the room being the furthest away from the living room, Jaemin still shut the door to make sure and not wake up Jeno. Jaemin dialed the number, having memorized it with how many times he found himself keying Jisung’s number in. 

The phone rang seven times before it was finally picked up by a very tired sounding Jisung. Jaemin cursed under his breath for not checking the time before calling. 

“Hyung. What’s wrong are you okay?”

“I’m sorry Mouse, did I wake you up?” Jaemin heard shuffling from the other side, probably from Jisung sitting up in bed. 

“No, you didn't. I was waiting for you to call anyway, I was just laying down.” Jaemin sat down on the bed, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. 

“You were waiting for me to call?” 

“Yeah, I called earlier but I guess you were sleeping. Someone else answered the phone and I told him to have you call me when you woke up.” Jaemin thought back to earlier, trying to remember if he heard the phone ring. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t remember. “Who was that anyway?”

“Hm?” Jaemin was distracted trying to remember the phone ringing or not, not catching Jisung’s question. 

“Who was the guy that answered the phone? He said he was a friend but I didn’t ask his name. Who was he?” 

Jaemin immediately felt himself smile. He knew it was Jeno who answered the phone, no one else came into the house aside from the two of them and just the thought of Jeno was enough for Jaemin to smile. 

“His name is Jeno, remember when I told you about the boy at the store who reminded me of a Samoyed puppy?” Jaemin could practically hear the wheels in Jisung’s head turning as he thought back to their first conversation when Jaemin arrived here. 

“Ah! That one! I remember now, so you did make friends with him?” Jaemin could hear the smile in Jisung’s voice when he asked and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes at it. 

“Yeah, I guess I did,” 

“That’s great hyung! It really is. I’m happy for you.” 

Jaemin could hear the genuine happiness in his voice, and he felt like a child receiving praise from his parents for doing well in school. Jaemin laughed at the thought considering Jisung was younger than him, but he appreciated Jisung’s enthusiasm. 

He talked with Jisung about this and that, nothing really of importance just passing the time. The more they talked though, the more Jaemin thought about Jeno. He thought about how he wanted to show Jeno his true self, even after only knowing him for a short amount of time. He knew the whole point of coming out here was to clear his mind and hopefully get rid of the drugs, but with Jeno in the picture now, Jaemin really wanted to kick the drugs. 

“Hyung, I can smell the smoke from here, what are you thinking so hard about?” Jaemin tuned back into his conversation with Jisung and apologized for zoning out. “Hyung, you can tell me. What’s on your mind?”

Jaemin sighed before he realized there was no running away from Jisung so he told him, “I think I really like it here Jisung.” 

“That’s good hyung, that was the point of-” 

“Mouse,” Jaemin cut Jisung off, “I think I might like Jeno.” 

“Oh,” Jisung breathed. 

“I know it sounds crazy, but that’s not even the crazy part. I want to stop with the drugs and be the real me around him.” 

There was silence on the other end of the phone, and Jaemin held his breath waiting for Jisung’s reply. He knew it was a risk telling Jisung this, but he had no one else to talk about it with so this was his only option. He knew Jisung was going to be weary over the whole idea since he had no idea who Jeno was, but again, he didn’t have anyone else he could go to about it. 

Jaemin felt like he had known Jeno for years instead of weeks, and there was something about him that made Jaemin want to be a better person. He wanted to be sober not only for him but now for Jeno as well. 

“Does he know about the drugs?” 

Jaemin was shocked at the question, choking on his own breath before answering. “What? No of course not why would I tell him?” Jaemin planned to never let Jeno know about the drugs, he was too afraid that Jeno would leave and not want to hang out with someone as dirty as Jaemin if he ever found out. 

“I mean, maybe he could help you hyung. You know, if he knew about it he could-” 

“He could leave Jisung, that’s what he could do. Why would someone willingly hang out with someone who relies on drugs to be happy? No sane person would want that.” 

“Hyung,” 

“No Jisung, I can’t risk him leaving. I have something here that might be able to help me kick these drugs. Do you know I went five days without taking the drug?” Jaemin heard the quick intake of air from Jisung. “And I was ready to cave on the fifth day when Jeno showed up. He showed up with chicken and I was about to take the drug in the bathroom but then I remembered Jeno sitting out in the living room waiting for me. I didn’t want to be with him while I was high, so I didn’t take the drug.” 

“Hyung that’s really impressive,” came Jisung’s soft reply. Jaemin didn’t realize he was crying until he went to tell Jisung more, his voice cracking. 

“But then when I woke up today I was in so much pain, I couldn’t help it and I caved. I went in the bathroom and crushed up a pill and let it take over.” Jaemin sniffed and wiped his face before going on, “I felt like absolute shit after it because Jeno is in the living room, but it also makes me want to do better that way I don’t feel this way again.” 

Jisung kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt Jaemin until he was finished. “I want to stop for me too, I do. But I’m afraid that if Jeno finds out, he won’t come around anymore and I’ll lose a reason to stop the drugs because just me isn’t enough. I’m not enough.” Jaemin whispered the last part, the truth coming out without him meaning to. 

Ever since Jaemin started taking these drugs offered by SM, he felt like crap. He saw himself being dependent on a chemical substance, which made him look weak and made him feel empty. He never told anyone how he felt because he didn’t want to burden them, but he never felt like he was enough. He always felt like he was lacking, and he would never be enough for anyone. 

But the way Jeno was so carefree, and always so quick to smile, Jaemin had hope. He had hope that maybe, just maybe one day he too could be carefree like him. That he could smile as often as Jeno did when he was sober. Jaemin wanted that life, but he wasn’t going to be able to get there on his own. 

“Hyung, it’s not a bad thing to want to get better for someone else. Just, remember that you are the most important person in the equation. You need to get better for you too, okay?” 

“I get that, but I just, I can’t tell him Jisung. I just can’t risk it.” 

“I understand that hyung.” 

Feeling drained all of a sudden, Jaemin decided it was probably best to end the conversation here, not sure what else he would let slip while talking. “Anyway, it’s pretty late and you should get some sleep Jisungie. I’ll call you again soon okay?”

“Okay hyung, get some sleep too,” Jaemin almost laughed at that considering just how much he’d been sleeping the last few days. 

“Of course, goodnight.” 

“Goodnight hyung.” 

Once Jaemin hung up with Jisung, he sat in the room for a little bit longer, collecting himself just in case he went in the living room and Jeno was awake. After getting himself together, he went out in the living room, thankful to see that Jeno was still sleeping soundly on the couch. 

Jaemin still wasn’t tired, but not quite so wired either, he was just plain and simple, awake. He grabbed the TV remote, sitting in one of the chairs next to the couch and turned the volume on the lowest setting as he flipped through channels. He clicked through cooking channels and reruns of old dramas for most of the night. 

Most of the time he was just staring at the screen in uninterest, only using the TV as background noise. He let his mind go blissfully blank, not thinking about Jisung, or Jeno, or even the drugs. Once light started to filter through the room, Jaemin shut the TV off and made his way over to the kitchen.

He rifled through the fridge and cabinets for no real reason since he wasn’t even hungry. He was just bored for the moment and was getting too restless sitting in the chair. He decided to make coffee for lack of anything else to do. 

When the coffee was ready he poured himself a mug, and when he made his way to sit down at the table, he saw the top of Jeno’s head moving, and then he watched him sit up on the couch. Jaemin gave him a minute to wake up a bit, watching as he rubbed his eyes and ruffled his hair. Jeno leaned over and grabbed his phone, probably checking the time and Jaemin decided to pour him a mug as well. 

He wasn’t actually sure if Jeno even drank coffee, but he figured even if he didn’t it would still serve as a good way to greet him this morning. So, Jaemin walked over with his and Jeno’s mug of coffee and stood in front of him offering the cup. 

“Morning,” Jaemin said with a small smile. Jeno looked up at Jaemin, one eye still closed before he realized who it was, and opened his other eye. 

“You’re an early riser,” Jeno said as he took the cup from Jaemin. Jaemin smiled again and nodded, taking a sip from his mug in order to give himself time to think of a response to Jeno. 

“Yeah, I guess I’ve always been that way.” 

Jeno looked at Jaemin over his coffee, eyes skeptical as he mumbled something Jaemin couldn’t understand, but before Jaemin could ask what he said Jeno set his coffee down and locked eyes with Jaemin. 

“Sorry I fell asleep last night, I didn’t mean to intrude and stay the night,” Jaemin was about to tell Jeno he wasn’t intruding but then he asked, “So what are we doing today?” 

Jaemin almost choked on his coffee hearing Jeno’s question. “What? Don’t you have work?” Jaemin didn’t know how to respond to Jeno’s question, it was too unexpected. But Jeno looked at him like this was a normal thing. 

“No, I have today off.” Jeno looked completely relaxed sitting on the couch acting like this was a normal conversation, but for Jaemin it was anything but. His hands were sweating and his heart was beating too fast. Jeno wanted to spend the entire day with him? Why? 

“Don’t you have other friends to hang out with instead of me?” Jaemin watched as something unfamiliar passed through Jeno’s eyes, but it was gone as soon as it arrived when Jeno answered. 

“None my age, remember?” Jaemin wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just nodded as he looked back down at his drink, still not sure why Jeno would want to hang out with him all day. Granted Jaemin would absolutely love to hang out with him all day because of how comfortable and calm he made him feel, but he didn’t want Jeno to waste his time on him. 

Jeno spoke up again, stopping Jaemin’s line of thinking. “We could go to the town, they have this really cool-” 

“No, I can’t go there,” Jeno looked at Jaemin startled by his sudden panic in his voice, and Jaemin just looked down. “Sorry, I just, I don’t want to go to town.” Jaemin was still terrified that he was going to get recognized here and his whole plan would go up in flames because of it, so he couldn’t risk it. 

Jeno nodded his head in understanding, “Okay, that’s fine I get it. We can stay here,” Jeno sounded unsure and it made Jaemin feel guilty. Again, he would love nothing more than for Jeno to stay with him all day, but he hated for Jeno to be bored. 

“You don’t have to stay here, I know I’m boring. I’m sure there are other ways you could spend your day off.” Jaemin’s voice didn’t go above a whisper and he kept his eyes on his drink. 

“Jaemin,” he looked up at Jeno after hearing his name, “are we friends?” Jaemin looked at Jeno confused, not sure how to answer. He cautiously nodded his head, hoping it was the right answer. 

Jeno laughed at Jaemin’s tentativeness. “Yes, we are friends. And as friends, I’m okay doing anything with you. We could make a blanket fort and watch movies all day and I would consider that a day off well spent. Okay?” 

Jaemin stared at Jeno in amazement and disbelief. He didn’t realize this was all that easy for Jeno. To just decide things like that was something Jaemin has never seen. He smiled at Jeno’s suggestion and Jeno smiled back. “Actually, that’s a great idea and that’s exactly what we are going to do today.” 

Jeno suddenly stood up from his spot on the couch and made his way over to the closet where the extra blankets and pillows were. He pulled them all out and started to pile them on in the middle of the living room. He then moved to the kitchen and brought all the chairs, setting them around the pile of blankets and pillows. 

“Come here and help me,” Jeno waved Jaemin over and he walked towards him with an air of uncertainty. He had no idea how the hell Jeno seemed to know where everything was in this house, not even Jaemin knew the lay of the land yet and he had been here a lot longer than Jeno had. He had never in his life made a blanket fort, so honestly, he had no idea what he was doing. He just did whatever Jeno told him to do, holding the blanket here, placing the chair there. 

In no time Jaemin was surprised to see a tent looking thing set right in front of the TV. Jeno appraised his handiwork, and once he was satisfied he dragged Jaemin into the kitchen. He then proceeded to pull out bowls and dump different snacks in them. He microwaved a bag of popcorn and gave drinks to Jaemin telling him to take them to the living room. 

Jaemin did as he was told, arranging the snacks and drink on the blankets Jeno used to cushion the floor. Jaemin went back to the kitchen to help Jeno bring the last of the snacks before they both sat inside the fort. 

“Okay, I’m going to choose the first movie since this was my grand idea, and then you can choose the next one and we’ll go back and forth. Okay?” Jaemin nodded at Jeno, feeling suddenly very excited. It wasn’t like they were doing anything really exciting, they were just doing what they’ve done almost every time Jeno had been over the only difference being now they were in a fort. 

Jaemin turned his attention to the TV where Jeno was typing in the movie title and Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh. Jeno immediately turned to Jaemin, giving him a questioning look. “The Lion King?” 

Jeno looked at Jaemin with a duh type expression, “Hell yeah the Lion King. What’s wrong with that?” Jeno looked almost offended, and that just made Jaemin laugh harder. 

“Nothing, I just didn’t expect you to pick this movie is all.” 

Jeno shrugged his shoulders and crossed his arms, a playful smile on his face, “What can I say, I know the classics.” 

Instead of replying to Jeno, Jaemin popped a piece of popcorn in his mouth and crossed his legs settling in for the movie. Jeno pressed play and sat back, opening one of the sodas he brought over and taking a long drink. 

They were silent through the first half of the movie, and it wasn’t until Simba was found by Timon and Pumba that Jaemin finally spoke up. “You know, I don’t know how they didn’t realize the uncle was evil. He has a scar on his eye and his name is literally Scar, like how can it get more evil than that.” Jaemin threw some more popcorn in his mouth and kept his eyes on the movie, but Jeno had turned his attention to focus fully on Jaemin. 

Jeno then suddenly burst out into a laughter that made Jaemin drop the handful of popcorn he currently had all over the floor. Jaemin turned to Jeno in shock, not sure what had gotten into him. 

“That’s so true!” Jeno was nodding his head as he turned back to the movie, grabbing random snacks as he did. Jaemin stared at Jeno for a moment longer, flabbergasted by his outburst before he shook his head and laughed, and turned back to the movie. 

For the rest of the movie both boys made comments about it, pointing out plot holes, and mistakes of the movie, along with adding in what they think should have happened instead. Jaemin couldn’t remember ever having this much fun watching a movie before, and he was really enjoying himself. Jeno even sang some of the songs to Jaemin, knowing every word and adding a little dance here and there. 

Jaemin was laughing so hard, he was convinced he was going to have abs when he stood up. Once the movie was over, Jeno told Jaemin that it was his turn, but he didn’t have any ideas for what movie to watch so he told Jeno to pick for him. 

Jeno ended up picking another Disney movie, and this time the commentary started from the very beginning of the movie. Jeno again sang the songs to Jaemin, but this time he didn’t know all the words to some of the songs so he made up his own. 

Jaemin was laughing so hard at some of his lyrics he found himself crying, and that just egged Jeno on more. He came up with more and more ridiculous lines to the songs that actually surprisingly fit within the beats of the song. He even tried rapping some of them. Jaemin was genuinely impressed with Jeno’s ability to improvise on the spot and found himself looking forward to every time Jeno would dramatically turn to him, knowing exactly what was to come. 

They kept up the Disney theme, watching strictly Disney movies all day. There were even some that Jaemin actually did know, so he was able to sing along with some of the songs next to Jeno. 

In the back of his mind, Jaemin could tell that the small amount of drug he took yesterday night wore off a while ago, but being with Jeno, watching these movies and singing along to the songs, Jaemin couldn’t tell. He didn’t feel the headache that usually came with the come down, and he didn’t feel the pull to take the drug. 

He felt happy. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt genuinely happy like this without the aid of the drug, this was  _ real.  _ And Jaemin wanted it to never stop. 

They watched four more movies before Jaemin started feeling tired. Staying up all night mixed with the drug having worn off must have finally caught up with each other. He was already laying down so it didn’t take much for him to let his eyes close and wait for sleep to take over. 

Just as he was about to fall asleep, he felt something being put over him and he opened his eyes to find Jeno putting a blanket on him. “Hey, sleepyhead.” Jaemin smiled at Jeno as an answer. “I have to work in the morning but I don’t have my uniform, so I’ll have to go home tonight.” 

Jeno sounded regretful, like something bad was going to happen because he went home. Jaemin was too tired to ask Jeno why he sounded like that, so he just offered another smile and then nodded his head. “I’ll wait until you fall asleep though, okay?”

Jaemin was going to tell him that he didn’t need to do that, but again he was too tired to do so. Instead, he let his eyes close as he listened to the movie still playing in the background, and Jeno sitting next to him humming along to the songs when they played. It wasn’t long after that Jaemin gave into the sleepiness and let it consume him. 

____

Jaemin ended up sleeping through the night, waking up sometime in the early afternoon. He debated on whether or not he wanted to leave his and Jeno’s fort up or not, but he decided it would be a good distraction until Jeno got there. 

Jaemin had just finished cleaning up the blankets and pillows from the fort last night when there was a knock at the door. Jaemin quickly made his way over to the door and opened it to find Jeno holding up a plastic bag. He smiled at Jaemin as he stepped aside to let him in and headed straight for the kitchen. 

Jaemin followed him and watched as he started pulling things out of the bag. Jaemin looked at the ingredients in confusion, “Eggs, flour, sugar, oil, are you baking something?”

Jeno turned back to Jaemin, his eyes bright. “No,  _ we  _ are baking something!” Jaemin raised an eyebrow at him. “Sugar cookies! And then I got frosting and stuff so we can decorate them too.” 

Jaemin started laughing as he rifled through all the things Jeno brought to decorate these cookies, holding up a tube of squeezable frosting. “Are we five?”

Jeno slammed the flour down and stared at Jaemin, something similar to shock on his face. “You sang Disney songs to me in a blanket fort all night last night and you think baking cookies and decorating them is childish?” 

Jaemin’s laugh was cut short. “Okay, but that was different!” Jeno threw his head back in laughter not able to stop laughing for a bit before he looked back at Jaemin. 

“How in the world is that different Jaemin? If anything, baking cookies is much more grown up because last time I checked, kids can’t use an oven without parental supervision.” Jeno crossed his arms to make a point and Jaemin clicked his tongue. 

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes for dramatic effect, but he was holding back a smile at Jeno’s reasoning. 

“Whatever,” Jeno mocked and Jaemin turned to get a mixing bowl but stuck his tongue out at Jeno before he did. 

Jeno laughed out loud and called for Jaemin, trying to grab him and pull him back but Jaemin was faster. Jaemin laughed as he dropped to the floor and dug in the cabinet looking for a mixing bowl and a cookie sheet. Once he found it he brought it up to the table where Jeno already had all the ingredients lined up and ready to be put in the bowl. 

Jaemin was surprised to see that there was no recipe Jeno was following, he seemed to just know what went into these cookies. He watched as Jeno started pouring things in, occasionally asking Jaemin to hand him something, and Jaemin was truly mesmerized. 

“I didn’t know you could cook?” Jaemin asked. Jeno laughed as he continued to stir the concoction in the bowl. 

“I can’t.” Jaemin made a sound at Jeno, him obviously lying. “This is baking and technically it’s the only thing I can bake.” Jeno’s eyes looked sad, despite the smile on his face and Jaemin immediately felt bad for asking, but his curiosity got the better of him. 

“Who taught you how to bake this?” 

Jeno’s movements slowed as he stirred and he let out a short laugh that sounded more like a sigh making Jaemin regret his question. He was about to take it back when Jeno spoke up. 

“My mom,” he smiled that sad smile again, and Jaemin stayed quiet not wanting to press Jeno but kind of wanted him to go on, and he did. “She really liked baking, but she wasn’t that good at it.” Jeno laughed at the memory. 

“My dad really liked sugar cookies, he said they were his favorite because they were simple and you never had to worry about something being hidden in them like how sometimes you thought it was a chocolate chip cookie but really it was raisin,” Jaemin huffed a laugh at the logic before Jeno went on. 

“He said sugar cookies were like my mom in that sense. Because she was also simple and could never hide anything. She always laid all her cards on the table and never had anything up her sleeve.” Jeno stopped stirring and looked up at Jaemin with tears in his eyes. “He said that’s one of the many reasons he fell in love with her.” 

Jaemin nodded his head at Jeno and gave him a smile. Based on the way he kept talking about them in the past tense, Jaemin figured that they had passed but he certainly wasn’t going to ask that. 

“My mom tried endlessly to master the art of baking sugar cookies,” Jeno leaned over and whispered to Jaemin, “in her words, not mine,” making Jaemin laugh. 

“She tried and tried until she finally figured it out and I was always in the kitchen with her watching her for hours baking these and once she finally figured it out she made them so much I memorized the process even though I was still young.” Jaemin laughed, imagining a smaller version of Jeno standing in the kitchen with his mom, watching as she made endless batches of sugar cookies. 

“They passed away when I was 6.” Jeno took a deep breath and went back to stirring the dough and adding more things to it. “I moved here with my aunt and uncle from my mom’s side and have been here since.” 

Jaemin moved closer to Jeno, not really knowing how to comfort him so he decided to try and distract him instead. He clapped his hands together and looked at the expanse of the table and then looked at Jeno. “So what do we do next? How can I help?” 

Jeno smiled at Jaemin gratefully discreetly wiping his eyes and turning around to get the cookie sheet Jaemin brought out earlier. He placed it in front of him and pushed the bowl of dough so it sat in between both of them. 

“Okay, so you want to pull out this much dough, roll it into a ball, and then put it on the pan.” Jeno demonstrated it for Jaemin, and he made sure to pay close attention. He followed the instructions carefully, showing Jeno each dough ball he made to make sure it got it right. 

Jeno always made sure to look Jaemin in the eyes when he confirmed that it was perfect, and Jaemin smiled so brightly every time Jeno actually got sad when they ran out of dough to roll. He had Jaemin put them in the oven and set a timer as he got the frosting out and started separating them into bowls. 

Once the cookies were done cooling, Jeno sat them down at the kitchen table and divided them evenly between the two of them. Jaemin brought over the frosting and the two of them got to work in a comfortable silence. 

After messing up on his third cookie Jaemin threw his piping bag down and turned in a huff to Jeno. He was on his last cookie and all of the cookies he did were done beautifully. Jaemin picked up one of the cookies closest to him and looked between it and Jeno until Jeno finally looked up. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What the hell is this?!” Jaemin asked, gesturing wildly at the cookie. “Are you freaking  _ Picasso _ or something what the hell?”

Jeno laughed at Jaemin’s outrage and reached forward to take the cookie from Jaemin’s hand and set it back down on the table. “No, I’m not  _ Picasso _ . You act like that cookie belongs in a museum or something.” 

“In comparison to mine it does!” 

Jeno laughed again at Jaemin’s outburst and put his final cookie down to give Jaemin his full attention. “My friend Ten, he’s really good at art stuff. When he first came here he didn’t know very much Korean so I helped him as much as I could and it turned out that art helped him the most.” Jaemin squinted his eyes at Jeno in disbelief. 

“He taught me kind of how to draw in the process and I guess it never went away.” 

“I thought you said you didn’t have any friends?” Jaemin crossed his arms kind of upset that Jeno would lie to him. 

“He’s two years older than us.” Jaemin relaxed his stance at hearing Jeno’s explanation. “Besides, I’m nowhere near his level. If you ever meet him just look at the tattoo on his arm, he designed it himself.” 

Jaemin widened his eyes, shocked that Jeno seemed to be telling him a lot about himself tonight. Jaemin felt like he should return the favor, but there was no way he could tell him about half the things he wanted to since they all lead to his life as an idol. Jeno helped Jaemin finish the last of his cookies, and then somehow managed to even make the messed up cookies look somewhat pretty. 

The two of them cleaned up the kitchen after, letting the frosting on their cookies set. Jaemin was about to suggest they watch a movie but Jeno started speaking before he could. 

“So I have to work double shifts for the next few days, so I won’t be able to come around as much for a little bit. “ Jaemin instantly deflated at the news. “It’s only for a few days though! One of the workers quit so they need help and we are all switching doing doubles, and this week is my week,” Jeno explained further. 

Jaemin nodded his head in acknowledgment but he kept his eyes trained on the ground. He knew he shouldn’t be pouting but he had kind of gotten used to Jeno being there most of the time. The thought of going a few days without being able to just watch a movie with him made him sadder than he thought. 

“Hey,” Jeno’s voice was soft as he tried to get Jaemin’s attention. Jaemin looked up at Jeno who looked apologetic. “It’s not like I’m never going to see you again, plus you know you’re always welcome to come down to the store whenever you want.” 

Jaemin nodded his head and smiled at Jeno, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Alright enough of this, how about we watch a movie or something?” Jeno stood up from the couch and grabbed the TV remote, turning it on and flipping through Netflix to find a movie. 

The mood immediately shifted when Jaemin made the first comment of the movie, and Jeno added to it. They went back to their normal, commenting back and forth on the movie, laughing at the absurdity of some of the scenes. 

Jaemin was happy that Jeno was over, but it all passed too quickly because before he knew it, he was walking Jeno to the door so he could go home since he had an early shift tomorrow. “Don’t worry too much Jaemin, it will go by fast, I promise.” Jeno smiled at Jaemin to try and ease him so Jaemin tried returning the smile. 

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Jeno tried again. Jaemin nodded his head and waved at Jeno, staying outside and watching until he couldn’t see him anymore. 

Jaemin knew he was being dramatic, but he was genuinely used to being around people  _ all  _ the time. So when Jeno became a more permanent part in his life, Jaemin actually started to feel normal again. Knowing that Jeno wasn’t going to be as much of a constant in his days made Jaemin worry about his whole detoxing plan. 

He was hoping Jeno would be around more often in order to help Jaemin, but of course, he had to have doubles the week he decided to try the detox thing for real. Jaemin huffed and rolled his eyes in annoyance before going back inside and slamming the door behind him. 

After eating one of the cookies he made, Jaemin started feeling the all too familiar pull towards the drug, despite it being no more than a day since he last took it. Normally it took two or three days for the withdrawal to start, but with Jeno being gone it apparently decided to start a lot sooner. 

But Jaemin was stronger than that. He lasted five whole days before, so he knew he could at least do that. Jaemin lifted his head and straightened his shoulders. This was the first step to getting clean, at least so he thought. That being easier said than done of course. 

Jaemin managed to keep his mind off the drug for the rest of the night by hand washing all the dishes he and Jeno used for the sugar cookies, and then he deep cleaned the kitchen. He even found a mop and mopped the kitchen floor. He moved on to the living room next, vacuuming and even going as far as to move the couches and vacuum under them. 

Jaemin didn’t end up going to sleep until around early in the morning, having been busy deep cleaning every single room aside from Jisung’s parents' room, making the whole house smell like a Mr. Clean commercial. 

He collapsed on the couch and fell asleep within five minutes, his body giving in after staying up all night cleaning every surface of the house. When he woke up again however, there was a soreness in his body that was extremely different from the usual aches he got after dance practice. 

The phone began ringing, surprising Jaemin into finally rolling off the couch and crawling to the floor in order to get to the phone, and pulled it from the table. He answered the call without looking at the caller ID knowing that the only person who would be calling this phone was Jisung. 

“Hey Mouse, you’re calling early are you guys not still practicing?” There was laughter from the other end that sounded nothing like Jisung and a voice that wasn’t even close to sounding like him. 

“You know someone named  _ Mouse _ ?” 

“Jeno?” Jaemin pulled the phone away from his ear and looked at the caller ID. There was no name, instead just a number that apparently belonged to Jeno. “How did you get this number?” Jaemin listened as Jeno laughed again before he answered. 

“You called me first dude, remember when you called me asking to come over for dinner but I had to work? And then you decided to come down to the store anyway when I said later? Aish, this kid and his memory.” Jeno clicked his tongue at Jaemin. 

Jaemin honestly didn’t remember doing it, but that was beside the point at the moment. “We’re the same age! You can’t call me a kid and act like you’re older than me!” Jaemin burst out. 

“I can when you act like this!” Jeno easily fired back. 

“Yah, is this why you called? To call me a kid and insult me?” Jaemin heard Jeno laugh, his tone of voice completely changing, making Jaemin smile. 

“No, that was just an added bonus.” Jaemin scoffed and rolled his eyes, sitting more comfortably on the floor while he waited for Jeno to go on. “I was on my break and wanted to call.” 

“Call me?” Jaemin was at a loss for words. Jeno wanted to call him? On his break, just because?

“Why, is there someone more interesting there I can talk to? Hand the phone over!” 

“Hey!” 

Jeno laughed into the phone again before he answered, “Yeah Jaemin, I wanted to call and talk to you. What are you doing?” 

Jaemin managed to shake out of his shock and have a conversation with Jeno. They talked for the rest of Jeno’s break, teasing each other and constantly laughing. Jaemin had to stop himself from telling Jeno not to go when he heard another voice in the distance tell him his break was over. 

Jeno promised to call Jaemin again when he could and they hung up. Jaemin sat on the floor in a dazed state after hanging up the phone. His heart was beating erratically and he couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off his face. 

The soreness from cleaning the house was a distant memory and all he could think about was when Jeno would call next. Their conversation held nothing of real importance, but the nonsense they talked about relaxed Jaemin more than anything else. 

He stood up from the ground, bringing the phone over to the couch with him as he turned the TV on, hoping it was a distraction enough until Jeno called again. At the thought of Jeno calling, Jaemin pulled the last call up on the phone and added Jeno to the address book that way he would know next time when it was him, and so he could call him whenever he wanted without having to search for the number. 

Eventually, Jeno did call again, and they talked mostly like they did the first time. Jaemin found himself holding his side from laughing so much and he always felt proud when he managed to make Jeno laugh just as hard. 

The next day was the same thing, Jeno called Jaemin on all his breaks and the two would just talk about everything. Most of the conversation was about Jeno and his childhood, Jaemin still not willing to share his life story, but Jeno seemed to be okay with that having more than enough stories to pass the time. 

Jaemin was so busy with all things Jeno, it was easy for him to forget about the drug. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had taken it since he wasn’t even feeling the symptoms. His mind was filled with all things Jeno and he was starting to get used to it. 

But then on the third day of Jeno not coming over, he called on his break and apologized to Jaemin as soon as he answered the phone. “Why are you apologizing?” Jaemin asked, concerned. While it was great that Jeno was calling him he missed having him physically there so he really hoped he wasn’t about to tell him that he had to pull more doubles. 

“We have a shipment coming in today and tomorrow so we are cutting our breaks in order to get it all done in time.” Jaemin felt his heart sink at Jeno’s words. “I’m sorry Jaemin, I have to go. I just wanted to call and tell you so you didn’t worry. I’ll try and come by and call you when I can okay?”

Jaemin barely managed to tell Jeno okay before the line went dead and he was left staring at the phone. He knew it was dumb to act like this, but the thought of Jeno not calling was enough to throw him into a panic. He thought it was bad when Jeno said he couldn’t come by, but then he started calling and Jaemin was okay. Now not only was Jeno not going to come by but he also wasn’t going to be able to call. 

The pull that Jaemin was getting so used to not feeling somehow came back like a crashing wave, knocking Jaemin down. His breathing became labored and his vision was beginning to blur with tears. Jaemin wiped his eyes frantically searching for the phone. 

With shaking fingers he struggled for too long to find Jisung’s name and press dial. He waited in something similar to agony for Jisung to answer the phone. The phone went to voicemail, so Jaemin dialed again. Jaemin continued to dial after the phone inevitably went to voicemail until finally Jisung picked up. 

“Hyung, what’s going on why are you-” 

“I can’t breathe Jisung, I can’t, I can’t, Jeno. Jeno isn’t, he can’t, he can’t call. He can’t call and he can’t come over, and I can't breathe. I can’t,” Jaemin was trying to convey to Jisung what was happening but he couldn’t get a proper breath into his lungs. He kept repeating himself and even through his hysteria he could hear how crazy he sounded. 

“Hyung, what is going on? What is happening?” Jisung’s voice sounded panicked and Jaemin tried to catch his breath to tell Jisung properly what was happening. 

“Jeno. Jeno, he was calling but now he isn’t calling and I don’t know what to do. I don’t,” Jaemin started hyperventilating again and Jisung must have caught on somewhat to what was happening. 

“Hyung, hyung listen to me, can you hear me? Tell me if you can hear me,” Jaemin groaned out an affirmative, still trying to catch his breath. “When was the last time you took the drug?” 

Jaemin was confused as to why that was what Jisung was worried about. Didn’t he hear him? Jeno was who he should be worried about, not the stupid drug. “Who, who cares about the drug Jisung? Jeno! Jeno I need,” 

“ _ Hyung! _ ” Jaemin was startled into silence at Jisung’s harsh tone. “You can’t rely on Jeno, hyung. You need to rely on yourself and yourself only. You can’t expect Jeno to be there every single time you need him. That’s the same as your addiction to the drug and you have to stop with that mindset! You needing Jeno is just another form of addiction and you  _ need to stop.” _

Jaemin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could Jisung say that Jeno was just another addiction? Jeno was  _ helping  _ him with his addiction all while Jisung was doing nothing. He was back in Seoul doing nothing to help Jaemin who was in an unfamiliar place with no one around him. Jeno was the only one there for him. 

“What do you even know, Jisung? Who are you to decide what is and isn’t good for me? Because I don’t know if you know this but Jeno is  _ here.  _ And where are you huh? Where are you?  _ You aren’t here! _ ” Jaemin was raising his voice to a level he had never done before, especially not with Jisung, but he was  _ angry.  _

“Hyung, that’s not the point!” 

Jaemin could tell that Jisung was going to say more, but he was tired of hearing it. Before Jisung could get another word in he ended the call and threw the phone across the room. He frantically ran his fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends. 

Never before had he yelled at Jisung like that, but Jisung also never talked to Jaemin in a way that made him that angry. He couldn’t believe Jisung would say something like that to him, it wasn’t like him to do something so out of line. 

The more he thought about how Jisung talked to him, the more he wanted to forget. But the conversation was the only thing he could think about, and he didn’t even have Jeno as a distraction from it. 

But he did have one thing that could help him forget. 

Without giving it any more thought, Jaemin raced to the bathroom as fast as his feet could carry him, and blindly grabbed for the pill bottle that held his drugs. He struggled with the lid for a minute before finally getting it open and pulling out the baggie. He shook out two pills and stared at them in his hands. He was doing so well not taking these, and now what? One minor inconvenience and he’s ready to go back to them? Jaemin threw the pills across the bathroom in anger, screaming into the air.

Jaemin left the bathroom, trying to get his crying under control, but the harder he tried, the harder he cried so he quickly gave up. Once he was back in the living room, he heard the phone ringing, but Jaemin didn’t want to talk. He knew it was probably Jisung trying to call and yell at him again, but even if it was Jeno, Jaemin didn’t want to talk. Instead, he curled up on the couch with a blanket, a cross between screaming and crying scratching his throat raw as he tried to just forget everything.


	8. 8

Jaemin didn’t actually end up sleeping at all. He couldn’t fathom sleeping right now with his body on high alert, craving for something to take it all away. He wanted so badly to get rid of this pain, but then he remembered that he deserved this. He deserved to be in pain because he was nothing but a user. He used drugs, and he used Jeno.

Jaemin was in enough pain that he shouldn’t be thinking about his fight with Jisung, but he couldn’t stop replaying his words. He wanted to be stronger than the urges, he wanted to prove to Jisung that he could do this without Jeno. So he stubbornly stayed on the couch refusing to move, afraid he would move right to the bathroom where the drugs were.

His stomach began grumbling in hunger, but that was the least of his problems at the moment so he acted like he couldn’t hear the noise. He heard the phone ring more than once, ignoring it as well. 

He knew there was still a possibility that it was Jeno calling, but Jaemin wasn’t willing to take the chance that it was Jisung instead. He wasn’t ready to talk to him and he didn’t even want to see his name on the phone, so he let the phone ring. Eventually, the phone stopped ringing and Jaemin closed his eyes as he began to cry again. 

The phone rang again, but this time when the voicemail picked up a message was left. 

_ “Hyung. Look, I’m sorry I yelled at you I really am. But hyung, I’m not sorry for what I said. It’s not fair to Jeno to treat him like another addiction. I’m not saying that you can’t see him you just,”  _ Jisung sighed, trying to choose his words carefully. “ _ I’m sorry hyung. Please call me. Please.”  _

Jaemin turned his head into the pillow pressing his face against the material as he released sobs that wracked through his whole body. He didn’t want to be mad at Jisung, he really didn’t. But Jisung was making it sound like he only wanted Jeno around to distract him from the drug. And while that wasn’t completely false, that wasn’t the only reason Jaemin wanted Jeno around. He liked Jeno’s company, and he liked Jeno. 

The phone rang again, and Jaemin listened to see if Jisung would leave another message, but no message was left. Jisung was probably just calling again to see if by chance Jaemin would answer. After that, the phone rang every few hours, and Jaemin had to give it to Jisung for his persistence, but he was shocked he had the time in his day to even be pestering the phone this much. 

Jaemin pressed one of the couch pillows to the side of his head to try and block out the sound of the phone ringing, not wanting to be reminded of Jisung. Eventually, the ringing stopped altogether and Jaemin was able to stare off into the distance in peace. 

Jaemin watched as the light in the house slowly started to lose the natural light as the sun was setting. There was a knock at the front door and Jaemin hoped if he ignored it long enough, the person would go away. Much to his dismay, he must not have locked the door because two seconds later he heard the door open and a voice call out. 

“Jaemin?” 

Jaemin shrunk into the couch recognizing the voice immediately. Over the course of the day, his urge to use died (only because he didn’t think he could physically move), and he was beginning to tire quickly even though he didn't actually do anything. His body was tense from holding his muscles tight for so long, and hearing Jeno’s voice didn’t exactly help like it usually did. He held his breath as he heard Jeno call his name again trying to keep still. However, since there was still some light shining into the house, it wasn’t hard for Jeno to find Jaemin. 

Jaemin averted his eyes when Jeno kneeled in front of him. “Jaem, are you okay?” He looked away from Jeno still, not trusting his voice. But then Jeno sat directly in front of his line of sight so he had nowhere to look but at Jeno. 

“I’m fine, just tired,” he finally whispered. But Jeno didn’t seem to be fooled. He looked over Jaemin and just as he was about to say something else, Jaemin’s stomach let out a war cry that stopped him. Jaemin closed his eyes and didn’t open them until he heard a breath of laughter come softly from Jeno. 

“Did you eat?” He asked. Jaemin opened his eyes and shook his head, to which Jeno looked at him in disappointment. “Why not?” Jaemin shrugged his shoulders as he watched Jeno glance at his watch before looking back at him. 

He stood up and went to the kitchen and grabbed a bag of something, coming back to the living room to place it in front of Jaemin. “I have to go back to work, but I’ll come over after. At least eat this for me.” He pointed at the bag of chips on the table but Jaemin didn’t take his eyes off of Jeno, Jisung’s words from earlier coming back. 

_ You can’t expect Jeno to be there every single time you need him _

“You don’t have to you know,” Jaemin’s voice was barely above a whisper when he said this to Jeno, but he must have heard it loud and clear because he stopped moving as soon as he said it. He had his back to Jaemin when he said that, so Jeno turned around to face him again, getting back on his knees to be eye level with Jaemin. 

He held either side of his face making sure he had his full attention. “I want to.” Jaemin nodded his head at Jeno, unshed tears in his eyes. Jeno nodded back and then stood once again and grabbed the phone that was lying on the floor near the kitchen. He set it down next to the bag of chips and looked at Jaemin again. 

“I tried calling multiple times and you didn’t answer, so I got worried. Please answer the phone so I know you’re okay, got it?” Jaemin nodded at Jeno, but he knew he was lying. “And eat those chips,” Jeno added. Jaemin nodded again, lying once more. 

Jeno smiled at Jaemin, but he wasn’t able to return it. Instead, he looked away from Jeno and closed his eyes, acting like he was going to sleep. Jaemin listened as Jeno huffed out a sigh and then finally he heard his footsteps retreating and the door closing. 

That was the exact same position Jeno found Jaemin in hours later when his shift was finally over, and he walked inside the house this time without knocking. Jeno huffed at Jaemin having not moved an inch since he was there last, and he worried for the boy even more. 

“You know, you could have at least pretended that you moved for my sake.” Jaemin released a hard breath, and Jeno assumed that was him trying to laugh. Jeno frowned at the effort it sounded like it took Jaemin to do something as simple as that as he walked into the kitchen to set the food he brought down. 

He walked over to Jaemin, grabbing him by the shoulders and making him sit up on the couch. Jeno was surprised how easy it was to do so, he kind of thought Jaemin was going to fight a lot more than he did. “I brought fried chicken, let’s eat some before it gets cold, hm?” 

Jaemin wanted to fight Jeno’s touch. He wanted to pull away from him and lay back down on the couch, but he had no strength left. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of crying. He just wanted to be held and cared for, and despite Jisung’s words about Jeno being another form of addiction for him, Jaemin wanted nothing more than to be comforted by him. 

Jaemin let Jeno pick him up and basically carried him to the kitchen table where he had fried chicken and soda laid out on the table for them both. Jeno sat Jaemin in the chair right next to him, placing a fork and a pair of chopsticks in front of him. 

Jeno placed two pieces of chicken on the plate in front of Jaemin, urging him to eat. Jaemin stared at the chicken for a moment before he picked up the chopsticks. He couldn’t seem to get a firm enough grip on them however to use them and then ended up clattering on the table and to the floor. 

Jeno quickly picked them up from the ground, setting them in the sink before he came back to Jaemin and put the fork in his hand instead. Jaemin used the fork to stab at the chicken and brought it up to his mouth. 

He could feel Jeno looking at him, waiting for him to take a bite, so he did. A very small bite, but a bite nonetheless. He saw Jeno smile from the corner of his eye, so he carefully took another bite. 

They stayed silent as Jeno ate and Jaemin nibbled until he was too tired to continue. He set the piece of chicken down louder than he wanted to, causing Jeno to look over in shock. Seeing the chicken on the plate and Jaemin’s hands in his lap, Jeno wiped off his hands with a napkin and cleared his throat to get Jaemin’s attention. Slowly Jaemin turned to look at Jeno, his eyes in a faraway place. 

“Let’s watch a movie, yeah?” Jeno looked at Jaemin hopeful, so he nodded his head and started to try and stand on his own. Jeno ended up helping him back to the couch before coming back to the kitchen and taking care of their dinner. 

He quickly came back to the living room where Jaemin was staring at the TV screen, mindlessly clicking through the movies available. He finally settled on one and threw the remote on the table and leaned his head on Jeno’s shoulder. Jeno stiffened for a moment before relaxing into the couch into a more comfortable position, making sure to keep Jaemin comfortable as well. 

Within the first 30 minutes of the movie playing, Jeno could hear the soft snores of Jaemin, and he knew he was asleep. Jeno released a breath he had been holding the entire night, leaning his head back against the couch. He stayed there for another minute before he carefully got up and laid Jaemin down in a more comfortable sleeping position and covering him with a blanket. 

Jeno shut the movie off and sat on the coffee table and just looked at Jaemin. He had no idea what had got into him between last night and today, but there was something definitely wrong. He sounded fine on the phone when he called him on his breaks, so Jeno had no idea what could have happened in that short amount of time for Jaemin to be like this. 

It seemed to be a touchy subject for Jaemin, so he didn’t want to ask point blank but Jeno was reaching his wits ends at this point. He wanted to be able to help Jaemin, but he had no idea how he was supposed to do that when he had no idea what had Jaemin acting this way. 

Jeno waited another half hour to make sure Jaemin didn’t have another nightmare before he quietly got up and left the house. He walked down to the store, planning to tell the manager that he couldn’t do any more double shifts this week. 

Thankfully the manager was a very understanding person and he trusted Jeno enough that he didn’t even ask for an explanation, he just waved Jeno off when he tried to give one. Jeno was thankful towards him for it. He told his manager that he was still going to work the morning shift the next day, hoping that Jaemin would stay asleep until he got off. 

The next day Jeno’s shift went by blissfully fast and he was currently walking to the house, a sack full of Jaemin’s favorite snacks and a few movies he rented for the two of them to watch. Despite the time, the sky was dark thanks to the heavy rain clouds that covered them. It started to sprinkle just as Jeno approached the front door, so he quickly opened it and stepped inside before the skies opened up in an inevitable downpour. 

When Jeno walked in all the lights were off, giving an eerie vibe that sent chills down his back. He half expected to find Jaemin in the same spot on the couch that he left him in last night, but he was surprised to see he wasn’t there. As he was taking his shoes off, Jeno peered around the living room and saw the faint light from the bathroom shining in the hallway.

“Jaemin?” Jeno called out cautiously. He walked over to the bathroom only to find it empty. He shut the light off and moved back to the kitchen, flicking the light on. The room illuminated and Jeno gasped in surprise. 

The entire kitchen was in total disarray. It looked like a tornado had blown through, there were things scattered everywhere. For a brief second, Jeno was worried that someone actually had broken in, but he cast that aside knowing better. This house was empty most of the year and was kind of out of the way, and no one in this town would do that and it’s not like they get a lot of out of towners in the first place. Jaemin was probably the first out of towner they had gotten in the 19 years Jeno had been there. 

“Jaemin, where are you? What happened?” Jeno moved through the house looking for Jaemin but came up empty. He came back to the kitchen to start cleaning up and he noticed the back door was open. Jeno moved towards the door and looked outside where he was met with the vast expanse of trees that formed a small forest.

“Jaemin?” Jeno cupped his hands over his mouth to make his voice louder, but he was only met with the sound of the rain picking up. Jeno rolled his neck and heaved a sigh before he shut the back door and jogged towards the thicket of the trees, shouting Jaemin’s name. 

The rain quickly picked up speed, coming down harder and harder so that not even the brush of the trees could stop Jeno from getting soaked. “Jaem!” With the rain as heavy as it was, Jeno was starting to panic. Jaemin didn’t know this place very well, so if he was out here Jeno wasn’t sure he was going to be able to get back. 

What if Jaemin was hurt? It was already hard to see with the rain clouds making it look later in the day than it really was and the heavy rain certainly didn’t help. Jeno continued to shout for Jaemin, squinting through the weather hoping and praying he wasn’t hurt. He hoped that he was just blind and Jaemin was actually back at the house in one of the rooms. Maybe he was sleeping with headphones on and listening to music at full blast under the bed. 

Yeah, even Jeno thought that sounded crazy. 

Jeno was just about to walk back to the house to look through every nook and cranny when he saw something hunched over in the distance. Now, while Jeno had lived here his entire life, he had never once seen a wild animal. He remembered his cousins and friends tried to convince him there were wolves out here, but he didn’t want to be treated like a baby, so he acted like he didn’t believe them and that he wasn’t scared at all. 

Given his current situation, however, Jeno was terrified. He never truly found out if there really were wolves here, but he really hoped there weren’t. Jeno was frozen in his spot, not sure if he should try and back away, or just keep standing there. 

He was just about to turn and make a mad dash for the house when a noise that sounded like a sniffle made him stop. Despite his better judgment Jeno took a step closer to the figure and strained his ears. “Jaem?” 

The closer Jeno got, the easier it was to tell that this was in fact a person and not a wolf. Jeno released a breath as he stepped closer to who he now knew was Jaemin. 

“Jaemin, what are you doing out here?” As Jeno got closer he saw that Jaemin was hunched over with his hands threaded through his hair, pulling slightly and mumbling something incoherent. 

Concern took over Jeno’s entire body at seeing the state Jaemin was in. He rushed to close the distance between the two of them, crouching down to Jaemin’s level. Now that he was closer to Jeno he could hear the mumbled words Jaemin was repeating, mixed in with the unmistakable sound of crying. 

“I don’t want to be like this. I don’t, I don’t. Please, please. I want it to stop. Want it to stop.” 

Jeno put his hand on Jaemin’s back and he jumped back startled. Jaemin’s face swung up to meet Jeno’s, the fear and panic in his eyes pierced through the dark skies. Jeno instinctively pulled back, not prepared for the intensity of Jaemin’s stare, and that seemed to make Jaemin cry harder. 

Jeno mentally smacked himself for doing that to Jaemin who was obviously in an unstable state. He immediately wiped his face of any judgment and approached Jaemin again. He wasn’t sure why Jaemin was acting like this, repeating how he wanted it to stop. Other than being out in the cold rain, Jeno didn’t see anything physically wrong with him. 

Putting on what he hoped was a comforting expression, he moved closer to Jaemin and stuck his hand out, offering it to Jaemin. “Come on Jaem, let’s go inside where it’s warm. Doesn’t that sound nice?” 

Jaemin stared at Jeno in confusion before understanding crossed his features and he stuck his hand out for Jeno to take. Jeno smiled encouragingly at him as he intertwined their hands together and helped Jaemin stand up. 

It was slow going, but eventually, Jeno had gotten them back to the house, telling Jaemin to wait at the back door so he could go and get him some towels. After Jaemin nodded his head, Jeno let go of his hand and ran to the bathroom. Jeno was still pretty wet, but he was more concerned for Jaemin who had been out there for longer than he was. 

Jeno quickly grabbed two towels and ran back out to give them to a now shivering Jaemin. He wrapped one towel around his shoulders and then used the other one to drape over his head and start ruffling it to soak up the water so it wasn’t dripping anymore. 

Aside from the shivering, Jaemin stayed still the entire time, the only noise between them was Jaemin's staggered breathing. Jeno moved on to the towel around his shoulders, rubbing it up and down his arms to try and get warmth back into his body. 

When Jaemin was no longer dripping, Jeno grabbed his hand again, making Jaemin look up in question. “Come on,” was all Jeno said before he pulled him to the bathroom. Jeno gently sat Jaemin down on the closed toilet lid and then turned around to turn the faucet on in the bathtub, checking the temperature until it was warm enough. 

He turned back to Jaemin who was staring at the ground, the towel slipping from his shoulders. Jeno kneeled in front of Jaemin, ducking to make eye contact with him, and offered him a smile. Jaemin blinked slowly at Jeno in recognition, but he didn’t say anything. 

Jeno kept eye contact for a minute longer before he rubbed his thighs and turned back to the water to check the temperature. Satisfied with the heat Jeno plugged the tub and added some soap, watching as the tub filled with bubbles and the bathroom smelled like lavender in an attempt to help relax Jaemin. 

Jeno turned back to Jaemin after the tub was filled enough, but not too much. He smiled at Jaemin again and ran his hand along his shoulder blades. “Try to relax a little bit, okay? I’ll just be in the other room if you need me.” Jaemin still wasn’t speaking, but he nodded his head at Jeno before he started to stand. 

Jeno left the bathroom door cracked that way he would be able to hear Jaemin if he called for him, then he made his way to the kitchen. He quickly cleaned up the kitchen and started a kettle of hot water to make tea for him and Jaemin. 

Just as he was pouring the water into the cups, he heard Jaemin call his name. It took no time at all for Jeno to bolt to the bathroom door, stopping just shy of barreling through the cracked door. “Jaemin what’s wrong, are you okay?”

Jeno waited with bated breath for Jaemin to answer. “Can you come in here?” Jeno was confused at first by the request but quickly complied. He walked into the bathroom where Jaemin was already sitting in the tub, looking up at Jeno like a kicked puppy. 

Jeno held eye contact with Jaemin for what felt like hours before he finally broke it by looking away and clearing his throat before looking back at him. “What do you need?” 

Jaemin looked at Jeno with such raw emotion, it was hard for Jeno to keep his own emotions in check. In a small voice, Jaemin simply asked Jeno, “Can you stay in here with me?” 

And who was Jeno to deny? 

“Of course Jaemin.” 

Jeno quickly found a stool in the corner of the bathroom and pulled it up to sit next to Jaemin. Jaemin’s eyes never left Jeno as he moved around the bathroom before finally settling next to him. At first, Jaemin stayed silent as he just stared at Jeno, but then a calculating look crossed his features, and his eyebrows furrowed in thought. 

“Why are you so nice to me?” Jaemin asked suddenly, throwing Jeno off for a moment. 

Jeno’s mind shot back to the night after Jaemin’s first nightmare when he talked to Ten about it. 

_ Sometimes all someone needs is a friend. Someone to lean on, someone to laugh with, someone to share moments with _ .  _ I’m not saying that just by being his friend will magically cure whatever chaos is in what’s his name's life, but it can’t hurt. _

Jeno smiled at Jaemin and placed his hand on his head, rubbing it lightly. “Because I’m your friend.” 

Jaemin didn’t say anything, instead, he just looked at Jeno in awe, Jeno smiled down at him and continued to rub his head. A tear fell down Jaemin’s cheek and Jeno was quick to wipe it away, smiling encouragingly at him to let him know it was okay. 

Jaemin tried to return the smile, but it came off more as a grimace. Jeno appreciated it nonetheless as he pulled his hand back from his cheek. He kept his other hand in Jaemin’s hair, stroking his head in even strokes. Eventually, Jaemin laid his head back and closed his eyes, finally relaxing his body from the stress of the night.

It stayed silent between the two of them, so it was easy for Jeno to hear soft snoring coming from Jaemin. He looked over to see that sure as hell, Jaemin’s eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling in even breaths. 

Jeno lightly shook Jaemin’s form to wake him up, whispering “Jaemin, hey come on you can’t sleep in the tub. Let’s get you into bed.” Jaemin whined at the movement tried to pull away from the shaking, but Jeno was relentless. He shook Jaemin some more until his eyes opened and looked around blearily. 

“Come on sleepyhead, the water is cold now. It will be warmer in bed,” Jeno shook him again, and finally, Jaemin started to respond, his eyes looking more alert. Jeno smiled at him and stood up to grab him a towel. He folded it up and set it on the stool he was sitting on and then pointed towards the door. 

“Call me when you-” but before he could finish his sentence, Jaemin’s hand shot out and latched onto Jeno’s arm. The fear from before was back in his eyes, mixed with something Jeno couldn’t figure out. 

“Don’t leave, please,” his voice was barely above a whisper and Jeno would be lying if his heart didn’t break a little at the sound. Jeno let his hand drop from the doorknob as he gave his full attention to Jaemin. 

“Anything you need Jaem.” 

Jeno helped Jaemin out of the bathtub and wrapped the towel around his waist, grabbing another towel to dry his hair with. He helped him walk back to the one bedroom that had the door open, helping guide Jaemin to the bed. 

Jeno carefully sat him down on the bed before asking him where his clothes were. Jaemin pointed towards the corner of the room where some clothes were neatly folded on a chair. Jeno grabbed the clothes and brought them over, helping him into them. 

He was about to pull back the covers so Jaemin could lay down when he stopped him. “Can we go to the living room? I usually sleep on the couch.” Jeno gave Jaemin a weird look, but it didn’t seem like Jaemin was going to give him an explanation so Jeno agreed and helped him to the living room. 

Once Jaemin was sitting on the couch, Jeno left to get blankets from the closet and a pillow from the room they were just in. He brought them back to Jaemin and made up the couch for him, laying him back. Before he could pull the blanket over him, Jaemin once again shot his hand out and pulled on his arm. 

Jaemin looked up at Jeno, a pleading look in his eyes as he pulled him down to the couch to lay with him. Jeno let himself be pulled down, surprised when both of them fit on the couch with ease. Jaemin wordlessly burrowed into his chest as soon as he was lying down, and Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin, bringing him closer. 

Jeno felt Jaemin take a deep breath, his body shuddering as he released it. Jeno’s body was tense as he had never been in a situation quite like this before, but he realized that his being tense wasn’t helping Jaemin at all. He tried to relax his body and pulled Jaemin closer as he rubbed his back. He felt Jaemin’s body finally ease up and he quickly followed suit. 

It wasn’t long before Jaemin’s taut body became limp in his arms, soft snores signaling he was asleep. Jeno released a shaky breath, glad that Jaemin was able to fall asleep but the worry he had for the boy in his arms skyrocketed through the roof. 

Between yesterday and today, Jeno wasn’t sure what caused Jaemin to act this way but whatever it was had to be something really bad and Jeno was almost too scared to know. What type of event would bring someone to act the way Jaemin had been the past few days? Jeno wanted nothing more than to help him, but that was easier said than done for sure. 

Unconsciously Jeno pulled him closer, if that was even possible at this point, and ended up falling asleep with the hope that Jaemin would be okay. 

___

Jaemin woke up the next morning, feeling warmer than usual. He opened his eyes, blinking away the sleepiness and a gasp caught in his throat. He blinked his eyes some more to make sure he was seeing what his brain was telling him to see. 

There, holding him unbearably close was none other than Jeno. Jaemin thought back, trying to remember how the hell he managed to get in this position, but his mind was blank. 

Jaemin was pulled close to Jeno so he had to crank his neck in order to look at him and he couldn’t help but admire Jeno in all his glory. He was truly beautiful and Jaemin had a front row seat to it. Jaemin decided that if he were stuck in this position forever, it wouldn’t be such a bad thing. 

“How long are you going to stare at me?” 

Jeno’s sudden voice scared Jaemin, making him yelp and kick his legs out, accidentally pushing Jeno off the couch. 

“Oh my god, Jeno! I’m sorry!” Jaemin shot up from the couch and leaned over to the floor to try and help Jeno up, but he was already in a sitting position laughing up at Jaemin. 

“Don’t worry about it Jaem, it was my fault for scaring you. How are you feeling?”

Jaemin looked down at Jeno at a complete loss for words. He was still trying to get over the fact that he woke up laying on Jeno’s chest. He had absolutely  _ no  _ memory of how that even came to be, but Jeno didn’t seem to be that bothered by it. And considering that Jeno was asking him how he was feeling, he knew that probably meant he was not in his right mind last night. 

He vaguely remembered going outside to take a walk and try to push the urges for the drug he was having, and the next thing he knew he was waking up on Jeno’s chest. Jeno was still looking at him and he realized that he was waiting for something. 

“What are you waiting for?” Jaemin asked, and Jeno just laughed as he leaned forward to stand up. He brushed his pants and shook his head at Jaemin. 

“Nothing, so I have morning shifts for the next good chunk of time which means I can come over after I get off work in the early afternoon,” Jeno told Jaemin this as he walked to the kitchen, throwing the news over his shoulder like he was commenting on the weather. 

Jaemin was shocked at his words and the casual way he said them. He waited for Jeno to come back from the kitchen before he said anything, asking him, “I thought you had doubles all week?” 

Jeno shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. “I got a call from the manager last night asking if I could switch to working morning shifts and I said yes, so now I can come over every night!” Jeno spread his arms in a ta-da motion, a giant smile plastered on his face. 

Jaemin felt tears build up in his eyes, and honestly, he had no idea why they were threatening to spill over, but something about having Jeno over every night made Jaemin want to cover himself with a blanket and cry until he had no more tears. 

The smile slipped off Jeno’s face when he saw Jaemin’s expression, lowering his hands and furrowing his eyebrows, “Unless you don’t want me-” 

Jeno couldn’t even finish the word before Jaemin was jumping up from the couch waving his hands in front of him, “No, no that’s not, no please come over every night.”

The smile found its way back on Jeno’s face as he clapped his hands together and sat down on the couch pulling Jaemin to sit next to him. “Cool, but I gotta say, as much as I love watching movies with you and singing Disney songs all night in a fort, how about we find some other things to do as well?”

Jaemin nodded his head unsurely at Jeno, not really sure what other things they could do. He was still unwilling to go anywhere but the store and this house, still afraid someone would recognize him. “Like what?”

And by way of answer, Jeno did nothing but smile sinisterly at Jaemin, and although he was slightly concerned about what Jeno had in mind as far as what to do, he knew that as long as Jeno was there, Jaemin was willing to do anything. 


	9. 9

Despite Jeno’s sinister smile, his intentions were anything but. Each night Jeno came over he brought a different thing to do that was more interactive than watching movies. Tonight when Jeno came over he held a box of cards behind his back, presenting them to Jaemin like he was Miss Vanna White. 

Jaemin snatched the box out of his hands to inspect it further since Jeno refused to hold the box still. “Uno!” he shouted in excitement and turned to Jeno shaking his fist. He quickly made his way to the living room to clear off the table and set pillows on the floor for the two of them to sit on while Jeno gathered snacks from the kitchen. 

Jeno piled the snacks up on the side of the table and Jaemin dealt out the cards. For the first three rounds, Jaemin won every single one, and at first, Jeno was planning on letting Jaemin win just because he wanted to see his reaction, but he quickly realized that Jaemin was actually really good at the game.

He wasn’t really sure how Jaemin managed to be good at a game that was basically just one of chance, but after his third win, Jeno decided he wasn’t going to play nice anymore, and he was out for blood. 

After Jaemin’s fifth win in a row, Jeno decided that Uno was a stupid game anyway. He threw his cards down on the table and crossed his arms, blowing out a puff of air. Jaemin was still celebrating his victory but it was cut short when he saw how Jeno was pouting, so he crawled over to him and patted his thigh in a comforting way. 

“There there Jeno, there’s always next time huh bud?” Jeno swiped Jaemin’s hand off his thigh and puffed out another sigh, turning away. Jaemin just laughed again before he leaned back from him and started cleaning up the cards Jeno threw down a minute ago. 

Jeno glanced back at where Jaemin was cleaning up with a smile still on his face and stared at him until he finally looked up from cleaning. Jaemin burst out laughing looking at Jeno’s face and actually fell over with the force of his laugh. “What’s so funny?” Jeno asked, but Jaemin just kept laughing. 

When he was finally able to get his laugh under control, Jaemin looked at Jeno with a softness he had never seen another person give him, “Your pout is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” 

Jeno felt his face heat up so he turned his head in an attempt to hide from Jaemin, but he realized he was way too late when he heard Jaemin chuckle softly before turning away to retrieve the stray cards, probably to give Jeno a chance to calm down. 

Jeno kept on his promise and came over every day after work even after Jaemin told him he didn’t actually have to come over  _ every  _ night. This week had been a game week of sorts, Jeno bringing over board games from his house, and then cards when they played all the board games. 

Jaemin was a lot happier this week, although sometimes he would seem unlike himself looking tired and in pain. On those days Jeno made sure to be extra soft and quiet, opting for a movie or playing 20 Questions. Those nights were honestly some of his favorites, just because Jaemin looked so soft and ethereal as he laid on the couch, or sometimes even in Jeno’s lap. 

But he also enjoyed the days when Jaemin was bouncing off the walls, excited for whatever game Jeno brought that night. He reminded Jeno of a little kid who was only focused on being happy and nothing else in the world mattered. 

But as much as Jeno loved staying in and spending time with Jaemin playing games or watching movies, he was starting to go a little stir crazy not going outside. Jeno wasn’t that much of an outdoors person per se, but when he’s been inside the same house for what felt like months, he started to itch for the daylight sun. 

The only thing being that the first time he suggested to Jaemin that they go into town, Jaemin went into lockdown mode. He wasn’t sure why it was Jaemin seemed to almost be scared of going outside, but Jeno didn’t want to push him and cause him to shrink in on himself.

Jeno was still looking out the window willing his face to calm down when he saw it. A faint light that left as fast as it came, and then another one following it. He squinted his eyes to see better, and sure enough, another light came and went. Excitement flooded his veins when he realized what the lights were. 

He stood up from his spot on the floor and rushed over to Jaemin, grabbing his hand and causing him to drop the cards that were in his hands. “Jeno!” Jeno ignored Jaemin’s shout of surprise and continued to pull him to the front door, and drag him outside. 

“Jeno what are you-” 

“Shh, look,” Jeno pressed a finger to Jaemin’s mouth and pointed to the sky. Jaemin looked up confused, but then his eyes lit up. He watched Jaemin blink slowly, and then rub his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“What is that?” he directed his question towards Jeno but he was still looking up into the sky in wonder. Jeno waited a moment for Jaemin to figure out what he was looking at, but with sudden realization Jeno pulled Jaemin’s arm to get his attention. 

“Have you never seen fireflies?” 

Despite the darkness surrounding them, it was clear to see the deer caught in the headlights look Jaemin was giving Jeno, and he couldn’t hold back his laughter. Jaemin shrunk away from him, and Jeno realized his mistake too late.

“No, Jaem, I’m sorry I’m not laughing at you I just can’t, I didn’t know,” Jeno finished lamely. He didn’t mean to come off as making fun of Jaemin, but that was exactly what it turned out to seem like. He was surprised that Jaemin had never seen fireflies before, and the laugh just slipped out. 

“I’ve never really been outside at night. Even when I was a kid I never went outside because the idea of being outside alone in the dark scared my mom so much, so I pretended to be just as scared and didn’t really go outside. I guess that just stuck with me as I grew up.”

Jeno’s face immediately sobered at Jaemin’s story. This was probably the first time Jaemin had ever told Jeno anything about his childhood, or really anything personal about him at all. He was trying to keep his face neutral and not give his shock away, afraid that would cause Jaemin to shrink away from him. 

“Well, now you can say you’ve seen them,” Jaemin smiled at Jeno’s words and then turned back to look at the fireflies. He reached out to one that was flying towards him, but when the light went out, he jerked his hand back in fear. 

Jaemin laughed at himself before he glanced at Jeno nervously. Jeno smiled at him and after only a moment of hesitation, he grabbed Jaemin’s hand and pulled him into the open field on the side of the house. He could hear Jaemin laughing and asking what they were doing, but Jeno continued to pull at his arm without giving an answer. 

He ran to the field where there was a mass amount of the fireflies, most of them lit, causing a faint glow to take over the sky. Jaemin was immediately silenced, all movement stopping as he looked at the scene before him. 

Twinkling lights showered the two of them, and Jaemin couldn’t help but think of Christmas. The lights from the fireflies were a yellow color, and against the dark night sky they glowed with a certain fervor that reminded Jaemin of all the hustle and bustle Christmas time brought. 

“They look like Christmas lights,” Jaemin whispered. Jeno moved closer to his side and looked up with him. 

“Don’t they? Christmas time is my favorite, not necessarily because of the holiday, but for the snow.” Jaemin tore his eyes away from the sky to look at Jeno as he continued. “I like the way the snow looks when it first falls, and the way everything seems so serene with the ground covered in white. It makes me think that nothing in the world can go wrong when it looks as beautiful as it does at the first snowfall.” 

Jaemin was entranced by Jeno’s words. Listening to him explain why he liked the snow was like listening to a fairytale. It made Jaemin wish that snow would fall right then just so he could experience it all through Jeno’s eyes, and maybe even see him when he was truly happiest. 

“Snowball fights are always fun as well,” Jeno added with a laugh. “What about you? What season do you like best?” 

Jaemin thought for a moment. He had never given much thought to what season he liked the most since he was usually too busy with work to enjoy any of it, so he thought back to when he was a kid. He remembered something and turned to Jeno with finality and said, “Autumn.” 

Jaemin decided to sit down on the grass, looking up at the fireflies, and Jeno followed suit. “When I was little, my dad used to drive around looking at the trees, and we would try and find a tree of each color of the season. He made a game of it where we would have to pick out a tree of each color, and then try and find combinations of the colors within a single tree.” 

Jaemin laughed at the memory before he went on, “Originally it was just a way to distract me on long car rides. I was a very,” Jaemin looked up to the sky trying to come up with a word, “we’ll call it active. Long car rides were the worst and I got antsy really quickly and therefore unbearable during long car rides.”

Jeno stayed silent waiting for Jaemin to continue, this was probably the longest he had ever talked about him as a kid, and Jeno didn’t want to chance making him stop. “It turned out to be something I actually enjoyed doing and so during the color change, we would take long drives down in the country where there were a lot of trees and we would play that game. It carried well into my teens as well,” Jaemin smiled at the memory and then his smile slipped. “I haven’t done that in a while though.” 

“Why not?” Jeno asked, feeling the sadness from Jaemin like a beacon. 

Jaemin shook his head and smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Things change. I got busy, he got busy. We never really got time to do it again.”

Jaemin’s answer didn’t sound very convincing to Jeno. It was too short and Jaemin didn’t sound like he really believed it himself. Jeno was worried that he had either a falling out with his dad, or his dad passed and he really hoped neither was the case because he sounded really close to him. 

“Do you mind if I ask,” Jaemin looked up at Jeno, and Jeno almost backed out of asking because the look on his face looked too vulnerable. 

“Sure Jeno, go ahead,” 

Jeno stuttered on his words for a minute before he was able to straighten up and ask, “Is your dad still alive?”

To Jeno’s surprise, Jaemin started laughing. “Oh my god, yes he’s still alive. I moved to Seoul a few years ago and they stayed back in my hometown. I haven’t had the time to go down and see them, that's all I meant.” 

Jeno released an obvious breath, making Jaeming laugh again. “Okay, I was just, I didn’t know.” Jeno laughed along with Jaemin for a beat before he asked, “Why did you move to Seoul?” 

At the question, Jaemin visibly stiffened and Jeno wished he could take his words back. He wasn’t sure why that was a question that made Jaemin seize up, but he hated that he was the one to cause it.

“Uh, work,” he finally answered. Jeno wanted to ask when Jaemin did for work in Seoul, but considering how he tensed up at the first question, Jeno figured his curiosities could wait for another time, so he changed the subject. 

“There’s a lake, it’s hidden and it’s not that far away from here actually. It’s supposed to be nice tomorrow, I thought maybe we could go.” Jeno waited for Jaemin to answer, and when he was taking longer to answer Jeno was worried that he pushed him too far again, and was about to take back his offer when Jaemin finally spoke up. 

“It will just be me and you right?” Jeno snapped his attention to Jaemin, unable to keep the shock from showing on his face. He stared at him at a loss for words, since Jaemin was taking so long to answer he figured he was going to say no. 

“Uh, yeah just you and me.” Jaemin nodded his head slowly before he turned to Jeno and offered him a smile. “Okay.” 

Jeno snapped his attention back to Jaemin, shock more than evident on his face. With how long Jaemin was taking to answer he had honestly assumed that he would have said no again. He didn’t want to force Jaemin to do anything he was uncomfortable with but he was also starting to run out of things for the two of them to do while inside the house. 

“Okay,” Jeno replied, trying (and failing) to hold back his smile at Jaemin’s agreeance. He started planning the day out in his head, and completely missed the look Jaemin was pinning him with, much too lost in thought. Jaemin shook his head and leaned back on the grass with his hands behind his head, and kicked Jeno to motion for him to do the same. 

“Lay down with me. I have a feeling you are the type of person who knows a lot about the stars and stuff. Tell me about them.” 

Jeno couldn’t help but laugh at Jaemin’s statement. And while he wasn’t exactly wrong, he was going to pretend to act offended, “What makes you think I know anything about the stars?” Jaemin watched Jeno as he laid back on the grass, turning his head to look at him with one of his eyebrows quirked up. 

Jaemin gave him an ‘are you serious’ look assuming Jeno would cave, but it seemed like he was preparing for war so Jaemin rolled his eyes before he answered, “Jeno, you are the definition of wonder. You have literal stars in your eyes when you find out anything new especially when it comes to fantasy like things. You were amazed by the fireflies even though you’ve seen them probably a million times and you glow whenever I tell you anything about myself. You have the innocence of a child and you genuinely like to learn new things, no matter the subject.” 

Jeno stopped breathing at Jaemin’s lengthy answer. He couldn’t believe Jaemin had just said all that, and he didn’t understand why his words made his heart stutter. It was almost like Jaemin had known him for his entire life versus a few weeks. “Lucky guess,” was all Jeno was able to get out before Jaemin started laughing and he turned his attention back to the sky, pointing at a collection of stars. 

“What’s that one?”

Jeno tore his eyes away from Jaemin’s side profile to where he was pointing in the sky, scooting closer so he could see where he was pointing. Jeno followed his finger up to the stars and squinted at the group until he figured it out. 

“That’s  _ Canis Major _ ,” Jeno told him. To which Jaemin tilted his head trying to look at it from a different angle and then with a definitive nod he told Jeno, 

“It looks like a stick person with a sword that lost his head,” 

It was silent for a moment while Jaemin’s words sunk in, and then Jeno couldn’t hold back the burst of laughter that bubbled out of his chest. Jemin visibly jumped at the sound and turned to watch Jeno as he clutched his chest and his body shook.

Jaemin waited for Jeno to calm down before he asked the obvious question, “Okay what the hell was  _ that _ ?” 

Jeno wiped his face free of the tears that he acquired while laughing and then controlled himself enough to answer Jaemin. “I’ve never heard anyone say something like that before, it just caught me off guard.” 

Jeno shook his head and laid back down next to Jaemin. For the next few minutes, Jaemin would point out clusters of stars and Jeno would try and name them. Most of the time Jeno was just naming constellations he knew off the top of his head since the stars Jaemin was pointing at weren’t actually any constellations, but Jeno was afraid if he had told him the truth he would immediately stop asking. 

They went on like this for another half hour before Jaemin finally got tired of asking about the stars and immediately making fun of the position they were in. Jeno took the lull to get Jaemin’s attention. “I should probably head home, it’s late and we should probably get up a bit early to go to the lake tomorrow before it gets super hot.” 

Jaemin looked almost sad at Jeno’s words, but then his eyes lit up with an idea. “Why don’t you just stay over here.” Jeno raised his eyebrows at Jaemin, but he wasn’t so easily deterred. “The lake is closer to here anyway right? Plus, I’m sure I have clothes that fit you and we won’t have to leave as early if we are leaving from the same place. And it’s not like you’ve never stayed over before.”

Jaemin was starting to talk faster as excitement seemed to course through his bloodstreams at the idea of Jeno staying there, and Jeno couldn't help the smile on his face, which Jaemin took as a yes. Jaemin rushed inside, pulling Jeno with him, his excitement taking over.

“There’s even the spare bedroom you can use tonight so you aren’t sleeping on the couch!” Jaemin stood up from where he was standing and made his way back to the bedroom and emerged with clothes to give to Jeno. 

Jeno thanked Jaemin for the clothes and made his way to the bathroom to change. Jaemin was flipping through the channels looking for something they could watch when the phone rang. Jaemin wearily looked at the caller ID on the phone that sat right by the couch and stared at Jisung’s name that was printed on the screen. 

Jaemin swallowed hard as he watched the phone light up, begging him to answer it but he couldn’t force himself to do it. He was still upset with Jisung and was afraid if he talked to him now it would result in another fight, and that was the last thing he wanted. Jeno was here and he didn’t want him to witness something like that, afraid that if he did he would never come back. 

Jaemin watched as the phone finally stopped ringing, guilt swimming heavily in his stomach and threatening to make an unwanted appearance in the form of puke. Jisung had been calling the house consecutively for the past week, and Jaemin had been avoiding the call every time. Thankfully he always seemed to call after Jeno had left for the night so he didn’t have to explain it to him, but it didn’t change the fact that he was still upset with what Jisung said to him. 

“Who was that?” 

Jeno’s voice filtered through Jaemin’s muddled mind, bringing him out of his head and turning his attention to Jeno who was using a towel to wipe at his face, the tip of his bangs still wet and dripping on his face. 

“Uh, no one,” Jaemin choked on his words so he cleared his throat and tried again, “It was a wrong number.” 

Jeno shrugged his shoulders and came to sit next to Jaemin on the couch, wrapping the towel around his neck and leaning back on the couch. “So what are we watching?” Jaemin looked at Jeno sitting on the couch,  _ in his clothes, _ and suddenly he was having trouble breathing. 

At Jaemin’s lack of an answer, Jeno turned towards him and laughed at Jaemin’s blank expression. He leaned forward and closed his mouth which was apparently wide open and snatched the remote out of Jaemin’s hand. 

“My choice then,” Jeno turned his attention to the TV flipping through the channels until he found something to settle on, Jaemin still staring at Jeno like an idiot. Jeno waited another full minute before he finally turned to Jaemin to ask him, 

“So why do you sleep out here instead of in that spare room?” Jaemin was brought back to his senses at Jeno’s question. He blinked a few times before the question finally registered and Jaemin realized Jeno was waiting for his answer. 

Jaemin cleared his throat again to make sure he didn’t squeak when he spoke, “Well this isn’t exactly my house, it’s a friends I’m just staying here so it seems kind of weird to stay in his room or the guest room when he’s not here.” 

Jeno nodded his head in understanding and turned his attention back to the TV, but then turned back to Jaemin, “But it’s not weird if I stay in the guest bedroom?” 

Jaemin was about to answer no, but then he realized what Jeno was getting at. He squinted at Jeno before he answered, “It’s different with you,” 

Jeno nodded his head again and brought his hand up to his chin in thought. “So what if me  _ and  _ you stayed in the room. Would that be weird?”

Jaemin heaved a sigh at Jeno, not knowing what the point of this conversation was. “I don’t know I guess not.” 

And when Jeno didn’t immediately suggest that they sleep in the same room that night, Jaemin was surprised to say the least. Jeno just turned his attention back to the TV and was seemingly engrossed in whatever was playing. 

Jaemin eventually tuned in as well, watching some drama that was playing, getting immediately sucked into the story. But about halfway into the episode, Jaemin could feel the tendrils of sleep pulling at him and it was getting harder and harder to keep his head upright. It jerked a few times, running into Jeno’s shoulder, but either he didn’t notice or he didn’t mind since he never said anything to Jaemin about it. 

Just when Jaemin wasn’t sure he would be able to keep his eyes open a moment longer, he heard Jeno shut the TV off and felt him stand up from the couch. Jaemin opened his eyes and searched for Jeno, finding him standing above him. He pressed Jaemin down to lay flat on the couch and then felt as a blanket was put over him. 

“I’m gonna head to bed, you get some sleep too. I’ll wake you up in the morning so we can get ready and go to the lake.” Jaemin was already half asleep while Jeno was talking, mumbling something unintelligible to Jeno’s words before sleep completely took him over. 

Jeno chuckled at the rate that Jaemin was able to fall asleep, making sure the blanket was covering him completely before he turned the lamp off on the table and made his way back to the bedroom Jaemin showed him earlier. 

He left the door open, just in case for whatever reason, Jaemin decided that the bed in this room would be more comfortable than the couch. He was excited for the lake the next day, so it was hard for him to fall asleep right away so he decided to play a game on his phone in the hopes that would make him tired enough to sleep. 

He had only been playing the game for a few minutes when he heard something coming from the living room. He paused the game and listened for it again, straining his ears to make sure he didn’t miss it if it happened again. Just as he was about to brush it off as nothing and go back to his game, he heard the noise again. 

Jeno got up from the bed and ventured out to the living room, and even in the darkness of the house Jeno could see Jaemin’s body mildly thrashing under the blankets. Jeno came to the conclusion that Jaemin was having another nightmare. And although it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first one he witnessed, it was still enough to cause panic to wash over Jeno. 

He quickly made his way over to Jaemin, placing his hands on his shoulders and trying to calm him down. “Jaem, shh, it’s okay, Jaemin you’re okay.” Despite Jeno’s soft voice, Jaemin was still thrashing about, but it lessened slightly with Jeno there. 

After a few minutes of trying to get Jaemin back to a normal sleep, Jeno turned to stand up and turn the lights on hoping to wake Jaemin up from the nightmare instead to see if that would help. Before he could stand up however, Jeno felt Jaemin’s hand grasp at his shirt, preventing him from standing. Jeno looked down at Jaemin who was still asleep, but his hand was tightly fisted in his shirt. 

“I’m not going anywhere Jaem,” Jeno kneeled back down on the ground to be closer to Jaemin, but his grip still stayed secured in Jeno’s shirt. Jeno decided then that the best way to help Jaemin would be to stay as close to him as he could, but it was hard to do while kneeling on the ground. So without detaching Jaemin’s hand from his shirt Jeno fit his arms under his body and hoisted him up in his arms, blanket and all, and carried him back to the guest bedroom, laying him on the bed. 

Jeno lied down with him and Jaemin had progressed to taking his other hand and grabbing another part of Jeno’s shirt holding on tightly. He was still mumbling things that Jeno couldn’t understand and shaking slightly, so Jeno took another blanket and covered Jaemin, trying to ward off the chills he was having. 

It took a few minutes, but eventually, Jaemin stopped shaking and his grip on Jeno’s shirt loosened as his nightmare seemed to pass. Jeno stayed up for another hour before he was finally able to fall asleep, wanting to make sure Jaemin was okay before he dozed off. 

While awake, Jeno couldn't help but worry about Jaemin and how he managed to sleep at all if these nightmares plagued his mind this often. He didn’t know how long Jaemin had been suffering like this but he hoped that maybe getting some fresh air at the lake in the morning would be just what he needed. 

__

When Jaemin woke up in the morning, he was confused as to how he ended up in the guest bedroom, but Jeno was so focused on getting him to get ready for the lake that he forgot to ask about it. He went through the motions of getting ready, his body on pure autopilot at this point since he still felt incredibly tired this morning. 

Once he and Jeno were ready, they packed up some food and drinks to take with them in case they got hungry. Jeno wasn’t sure how long they were going to be at the lake seeing as how this was something very new to Jaemin and he didn’t want to over-stimulate him or whatever.

The walk itself took about 30 minutes, but with Jaemin not used to walking on uneven grounds, it took a bit longer for him to get used to the terrain and not trip over everything that stuck out. Jeno tried to keep his laughing to a minimum but that restraint didn’t last long. Eventually Jeno couldn’t help it anymore and the two of them had to stop walking so Jeno could catch his breath. 

“I’m sorry Jaem, but good lord you are so clumsy!” Jeno was wiping tears from his eyes as he doubled over trying to stop laughing. Jaemin on the other end didn’t really find the humor in the situation and had his arms crossed and eyes narrowed at Jeno because of it. 

“You’re not really helping the situation Jeno,” Jaemin said cooly. Jeno finally stood up and took a deep breath to compose himself before he spoke again. 

“I’m sorry Jaem, would it help if I carried you?” Jeno said it as a joke, but the light behind Jaemin’s eyes that glowed when he said it made Jeno regret it ever coming out of his mouth. Without warning Jaemin started at a dead run towards Jeno this time avoiding all the tripping hazards and flew into Jeno’s arms. 

Jeno barely had time to open his arms for Jaemin who wrapped his legs around Jeno’s waist and clung to him like a koala, and quickly steadied the two of them so they didn’t fall on the rocks jutting out from the ground. “Jaemin!” Jeno shouted over Jaemin’s laughter. 

“Ahh much better, now forward young stead!” Jaemin pointed in the wrong direction, but he said it with such confidence Jeno almost started walking that way. 

“I’m not carrying you the entire way Jaemin,” Jeno said through a laugh, trying to re-adjust Jaemin, to which Jaemin pouted and looked down at Jeno with sad puppy dog eyes. 

“But you offered,” 

Jeno was about to say he offered it as a joke, but the look Jaemin was giving him wasn’t allowing him to. After another 30 seconds of Jaemin looking at him like that, Jeno caved and rolled his eyes. “Fine, but I can’t carry you like this, or else we are both going to tumble down and get hurt.” 

Jaemin squealed in happiness before he climbed down off of Jeno and waited for him to turn around so he could climb on his back instead. Jeno fake grunted when Jaemin climbed on, but in reality, it felt like Jaemin weighed as much as Jeno’s backpack weighed when he was in school. 

Jaemin smacked the back of Jeno’s head lightly, causing Jeno to laugh and hike Jaemin up higher to get a better grip on him. The trip went by somewhat faster, but Jeno wasn’t going to admit that to Jaemin because then he was sure he would want to do the same thing going back home, and Jeno was no pack mule. 

When they finally got to the lake, Jaemin all but fell off Jeno’s back at the sight. “Whoa,” was the only thing Jeno was able to get out of him for the first five minutes of them being there. Jeno let Jaemin appreciate the beauty that was the lake for a bit longer while he searched for a safe route that took them closer to the water. 

When he found one, he grabbed Jaemin’s hand and pulled him over to it, helping him down the short hill. The water was cool, too cool to be swimming in, but not too cool that they couldn’t stick their feet in.

Jeno started taking his shoes and socks off, motioning for Jaemin to do the same. After getting over the initial shock of how cold the water proved to be, it was actually very relaxing. Jaemin was appalled that something as simple as a hidden lake would bring this much serenity and calmness to his otherwise wild life. 

The sun was directed on his face offering a warm glow that Jaemin wished would stay with him forever. The sun matched with Jeno sitting next to him, close enough to feel his body heat as well and Jaemin felt like he was on a beach on a tropical island. 

The two of them didn’t do much while at the lake, it was more of a relaxing type of day, a day that Jaemin didn’t know how badly he needed. Jeno taught him how to skip rocks, searching through the rocks looking for the perfect ones to skip. Jaemin picked up on it quicker than Jeno had anticipated, so it didn’t take any time at all for them to start a heated race to see who could skip the furthest. 

Jeno came out on top no matter how many re-matches Jaemin called for, sending Jeno into a heap of laughter at Jaemin’s determinedness. Eventually Jaemin gave up and threw his pile of rocks in the lake all at once and Jeno patted his shoulder, “Better luck next time huh?” Jaemin smacked Jeno’s arm but he still couldn’t help but laugh at Jaemin. 

They spent the rest of the day talking mostly about Jeno, and the memories he had at the lake with his friends and family, Jaemin listening intently. 

“How did you even find this place?” Jaemin was sitting on the edge, drawing figures in the water with his finger while Jeno continued to skip rocks. 

Jeno laughed at the question and then turned to look at Jaemin, “Honestly it was an accident. I was walking aimlessly around bored out of my mind because all my friends had already left for college. I came upon it because I tripped over a stick and ended up rolling down the short hill almost diving headfirst into the water.” 

Jaemin imagined Jeno rolling down the hill and couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled through his chest. Jeno looked away from Jaemin to throw another rock, “Yeah yeah, laugh it up, but remember that if it weren’t for me you would have suffered a similar fate.” 

Jaemin sobered at the less than cheerful thought, causing Jeno to smile in return. “Anyway, I found it and when I told Ten about it, accusing him for not showing it to me before he told me that he had no idea what he was talking about. So I showed him and it’s been a secret of ours ever since.” Jeno finished. 

When Jaemin heard Jeno talk about Ten and the relationship the two had, it reminded him of Jisung. It made his stomach lurch with guilt for avoiding his calls for so long after one silly fight. After the fact, Jaemin thought about what Jisung said and came to the conclusion that Jisung was right. Jaemin was using Jeno as another form of addiction to replace the drugs and that wasn’t fair to Jeno. 

It was just taking him a lot longer to gather up the courage to tell Jisung that was right. And even though the story Jeno was telling had no relation to him and Jisung, it still pulled at Jaemin’s heart in a way he didn’t like. 

Jeno took notice of Jaemin’s silence so he stopped skipping rocks to turn back to make sure he was okay. “Jaem?” Jaemin looked up at Jeno, trying to wipe the emotion from his face so he didn’t worry Jeno, but that was obviously unsuccessful as Jeno’s face fell. “Are you okay?”

Jaemin tried smiling at Jeno to put him at ease, “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just tired.” Jeno smiled back at Jaemin and then made his way to stand next to him and hold his hand out for him to take. 

“Come on, let’s head back,” Jaemin started to tell Jeno they didn’t have to leave yet, but Jeno was having none of it. “And don’t say we can stay longer, we’ve basically been here all day and that’s more outdoor exposure I think I’ve ever seen you soak up since coming here. I don’t want you to combust.” 

Jaemin stood up with Jeno’s help, moving to smack him but Jeno easily avoided it. Jaemin quickly gave up, not that invested in it since he was kind of right. It had been a while since he had been outside and he had to admit it was a bit strange for him to be out for so long, especially in the sun. 

He was drained. 

The two of them made quick work getting back to the house, Jaemin trying to pay more attention to where he was going so he wasn’t tripping as much and that way Jeno didn’t have to hover as much. That however was counterintuitive because Jeno still hovered, and Jaemin still tripped most of the way back. 

When they finally made it back to the house, Jeno walked Jaemin up to the front door but stopped on the porch watching Jaemin go in. He turned around to give Jeno a questioning look to which he responded, “I’m going to head home, take a shower and all that stuff since I have work again in the morning, but I’ll come over after work again if that’s okay, maybe we can go out again. There’s a farmers market thing in town if you’re interested.”

Jeno’s voice dropped out at the end, unsure of Jaemin’s answer but he swept aside the unsureness by smiling at Jeno, “Of course you can come over Jeno, I’d be worried if you didn’t.”

Jeno smiled in return and offered Jaemin a small wave as he walked back down the porch steps and headed home. Jaemin stayed outside watching him until he could see him no more before finally walking inside. 


	10. 10

Although Jaemin was tired and wanted nothing more than to lay on the couch and take a nap, he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to sleep until he called Jisung. He looked at the time and decided to try calling him. He wasn’t sure if he would actually pick up either because he was too busy, or if he was going to do what Jaemin had been doing to him for the past week. Either way, Jaemin knew he had to try. 

He wanted to tell Jisung about his day at the lake and he wanted to tell him about how he’s been doing with the drugs. Jaemin was still taking the drugs the week Jeno brought over the games, but it was substantially less than what he would usually take. Then Jaemin was able to start taking it even less, going from taking it every other day to taking it every three days. He was even lessening the dosage so he wasn’t as doped up as he normally would be, and now he hadn’t taken the drug in almost a week. 

Jaemin was weary to say he was proud, but he kind of was. He had considered Jisung’s words and even though he had wasted all this time avoiding his calls, Jaemin missed Jisung greatly, and as selfish as it was, he wanted Jisung to praise him for the good job he was doing. 

Jaemin took the phone off the receiver and brought it over to the couch with him, staring at the phone for a minute before he started dialing the familiar numbers. He brought the phone up to his ear, his hand slightly shaking as he did. Why was he so nervous? This was Jisung for crying out loud, it’s not like he was going to get in trouble with him. And yet Jaemin found himself bouncing his leg up and down in a nervousness he had never felt before. 

The phone rang five times before it was finally picked up and Jaemin couldn’t help but hold his breath when Jisung said, “Hyung?” 

Jaemin almost cried at the sound. He hadn’t heard Jisung’s voice in what seemed like ages and he had never felt so happy to hear it. Jaemin heard Jisung sigh on the other end as he started to talk but Jaemin cut him off before he could. 

“Jisung, I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Jisung’s voice sounded confused and Jaemin could imagine how he scrunched up his face and moved his eyes around any time he was confused. 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you and avoiding your calls,” Jisung was about to say something but Jaemin cut him off again, not finished with his apology, “I’ve never had anyone call me out on my shit like you did and I am honestly so glad for it because you were right. You were right and I was treating Jeno as another addiction but I wasn’t big enough to admit that to you so instead I just ran away.” 

“Hyung,”

“No, Mouse seriously. I should have listened to you no matter what. You are the one that allowed me to kind of get sober I guess?” Jaemin knew he wasn’t completely sober, the urge was still there but it was a lot easier to refuse the urges and that was only because Jisung was able to help him escape to this place where he found Jeno. “I haven’t taken the drug for almost a week now I think,” Jaemin told Jisung, trying not to sound too proud since he knew that wasn’t that big of an accomplishment. 

“Hyung! Oh my god, are you serious?” Jisung sounded excited when he said it and Jaemin swore he could hear him clapping. “I’m so proud of you hyung! I knew you could do it!” Jaemin could imagine the smile on his face and that made his smile grow. 

“I also went out today,” 

“You went out? What do you mean?”

Jaemin felt shy all of sudden telling Jisung this, but he kind of enjoyed the praise he received a minute ago and he wanted to hear more of it. “Jeno took me to the lake that’s somewhere close to this house.” 

Jaemin could practically hear Jisung thinking on the other end before something finally clicked and he asked Jaemin, “Wait, you guys did something outside the house?” 

Jaemin nodded his head before remembering that Jisung couldn’t see him so he answered out loud. “Yeah, he said I needed some fresh air or something so I agreed. He wants to go into town to the farmers market or something but I don’t know,” 

“Come on hyung, you’ve made it this far! And as you said it’s been around a week since you last took the drug, I think you deserve to have some time out in the fresh air. You did it once, so I’m sure you can do it again, right?”

Jaemin thought it over. He was still unsure about going out in the public, even if this was a small town and the likelihood of someone recognizing him was low, he was still afraid. “But when I went to the lake it was just me and Jeno. There weren’t other people around that could recognize me.” 

Jisung sighed into the phone and Jaemin knew he was in for the lecture. “Hyung, you can’t stay scared the entire time. I know you haven’t really gone out since you’ve been there but Jeno is going to be there right? I’m sure he wouldn’t make you do something that you don’t want to do because if he does I’m gonna come out there and kick his ass.” 

Jaemin laughed at Jisung’s words, his pitch lowering with his empty threat. Jaemin knew that Jeno would never make him do something he didn’t want to do, but something about Jisung’s words confused Jaemin. “Jisung-ah, I thought you were trying to get me  _ away  _ from Jeno because I was relying on him too much and forming another addiction?” 

Jisung took what felt like his millionth breath in and huffed it out in a sigh before he answered, “Hyung, I wasn’t trying to get you away from Jeno. He’s obviously helped you a lot out there in a way that I never could. I don’t want to take you away from him but I wanted you to take some responsibility for getting clean. And I feel like that’s exactly what you’ve done. Something has changed since we last talked, and considering you’re the one who called me  _ and  _ you pointed out about using Jeno, let me know that you took my words for more than just criticism.” 

Jaemin was shocked at Jisung’s words, but they did send a sense of pride through his core. He knew he was getting better with not taking the drugs, but Jisung made it sound like he was even becoming a better person. 

“I know how hard it is to be doing something of this magnitude all alone with no familiar faces, hyung. I’m glad you were able to find Jeno and that he was able to help you. I hate that I yelled at you, but I’m also glad that it seemed to give you a little bit of sense.” Jisung laughed at the end, short and simple before he spoke up again. “I really miss you hyung, but I’m glad to hear that you are doing well. I always knew you were strong like that. And I think you should go to the market. Experience something new with Jeno and don’t worry about who’s around you.” 

Jaemin stayed silent at Jisung’s words, his brain short circuiting. He didn’t realize how long he had been silent before Jisung cleared his throat and called his name. Jaemin snapped back to the conversation and noticed too late that he had been silently crying. His voice broke when he finally answered Jisung,

“Thanks, Mouse,” He cleared his throat and wiped his face before he went on, “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” 

“Of course hyung, you know I would do anything for you. I have to go now, but call me after you go to the market if you want. I’d love to hear about it.” 

“Bye Mouse.” 

“Bye hyung.” 

When Jaemin hung up the phone, he felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He felt so burdened and uncomfortable with how he and Jisung left things on the phone however long ago, and no matter what distraction Jeno offered, Jisung was always sitting at the back of Jaemin’s mind. He was glad that he was able to call him and clear things up, he had missed Jisung more than he was willing to admit. 

Having that behind him, the tiredness in his bones finally settled in and it was all Jaemin could do to stand upright. He barely made it to the couch when his knees did give out, his body falling ungracefully, falling asleep within seconds of his head hitting the pillow. 

When Jaemin woke up, the sky was dark and there was a missed call and a voicemail from Jeno telling him to call him when he was awake. Something about Jeno knowing Jaemin was asleep made him laugh to himself before he picked up the phone and dialed the all too familiar number. 

Jeno picked up on the second ring greeting Jaemin “What up sleeping beauty, did you enjoy your nap?”

Jaemin rolled his eyes, glad Jeno couldn’t see him as he walked back over to the couch to sit down. “I wouldn’t have woken sooner had a prince come and kissed me on the lips,” Jeno must have been drinking something because as soon as Jaemin said that, Jeno started choking and was gone from the phone for a good 30 seconds before he came back. 

“What the hell kind of help is a kiss from a prince going to do to wake you up?” 

“Well, when it’s done right-” 

“Ah ah ah! That’s enough, I would like to keep my childlike innocence thank you very much.” Jaemin snorted at the idea that Jeno still had childlike innocence, but decided to let it go for now. “So anyway, I called because that farmer's market thing I was telling you about will be in town this week. Any interest in going? We can get fresh ingredients to make dinner with.” 

Thinking back on his and Jisung’s conversation Jaemin agreed to the farmers market so they made plans to go to the market the next day just to see what they had and what things they could make for dinner with them. Jaemin told Jeno he could stay the night again but Jeno said he was already so comfy in bed so they decided to meet at the store the next morning. 

Since Jaemin slept so much after calling Jisung, he wasn’t tired enough to sleep through the night so he logged on to the computer sitting in Jisung’s room to look up different recipes he and Jeno could try making. He planned to only look for a few, but he ended up getting so intrigued by all the different dishes they could make and he ended up looking at recipes all night. 

Morning came before he knew it and the phone rang, making Jaemin stand up from the chair he was sitting in, working out all the aches in his muscles from sitting in the same place for so long. He rushed out to the living room to catch the phone before the voicemail got it, almost tripping over a discarded jacket on the way. 

He made it to the phone by the sixth ring, picking it up without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?” 

“Jaem, where the hell are you? I thought we agreed to meet at the store at 8?” Jaemin searched around the room for a clock, his eyes finally landing on one in the kitchen, the green digits read 8:37 and Jaemin gasped into the phone. “Did you oversleep?” 

Instead of telling Jeno the truth, Jaemin decided it would be easier to just go with whatever Jeno said. “Yeah, Jeno I am so sorry! I thought I set my alarm but I promise I won’t take long to get ready. I'll be there in 15 minutes tops!” 

Before Jeno could say anything Jaemin ended the call and tossed it on the table, running towards the bathroom. He quickly washed his face and brushed his teeth, rushing back into the room where he kept his clothes. He grabbed at them blindly hoping they matched, and threw them on. He was putting his shoes on while trying to open the door at the same time, preparing to run out the door and make a mad dash down the way to the store, but there was something in the way. 

Jaemin ran smack into something that was rock solid and only got harder as they both almost fell over. 

“Jesus Jaem, where’s the fire?” 

Jaemin looked up to find Jeno looking down at him, with his arms secured around his middle. Jeno was holding the both of them up so they wouldn’t fall, and Jaemin was kind of shocked he had the strength to do it. 

“What are you doing here?”

Jeno laughed at Jaemin as he righted the both of them up to standing, brushing Jaemin’s shirt to straighten it out. “I told you on the phone I would just come here to get you, but you apparently hung up before you heard me say that.” 

Jaemin lowered his head and scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment, but Jeno just shook his head at him, gesturing for him to follow him down the porch steps. “Come on, let’s go before all the good stuff is stolen by the grandmas that frequent these things every time they come.” 

Jaemin finished putting his shoe on and then closed the door behind him following Jeno down the steps and into town. When they got to where the farmer’s market was set up, Jaemin’s palms began to sweat. 

There were a  _ lot  _ of people there and he didn’t realize how debilitating this many people could be. It had just been him and Jeno for the longest time, Jaemin forgot what it was like to be somewhere where there was more than just the two of them. 

Even when they were in the store, there were never too many people at the same time the most people that were in there at one time including Jeno and Jaemin was 5. That was nothing compared to the mass of people that were currently floating around the different booths of vegetables and other things. 

Jaemin stopped dead in his tracks, Jeno walking ahead of him. It wasn’t until Jeno turned to ask him something that he realized he was no longer by his side. Jeno quickly scanned the area, finding Jaemin and making his way back to where he stood, his eyes the size of saucers. 

“Are you okay Jaemin?” Jeno asked, his voice low as if he were talking to an injured animal or a small child. 

“That’s just,” Jaemin swallowed hard, his voice refusing to come out any louder than a whisper, “a lot of people.”

Jeno looked over Jaemin’s stiff figure and sighed softly so Jaemin wouldn't notice. He then stood directly in front of Jaemin, blocking his view of all the people and locking eyes with him. “Jaem, we don’t have to go here today. We can just go back home and-” 

“No,” Jaemin’s eyes hardened as he looked past Jeno and then back at him, “we’re already here and I said we could go, so let’s go.” 

Jaemin had already looked back past Jeno’s shoulder at the crowd, but Jeno’s eyes were solely on Jaemin. He envied the amount of courage and determination Jaemin held within himself. Jeno could tell that he was nervous, his hands continued to shake even though he had them clamped up in fists, but he was still willing to do this.

Jeno stared at him for a few more seconds, a smile forming easily on his lips before he held his arm out for Jaemin to take. “Shall we then?” Jaemin nodded his head, and threaded his arm through Jeno’s, and allowed him to guide him forward into the crowd. 

They didn’t stay long, Jaemin was outwardly acting like he was okay, but since he refused to let go of Jeno, he was able to feel the tremble in his bones. Jeno knew Jaemin wanted to act like he was okay and fine with all of this for Jeno’s sake, but Jeno didn’t want to be the reason for him to be uncomfortable. 

Jeno told Jaemin that he was tired of walking around and asked if it was okay that they call it a day. Jeno tried to not laugh at the relief swimming in Jaemin’s eyes when he told him as much but failed to hold all of it in letting a small chuckle slip. 

“What?” Jaemin asked

Jeno cleared his throat and looked at Jaemin, “Nothing. Come on let’s go home before you have to carry me the whole way,” and then without warning Jeno pitched forward and put most of his weight on Jaemin causing the two of them to stumble. “Actually I think I’m feeling it now, you have to carry me,” 

“ _ Jeno _ !” Jaemin was laughing as he tried to hold the two of them up, stumbling and almost making both of them fall, so Jeno righted himself and brought Jaemin up with him. He slung his arm around Jaemin’s shoulder and threw his head back dramatically. 

“You must support me for I require help,” Jeno closed his eyes and he could practically hear Jaemin’s eyes roll. But then without saying anything Jaemin wrapped his arm around Jeno’s middle to support him and started walking the two of them back towards the house. 

It didn’t take long to get back to the house and when they arrived on the front door steps Jaemin moved to walk in, but similar to the other night Jeno hung back on the front steps. “I just wanted to make sure you got home alright. I’ll call you tomorrow?” 

Jaemin smiled at Jeno and nodded his head. He wanted to ask Jeno to stay the night like he did the night before they went to the lake, but Jaemin didn’t want to push the limits, afraid of being too clingy and making Jeno not want to be friends with him anymore. He also kind of wanted to call Jisung tonight and talk to him, so he kept his mouth shut. 

Jeno turned around after waving at Jeno and just like before, Jaemin watched Jeno walk away until he could no longer see him. Jaemin walked back inside and dialed Jisung. They talked for a little bit before Jisung had to go, but Jaemin was feeling lonely so he decided to give Jeno a call. 

“Jaem?”

“Can we go to the market again tomorrow?” 

Jeno sounded surprised at Jaemin’s question, “You want to go again?” 

Jaemin thought back to Jisung telling him that he should go out and enjoy things more and made his decision final. “Yeah, I want to go again since we didn’t really see much today. Unless you don’t want to,” 

But before Jaemin could finish his sentence, Jeno cut him off and told him he would love to go to the market again tomorrow. The two of them stayed on the phone talking about nonsense things for the next few hours, and Jaemin could feel his eyelids start to droop as their conversation came to a lull. 

Jeno was still talking, but Jaemin couldn’t really hear what he was saying, he was laying on the couch and Jeno’s words were getting further and further away as he fell asleep. The last thing he heard was Jeno saying,  _ goodnight Jaem _ , and then he was out. 

The next day Jaemin and Jeno went back to the market, and this time Jaemin tried to not stick as close to Jeno as he was the first day, instead trying to venture out away from him. He still stayed fairly close to Jeno, within an arm's reach, but he was getting more comfortable with not being glued to his side. 

They walked around the market for a lot longer than the first day, Jaemin actually able to enjoy some of the things they had to offer versus cowering behind Jeno at all the people who glanced at him. Jeno stayed close to Jaemin, but he would also try and urge him to look at things slightly away from Jeno, allowing him to gain more confidence. 

The tactic seemed to be working since by the end of the day, Jaemin had started to look at other booths that Jeno wasn’t even at. Again he was always within sight of Jeno, but this was a major jump from the scene of yesterday. 

Once Jaemin was ready to go home, they followed the same routine of Jeno walking Jaemin home and then Jaemin watching Jeno leave until he couldn’t see him anymore. Jaemin talked to Jisung on the phone for a while before he eventually called Jeno again. 

“The market again tomorrow? Jaem what is it with you and the market?” 

Jeno was laughing as he said it, but Jaemin still felt slightly embarrassed. It turned out that Jaemin actually really enjoyed the market. It was something he never did since any time he went out in Seoul he was almost instantly swarmed by people who recognized him. Being able to go outside and not be surrounded by people was almost a new addiction, one that wasn’t a hazard to his health. 

“It turns out I really like being outside, I don’t know,” Jaemin said shyly, not knowing how to give a real answer. Thankfully Jeno didn’t say much else, he just agreed and they talked until Jeno fell asleep this time, allowing Jaemin to be the one to tell him goodnight. 

For the third day in a row, the boys went to the market. This time they ventured further into the market, Jaemin running from booth to booth as they finally bought ingredients this time to make dinner, as Jeno promised he would come back to the house with Jaemin and make dinner with him. 

As they were walking around picking up different things for dinner, Jaemin had wandered off to another booth and found a booth that was selling cherry blossom petals in a bag. Jaemin turned to see Jeno still at the booth picking out vegetables, so he decided to buy a bag remembering Jeno mentioning that he didn’t really like flowers because they die too fast, but how he loved cherry blossoms.

He bought a small bag and turned back to where he last saw Jeno, only this time he wasn’t standing alone. Standing next to him was a girl who looked to be around their age but Jaemin remembered Jeno telling him there weren’t really people their age around here anymore so Jaemin had to assume she was younger. Although a more accurate description would be that she was  _ hanging _ on him. 

She was twirling her hair and leaning in towards Jeno, laughing at everything he said. The closer Jaemin got to the two of them he noticed Jeno smiling politely at the girl and trying to back away from her as subtly as possible. Jaemin narrowed his eyes at the girl and then when he was close enough to the two of them he skipped up and hooked his arm with Jeno’s effectively cutting the girl off. 

“Jeno, look what I found!” Jaemin showed the bag of petals to Jeno who looked at him confused at first, but then it was replaced with a knowing smile. Jeno looked at the bag and then a legitimate look of surprise crossed his face. 

“Are these cherry blossoms?” Jeno asked and Jaemin nodded his head, and Jeno gave him a look that made him forget about the girl standing on the other side of him until she cleared her throat. Jaemin blinked a few times before he turned his attention back to her and acted as if it was the first time seeing her. 

“Oh, who’s this?” Jaemin kept his arm firmly linked in with Jeno’s, giving the girl a sickly sweet smile. Jaemin could feel Jeno stifle a laugh behind him as the girl rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. 

“I’m the granddaughter of the owner of this booth,” she said matter of factly. 

Jaemin narrowed his eyes at her, keeping the smile on his face when he answered. “Well that’s nice, but we have enough tomatoes.” then he turned his attention to Jeno, “Come on, we have enough stuff for dinner tonight, let’s go home.” He turned back to the girl when he said home and offered another fake smile. 

She turned around in a huff and Jaemin couldn’t help the nasty face he made at her back. He rolled his eyes as she walked away and turned back to Jeno still with the same face, making Jeno laugh out loud. 

“What the hell was that?”

“What was what?”

As a way of answering, Jeno shook his arm that Jaemin still had a firm grasp on with his own arm. Jaemin looked down as if noticing it for the first time, choosing then to be embarrassed. He quickly pulled his arm away from Jeno and laughed awkwardly to let off some of the tension he had. 

Jaemin was about to walk away from Jeno and head home, not knowing how to answer him, because not even Jaemin was sure what the hell that was. There was something about seeing some girl hanging off of Jeno that just made him annoyed, and angry, and though he won’t admit it out loud, jealous. 

Before Jaemin could get far Jeno snatched his arm and brought him back, linking their arms as they were before. “Come on, let’s go back. I think we have enough ingredients to feed the entire town.” Jaemin looked down at their linked arms, his brain short circuiting for a moment before he finally started walking with Jeno. 

They started to walk back to the house but before they got very far, Jaemin ran smack into someone knocking both of them down. Jeno immediately crouched down to see if Jaemin was okay before turning to whoever he ran into to make sure they were okay as well when a laugh bubbled from his chest. 

“Minjee, you and your damn glasses. Your mom should seriously carry out her threat to glue them to your face.” 

Jaemin looked up from the ground, recognizing Minjee from when he first got here and he was actually glad to see her. He liked Minjee from the first time he literally ran into her and was kind of sad he hadn’t seen her since. Jeno was trying to help Jaemin up, but before he could Jaemin noticed Minjee’s glasses lying on the ground near him. 

He quickly picked them up and wiped the dirt off with his shirt, putting them back on Minjee’s face. “Jae!” she shouted as soon as she fixed the position of them. Jeno looked at Jaemin in curiosity before asking, 

“Jae?” 

Jaemin shrugged his shoulders sheepishly at Jeno and turned his attention back to Minjee. “Hey, Minjee how are you?”

Minjee laughed and leaned forward ruffling her hands through Jaemin’s hair. “You dyed your hair! I knew you would look good with any hair color!” Minjee beamed and Jaemin couldn’t help but beam back. 

“Thanks, Minjee,” he said as she pulled back and looked at both boys. 

“What are you boys up to?” 

“Well,  _ Jae  _ and I here are headed back to make dinner tonight. You’re welcome to join if you’d like.” Jeno offered. Jaemin gave him a side eye, not because he invited Minjee to dinner, but because of the way he said the name he gave Minjee when they first met.

Minjee looked between the two, narrowing her eyes at them before she spoke up, “Oh my god, Jae isn’t your name, is it? I forgot your name! I am so sorry! I just I only saw you that one time and I could have sworn that’s what you told me I swear I’m not doing it on purpose,” 

Jaemin threw a glare and Jeno who was laughing at Minjee’s outburst before he leaned forward and placed his hands on her shoulders to get her to stop. “Minjee, Minjee, hey it’s fine I told you my name was Jae when we first met you weren’t wrong. My full name is Jaemin.” 

Minjee forced out a breath of laughter going back to her regular self. “Okay cool I was kind of worried there for a second think I was not only blind but deaf too. So what do you usually go by?”

“Jaemin,” he told her with a soft smile. 

“Then Jaemin it is! I’ll have to take a rain check on the dinner Jeno and  _ Jaemin _ . I promised my mom I would help her with something tonight but we’ll talk soon okay?” and then without warning Minjee waved at them and skipped off, stunning the two boys into a brief silence before they both cracked up in giggles at the sight that Minjee was. 

“Come on, let’s go.” Jeno pulled Jaemin towards the house, still laughing at Minjee.

Once they made it home, the two of them made quick work of washing all the vegetables and getting them all together and ready for the dinner they planned to make. The two of them worked in perfect harmony and Jaemin had never felt anything like it. 

Back home whether it was with the rest of his members or even when he was home with his parents, there was almost always some sort of discord when they all got together in the kitchen all trying to do something. More specifically with the members this seemed to happen, there was nothing but absolute chaos, even if it were only two people there. So to have this type of harmony with another person was new and exciting for Jaemin. 

Once they finished eating and cleaning up the mess, the boys were in the living room, Jaemin on the couch scrolling through the available movies on TV while Jeno was laying on the ground complaining about how he ate too much food. 

Jaemin rolled his eyes and he listened to Jeno moan and complain about his stomach about to burst as he continued to flip through channels. “I can’t move Jaem. I’m stuck here forever and ever. I’m going to die in this spot right here.” 

“Jeno aren’t you being a bit dramatic?” Jaemin asked. Jeno propped himself up on one elbow so he could look at Jaemin properly. 

“Hey, I think I am allowed to be dramatic considering the fact that I walk you home every day only to have to walk all the way back to my house!” Jaemin rolled his eyes and glanced over at Jeno and without really thinking he said, 

“Well, then why don’t you just move in so you don’t have to keep going all the way back home.” 

It was silent in the room aside from the changing channels, but despite that when Jeno answered, “okay,” Jaemin wasn't sure he heard him correctly. Jaemin muted the TV and turned his full attention to Jeno and asked,

“What?”

Jeno stood up from his spot on the floor and sat next to Jaemin on the couch. “I’m here most of the time anyway. Plus it’s closer to the store and let’s be honest here I might as well just make it official.” 

Jeno said all this in a very casual manner, but Jaemin was still shell shocked over how easy it was for Jeno to agree. Originally Jaemin was just joking about Jeno moving in, but he also didn’t think Jeno would so willingly agree to it. 

And that was all it took. Jaemin looked at Jeno, with the biggest smile on his face and told him, “Okay.” 

__

Jaemin was sitting in the living room, counting down the time until Jeno got there pretending like he wasn’t. Tonight was the first night officially moved in, having brought the last of his stuff to the house before work and there was something about that fact that made Jaemin almost nervous to see him again.

Jeno had already basically been living with Jaemin with how often he came over after work, but seeing Jeno’s stuff in the corner of the living room made it feel so much more different and that much more real to him. 

He was anxiously watching the clock, know Jeno usually walked in the door around the same time every night, and on rare occasions when he didn’t walk in exactly when Jaemin was expecting him, his nerves were on edge and he had to try extra hard to keep in mind off the drugs that were within easy possession. 

Although he managed to stay away from the drugs for extended bouts of time, it was still hard for him to do just that. He still had the urge to take them and it was still hard to stay away from them, but Jaemin was better than that now. He knew that the drug wasn’t something he needed and that he could live his life without it, he just needed Jeno to come back soon. Eight minutes after Jeno was supposed to be there he finally walked in with a black bag in one hand and a white one in the other wearing his signature heart stopping smile that made Jaemin’s heart skip. 

“Honey, I’m homeeee!” Jeno said breathlessly. Jaemin was almost positive Jeno ran his way here and he felt kind of bad knowing he was probably the reason for that. 

“What’s with the black bag?” Jaemin stood up from his spot and curiously looked in the bag, but Jeno moved to the kitchen not giving Jaemin the chance to see what was in there. Jaemin followed Jeno into the kitchen where he pulled out two green bottles. Jaemin didn’t recognize what the bottles were and the smile on Jeno’s smile began to slip. 

“Do you not know what this is?” Jaemin looked at Jeno and raised his eyebrows as an answer. “Oh my god, Jaem for real!” Jeno started laughing but then sobered up after seeing Jaemin’s unchanging face. 

“Should I know what that is?” 

“It’s soju!” The smile was back on Jeno’s face, “We have something to celebrate tonight and the best way to do that is with soju of course.” 

Jaemin looked at Jeno but the unsure feeling was weighing down on him. Being a trainee for so long and then an idol, Jaemin had never really drunk alcohol before. He was more focused on performing and being the best he could, plus he didn’t really need the alcohol on top of the drugs, knowing enough about that to know that was a concoction meant for death. 

Jeno set the bottles down and went about trying to gauge Jaemin’s reaction to the alcohol. He walked over to where Jaemin was standing and put his hand on each shoulder. 

“It’s okay Jaem, if you don’t want to drink you don’t have to. I just thought it could be something we do here instead of going out to drink.” Jeno smiled at Jaemin, and he couldn’t help but smile back at him knowing he meant what he said. 

Jaemin took a deep breath in and widened his smile before telling Jeno, “Let’s do it. I trust you.”

Jeno squeezed Jaemin’s arms before dropping them and walking back over to the green bottles, pulling out two glasses only filling them up a little bit of the way. 

Jeno came back and walked Jaemin over to the couch, both glasses and the one bottle in his hands, and sat Jaemin down placing the cups and bottle on the table in front of them. He handed one of the glasses to Jaemin and kept the other one, clinking them together before bringing his glass to his lips and drinking the liquid with ease. 

Jaemin couldn’t help but watch Jeno’s Adam’s Apple as he swallowed the liquid. Jaemin still had his drink in his hands, unable to look away from Jeno who smiled at him before pouring himself another drink. He clinked his glass against Jaemin’s again this time saying, “To moving in!” before he threw back the glass swallowing the contents with the same ease as before. 

Jaemin watched in awe as Jeno shook his head to ward off the burn of the alcohol, still holding his first glass. Jeno looked down and realized that Jaemin’s glass was still full so he looked at Jaemin and raised an eyebrow at him. “Jaem?” Jaemin blinked a few times before he refocused his eyes and looked at Jeno. 

“Hm?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to do something else? We don’t have to drink if you don’t want to,” Jeno said, choosing his words carefully, but Jaemin vehemently shook his head at him. He felt like Jeno was always so concerned about Jaemin and what he wanted to do, so for once he wanted to do something Jeno wanted to do. 

Jaemin quickly brought the glass to his lips and down the clear liquid, copying what he saw Jeno do. The liquid burned going down his throat, causing Jaemin to cough a bit and Jeno patted his back trying to help him. “Are you okay?” 

Jaemin coughed for a few more moments before he gave Jeno a thumbs up and nodded at him. He was trying his hardest to get the cough under control, and he was left wondering how the hell Jeno managed to do this twice without having the same reaction. 

Having probably read his mind Jeno chuckled and answered Jaemin, “I’ve drunk this stuff before so I know what it’s like. But when I first tried this stuff with Ten, we were the exact same way as you are right now.” 

This made Jaemin feel somewhat better, knowing that Jeno wasn’t always as calm, cool, and collected as he seemed to be right now. When his cough finally cleared, Jeno started putting the cap on the green bottle, and Jaemin looked at him confused. “What are you doing?” 

Jeno looked between Jaemin and the soju bottle a few times before he answered, “I’m putting it away?”

“Uh huh, we still have that bottle plus a whole other one. We aren’t done yet.” Jaemin reached out for the bottle in Jeno’s hand, and Jeno hesitated before finally letting go of the bottle so Jaemin could pour each of them another shot.

This time Jaemin and Jeno drank the soju at the same time, and while Jaemin still coughed, it wasn’t nearly as much as he did the first time, so that was a good sign. They continued to drink the soju until the first bottle emptied and the second bottle was opened. 

It didn’t take long for Jaemin to feel the effects of the alcohol, having not built up a tolerance to it yet like Jeno had, and it was nothing like the drug he usually flooded his body with. When they first started drinking, he felt dizzy almost instantly and wanted to stop right there. Being dizzy was not something Jaemin enjoyed so he didn’t understand how people could actually enjoy drinking. 

But because he wanted to do something Jeno wanted to do, he pushed forward. And what he found out was that the more he drank, the less the room spun. Instead, he started to feel like he was floating, more similar to the high he got when he took the drugs, a high he was more accustomed to, but this was somehow still different. 

Jaemin felt  _ very _ happy and  _ very _ light. 

Jeno was smiling in front of him and he wanted nothing more than to squish his cheeks between his hands until his face exploded, he was just too cute to exist like that. Jeno was pouring another glass of the drink when Jaemin pitched forward and grabbed his cheeks. 

"Jaem, what the hell are you doing?’ Jeno was laughing as he said it, putting the bottle and glass down so he could steady Jaemin before he fell over. 

“Squishy,” Jaemin mumbled as a way of an answer and Jeno laughed again. 

“Okay Jaem, I think that is enough of that.” 

Jaemin could feel his lips turn down in a pout when Jeno pulled his hands away from his face, so he tried with all his might to break free from Jeno’s grip but he was much too strong. Jaemin gave up trying to get out of Jeno’s grip, letting his body slump against the back of the couch. 

Not expecting it, Jeno’s grip on Jaemin’s hands were released and Jaemin immediately took the opportunity to stand up and move away from Jeno so he couldn’t trap him again. The suddenness of him standing up however allowed the alcohol in his system to rush through his entire body all at once, causing a weird ripple effect over him that made him sway drastically. 

“Whoa,” Jaemin nearly shouted as he put his hands out trying to balance himself out. After the room stopped spinning uncontrollably Jaemin started laughing and clapped his hands as he turned to Jeno. 

Jeno slowly stood up from his spot on the couch, afraid of spooking Jaemin, and reached out for him while trying to hold back his laughter. Looking at Jaemin clapping his hands and his red face from the alcohol made him look like a small child ready for his first day of kindergarten.

Jaemin turned to Jeno and smiled, clapping his hands once more before his eyes narrowed on Jeno and he took a few stumbling steps towards him and pointed in his face and slurred out, “I have to tell to something Jeno-ssi,” He dragged out Jeno’s name and closed his eyes as he did it, and Jeno couldn’t help the laugh that flew out. 

“Sure, Jaem, what is it?” Jeno tried to guide the both of them to sit down on the couch but Jaemin seemed insistent on standing so Jeno wrapped his arms around his waist to make sure he didn’t fall. 

“Have you ever heard of kpop?” Jaemin raised his eyebrows at Jeno a few times, as if kpop was some big secret that no one was supposed to know about, so Jeno shook his head at him. 

“I don’t, can you tell me about it?”

Jaemin tilted his head to the side and closed both his eyes, leaning back into Jeno’s arms and then pointed to himself. “I am kpop,” Jaemin said matter of factly, and Jeno couldn’t help but laugh out loud at Jaemin’s statement. 

Jaemin’s eyes flew open at Jeno laughing and his face scrunched up in annoyance. “What was that for?”

Jeno tightened his grip around Jaemin’s waist when he tried to wriggle free and controlled his laugh before he tried to answer Jaemin, “I’m sorry Jaem, but you a kpop star? I just can’t see it. You are way too timid and scared of the outside world.” 

Jeno didn’t want to sound mean, but it was true. It took Jeno  _ so  _ long to just get Jaemin to go somewhere that wasn’t the convenience store, so he couldn’t really imagine Jaemin being up on a stage in front of hundreds or even thousands of people, dancing and singing. 

Jeno didn’t know much about kpop, he didn’t really follow it and the only real music he was accustomed to was the music Ten would dance to and teach to the kids of their little town. But he didn’t know the names of groups or songs, let alone the whole cult that was basically behind it all. 

“I am!” Jaemin stopped his foot like a child throwing a temper tantrum, and Jeno blamed the alcohol for not being able to stop himself from laughing again at Jaemin. “I’ll show you!” and then because Jeno was distracted, Jaemin managed to break free from Jeno’s arms and rushed to the middle of the living room. 

Before he could get there though, Jaemin tripped over the leg of the coffee table causing him to lurch forward and smack his head on the corner of the table. He fell to the ground with a resounding thud and Jeno had never sobered up so fast. 

He rushed to Jaemin’s side to make sure he was okay, but he was lying face down, his entire body shaking. Jeno quickly turned him around and found that Jaemin was laughing. Tears were coming out of the corners of his eyes, he was laughing so hard, and Jeno had to take a few deep breaths to calm his heart down. 

Jaemin was still laughing when Jeno finally got his heart under control and that’s when he saw the blood making his heart race once more. “Oh my god Jaemin, you’re bleeding!” 

Jaemin kept laughing despite what Jeno said until he started wiping away the blood to see how deep the gash was and his laughter was cut short. “Ow!” 

“Stay still you dummy,” Jeno moved Jaemin’s hair away from his forehead to try and find where the bleeding was coming from, but it was too dark on the floor since the only light in the room was coming from the lamp on the side of the table by the couch. 

Jeno decided it was better to get Jaemin on the couch anyway, so without hesitation he scooped Jaemin up bridal style and carried him the short distance to the couch, laying him down. As soon as Jeno picked him up, Jaemin started laughing again shouting like he was on a roller coaster. 

Jeno moved the table closer to the couch so he could sit on the edge of it and look at Jaemin’s head. He quickly went to the bathroom and brought back things to clean his cut with, making sure to grab a few extra bandages in case the cut was deeper than what he initially saw. 

When he got back to Jaemin, he had his eyes shut and Jeno quickly sat down and shook him to wake him up, afraid of how hard he hit his head. “Jaemin, hey Jaemin can you wake up for me?” And when Jaemin’s eyes flew open, it was all Jeno could do but not scream in fear. 

“You have strong arms Jeno, how did you pick all of me up like that? That was cool!” Okay, so Jaemin was still alive so that was a good thing, but now he was talking all kinds of nonsense and that was worrying Jeno to no ends. He also realized again just how light Jaemin was, which was also concerning but not the main cause for his concern. 

Jaemin was waving his hands all around in a dramatic fashion which was making it very hard for Jeno to clean the cut. “Jaem, you have to stop moving around I need to clean-” 

“Oh, but your arms are so strong Jeno!” Jaemin reached out and grabbed Jeno’s right bicep, squeezing it and laughing when Jeno jerked back. 

“Jaemin!” 

Despite Jeno’s stern voice, Jaemin continued to laugh and make grabby hands at Jeno trying to touch him in any way possible, and Jeno had to keep fending him off so he could continue to clean the cut. Thankfully the cut wasn’t that deep it was a small gash on his hairline that would easily be covered by his hair, but he could already see a bruise starting to form around it. 

“You’re pretty Jeno. Pretty, pretty, pretty.” 

Jeno rolled his eyes at Jaemin’s words, but he could feel the slight blush work its way up his neck and to his face. He went on continuing to clean the cut, glad that Jaemin was obviously out of it that way he didn’t feel the pain.

“Jeno is pretty no matter what. When I take the drugs, Jeno is pretty. When I don’t take the drugs, Jeno is pretty!” 

Jeno furrowed his brows at Jaemin’s words. Why was he talking about drugs all of a sudden? Maybe he was getting that confused with the alcohol for whatever reason. “Jaem, you mean the alcohol. There are no drugs here,” Jeno explained. 

Jaemin threw his hands in the air in a triumphant gesture. “Not anymore! Drugs go bye-bye!” Jaemin singsonged waving both of his hands and laughing loudly, making Jeno chuckle in response. 

“You’re really out of it aren’t you?” 

Jaemin smiled up at Jeno, and despite Jeno knowing that Jaemin was nothing more than three drinks past his limit there was something about his smile that stirred something in his chest. He looked down at Jaemin, his face red and a smile plastered on his face and he realized that even then, he found Jaemin astounding and just all around beautiful. 

He had never seen Jaemin laughing and smiling so much and he wished that he would smile more. He looked so carefree right now and Jeno wished that Jaemin could always be this carefree without the aid of alcohol to trigger it. When they were with each other it was true that Jaemin was almost always smiling, but it always seemed to be somewhat reserved like Jaemin was holding something back. And despite Jaemin talking absolute nonsense while Jeno was trying to clean him up, Jeno still wished to see him like this more. 

Lost in thought, Jeno didn’t realize that Jaemin had been staring back at Jeno with a certain intensity that Jeno had never witnessed before. “What is it Jaem?” 

“Let’s play Titanic!” 

“Titanic?” Jeno asked, confused. 

“Yeah! You be the iceberg and I’ll go down on you,” Jaemin said matter of factly and Jeno choked on his spit. Jaemin gave a poor excuse for a wink that ended up being him just closing his eyes with a sloppy smile on his face. 

Jeno just stared at Jaemin’s face trying to process what the hell he just said, waiting for Jaemin to open his eyes again. But the longer he stared, the more Jaemin’s smile began to slip off his face and his breathing evened out in sleep making Jeno realize he wasn’t going to get an answer. 

“Note to self: Jaemin is a flirty and clumsy drunk,” Jeno said to no one in particular. He finished cleaning up Jaemin’s cut, much easier now with Jaemin passed out and finally still, before cleaning up the bloody bandages and then also cleaning up their soju bottles and glasses. 

He set everything in the sink and decided he would clean up the rest tomorrow, wanting to get Jaemin in the bed so he was more comfortable. He moved back to the living room where he could hear soft snores coming from Jaemin. 

He bent over and picked Jaemin up bridal style again, and subconsciously Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno’s neck and snuggled in closer. A whimper escaped Jaemin’s lips and Jeno glanced down at Jaemin’s face that was now scrunched up as if he smelled something unpleasant. 

“Don’t let them take me. Don’t make me take them again, please I don’t want to. I want to be normal. Want to be normal.” 

Jaemin continued to murmur things like this while Jeno walked them back to the bedroom, but Jeno didn’t understand why. He didn’t know what Jaemin was talking about and who was making him do things he didn’t want to. Briefly, he wondered if Jaemin was talking about him and the fact that they were drinking tonight despite Jaemin obviously not 100% behind the idea.

“No drugs. No drugs, please no, no.” 

Jeno tried to listen further to see if Jaemin would say anything else, but he wasn’t forming full sentences and was mostly just repeating the same things over and over. Jeno assumed that maybe it was just another nightmare that he was having and so when he laid him down in the bed, Jeno laid down with him pulling him close. 

Jaemin instantly latched on to Jeno, burying his face into his chest, still murmuring the same things. Jeno wrapped his arms tight around Jaemin and ran his hand along his back whispering to him, trying to quiet his fears. 

“It’s okay Jaem, you don’t have to take them anymore, no more drugs, no more.” Jeno didn’t understand what Jaemin was talking about with the drugs, but he figured the best thing to do was to act like he did and assure Jaemin that he didn’t have to take them anymore. 

It took a bit of time, but eventually Jaemin stopped mumbling in his sleep, and Jeno couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity that was the first night in the house for the two of them. When he bought the soju he didn’t realize how novice Jaemin really was when it came to drinking, but he was still rather impressed with how much he drank before he started talking nonsense. 

Jeno rubbed over the bandage that now stuck to Jaemin’s hairline, laughing softly even at that. Leave it up to Jaemin to hurt himself while trying to prove something to Jeno. His mind went back to when Jaemin was talking about the drugs and whatnot, wondering what weird things his drunk mind was telling him. 

Jeno cast those thoughts aside, figuring it was probably nothing though, instead deciding that despite the one casualty of the night it was a pretty good start to Jeno and Jaemin living together, and let that thought follow him through to finally falling asleep. 


	11. 11

While living together seemed like a great idea at first and both boys were excited and celebrated, Jaemin completely misjudged the fact that he was still trying to wean himself off the drugs, and how hard that was going to be with Jeno around now even more than before.

Jaemin was more than happy to have Jeno there more often than not, but when he had his bad days he didn’t want to show that side of himself to Jeno and it was becoming increasingly clear that Jeno was getting fed up with Jaemin shutting him out. 

Jaemin was in a battle between trying to decide if it would be better to take the drug so he can face Jeno, or keep himself drug free to further sober himself up. He usually tended to lean towards the latter since that was the whole point of him coming here, but that just meant he shut Jeno out more often than not when those days hit him harder than usual.

The longer Jaemin pushed himself to go before taking the drug, the more frequent his nightmares plagued his mind. He was littered with the thought of his loved ones being hurt if he didn’t take the drugs right then and there. Most nights it was Jisung that was getting hurt because of Jaemin, but the other members and even his parents and sister would sometimes make guest appearances. 

It started out with Jaemin sleeping on the couch as he always did, but the more he had nightmares that made him scream outright, the more Jeno insisted that he sleep in the guest bedroom with him. Laying with Jeno was the only thing that seemed to help Jaemin ward off some of the worst nightmares so it didn’t take much convincing for Jaemin to agree. 

While he still had the nightmares, the ones that made him scream outright happened less and less as he started sharing a bed with Jeno. And even when Jaemin had the less intense nightmares, Jeno was always right there to reassure him that he was okay and help him get back to sleep. 

That being said, there were still days that Jaemin wanted nothing to do with Jeno mainly because he felt like such a burden to him that he didn’t want to bother him. Today was one of those days but before Jaemin could lock himself in the shared bedroom Jeno was there putting his foot in the doorway stopping it from closing. “Jaem,” his voice was low, but firm and that made Jaemin look up. “What are you doing?” 

“I’m fine, just tired, I was going to take a nap.” 

Jeno looked at him like he didn’t believe a single word he was saying, but Jaemin was unwilling to say anything else. He didn’t know what else he was supposed to say since he couldn’t tell him that he felt like a burden to him  _ and _ his pull to the drugs was extra strong today and the only way he could think to stop himself from taking them was to lock himself away. 

“Jaem, I know there’s something else going on. Can’t you just tell me? I can try and help you if you just,” 

Jaemin’s irritability was at an all time high and Jeno trying to prod at him wasn’t helping. He cut Jeno off before he could finish his sentence, “Jeno, no I said I’m just tired. What’s so hard about that to understand?” 

Jeno tried to push himself into the room but Jaemin was keeping a firm grip on the door, not allowing Jeno in. “Jaem, you’re always tired, that’s not normal and you can’t just shut me out every time something is wrong.” 

Jaemin narrowed his eyes at Jeno and crossed his arms over his chest allowing Jeno to further open the door and stand in the way so Jaemin couldn’t try to close the door on him again. Jeno didn’t say anything at first, just stood there waiting for Jaemin to say something but he too was staying stubbornly silent and just staring at Jeno. 

When neither of them spoke Jaemin finally huffed out a sigh and rolled his eyes. “I already told you Jeno why are you acting like this?” 

“I thought you trusted me Jaemin?”

Jaemin’s anger swayed for a moment hearing the hurt in Jeno’s voice and having it match the hurt in his eyes. He relaxed his stance, uncrossing his arms and reaching out to Jeno. 

“Jeno,” 

“No, don’t Jeno me. You don’t trust me, do you? You never have. Everything has been a lie from the way we interact to the way you seek out comfort from me, isn’t it? It’s all just a lie.”

Jaemin stepped back at Jeno’s words as if he was physically slapped. Jeno had never spoken to Jaemin like this, and he had certainly never been angry around him so this was all new to him and he wasn’t sure how to handle it. 

Apparently, his emotions however knew exactly how to handle it as he switched back to anger. What right did Jeno have to be telling him if what he said was a lie? How would he know if he was lying or not? It’s not like the two had known each other for years and knew that kind of thing, and now Jaemin was pissed that Jeno thought he was going to tell him what he was and wasn’t doing. 

“I’m not lying to you Jeno, I said I am tired and who are you to tell me I’m lying about that? Are you me? Can you feel my emotions and tell when I slept and how much sleep I need to not feel tired?” 

Jeno relaxed his stance and his voice lost the fight from before, but Jaemin held on tight to his. “Jaem, that’s not what I meant I’m sorry just, let me take care of you,” he tried to reach his hand out to grab onto Jaemin but he jerked back and refused it. 

Jaemin thought back to when Jisung told him that he was using Jeno as another form of addiction and he turned back to Jeno and narrowed his eyes, “I don’t need you to take care of me Jeno, I can do it just fine myself.” 

At that Jeno was back to angry, and he raised his voice at Jaemin. “Obviously not Jaemin! How many days a week do you lock yourself in here the whole day without eating, or drinking, barely even getting up to use the bathroom? That is  _ not  _ taking care of yourself Jaemin.” 

Jaemin didn’t have an answer for Jeno because he was absolutely right, but he wasn’t dumb to admit that. He was about to spew some bullshit response at Jeno but he was too fast and started yelling at Jaemin again, “If you don’t want to talk about what is wrong then say so, don’t lie and say you’re fine.” 

Again, Jaemin couldn’t say anything to Jeno because he was one hundred percent right. He wasn’t fine, he was in so much pain and he felt like he was suffering more by pushing Jeno away, but he didn’t know any other way to do it. He couldn’t bear it if Jeno saw him at his lowest point, and he wasn’t willing to put him through the burden of caring for him when he knew he didn’t deserve it. 

“Get out.” Jaemin’s voice was low and he averted his eyes from Jeno, but Jeno’s voice came out strong and filled with concern making Jaemin look up. 

“Jaemin, don’t do this, just let me help,” 

“I said  _ get out! _ ” Jaemin shouted at Jeno and then surged forward pushing Jeno’s chest. Jeno was caught by surprise at the action so Jaemin was able to successfully push him out the door into the hallway. He moved to shut the door, but the shock factor on Jeno was short lived and he sprung back to life stopping the door before it could latch. 

“Jaemin, wait please, 

“I don’t want you here Jeno, go away.” 

Jeno’s hold on the door weakened and his face dropped, “You don’t mean that,”

“You don’t know what I mean and don’t mean Jeno. You don’t know anything about me so stop trying to act like you do. Just  _ leave. _ ”

Jeno stood still in the doorway so Jaemin couldn’t shut the door properly. “Fine if you won’t leave then I will.” Jaemin stormed past Jeno making his way to the living room in search of his shoes. Jeno was close behind, calling for Jaemin to stop but he refused. 

Jaemin was still looking for his shoes, unable to focus enough to find them when Jeno’s hands appeared on either side of his face. Jaemin stopped moving, and blinked rapidly feeling a wetness on his cheeks making him realize he couldn’t find his shoes because his eyes were filled with unshed tears. 

Jeno’s voice was back to normal, substantially softer this time and he wiped under Jaemin’s eyes. “I’m sorry Jaem, I didn’t mean to upset you. Please don’t leave.” 

Despite Jeno’s soft tone, Jaemin was still angry at him and honestly he wanted to stay angry at him because that was an easier emotion to deal with than anything else he might be feeling. “I don’t want to see you right now Jeno,” Jaemin hated the words leaving his mouth but he really didn’t know what was going to happen with him and he didn’t want Jeno to witness it. 

“I know, I’ll go, okay?” 

Then as quick as his hands were there, they left Jaemin’s face and he watched as he bent over and picked up his shoes from the shoe rack, put them on, and then without another word he walked out the front door, leaving Jaemin standing alone in the living room. 

Jaemin wasn’t as angry anymore, well he wasn’t angry at Jeno. He was angry at himself for pushing Jeno away and making him think he didn’t want to see him. Because now that Jeno was gone, Jaemin has never wanted him more. But this was Jaemin’s fault and he wasn’t going to feel sorry for himself, because he deserved it. 

His legs gave out with the thought that Jeno was gone so easily and Jaemin crumpled to the floor, a sob escaping his chest. He stayed in that position for much too long, crying himself hoarse. When he thought he was finally out of tears, he slowly stood up and since he was barely able to do that, he knew he wasn’t going to make it to the bedroom so he crawled onto the couch instead. It only took a few minutes before he fell asleep, the sound of crickets outside the only indication of how much time passed since Jeno left in the early afternoon. 

He faintly heard the sound of a door opening, but his eyes were still too heavy to even try opening to see what it was. Footsteps made their way towards Jaemin and he faintly wondered if there was a murder in the house. Then there was a soft hand placed on his cheek and Jaemin decided that if this person was a murderer he was one of the creepier ones. 

“I'm sorry Jaem,” came a voice as soft as the hand that was on his cheek, and that’s when Jaemin knew this wasn’t a murder at all, it was Jeno. 

Jaemin tried to open his eyes to tell Jeno he had nothing to be sorry for since it was all his fault they fought in the first place, but his eyes stayed stubbornly shut, still heavy with sleep. And then without warning Jeno put his arms under Jaemin and picked him up bridal style. The sudden movement was enough to finally wake Jaemin up as his arms automatically flew around Jeno’s neck.

“Jeno!” Jaemin slurred his name, still trying to wake up from his nap but Jeno just shushed him as he pulled him higher up into his arms. Jeno walked back to the room and set Jaemin on the bed gently before sitting on the edge and looking down at him, brushing his hair away from his eyes. 

Jeno stays silent for a bit, still combing through Jaemin’s hair before he finally spoke up, “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to tell you how you feel or what to do Jaem, I just want to know what goes on in that pretty little head of yours because sometimes I don’t think there are very pretty things happening up there,” Jaemin blushed at the comment and Jeno softly tapped his forehead, “I just want to be there for you Jaem, like a good friend.” 

His voice caught on the word friend, but he cleared his throat and acted like nothing happened. Jaemin sat up in the bed so he was eye level with Jeno and released a breath he didn’t know he was holding when Jeno was talking. “I know you want me to open up to you but it’s not so easy for me Jeno. You can’t just demand something like that from me, it doesn’t work that way.” 

Jeno looked down and away from Jaemin in shame, “I’m sorry.”

Jaemin pulled his chin back to look at him again, “Don’t be sorry, just don’t do it again.” Jaemin offered him a small smile, but Jeno still looked sad and didn’t return the smile. He looked away from Jaemin again not looking convinced that Jaemin was really okay now. 

“Hey,” Jeno slowly looked up at Jaemin again, “As long as you recognize your mistake I forgive you. Okay?” 

Jeno stared at him unblinking and still didn’t seem convinced so Jaemin figured pretty words weren’t going to be enough to make Jeno believe him so he hoped that action would make a difference. 

Jaemin leaned forward and pinched Jeno’s cheek, which he softly shook off, but smiled a small smile which was a win in his book. “I’m tired, can we go to sleep?” Jeno visibly released a breath and nodded his head as Jaemin moved over in the bed to make room for Jeno. 

As soon as they were both lying down, Jeno took no time at all to pull Jaemin as close as humanly possible without crushing him, and Jaemin had never felt so relieved. He burrowed down into Jeno’s chest as he pulled the covers over both of them, and it took no time at all for Jaemin to fall back asleep, the fight from today quickly forgotten. 

Jeno however couldn’t fall asleep so easily. He was plagued with the memory of what happened after he left the house earlier during the fight. 

He knew Jaemin wanted to be alone, but he also knew that despite Jaemin saying that he didn’t want to see him, that wasn’t true. He was saying one thing but his eyes were saying something different. However, he knew that right now was not the time to fight Jaemin on this so he did as he was asked and he left. 

He didn’t go far however, he was going to go to the store or back home for a while to let Jaemin calm down, but he couldn’t bear to be that far away in case anything did happen and Jaemin needed him at a moment's notice. So instead Jeno stayed outside the house on the porch and he listened to Jaemin break down. 

It took everything inside him to not walk in as soon as he heard Jaemin start to cry, but he knew that whatever Jaemin was going through was something he didn’t want Jeno to see, and if he did see it he knew that would just upset Jaemin further. 

So he fought off every instinct he had telling him to go inside and hold Jaemin and never let him go, to never allow him to feel as broken as he sounded right now. He held off and sat there listening to Jaemin cry, and did nothing about it. Next to hearing about the death of his parents, this was one of the hardest things Jeno had ever had the displeasure to experience. 

The sounds of Jaemin’s cries lasted for what felt like hours, and Jeno was there for all of it, wishing he could shut it all out, but knew he never would be able to. This was a memory that would forever stay with him, but it was also something that he didn’t want to forget because it was fuel to the fire inside him that he decided Jaemin would never feel this way again, Jeno wouldn’t allow it. 

Tears slipped out of the corners of his eyes at the fresh memory, falling onto Jaemin’s head, slightly wetting his hair. Jeno tried to stay silent and keep his breaths even so he didn’t disturb Jaemin from his sleep, but then Jaemin pulled Jeno closer to him and shushed him. 

“It’s okay Jeno, you don’t have to cry, it’s okay.” 

And of course that just made Jeno cry harder, no longer able to hold back. He squeezed Jaemin closer and still tried to muffle his cries. Jaemin didn’t seem to mind however, just telling Jeno over and over how everything was going to be okay, and that he wasn’t mad anymore, and also how he was never leaving him. 

Eventually Jeno was able to get his emotions under control and, even out his breathing so that both he and Jaemin could finally fall asleep. 

____

While that was the biggest fight the two ever had, it also remained to be the only real fight they had. Any other fight they had was usually something over something like whether or not Jaemin was cheating in a card game. After that first fight, everything seemed to click into place for them, and they were living as if it were just the two of them in the world. 

But even with that being said, Jaemin still had his bad days that came and went. The only difference being that after their fight, Jaemin tried his hardest to let Jeno in a little bit so he could help him instead of pushing him away. It was still hard to do, but Jaemin was getting better and better at it because despite everything Jaemin found that he was falling for Jeno, and he was falling  _ hard _ . 

So Jaemin hated these days the most. The days when his head felt like it was going to split in half and nothing he did helped relieve the pain. It certainly didn’t help that when those days happened he always managed to get himself into a crying fit which just added to the pressure building in his head. With him going longer and longer without the drugs, these days tended to happen more often than not, but Jaemin still couldn’t seem to get used to them or figure out how to avoid them.

When Jaemin woke up without Jeno next to him, he remembered Jeno had switched to the morning shift at the store permanently now meaning he wouldn't be back until late afternoon and that just made his head pound that much harder. Despite Jaemin trying to open up to Jeno more about his bad days, he still tried his hardest to keep it all away from him. 

He knew it was a sign of withdrawal from the drugs, he had been dealing with these symptoms for weeks, but he thought he was getting better. Today came as such a surprise he wasn’t sure he could hide it from Jeno. He had never had a headache this massive before, and he had only just woken up. Normally they started out small and progressed throughout the day, worsening just as Jeno got there and then Jaemin would just lay with him until he would eventually fall asleep. 

This however was something he had a feeling wouldn’t just go away if he ignored it. He rolled over to the table to grab the glass of water he kept there only to find it empty. Groaning, Jaemin stood up from the bed, stumbling as he did and falling to his knees. The room was spinning and he couldn’t tell his left from his right. 

With his eyes shut tight, he waited until the room was slightly less slanted before he opened them again and managed to stand up, slower this time. Once he succeeded he took an agonizingly long time to walk the short distance from his room to the kitchen in search of more water. 

Except he couldn’t even make it to the kitchen, his head was pounding so loudly he was sure people back in Seoul could hear it. He dropped to his knees again behind the couch, curling in on himself. Jaemin stayed there in that position hoping and praying for the pressure to release and trying his hardest to not cry, but try as he might he couldn’t hold back the tears. 

He scrubbed his face, willing the tears to stop but the more he scrubbed the faster the tears fell. After a few more minutes of scrubbing his face, he decided that laying down was probably the next best option, but the room he came from was definitely too far so he decided to crawl around to the couch instead. 

He kept his eyes closed and moved at a snail’s pace as he felt his way over to the couch, pulling himself up to the cushions. As soon as he laid down, a familiar scent invaded his nose and he dared open one eye to find one of Jeno’s hoodies thrown on the couch haphazardly. He gratefully pulled it over his head, leaving the hood up and inhaling the scent. 

It made the pain lessen ever so slightly, but Jaemin was still in an immense amount of pain. He turned to face the back of the couch, burying his face between the cushions to make it as dark as possible to try and help alleviate his headache. 

Hours passed and his headache didn’t subside. Jaemin stayed in the same position the entire time, unwilling to try and move again considering each time he did the room spun uncontrollably. He wanted to call Jeno and tell him to not come over tonight, forgetting that Jeno actually lived there with him now, but the phone was all the way in the kitchen and Jaemin couldn’t even make it there the first time for water so he knew that wasn’t going to happen. 

Jaemin buried deeper into Jeno’s hoodie and then decided to try and turn around to see if he could tell what time it was. When he finally turned to see the living room, he saw it was dark enough for him to be able to leave his eyes open without being bothered too much. 

He somehow managed to stop crying sometime ago, and even sleep here and there, but the pain was still there and it was still going strong and Jaemin was out of options. He was about to try and stand up again to call Jeno and tell him not to come when the front door opened and Jeno walked in. 

The sudden sound of the door scared Jaemin enough to where he jumped, and the sudden movement after not moving all day made his headache burn with an unwanted heat and sobs immediately shook Jaemin’s entire body. 

“Jaem?” Jaemin could hear the concern in Jeno’s voice, but he couldn’t answer it, too busy wrapped up in the pain from his head that was now worse because he was full on sobbing. It took no time at all for Jeno to find Jaemin laying on the couch, turning the lamp on beside him in order to see Jaemin, but the light burned so bright his instinct told him to move as far away from it as possible. 

Since there was really nowhere for Jaemin to go on the couch with Jeno kneeled in front of him the only place for Jaemin to go was into Jeno’s arms. Jeno caught Jaemin with no hesitation, but it didn’t help his confusion at all. 

“Jaem, what’s wrong? What happened?” Jeno tried to convince Jaemin to press back from his chest so he could see his face, but Jaemin was adamant that he was not going to move. “Jaemin please, you’re scaring me, tell me what’s wrong so I can help.” 

Jeno’s voice was desperate, but his hands were gentle as they glided over Jaemin’s back and over the hood covering his head. Being closer to Jeno was helping Jaemin calm down, but it wasn’t enough to stop his headache that was still raging world war three in his skull. 

“The light,” he managed to whisper. Jaemin didn’t hear the lamp switch off right away, so he was sure Jeno probably didn’t hear him so he tried again, louder this time. “The light, off?” Jaemin tried to form a full sentence, but even those three words were hard for him so he hoped Jeno understood. 

A moment later Jaemin heard a click sound and warranted a quick look to see that Jeno had shut the light off, but kept his arms securely wrapped around Jaemin, who sighed in relief and slightly relaxed his tightened muscles. 

They stayed like this a moment longer before Jeno whispered next to Jaemin’s head, “Jaem, I’m going to lay you back down on the couch okay?” Jaemin whimpered at the idea of moving even an inch, but Jeno shushed him and assured him he would be back as quickly as possible. 

Jaemin nodded his head ever so slightly, and Jeno gently laid Jaemin’s head back on the couch, and Jaemin listened as he walked away. He heard Jeno get a glass from the cabinet and turned the tap on, realizing Jeno had walked to the kitchen. He then listened to his soft footfalls cross the living room and disappear into one of the back rooms where Jaemin couldn’t hear as well, but still tried to strain his ears that far didn’t work. 

Just as promised, Jeno returned to Jaemin quicker than he expected, but instead of laying on the couch with Jaemin like he had hoped, Jeno was kneeling in front of him again, placing his hand on his cheek to get his attention. Jaemin forced his eyes to flutter open cautiously, thankful that it was getting darker in the living room now since the sun was setting. 

“Jaem I need you to do something for me, can you do that?” Jaemin looked at Jeno wearily, not sure he was going to like whatever he was going to ask him to do. And when Jeno held up a pill and the glass of water, Jaemin knew he was right. He immediately closed his eyes again and buried his face in the hood, but Jeno pulled him back. 

“Jaem, please I promise this will help. It will be over quickly and then I’ll come up and lay with you. Don’t you want me to lay with you?” Jaemin’s attention was snapped at the prospect of having Jeno closer as he squinted at Jeno deciding to attempt sitting up. But it became increasingly apparent that he was not going to be able to do it himself, so Jeno set the pill and glass down and leaned forward to help. 

It wasn’t a pleasant experience for Jaemin, but he was willing to do just about anything to have Jeno hold him in his arms, so he gritted his teeth and did it. When he was finally sitting up, Jeno gave him an encouraging smile, making sure to keep one arm on him as he reached out for the pill and glass of water with the other. 

“Here,” he handed the pill to Jaemin, waiting for him to put it in his mouth before handing him the glass of water to swallow it. Once he finished Jeno offered him another smile and a small, “good,” before he set the glass of water back on the table. While still holding his side Jeno moved to lay down on the couch with Jaemin, making sure to move slowly and not jostle him too much.

Jeno was on his back and tucked Jaemin tightly to his side trying to block as much light as possible, despite it being almost pitch black in the house now. Jaemin felt something cover him, and realized it was a blanket he didn’t realize Jeno had gotten. The warmth from the blanket mixed with Jeno’s natural body heat was quick to relax Jaemin and he couldn’t believe he didn’t think to bring a blanket with him earlier. 

Jeno pulled the blanket up to cover both of them and tightened his grip around Jaemin, pulling him impossibly close. And while Jaemin’s head still hurt an excruciating amount, he couldn’t help the tears that flowed down his cheek once again. 

Thankfully he was able to keep his crying silent, but it didn’t take long for Jeno’s shirt to become noticeably wet, and Jeno tightened his grip evermore on Jaemin as he kissed the top of his head before murmuring, “Jaem, I know it hurts but I can’t imagine crying is making it feel any better. It’s okay, let’s try to sleep okay? It will be alright, shhh.” 

Jaemin knew, he knew that crying didn’t help but he couldn’t help it. The only thing was, this time he wasn’t crying because his head hurt, he was crying because who the hell was this man holding him? This man who came back after working all day to find Jaemin crying on the couch because of a little headache, and he dropped everything to make sure he was okay. He could have easily had a bad day at work, and it’s not like Jaemin was a kid. He shouldn’t need to be babied the way he was right now.

But still, this man was solely focused on Jaemin and even though he was offering no help as to what was going on, he still knew exactly what to do and how to handle it. Jaemin didn’t understand why someone like Jeno was so caring and so nice to someone like himself. He didn’t deserve it. Jeno was so nice to him, and to everyone, and here he was taking care of Jaemin like he didn’t also have needs. 

Jaemin tried to stop crying, he really did, but then Jeno started humming something soft, and was rubbing Jaemin’s head so gently that Jaemin couldn’t help it. “Shhh, it’s okay love. You’ll be okay, don’t worry.” Jeno’s reassurances came between his humming, and it wasn’t long before Jaemin was finally able to stop crying so he could hear Jeno’s voice more clearly. 

After a few more minutes of Jeno humming, he asked Jaemin, “does it still hurt?” Jaemin nodded his head and Jeno went back to humming. “Don’t worry, the medicine should kick in soon. I’m sorry you feel this way.” The last comment almost sent Jaemin into tears again, but he held it in not wanting to burden Jeno anymore. 

Jeno continued to rub his head and hum soft tunes and the medicine must have started to kick in because Jaemin found Jeno’s voice becoming further and further away, only able to feel the vibrations from his chest. But then Jeno’s voice brought him back when he asked, “Are you okay?” 

Jaemin managed a nod before sleep pulled at him again, so Jeno resumed humming and the last thing Jaemin remembered was a featherweight pressure to the top of his head before a dreamless sleep invaded his consciousness. 


	12. 12

Jaemin was starting to get comfortable with Jeno to a point that he almost felt like they were an old married couple. They sat down for dinner together, Jaemin asking how Jeno’s day was at work, and Jeno asking if Jaemin did anything new that day. 

Jaemin was so at ease with Jeno, and he felt like he was finally returning to who he was before the drug took over his entire being. He had managed to stay off the drug for the past week, consecutively and Jaemin had never felt more proud of himself. 

And although he was no longer taking the drugs, the side effects of not taking even a small amount was still there, so he would get the occasional nightmare that Jeno would have to rouse him from but not nearly as often as he used to. 

Unfortunately, his sleep schedule was still weird, and he would find himself woken by a nightmare and unable to go back to sleep because of it. But he didn’t want to wake Jeno up, knowing he had to work in the morning so when that happened he would just go out in the living room and watch TV until he was tired enough to go back to bed with Jeno. 

Tonight was one of those nights where a nightmare woke him up, but it wasn’t bad enough to also wake Jeno. He jerked himself awake and wiped the sweat from his head, trying to get his breathing back to normal. He looked over to see Jeno still sound asleep and then tried to get out of the bed as quietly as possible so he didn’t wake Jeno. 

“Where are you going?” came Jeno’s sleep muddle voice, making Jaemin curse himself silently. He turned back to Jeno, who still had his eyes closed but his head was raised from the pillow. 

“I’m just gonna get some water, I’ll be right back,” Jeno nodded his head and flopped back down on the pillow making Jaemin laugh lightly. He patted Jeno’s head twice before he finally got up from the bed and made his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water and then bring it to the couch and sit down. 

He turned the TV on and started flipping through the channels hoping something would be on to distract him, but he kept coming up empty. He flipped through the channels for another 30 seconds before he realized the only things on TV at this time of night were infomercials. 

He landed on an infomercial selling some home improvement device and tossed the remote aside, and leaned his head against the back of the couch, and exhaled harshly with his eyes shut. 

“I thought you were coming back?”

Jaemin’s eyes snap open at the sound of Jeno’s voice, placing a hand over his chest to make sure his heart didn’t pop out. Then when he realizes it was just Jeno, he smiled sheepishly at him and offered a small wave. “I figured you would go back to sleep. I didn’t want to wake you up.” 

Jeno gave Jaemin a look that made him feel like he was a kindergartener getting in trouble for eating the glue after being told not to more than once, so Jaemin just smiled again to which Jeno smiled back and ruffled his hair. He turned towards the kitchen and called over his shoulder, “Well since you’re up, are you hungry?”

“Hungry?” Jaemin echoed. 

“Yeah, hungry. Let’s make something.” Came Jeno’s reply. Jaemin looked at the clock on the table in front of him before looking back and Jeno’s back with wide eyes. 

“It’s three in the morning Jeno,” 

“Perfect, it’s morning which means it’s breakfast time, come on come here and help me.” 

Jaemin sat on the couch for a moment more, listening to Jeno as he messed around with ingredients and pots and pans in the kitchen, apparently making as much noise as possible before he finally stood up and walked to where Jeno was. 

Jaemin was shocked that Jeno was awake enough to want to make pancakes, and was even more shocked that he seemed to have everything needed in order to make the pancakes. “When did you get all this stuff?” 

Jeno looked over his shoulder at Jaemin and smiled a knowing smile. “I’m just that damn good,” and then winked at Jaemin, causing him to punch his arm. 

“You’re an idiot. What should I do?”

Jeno laughed at Jaemin nonetheless, being way more energetic at three in the morning than any normal person should be, but Jaemin would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying it. He did whatever Jeno told him to do, helping whenever he could.

Jeno had started playing music on the TV for them to listen to and anytime a song came on that he knew the dance to (or at least pretended to know the dance to) he would pull Jaemin from whatever he was doing and demand that he have this dance with him. 

Jaemin looked at him like he was a certified crazy person at first, but eventually Jaemin started to look forward to when their next dance break would come. Thanks to that it took a hell of a lot longer to make the pancakes than it should have, and they ended up burning a good chunk of the pancakes because they forgot they were on the stove, but they still tasted alright. 

They were cooking pancakes well into the early morning, so they decided to take their non burned pancakes out to the porch and eat them while watching the sunrise. Jeno checked the time on his phone, letting out a curse. 

“I have to get to work I forgot I’m working today,” Jaemin stood up next to Jeno and took the plate out of his hand and ushered him inside, “Well then go get ready so you’re not late. I’ll clean up breakfast.”

Jeno murmured a quick thanks before he darted inside to get ready for work, leaving a trail of dust behind him. Jaemin laughed to himself as he watched him rush away before following him inside to start cleaning up their mess. 

Five minutes later Jeno came out of their shared bedroom and made a beeline for the door calling over his shoulder, “Thanks Jaem, I’ll see you tonight when I get off!” and then he was out the door. Jaemin rolled his eyes at him as he went back to cleaning the kitchen. 

After he finished cleaning the kitchen, he still wasn’t super tired so he decided to give the house a quick sprucing. It usually stayed generally clean even with both him and Jeno being here almost all the time, but he still managed to find things to clean and then ended up doing laundry for the both of them as well. 

After he finished the laundry, he found that he was finally tired enough to fall asleep for a few hours. He glanced at the clock and figured that would be perfect timing since Jeno was due to be home soon anyway, and they could make dinner together or something. Instead of going to their bedroom however, Jaemin decided to just sleep on the couch, his eyes closing almost as soon as his head hit the cushion.

_____

Despite having been up since three in the morning, Jeno was surprisingly still bright and chipper during his shift and after. He thought about the pancakes he and Jaemin made and he couldn’t stop smiling. He replayed all the times Jaemin laughed and danced with him, and he burned the image of Jaemin sitting on the porch with the sunrise warming his face into his mind. He jogged the rest of the way to the house, his energy seemingly boundless at the thought of Jaemin waiting for him.

As soon as he got to the house, Jeno walked in and toed off his shoes before he turned and locked the door. He tossed his keys on the side table and it wasn’t until the sound reverberated off the walls that he realized how quiet the house was. He peered around the corner and saw the living room lights on, but there was no sign of Jaemin. 

“Jaem?” There was no response so Jeno tried again this time a bit louder. “Jaem, where are you?” Still there was no response so Jeno pushed forward and walked through to the living room to at least turn the light off, assuming Jaemin was in the backroom and forgot to turn the light off. 

“Jaem, you forgot-” before Jeno could finish his chastising he saw a lump on the couch that turned out to be Jaemin. He was curled up on one cushion both his hands pillowed under his face as his mouth hung slightly open. 

Jeno stared down at Jaemin for a moment before he sat on the coffee table in front of Jaemin’s sleeping form. He was glad Jaemin was sleeping, the past few nights had been extremely rough in the sense that Jaemin kept having nightmares and then refusing to go back to sleep after them, and he was pretty sure Jaemin was keeping it from him even though he heard him every time he got up. Jeno was beginning to wonder if he should secretly add in sleeping pills purely so the boy would sleep even if for a little bit. 

Jeno brushed back Jaemin’s bangs, noting how long his hair seemed to have gotten since arriving here. Jaemin leaned into the touch and Jeno couldn’t keep the smile off his face. He continued to brush his hair back, threading his fingers through the rest of his hair. 

Jaemin hummed in his sleep causing Jeno to laugh out loud, to which Jaemin immediately whined at. Jeno tried to quiet his laughter, cooing at Jaemin and trying to calm him back down so he would stay asleep. 

As Jeno continued his ministrations, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander. His mind wandered into the dangerous land of ‘what if’. As Jeno looked down at Jaemin, he wondered what if they weren’t  _ just _ friends? What if they were more? Jeno looked back at the front door of the house and let his imagination run free. 

_ Jeno walked through the door, loosening the tie around his neck already halfway out of his dress shoes before even closing the front door. He threw his keys in the bowl on the table and welcomed the warm air and sizzling sound coming from the kitchen.  _

_ After taking his shoes completely off and sliding into the slippers he set his bag down on the kitchen table and walked over to Jaemin who had his back to him, cooking something on the stove. Without making a sound Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s middle, making him jump at the initial contact but then relax when he realized who it was.  _

_ Jaemin turned them both around so he could cut up some vegetables, Jeno refusing to let him go and instead just following his movements. “Jeno, I told you not to put your bag on the table where we eat.”  _

_ Jeno pouted and dug his chin into Jaemin’s shoulder, eliciting a laugh from him as he shied away from Jeno. “Jeno stop that tickles!” hearing his laugh, Jeno couldn’t refrain from doing the exact opposite by digging his chin even further into Jaemin’s shoulder.  _

_ “Jeno!” Jaemin squealed and turned around in Jeno’s hold, but failed in getting out of his grasp. Jeno pulled him close so he couldn’t get away. Jaemin rested his hands on Jeno’s chest and pouted at Jeno. “Why are you so mean when I’m here cooking you dinner?”  _

_ Jeno titled his head and gave a small smile before he leaned forward and kissed the tip of Jaemin’s nose. “I’m sorry, I just can’t help it sometimes.” Jaemin pulled back suddenly his mouth shaped in an ‘o’ as he furrowed his brows at Jeno.  _

_ “You can’t help but dig your sharp ass chin into my shoulder causing pain?” Jeno copied Jaemin’s face and retorted,  _

_ “Pain? What pain! You just said it tickled!” Jaemin immediately smiled at Jeno with a look of pure innocence and he squeezed Jeno’s cheek before ducking down and slipping out from Jeno’s grasp.  _

_ Jeno snatched his arm out before Jaemin could get away, reeling him back to his chest trapping him once again. “Is that how you greet your husband after a long day at work?”  _

_ Jaemin’s head was on Jeno’s chest so his face was hidden, but Jeno wasn’t a fool; he knew for a fact that Jaemin was rolling his eyes into the next year. Jaemin pulled away from Jeno’s chest and looked up at him with a sigh and a small smile.  _

_ Jeno waited expectantly, even went as far as closing his eyes and puckering his lips towards him. Jeno felt movement from Jaemin, and just when he thought he was finally going to get his welcome home kiss, Jaemin was suddenly jolted away from his body screaming, “Oh my god Jeno the dinner!” his voice was frantic and once Jeno opened his eyes, he saw the billowing black smoke and smelled the burnt food. It was a wonder how neither of them smelled it before this moment.  _

_ Jaemin quickly threw water on whatever he was cooking and opened the window above the sink trying to fan the smoke out and Jeno couldn’t help but laugh at his husband's antics. Jaemin stopped his actions and immediately turned around to glare at Jeno.  _

_ Now the smart thing to do would be to stop laughing as soon as Jaemin turned around, but Jeno wasn’t always smart. Instead of sobering up at seeing his husband's angered face, he only laughed harder and louder. It took no time at all for Jaemin to come over to Jeno’s side and immediately start punching his arm.  _

_ “Ahh Jaem, I’m sorry I’m sorry! Hey, quit! Jaem!” Even though Jaemin was hitting him mercilessly Jeno still couldn’t stop laughing and that only made Jaemin hit harder. Finally Jeno was actually starting to bruise from the hitting so he trapped Jaemin’s arms so he couldn’t move, his laughter finally calming down.  _

_ Jaemin continued to thrash in Jeno’s arms in an attempt to break free and continue to hit Jeno, but Jeno had other ideas. He kept hold of Jaemin and waited until he eventually gave up and stood still, pouting in silence.  _

_ “Hey, don’t be mad at me, please?” Jeno tried, but Jaemin stood still and continued to look anywhere but at Jeno, so he tried a different tactic. He let go of Jaemin’s arms and took a cautionary step back in case Jaemin still had a taste for blood, but instead of that Jaemin immediately turned away from Jeno.  _

_ Confused, Jeno stepped closer and put his hand on Jaemin’s back. “Hey, what’s wrong?” Jaemin released a heavy sigh before he motioned towards the burnt food, but that was the only answer he gave. And then Jeno realized why Jaemin was upset. “Jaem, are you upset because the food was burnt?”  _

_ Jaemin crossed his arms in answer, and Jeno had to hold back his laughter at how adorable Jaemin was being. Granted he was being a bit of a baby, but Jeno wouldn’t have it any other way. He walked forward and wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s middle again, resting his chin softly on his shoulder this time.  _

_ “It’s not that big of a deal love, it’s just food. We can make more.” Jeno swayed the two of them back and forth in the hopes it would relax Jaemin, and when he finally spoke up Jeno knew it had worked.  _

_ “But I wanted to make dinner for you, and I ruined it.” Jaemin’s voice was calm, but he could hear the disappointment in it. Jeno turned Jaemin around in his arms and grabbed either side of his face to make him look up at him.  _

_ “You didn’t ruin anything Jaem, I don’t need a fancy dinner when I get home. I just need you. Okay?” Jaemin kept eye contact with Jeno, searching his eyes before a smile adorned his face and he relaxed in Jeno’s hold. “Plus, we can always just have ramen,” Jeno added with a suggestive wink, successfully lightening the mood. _

_ “Yah, Lee Jeno!” Jaemin leaned back from Jeno and smacked his chest, albeit much lighter than when he was punching his arm a moment ago. Jeno pulled him close again, their chests touching as he laughed and said,  _

_ “Hey we’re married, we can do stuff like that without worrying, Lee Jaemin,” Jeno smiled as he said his full name, watching as a pretty pink blush spread across Jaemin’s cheeks. Jaemin looked away but Jeno tilted his chin up to meet his eyes again, loving the shy look Jaemin was giving him, and Jeno could no longer help himself as he leaned forward watching as Jaemin’s eyes closed and he waited in anticipation for their lips to meet.  _

“Jeno? Jeno!” 

Jeno was pulled back into reality when his name was shouted from below. He focused back and saw Jaemin laying on the couch looking up at Jeno with confusion clear on his face. Jeno realized he had been fantasizing about him and Jaemin being married all in front of Jaemin. He immediately felt his ears turn red and his face flush. 

He stood up from the coffee table and moved as far away from Jaemin as he could. He tried and failed, to calm his racing heart before Jaemin stood in front of him. Jeno felt a hand touch his arm, albeit hesitantly, and he whipped around to see Jaemin standing in front of him, worry etched into his features.

“Jeno are you okay? Are you sick? Your face is a bit flushed,” Jaemin moved forward and pressed the back of his hand to Jeno’s forehead. Jeno wanted to pull back, but before he could think to move, Jaemin’s hand was already there and Jeno was cemented to his spot. He was thrown back to his daydream, having Jaemin so close a breath away from their lips meeting, and he instantly flushed again. 

Jaemin pulled his hand back as if he were burned and then immediately pushed forward to grab Jeno by the shoulders and guide him over to the couch, pushing him down. “Jeno you’re burning up! Why didn’t you say something!” But Jeno had officially become a mute. He could say nothing as Jaemin rushed from the living room into the bathroom, making a ruckus as he looked for something. 

It wasn’t until Jaemin came back with the thermometer that Jeno was able to speak. “Jaem, no I’m fine I promise, it’s just a little hot in here is all.” Jaemin had sat on the couch next to Jeno, trying to push the thermometer under his tongue. Jeno laughed at his attempts and tried to push him away, but Jaemin was adamant. 

“Jeno, there is no way you are fine, your head could have cooked an egg, it was so hot! Just let me take your temperature.” Jaemin tried again to shove the thermometer under Jeno’s tongue, and Jeno figured this would be the easiest way to convince Jaemin that he wasn’t actually sick, so he let him. 

They waited in silence until the thermometer beeped and Jaemin pulled it out to check. After checking the temperature, Jaemin looked up at Jeno confused, going back and forth between checking the thermometer and Jeno’s face. “There’s no way. Let’s check again,” 

Jaemin tried shoving the thing back in Jeno’s mouth but Jeno stopped him by grabbing his wrist and holding it there. “Jaem, I told you I’m fine. I just got hot, I promise.” Jaemin still didn’t look convinced but he lowered his hand anyway. Jeno smiled at him and decided a change of subject would do them good. “Come on, are you hungry?” 

Jaemin looked at him for another beat before he released a sigh and set the thermometer on the coffee table. “What do you want to eat?” 

They decided to use the leftover rice and kimchi from a few nights ago to make kimchi fried rice, Jaemin frying up a few eggs to go with it. They ate at the table, Jeno talking about his day, thankful that Jaemin seemed to have forgotten about the earlier incident of his flushed face. 

When there was a lull in their conversation Jeno remembered that his boss at work had reminded him of the upcoming festival their town was having. Since Jaemin seemed to be more comfortable with going outside and into a more public kind of place he really hoped Jaemin would want to go. 

“Hey Jaem,” Jaemin looked up from his plate, his cheeks full with food and Jeno had to suppress a laugh. “There’s an annual festival they do downtown going on this weekend. Wanna go?”

Jaemin’s eyes immediately lit up at the thought of going back into town and looking through all the things the festival had to offer. He swallowed the food in his mouth quickly and nodded his head at Jeno. “I would  _ love  _ to. Is it the whole weekend?”

While Jeno usually didn’t go to the festival the town put on every year, something about the excitement Jaemin held for it made Jeno wish he would have. Jaemin’s excitement made Jeno just as excited and he couldn't believe that a person was capable of doing something like that. 

“Yeah, it's Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.” 

“What day should we go?” Jaemin was starting to edge his way out of his seat in his excitement and Jeno had to push him back. 

“We can go whichever day you want, I got the whole weekend off,” Jaemin’s mouth dropped open at Jeno’s words and formed into a smile, “we can even go every day if you really want to.” 

And then Jaemin was unable to hold in his excitement anymore and stood up from his chair and started clapping and laughing in excitement. Jeno laughed with Jaemin as he hopped around like an over excited child, telling him to calm down before he hurt himself. 

Jaemin obeyed dutifully, sending Jeno a mock salute in the process. “I’m glad you are willing to go to the same festival for three days in a row Jeno, but we don’t have to go every day. We can just go one of the three days,” Jaemin said when he finally sat back down in his chair. 

“Sure thing Jaemin,” Jeno smiled at Jaemin knowing that wasn’t the case at all but he was going to let Jaemin think it was. 

They ended up going to all three days, and Jeno was surprised that every day was actually different. When they went on Friday there were farmers market type booths set up selling things like vegetables, fruits, and even spices. Jaemin dragged Jeno around to almost every single booth, taste testing whatever was available and making Jeno do the same. 

Jeno tried to jokingly take Jaemin over to a booth selling strawberry flavored things and he almost feared for his life with the look Jaemin gave him at the suggestion. But Jeno just laughed it off and hooked his arm with Jaemin and moved them to the next booth.

They went back on Saturday where most of the booths were geared towards a younger audience, showing things like light up yo-yos and funny looking dragons that had strings attached that you could make walk around like they were actually walking with you. 

They also had a few booths offering games to play, ranging from a simple ring toss game to shooting games that had kids running all around. As Jaemin and Jeno weaved their way through the crowds of small children, Jaemin couldn’t help but look around in confusion. 

“Are there always this many kids here? I don’t remember seeing this amount of kids when we were here however long ago,” Jaemin directed his question at Jeno but his eyes continued to scan over the mass groups of children running and screaming. 

Jeno followed Jaemin’s line of sight and chuckled at his confused face before he answered. “No, most of the kids here don’t live here, they're just visiting because of the festival. It’s a yearly thing the town does when the kids are all on a school holiday so that they can come down and it brings a profit in for the town.” 

Jaemin nodded his head in understanding, and the two of them continued weaving through the kids and looking at all the booths that had endless amounts of toys that Jaemin was sure the kids would end up breaking in record time. 

They didn’t spend a whole lot of time downtown on Saturday since it was dominantly for little kids, and while Jaemin had little cousins that he could buy some things for, he almost never saw them so it was pointless to buy anything. Jeno’s cousins he lived with were also much too old for these things, considering they were in college, so he also had no need for the toys.

On the final day, the booths were leaning more towards homemade arts and crafts. There were art pieces that were painted, drawn, made on the computer, and other forms that Jeno had never seen done before. There was even a small booth where an elderly lady and a Samoyed dog were sitting, advertising art the dog himself had done. 

Jaemin couldn’t help but coo at the dog, politely asking the woman if he could pet the dog. The dog immediately began to lick Jaemin’s face as soon as he bent down to his level, knocking Jaemin over on his butt. Jeno was about to ask Jaemin if he was okay but the sound of Jaemin laughing was answer enough. 

Jaemin asked the woman what the dog’s name was and when she said Pumpkin, Jeno had to stand behind Jaemin to stop him from falling over. 

“That is the cutest name ever for him! Did he paint these?” 

The lady nodded her head with a proud smile on her face. Jeno looked over the paintings again in a new light now that he knew they were painted by the dog. He found himself smiling at the paintings as he helped Jaemin stand up and start to look through the paintings they were offering. 

They spent the most time in this booth, Jaemin going through every single painting they had to offer and taking his time actually looking at each one. In the end, Jaemin wound up buying two of them, smiling brightly at the woman and giving one last pat and hug to Pumpkin who happily licked his face. 

Once they left the booth Jaemin couldn’t keep the smile off his face as he looked down at his paintings, almost running into a light pole. Jeno quickly yanked Jaemin away just before he collided with it and then guided him off to the side so they wouldn't mess with the flow of traffic. 

“Jaem, you can’t keep looking at those paintings while we walk, you're gonna get hurt!” Jeno chastised Jaemin, but he wasn’t really listening, still looking at the paintings. He looked up at Jeno with a radiant smile and Jeno felt his slight frustration at him dissipate instantly. 

“Pumpkin looked  _ just _ like you, don’t you think?” Jaemin said. 

Jeno rolled his eyes and huffed out a harsh breath through his nose as he shook his head at Jaemin. “Sure Jaem, compare me to a dog that’s very nice.” 

Jaemin waved his hands trying to negate what Jaemin was saying, slight concern adorning his face when he spoke, “No, no Jeno that’s not what I meant! He was really cute, you’re really cute, they just go hand in hand you know?” Jaemin was talking so fast it was hard for Jeno to keep up, so he just laughed at Jaemin’s sudden outburst and pushed Jaemin’s shoulder. 

“I was just kidding Jaem, that’s very nice of you to say. And plus,” Jeno picked up one of the paintings Jaemin bought, “if I’m anything like Pumpkin I’m a great artist.” 

Jaemin laughed at Jeno’s words and leaned into his side using Jeno as a support system while he laughed, making Jeno stand up straighter to support him. The two of them merged back in with the flow of traffic, Jaemin sticking close to Jeno and keeping his eyes up this time so he didn’t run into a pole for real. 

The two boys spent the rest of the day looking around at different booths, mostly those supplying canvas art as Jaemin found out he was truly drawn to things of the sort. He didn’t end up buying anything else aside from the two he got from Pumpkin, but he thoroughly enjoyed looking at everyone’s take on art. 

And while the two were enjoying the day and each other's presence they were blissfully unaware of the catastrophic events there were about to turn their entire weekend on their heads. 


	13. 13

It had been a few days since Jeno and Jaemin had gone to the fair, so things had quickly gone back to normal with Jeno going back to working the day shifts and Jaemin being bored at home without Jeno there to distract him. To pass the time while he was at work Jaemin decided to give Jisung a call. It had been a few days since he talked to him and with Jeno not there that meant he could gush to Jisung about him. 

Jisung answered on the fourth ring, his voice just above a whisper. “Hyung, can I call you back?” Confusion clouded Jaemin’s mind as he tried to force words out of his mouth. “Uh yeah sure, what’s going on?” 

But before Jisung could answer him there was screaming in the background. At first the screaming sounded like it was coming from another room but just as Jaemin was about to ask Jisung what was going on, the screaming got much closer and was suddenly in the room. Jaemin heard muffling and he knew Jisung was probably trying to hide his phone, but he could still hear that someone was yelling. 

It was hard to make out the words clearly, but Jaemin could hear his own name being shouted more often than not and he knew that they were talking about where the hell Jaemin was. And apparently SM was smart enough to realize that if anyone was going to know where Jaemin was and what he was doing, it was going to be Jisung. 

Whatever Jaemin was about to say died on his tongue as he was thrown back into memories that up to this point he had successfully replaced with Jeno. But the voice was enough to bring them all back with rapid succession and Jaemin couldn’t hang up the phone fast enough. 

He stood up on shaky legs leaving the bedroom he and Jeno shared, and made his way to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, but that proved to be harder than he thought considering his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. So it was no surprise that he dropped the glass before he could even get the water in the cup, watching it shatter on the ground. 

Jaemin stared at the shards of glass for longer than was necessary but he couldn’t find it in himself to do much of anything else. At this point he was moving on autopilot and didn't want to give his mind a chance to catch up to whatever it was he heard on the other line while he was on the phone with Jisung. 

So to no surprise, Jaemin found himself making his way to the 24-hour convenience store like he has so many times in the past month he’d been here. His mind stayed blissfully blank the whole way, hoping that maybe seeing Jeno even just for a little bit would be able to keep away the haunted memories of SM at bay.

He kept this idea in his head the whole walk, refusing to let anything else in his mind, releasing the breath he was holding as soon as he stepped foot in the store. He didn’t see Jeno right away but he could hear him talking to someone somewhere else, and almost immediately he felt better. 

Jaemin followed the voice he’d become so accustomed to until he got sight of Jeno. Jaemin’s hands were shaking and the twitch in his arm wouldn’t stop and he knew that was a sign that his body is trying to tell him to take the drug, but he knew better now. 

Jeno was sitting on the floor, legs crossed with a clipboard in his lap and a pen in his mouth. He looked to be in the middle of counting something so Jaemin waited until he was done before he crouched down next to him and waited for him to turn around. 

When he finally did, he let out a small yelp at seeing Jaemin, and as much as he wanted to tease Jeno for yelping like a little girl, he couldn’t seem to get the words out of his mouth. Instead, he watched as Jeno raked his eyes all over him and attempted to regulate his breathing. 

“What are you doing here Jaem? I thought you were sleeping?” Jaemin shrugged his shoulders and then stood up from his crouch helping Jeno stand up as well. Jaemin stayed silent still and Jeno seemed to take notice as he quirked an eyebrow at Jaemin for his lack of an answer. His eyes then traveled down to his shaking hand before he looked back at his face. 

“Jaem are you,” 

“What time do you get off again?” 

Jeno looked over Jaemin again before he answered unsurely, not because he didn’t know but because Jaemin knew exactly when Jeno got off since it was the same every night this week. He had switched from the morning shifts because a coworker needed the morning shift this week but he had already talked to Jaemin about it. “At 8, are you okay?” 

Jaemin nodded his head with too much enthusiasm and Jeno knew he was hiding something from him, but he didn’t know what. 

“I was going to make us food or something but I couldn’t find anything so I came down here.” 

Jeno looked at Jaemin again, concern more than apparent in his answer. “We just got stuff the other day Jaem, don’t you remember?” 

Jaemin stared at Jeno a moment as if trying to recall their last visit to the store before he smacked his hand to his head and forced out the fakest laugh Jeno had ever heard. “Of course I remember! Truth is I was bored and I wanted to come see if you needed company.” 

Jeno glanced back at his boss who was well down the aisle before he looked back at Jaemin, softening his voice. “Look Jaemin I would love to have you keep me company you know that but my boss is here and we’re doing inventory,” Jaemin’s face dropped immediately at Jeno’s words and worry shot through Jeno’s spine. “But if something is wrong I can come home,” 

Jeno wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Jaemin’s face was back to the forced carefree from before, waving his hands in front of his face. “What, no! Nothing is wrong. I was just bored. I don’t want to harass you while your boss is here so I’ll see you when you get home okay?” Jaemin smiled at Jeno, but it didn’t reach his eyes. But before Jeno could call him out on it Jaemin turned away and headed towards the door.

“Everything alright Jeno?” Jeno turned to see his boss looking at him with worry etched on his face as he watched Jaemin’s retreating figure. 

“Uh yeah, I think so, yeah.” Jeno answered clumsily. 

“He a friend of yours?” his boss asked, jerking his head at the door where Jaemin just left. 

“Yeah,” Jeno knew he was being rude, not looking at his boss, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Jaemin, worry blossoming in his chest and weighing thickly in the pit of his stomach. 

“I’ll make a deal with you. Finish the aisle you're on and one more and you can go. The rest of inventory is pretty easy for one person anyway and I have a certain skill with it.”

His words made Jeno snap his attention to him, his eyebrows furrowing. “I couldn’t just let you do it all,” Jeno started to argue but his boss cut him off. 

“If that wasn’t a cry for help from that young man, then I don’t know what is. He needs a friend, more specifically I think he needs you. And plus, I’m not doing this on my own, you’re finishing this aisle and the next one over.” Jeno’s boss walked away, going back to his half of the inventory leaving Jeno standing in place. “Keep talkin’ back and I’ll make you do another aisle before you can leave.” 

He chuckled at that and Jeno couldn’t help but do the same, ever so thankful that this man was his boss before he set out on his two aisles, finishing them with record speed. 

__

When Jeno finally got home that night, Jaemin hadn’t even been watching the clock like he normally did. Instead, he was curled up on the couch staring at the TV, some drama he’d seen before playing but he wasn’t really watching it. He didn’t even hear the front door open and it wasn’t until Jeno sat down on the couch and put his hand on Jaemin’s leg that he even realized someone else was there.

Jaemin jumped at the contact eyes darting around looking for the culprit, and then visibly relaxed when he saw who it was. Jeno offered him a smile and Jaemin did his best to return the sincerity. Based on the way Jeno’s face fell he assumed he didn’t do a very good job of it. But in a true Jeno fashion, instead of saying anything about it he put the smile back on his face and shook Jaemin’s leg as if to get his attention even though he already had it. 

“Let’s watch a movie,” Jeno stood up suddenly and went to the movie collection and brought back a handful to show Jaemin, “Here, pick one.” Jaemin scanned over the movies and recognized that all of them were scary movies, Jaemin’s favorite genre.

“I thought you didn’t like scary movies?” Jaemin asked, not able to keep the small smile off his face. Jeno just shrugged at his shoulders as an answer and pushed the movies into Jaemin’s space urging him to pick one. Reluctantly he picked one and Jeno happily stood up and put the movie in, making sure to leave a light on. 

When he came back to the couch, Jaemin sat up to make room and Jeno moved noticeably closer to Jaemin, resting his hand on his thigh and directing his attention to the TV. Jaemin looked at Jeno’s hand on his thigh for probably too long before he scooted even closer to him and rested his head on his shoulder. 

Jeno tensed for half a second before he relaxed again and Jaemin could both feel and hear the sigh he released. Being in this position for them wasn’t exactly new, Jaemin was always a very touchy person he enjoyed physical touch more than most people did and he enjoyed it with anyone willing to receive it. 

At first Jeno seemed very shy at the constant physical touching Jaemin initiated whether on purpose or by accident, and he always froze up when Jaemin so much as laid a hand on his shoulder. But now either Jeno has gotten used to Jaemin’s clingy ways, or he’s come to actually enjoy it. (Jaemin doesn’t like to think too hard on the second option). 

When the movie began to play Jaemin felt the immediate pull of sleep calling his name, which was rather odd for him since scary movies were his favorite and they always grabbed his attention so strongly that sometimes he would forget to blink, he was so entranced. The main character hadn’t even been introduced before he felt his eyelids drooping and couldn’t seem to keep them open. He thinks he hears Jeno say something, but sleep was pulling at him faster than it ever had before and it wasn’t long before sleep finally won and Jaemin let it take over his body. 

___

As Jeno was walking home from work that night, he couldn’t stop thinking about Jaemin when he came into the store a few hours prior. He looked, scared. And although his boss let him off early, it still wasn’t soon enough for Jeno because he just  _ knew _ something was wrong. 

It didn’t take a genius to realize that Jaemin had one hell of a past he was running away from, but Jeno could have sworn in the time that he’d been in this town that he had gotten better. When Jaemin was first here Jeno would get whiplash from the constant mood changes from him. But he didn’t want to point them out or ask Jaemin point blank because he was afraid he would just make it worse. He figured the best thing he could do was to just support Jaemin and if he wanted to tell him about his past then he would. 

But the look in his eyes when he walked in the store tonight was something he hadn’t seen in so long he almost blew it all and asked Jaemin what he was running from. But again, he didn’t want to send Jaemin into some kind of panic, so before he walked into the house he decided he would just act like everything was normal and maybe just be a little extra supportive tonight. 

When he walked in and saw the blank look on Jaemin’s face as he stared at the TV, Jeno knew that this situation called for pulling out  _ all  _ the stops. Despite not liking scary movies, he knew those were Jaemin’s favorite and his eyes always did this  _ thing  _ when he watched them. And because he was always so dragged into the movie, Jeno was able to stare at Jaemin unashamed for the entire movie if he really wanted, and he never got caught. That was one of the only reasons he ever agreed to watch these movies with Jaemin in the first place. 

Tonight however was different. The spark in his eyes wasn’t there when he suggested they watch a scary movie, but he did see a flicker of it when he put his hand on Jaemin’s thigh. Jeno has never really been good with physical touch, mainly because he’s never really been around people who are as touchy as Jaemin was. While his aunt and uncle raised and loved him like their own child, even with their own children they weren’t very touchy so it made sense that they were even less so that way with Jeno. 

With Jaemin though it was different. Jeno was sure that 99 percent of the time Jaemin wasn’t even aware he was touching someone when he did. At first it was hard for Jeno to get used to it, but Jaemin had done it so much and so often that it took no time at all for him to not only get used to the constant touch but to crave it. (but he won’t admit that out loud)

Still, it was rare for Jeno to be the one initiating physical touch and the times he did, Jaemin always had the biggest smile, and the lightest amount of pink would color his cheeks prettily. So it was no doubt that based on Jaemin’s somber mood that Jeno was going to initiate first, and was pleased when Jaemin immediately responded and laid his head on his shoulder. Jeno still got shocked at Jaemin’s touch, but he supposed that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

What was odd was how heavy Jaemin’s head became on his shoulder, giving the telltale signs of Jaemin falling asleep. The opening credits hadn’t even been halfway through before Jeno could feel Jaemin’s breathing even out in sleep. Jeno experimented by moving his shoulder a little bit, and when Jaemin whined and scooted closer to Jeno he knew his suspicions were correct. 

Jeno noticed this little quirk of Jaemin’s after one of the first nights they had fallen asleep together. He thought it was just because Jaemin was having a nightmare, but it turned out whenever Jaemin was moved in his sleep his way to get that to stop was to cuddle closer to whatever was closest, whether it be Jeno himself or the pillow within his reach. Jeno couldn’t help but chuckle as he removed his hand from Jaemin’s leg and maneuvered his head to lay in his lap instead of his shoulder to ensure he was a bit more comfortable. 

Jaemin furrowed his brow so hard at all the movement Jeno had to hold back scolding him and telling his sleeping form that his face will get stuck like that if he frowned any harder. Instead, once he got his head comfortable on his lap, Jeno rubbed the spot between his eyebrows until Jaemin relaxed his face and went back to a peaceful sleep. At least for a little while that is. 

Jeno had turned the movie off, thankful he thought to bring the remotes with him and turned on some piano music while he threaded his hand through Jaemin’s hair humming along to the parts he knew. All was fine and well and Jeno could feel himself start to fall asleep when Jaemin suddenly began twitching in his sleep. Jeno opened his eyes and looked down at Jaemin only to find he was back to frowning so hard it looked like he had a unibrow. 

Jaemin’s head started shaking back and forth as if he was saying no, and a cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He started whining, at first it was only noises but then they started escalating into jumbled words that Jeno couldn’t manage to make out. 

Jeno knew Jaemin was having a nightmare since he had dealt with Jaemin’s nightmares more than once in the past, that was the whole reason they started sleeping in the same bed after all, but he hadn’t had one in so long Jeno felt the panic from the first time he witnessed one bubble in his chest. 

But Jeno wasn’t new to this and he knew what best to do in order to calm Jaemin down so he gently grabbed either side of Jaemin’s face and brushed his thumbs over the apples of his cheeks, shushing him and still humming along to the music to try and calm him. And while this didn’t calm him all the way, generally Jaemin gave a reaction to it. But as Jeno continued his ministrations it seemed like Jaemin was only getting worse. 

Jaemin was shaking his head so rapidly that Jeno couldn’t keep his hands on his face anymore. Trying a new tactic, Jeno decided to pick the top half of Jaemin’s body up and awkwardly cradle him to his chest putting his head in the crook of his neck. Jeno could feel the tears wetting his bare neck and shirt, but he paid no mind to it as he rocked Jaemin back and forth and carded his hand through his hair. 

But still Jaemin was stuck in this nightmare, and it seemed like nothing Jeno was doing was helping. He almost felt like everything he was doing just made things worse for Jaemin, and that terrified Jeno to no end. Jeno really felt the panic sink in when Jaemin started screaming out loud, sobbing into Jeno’s shoulder. 

“ _ Jisung! Jisung! Please no, wait Jeno don’t, Jeno!”  _

Even if Jaemin wasn’t right by Jeno’s ear, he had a feeling that the words would have still left his ears ringing. He was shocked to hear his name along with whoever Jisung was, but that was the last thing on his mind right now. Hearing the fear and strain in Jaemin’s voice stirred something in Jeno’s gut and he knew that he had to wake Jaemin up, and he had to do it  _ now _ . Jeno removed Jaemin’s head from the crook of his neck and got a tighter grip on his face in order to keep it in place and all but shouted at him,

“Jaemin, Jaemin, come on you have to wake up. It’s just a dream, just a dream come back to me Jaemin, come back.” Jaemin continued to thrash in Jeno’s hands, repeating that same thing over and over crying for whoever Jisung was and Jeno was afraid he wasn’t going to be able to wake him up. But he wasn’t going to give up, he could never give up on Jaemin. 

“Jaem, come on I need you back here with me okay? Come back to me Jaem, come home.” Jaemin seemed to respond to the use of the nickname Jeno had given him, so he took that and ran with it. 

“That’s right Jaem, come back okay? Come back where it’s safe. I can help you Jaem, I can protect you and Jisung, just come back.” Jeno repeated phrases similar and watched as Jaemin slowly came to, blinking his eyes and looking around the room trying to figure out where he was. When they finally landed on Jeno, he looked visibly relieved and Jeno couldn’t help the relieved smile on his face. 

“Hey Jaem,” Jaemin coughed out a sob and leaned his head directly onto Jeno’s chest bringing his hands up to fist at Jeno’s shirt. Jeno wrapped his arms around Jaemin’s back and pulled him impossibly closer, rubbing his back and waiting for Jaemin’s breathing to even out. 

Usually after Jaemin had a nightmare and Jeno managed to wake him up, Jaemin would follow the same routine. Realize it was Jeno waking him up, cried into his chest while Jeno rubbed his back, and once he was cried out he would fall back asleep secured tightly in Jeno’s arms. Tonight however seemed to be different. 

Once Jeno could no longer hear Jaemin crying, just him sniffling, he was waiting for his breathing to even out in sleep so he could carry the two of them back to bed, but he could tell Jaemin was still awake by the way his hands kept clutching and un-clutching his shirt. 

“Jaem?” At first he didn’t move, so Jeno said his name again, “Jaemin?” 

At that Jaemin looked up, eyes red and cheeks puffy from crying. Jeno wasn’t used to Jaemin still being awake at this point after a nightmare, so it was safe to say Jeno was at a loss as for what to do. Jaemin locked eyes with Jeno, and his gaze was so strong that even if he wanted to, Jeno wasn’t sure he would be able to look away. 

Jaemin didn’t say anything still, but Jeno was patient. It was obvious Jaemin had something to say, and Jeno wasn’t going to force it out of him. So he just looked back at Jaemin, hand idly rubbing circles on Jaemin’s back while he waited for Jaemin to do whatever it was he needed to do. 

But what Jeno certainly was not expecting was for Jaemin’s lips to crash to his own. 

___

Just like any rational person, Jaemin  _ hated _ nightmares. But he hated them specifically because they happened way too often and it always seemed near impossible to get out of them. The nightmares increased once he stopped taking the drug, a side effect of withdrawal he was sure, but while he could fight off the other symptoms it seemed that this was one he just couldn’t figure out. 

The nightmares were always the same, and never like normal nightmares people had where they forget to wear pants to school or they’re chased by the monster under the bed, unless the monster under his bed was SM of course. 

The nightmares usually consisted of Jaemin losing someone from NCT Youth, and all because of him. Something he did forced management to take drastic measures to right the wrong and his members were always the ones to take the fall while Jaemin was forced to sit back and watch. He watched as his members called for help but no matter what Jaemin did, he couldn’t reach them in time, stuck in a never ending trail that only took him further from his members. 

It had been a while since he’d had a nightmare, Jeno sleeping in the same space as him seemed to be his own form of a security blanket. Even though in the beginning nightmares still managed to slip past, but that just made Jeno hold on tighter every night after. 

To be honest, Jaemin couldn’t say he was surprised he had a nightmare tonight though. Hearing the manager's voice on the phone after so long was more than enough to warrant this on Jaemin, but that didn’t mean he was exactly prepared for it. 

While any member getting hurt in his nightmares was hard to bear, whenever Jisung was the member of choice that was always a bit harder on Jaemin. What was a real shock factor in this nightmare was Jeno’s guest appearance. If he thought watching his members get hurt because of him was hard, then watching Jeno get hurt alongside them was a whole new Olympic sport. 

As the nightmare went on and the manager was switching back and forth between hitting Jisung and Jeno with a baseball bat, through his sobs and pleas for them to stop, he could hear his name. 

_ Jaem _

He wiped his eyes furiously to look at Jeno, but he was crumpled up on the ground, curled in on himself, blood dripping down his entire body. 

_ Come back to me Jaem, come home _

The once clear sight of Jisung and Jeno bloodied and broken on the floor started to become blurry as he focused on the voice, repeating the same thing over and over. A voice that Jaemin recognized as warmth, and safety, and  _ home _ .

_ Come home Jaem, come back where it’s safe _

Light flooded his eyesight and no longer were Jeno and Jisung bloodied on the floor, but instead Jeno, the real Jeno, was right in front of him holding his face. Jaemin saw the smile through his tears and blinked a few times to rid them in order to make sure Jeno was in front of him and he was okay. 

After confirming that Jeno was in fact real, Jaemin released a sob and buried himself in Jeno’s chest, curling his fists around his shirt in order to ground himself. Jeno was okay. He was here, and he was okay. Jaemin felt Jeno’s arms wrap protectively around him, bringing him even closer as he cried into his shirt, probably ruining it with his tears and snot. But Jaemin couldn’t find it in him to care because  _ Jeno was okay.  _

Jaemin cried until he had no more tears, and his heart had calmed down considerably. Jeno was still rubbing his back and had begun humming in Jaemin’s hair when his heart rate sped up once again, but this time it wasn’t in fear, but something different. 

The fear that coursed through his body when he thought he was going to lose Jeno in the nightmare was unbearable. And again, the thought of losing  _ any  _ of his members brought on the same type of panic, but once Jeno was thrown into the mix, there was something different swirling in his gut. 

At this thought, Jaemin raised his head from Jeno’s chest and locked eyes with him. Jeno looked surprised at first but recovered quickly as he looked right back at Jaemin, no signs of backing down until Jaemin did. And then he’s not sure what came over him, and why in that moment there was one thing, and one thing only on his mind. 

He needed to kiss Jeno. And he needed to do it,  _ right now.  _

So without giving it much more thought, Jaemin did. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to Jeno’s, nothing else on his mind. 

Almost immediately after their lips touched, Jaemin’s mind finally caught up and he pulled back, feeling the telltale sign of his face turning beet red. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I just, I wanted to-” 

But before Jaemin could finish his sentence or even manage to pull himself from Jeno’s grip and crawl under a rock to die, he was pulled back into Jeno’s space and this time it was Jeno that connected their lips. 

Initially, Jaemin froze at the contact, but just as quickly he felt himself relax into the feeling of Jeno’s lips on his own as he closed his eyes. His kiss felt like home. Like a place he always wanted but never knew. It was like the sun rising in the morning, and it reminded him of better times. He felt safe, secure and warm. It was a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long, the warmth of the summer sun, and Jaemin was drowning in it. 

Jaemin sighed at the thought, allowing Jeno the chance to deepen the kiss. Tentatively Jeno licked at Jaemin’s bottom lip, asking for access to which Jaemin happily granted tilting his head for a better angle. Their tongues danced and it took everything in Jaemin not to pull Jeno closer, even though they were as close as they could be. 

Jeno pulled back way too soon, breath hot against Jaemin’s mouth as he rested his forehead on Jaemin’s. 

“Are you okay?” Jeno whispered. Jaemin’s eyes were still closed but he managed to nod his head enough to answer him. “I’m sorry,” Jeno was still whispering, and this caused Jaemin’s eyes to fly open, only to find Jeno’s securely shut. 

Jaemin didn’t understand what Jeno could possibly be sorry for, if anything Jaemin should be the one sorry for Jeno always being the one to witness his nightmares. He knew they weren’t exactly a walk in the park, and the fact that Jeno always took such good care of Jaemin despite not having to, is more than enough reason for Jaemin to be the one who’s sorry. 

“I’m sorry you have these nightmares. If I could take them away I would, I’m just so sorry.” Jeno’s voice broke on the last words and Jaemin watched helplessly as tears began to flow from Jeno’s closed eyes with no signs of stopping or slowing down. 

Now it was Jaemin’s turn to take Jeno’s face in his hands and rub the apples of his cheeks much like Jeno had done to him time after time. Jeno still refused to open his eyes, crying silently in Jaemin’s hands. Jeno’s hands came up to rest on top of Jaemins’ and his eyes finally opened. 

Jaemin leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on Jeno’s lips, short and sweet before he took one of his hands from Jeno’s face, taking it and kissing his palm before finally interlacing their fingers. He guided Jeno’s head to his chest and with the hand that wasn’t interlaced with Jeno’s, he carded his hand through his hair. 

He let Jeno cry for as long as he needed, albeit for not as long as he would have thought, while he did the comforting for a change. Jaemin was still carding his hand through Jeno’s hair when Jeno shifted below him so his voice wasn't muffled by Jaemin’s shirt. 

Jaemin looked down at Jeno in curiosity, waiting for Jeno to say whatever was on his mind. “You know, whatever possessed you to do that, should possess you more often.” Jaemin continued to stare at the top of Jeno’s head, not quite sure he understood what Jeno was talking about.

“You mean,” and before Jaemin could finish his thought, Jeno sat up so he was face to face with Jaemin and pecked his lips. Jaemin stared at Jeno in shock, not really registering what just happened, but when it did he couldn't help the heat that traveled up his neck to his face. 

Jaemin wasn’t used to being the one embarrassed by things like that, but something about it being Jeno made him blush all the more. And surprisingly Jeno had the upper hand for once since in the past it was always Jaemin who was the shameless flirt to Jeno. 

Wordlessly Jeno pulled Jaemin down on the couch so Jaemin was practically laying on top of him, pulling him close and rubbing circles on his back. Jeno pulled the discarded blanket Jaemin was previously using to cover both of them and tucked Jaemin’s head into the crook of his neck and rested his chin on his head. 

“I’m glad you kissed me first though,” Jeno admitted. Jaemin blew a hard breath through his nose making Jeno squeeze him tighter. “No, seriously Jaem. If you hadn’t done it first I don’t think I would have been able to do it ever, even though I’ve wanted to for who knows how long now.” Jaemin stayed silent, not really knowing what to say, and Jeno didn’t seem to mind it. 

The two of them laid there in silence after that, and it wasn’t until Jaemin felt the even breathing of Jeno signaling that he was asleep that Jaemin whispered, “Thank you,” before falling asleep himself.

____

When Jaemin woke up again, it was only because he could feel Jeno stirring under him, and while he knew Jeno had to work that day, he was reluctant to let him go that easily. But to nobody’s surprise, Jeno was able to get out of Jaemin’s grasp and put a pillow there in place. 

Despite knowing what Jeno was doing, Jaemin decided to go along with it and pull the pillow closer to his chest, pretending for a minute that it was in fact still Jeno in his arms. Jaemin listened as he got ready in the other room, refusing to open his eyes. He knew that if he did and he saw Jeno he would want nothing more than to try his hardest to make him stay home that day, and he knew Jeno didn’t like to flake out on his responsibilities. 

Jaemin almost fell back asleep until he was lightly shaken, paired with a soft voice calling out to him. “I have to go to work but I’ll be back later tonight, okay?” Jaemin whined at the voice, mainly because he didn’t want Jeno to leave, but also because he was  _ tired  _ and he just wanted to go back to sleep. 

He heard Jeno chuckle before he pulled the blanket up to cover him and said, “I know but when I come home we can talk okay?” And before Jaemin could whine again he felt Jeno’s lips press against his forehead and he sighed instead, relishing in the fact that Jeno definitely lingered.

Jaemin heard the unmistakable click of the door closing after that, and after not a lot of effort, fell back asleep. 

___

When Jaemin woke up again, the sun was shining through the windows in the living room and he was sure it was well into the afternoon. Stretching his sore limbs, Jaemin got up from the couch rubbing the last remnants of sleep from his eyes as he stumbled into the kitchen for some water. 

He confirmed his suspicion when he looked at the clock and it read 4 pm. Jeno was still working the later shifts so he was scheduled to get off at 8 that night, so Jaemin decided to make dinner for the two of them since he hadn’t done anything but sleep all day and the least he could do was have food for Jeno when he got home. 

_ Home. _

Jaemin couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face at the thought. When had Jeno started calling this house home? When had  _ Jaemin _ started calling this place home? Jaemin wasn’t sure who started it first but the point of the matter was that this was exactly what it was, it was home. Jeno was home and Jaemin was so happy to be able to say that. 

Jaemin was so lost in thought that he didn’t register the knock on the door until whoever was on the other side quite literally almost broke the door down with how hard they were knocking. Jaemin was yanked out of his head at the sound, confusion clouding his mind because the only other person who knew about this house was Jeno, and Jeno never knocked. 

Jaemin thought maybe it was a family friend of Jisung’s and they thought the family was in town or something at seeing the lights on in the house. Jaemin was prepared to explain to them that he was just renting the place out or some other excuse, anything to get them to leave and hopefully not raise any flags. But when Jaemin finally did open the door, what stood on the other side was certainly not something he was expecting. 

“Hello, Jaemin. We’ve been looking for you.”


	14. 14

Jaemin was frozen. He had never felt more fear, more dread, in his life. Standing before him was what became his worst nightmare since coming to this place he was beginning to think of as home. 

But this wasn’t a nightmare, this was reality and Jaemin was in big trouble. The CEO stood there for another minute with his shit eating grin before he pushed Jaemin inside the house, Jaemin not expecting the action so he ended up falling to the ground. 

The CEO mumbled out what was probably a curse as he kicked at Jaemin to make him move so they were both inside the house and he could shut the door. Jaemin quickly crawled backward to avoid the CEO’s kicks, but he was still trying to process the sight of seeing the CEO here of all places, so he wasn't able to keep up. 

“Do you understand what I went through? What I had to do because you decided to  _ screw _ me over? And for what, some run down house in a no-name town? What did you gain from this Jaemin?” The CEO spat out each sentence in anger and it was all Jaemin could do to avoid the shower. 

The CEO continued towards Jaemin, not showing any signs of slowing down and Jaemin truly feared for his life. For a fleeting moment he wished for Jeno to come home, but that thought was immediately cast away knowing what the outcome of that would be.

Jaemin crawled over to the couch, using it as leverage to stand up in front of the CEO who was still ranting about what hell he went through when Jaemin ran away. As soon as he stood up, the CEO slapped him across the face so hard he stumbled back down to the ground. 

“Who said you could stand up? You stay down on the ground where you belong, you ungrateful  _ dog _ ,” He spit on Jaemin as he held his face in his hands trying to will the sting from the slap to subside. Jaemin stayed on the ground, but he turned to face the CEO, tears brimming in his eyes but somehow he found the strength to speak up. 

“What do you want from me?”

Jaemin was shocked to hear the CEO begin to laugh. He was further shocked when he kneeled in front of him and made direct eye contact with him. His voice was low and threatening as he pulled Jaemin by the collar closer to his face. “I want my property back.” 

Jaemin’s entire body seized up with fear, and he was sure he stopped breathing. The CEO laughed at Jaemin’s reaction and then took no time to thread his fingers through Jaemin’s hair and pull him up into standing, only pulling harder when Jaemin yelped out in pain. 

“I’m tired of this, we’re leaving.” The CEO started pulling Jaemin towards the door but Jaemin immediately started pulling back, despite the pain it was causing. He couldn’t just leave, not with Jeno coming home expecting to see him. Especially not after last night. They were supposed to talk when he got off work but if Jaemin wasn’t there, “Please. Please, I just need to do something.” 

The CEO scoffed and turned around to look Jaemin in the eyes, “Do something? Do you really think you deserve the luxury of doing whatever you want? You’ve been doing whatever you want for  _ months _ . What makes you think I’ll allow you to do it any longer?” The CEO’s laugh was humorless and was laced with venom but Jaemin had to try

“Please, I promise I’ll go without, no fuss, I just need to do one thing,” The CEO was about to deny him again but Jaemin tried one last time. “If we go out like this now people will see. They’ll talk and they'll definitely say something. Just let me do one thing and I’ll go quietly. No one will know, please.” 

This made the CEO stop for a moment and give it a brief thought before he threw Jaemin to the ground and pushed him away with his foot. “You have exactly three minutes. If you try anything I’ll kill you right here, understand?” Jaemin quickly nodded his head and scrambled to stand up and make his way to the bedroom where he and Jeno had taken residency. 

He quickly grabbed his backpack from when he first arrived here and put the drugs and a few other items in there before he found a pen and paper. He didn’t have much time to write something long and heartfelt, but he needed to leave something for Jeno. He couldn’t help the tears that fell onto the paper, smudging some of the writing but not having the luxury to fix it. Jaemin signed his name and folded it in half, messily addressing it to Jeno and leaving it on the bed. 

Just as he put the paper on the bed the CEO came barreling into the room. “Time’s up. Let’s go.” and without a chance to look back Jaemin was being dragged out from the place he had become accustomed to calling home. 

Jaemin was surprised to see no car outside, only two more men in black suits waiting for them. He looked around the yard but he came up empty finding no car in sight. He blinked in confusion and the CEO must have taken notice because he smacked the back of Jaemin’s head. 

“Quit looking around like an idiot. It’s annoying.” Jaemin immediately bowed his head and dutifully followed the CEO as they walked down the road, the two men in suits bringing up the rear. They ended up walking to the bus station, where Jaemin’s confusion only grew because he couldn’t believe the CEO actually took a bus to get here, but then a shiny black car was parked at the bus station and Jaemin was only slightly less confused. 

They walked through the crowd of people, and Jaemin couldn’t help the tears that fell. He tried to keep quiet, but the constant sniffling didn’t go by unnoticed because once again the CEO’s hand found its way to Jaemin’s head. But this time he rested his hand on his neck and squeezed. “You’re making a scene Jaemin, and it’s getting on my nerves, now you better knock it off before I do something rash.” 

Jaemin wiped his face and cleared his throat before shaking his head in hopes to clear his head a bit. The CEO tapped the back of Jaemin’s head with a bit too much force and Jaemin could hear the smile in his voice, “That’s a good boy.”

Jaemin shivered at the name but kept his head down and his lips sealed. He walked forward with the CEO, but his attention was grabbed at the sound of a familiar voice. 

“Jae! Jae!” Jaemin turned his head to try and find the source of the voice and when he found it, he froze. It was Minjee, and she was frantically waving her hands over her head, smiling brightly towards Jaemin. Her glasses were secured on her face so he knew he couldn’t pretend like he was someone else. She came running over to him despite the three men surrounding him, and Jaemin felt his heart drop. 

“Jae! I haven’t seen you in so long! Are you going somewhere?” She finally looked up at the CEO, worry etched in her features for a short moment before turning back to Jaemin. 

“Ah, Minjee. Yeah, I’m headed back home.” 

Minjee immediately pouted and leaned forward to pull Jaemin into a hug. “Already? I didn’t even get to see you other than the first time you were here!” Minjee pouted and stomped her foot like a small child, forcing a small laugh out of him. 

Jaemin smiled softly at Minjee as he hugged her back briefly. “I know, I’m sorry I just have to go back to work. I promise I’ll come back and we can actually hang out. I have to go now, I’m glad I got to meet you.” He gave Minjee a sad smile and tried his hardest to not cry, but from the look on Minjee’s face, he was doing a terrible job. 

“Jae, is everything okay?” She glanced at the three men surrounding Jaemin nervously before looking back at him. He nodded his head quickly before he cleared his throat and pushed his tears away. 

“Yeah Minjee, it’s fine but I really have to go, I’ll talk to you soon okay?” Jaemin easily lied. He pulled her in for one last hug and whispered in her ear, “Tell Jeno I’m sorry,” and before Minjee could say anything he turned around and headed into the car without looking back. 

The car ride was silent for the first five minutes, but the CEO began laughing a laugh that would make the joker jealous. 

“So you actually made friends here in this nonsense town? Well now that I know that,” he leaned towards Jaemin and squeezed his cheeks with his hand to make sure Jaemin was looking at him, “if you ever act up again, I’ll come back to this town and I’ll hurt everyone here whether or not you know them, understand?” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened in fear as he let the statement settle. This must have been very satisfying to the CEO because he began laughing again the joy in his laugh borderlining on psychotic. He pushed Jaemin’s face away from him in disgust, his laughter ending abruptly as he faced the front again. 

For the rest of the ride, Jaemin kept his eyes closed but he couldn’t find it in himself to sleep. He wanted so bad to sleep, to dream, to go back to that no name town. Back to Jeno. He had no way to contact him, but he knew it was for the better even though it hurt like hell to think about it. At least the last memory he had of Jeno was a good one. 

Jaemin thought back to when Jeno kissed him, and he couldn’t stop the tears no matter how hard he tried. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks the entire five hours it took to get back to Seoul, and Jaemin was both unable and unwilling to make them stop. He cried for what he lost, and he cried for the danger he inadvertently put the others into. 

Once they arrived the CEO took no time to grab at Jaemin’s hair and yanked him out of the car. Now that they were back on the CEO’s home turf he was able to be a lot freer with his punishment and abuse towards Jaemin. No one would dare call him out for his actions, too scared of the consequences. 

Jaemin was dragged all the way to one of the conference rooms and thrown in there. Without another word the CEO closed and locked the door behind him leaving Jaemin in the dark alone. Jaemin lay on the floor for a long while staring up into the darkness not willing to even try and sit up or do anything but lay there. 

Sometime later, Jaemin was still laying on the ground when the door opened again and two men in black suits came in and flooded the room with lights, blinding Jaemin. He threw his arms over his eyes but they were quickly pulled away as the men hoisted him up and dragged him out of the room. 

He was then shoved into another room, but this time he was thrown into a chair and there was the CEO and a few other people Jaemin kind of recognized as staff of SM sitting across from him. Jaemin lowered his head as soon as he made eye contact with the CEO, and kept his head down even as the CEO began to speak. 

“The situation is simple,” he started, “you ran away, we found you. And now you are going to follow every single order I give you because if you don’t, I will personally drag you back to that town and I will make you watch as I take that entire town and make them wish they never met you. Understand?”

Jaemin held his breath and stayed silent, not trusting his voice. He heard as a chair scraped back and footsteps came towards him. Jaemin didn’t have to guess who it was, he had become all too familiar with the feeling of his hands at his neck. 

“It seems as if you didn’t hear me Jaemin. Do you understand me?” The CEO moved his hand to thread in Jaemin’s hair and pulled his head up, eliciting a yelp from Jaemin. 

“I understand,” he rasped out, his voice still raw from crying. The CEO threw Jaemin’s head down so it slammed in the table.

“We are going back to having concerts, and if you are not in top performance, punishment will be administered. If you think you can run away again you’re wrong,” the CEO walked back to his chair in front of Jaemin, an eerie calm surrounding him. “I don’t know who helped you run away but if I ever find out, know that they will serve a worse fate than you can even begin to imagine.”

Jaemin looked up at this, he couldn’t help it. He refused to let them find out that Jisung helped him, he would rather die than see Jisung hurt. The CEO smiled at him. “So I was right, someone  _ did  _ help you. Anyway, stay in line and no one get’s hurt.” 

“I understand.” Jaemin gritted out through clenched teeth to which the CEO simply waved his hand and told the men who brought Jaemin in, 

“Get him out of my sight.” 

And without hesitating Jaemin was being roughly picked up again and tossed around like a rag doll barreling down the all too familiar hall that led to the practice room where he and his five brothers laid their blood sweat and tears. The men threw him in the room without ceremony and Jaemin was starting to become numb to falling on the hard floors. 

Jaemin had no idea what time it was, and he had no idea why the men threw him in the practice room instead of the dorms, but he didn’t have the mental capacity to really care. He rolled over from his side to his back and let his mind go blank. He had cried so much in the past 24 hours, he wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to cry again. 

Everything was so screwed up, so messy, and it was all Jaemin’s fault. He never should have become an idol. He never should have come to Seoul. He loved Seoul when he first came here, so full of life and color and amazing opportunities. But now whenever he thinks of Seoul he can’t stop thinking about how much he hates it for the misfortune it brought him. 

He hated what the city did to him, what it turned him into. He thought back to his parents. His parents who sacrificed everything for him all so he could follow his dream to stand on a stage. And for what? So he can become a drug addict and ruin the innocent lives of those around him? If anyone ever found out how Jisung was the one that helped him escape, there would be no end to the pain. Jaemin should have just given up on his dreams, and none of this would have happened. Then he thought of Jeno. 

He thought of how happy he made him, and how he made him forget who he was. Jeno was able to remind him of who he used to be before SM became a part of his life. Jeno was effortless. He was freeing, and he was beautiful. Jaemin will always remember the way he made him feel like his life was worth living. 

The thought of never seeing Jeno again made Jaemin’s heart sink, and his breathing became labored. Too labored to be normal, and soon he was curling on his side clutching at his chest. He was so wound up in his own panic that he didn’t even notice the light flooding the room, nor did he hear the shouts of his name. 

“Hyung! Hyung!” Jaemin was fighting off whoever was trying to unfold him from his position, but whoever it was refused to give in and eventually managed to unfold him. 

He locked eyes with whoever disturbed him and was surprised to see that it was Jisung which made him stop his thrashing instantly. “Mouse?”

“Hyung,” his voice sounded weak and Jaemin was instantly worried why he sounded so sad. 

“Jisung, what’s wrong? What happened?” Jaemin pushed his troubles to the side because those didn’t matter anymore because Jisung was sad and Jaemin  _ hated _ when Jisung was sad. He pulled Jisung closer and that’s when the tears started falling down Jisung’s face. 

“ _ Hyung _ ,” But instead of Jaemin pulling Jisung to him, it was Jisung that pulled Jaemin in and rested his head on his chest stroking his hair and comforting him. And that’s when he lost it. Being held like this reminded Jaemin of how Jeno held him when he had nightmares. How Jeno would stroke his hair when he had a headache. 

Jisung continued to stroke Jaemin’s hair as he rocked them back and forth and kept saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry hyung. I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” and Jaemin couldn’t hold it in any longer. His arms came up to wrap around Jisung and he let out sobs so loud he was sure the whole building could hear them. 

The sobs wracked his body and Jisung just held on tighter and continued to say sorry over and over as he cried with Jaemin, just not quite as hard. Jaemin cried and cried, and he cried some more. He was crying so hard his head began to pound and the room began to spin. He was working himself up too much and he was dangerously close to passing out. 

“Jisung he’s gonna pass-” Jaemin registered the other frantic voice for a split second before everything stopped and faded to black. 

__

When Jaemin woke up, he wasn’t in the practice room anymore. He was instead on a bed. He blinked his eyes a few times in order to adjust to his surroundings, and when he did he found the place he was in to be all too familiar. He tried to sit up but a hand on his chest stopped him. 

“You should lay down hyung, you look like hell.” Jaemin turned to see Jisung, phone in his hand playing some kind of matching game. He waited until Jisung finished his round before he removed his hand and sat up despite Jisung telling him not to. 

“I’m thirsty,” Jaemin said before Jisung could try and push him back down. Jisung nodded his head and pocketed his phone before he stood up to get Jaemin some water. While he waited for Jisung to come back Jaemin rubbed at his eyes, slightly surprised that it was painful to do so. 

Jisung came back with a bottle of water and a sad smile on his face. Jaemin thanked him with a smile and cracked open the bottle swallowing more than half of its contents. He looked back at Jisung who still held a sad gaze while looking at Jaemin with nothing but sadness. 

“Aish, quit with the puppy dog look will you?” Jaemin ruffled Jisung’s hair and laughed lightly, the noise sounding hollow even to him. “I’m fine Jisungie, you don’t have to worry about me.” He looked away from Jisung, not able to keep up the facade for much longer. 

He stretched his arms over his head and felt multiple places crack as he did. He turned back to Jisung. “Where are the others? I hear we have a concert this weekend so I suppose we should probably practice hm?” 

Jisung looked at Jaemin with worry, but Jaemin pretended to ignore it and waited for Jisung to answer, to which he finally did, “We start practice tomorrow so just rest for today, okay?” 

Jaemin nodded his head at Jisung, but it seemed like he wasn’t done talking yet. “Hyung,” Jaemin gave his attention to Jisung motioning for him to continue. “I think it would be best if you got it all out.” 

Jaemin immediately shook his head and turned away from Jisung. There was no way he could talk about Jeno out loud. Just thinking about him and what he lost was enough to throw him into a panic so he didn’t know what would happen if he spoke it all out loud. 

“Hyung,” 

“I’m tired Jisung. I want to sleep, please leave.” Without waiting for Jisung to respond Jaemin buried himself under the blankets. He listened as Jisung sighed heavily before patting his shoulder and leaving the room. 

__

As soon as Jisung shut the door he was met with Mark looking down, worrying his lip and fidgeting with his shirt. At the sound of the door closing he looked up, “How is he?”

Jisung shook his head sadly at the leader. “It’s bad hyung. He says he’s tired and wants to sleep but I have a feeling he’s just going to lay awake in there for the rest of the night.” Mark nodded his head in understanding before he grabbed Jisung's attention by clapping his hands. 

“Okay. For now, let’s just do as Jaemin wants. He wants to be okay, then let’s help him get there. I just heard from the CEO that we have a concert this weekend so we need to start practice soon. We’ll help him through this Jisung, we will.” 

Jisung looked unsure at Mark, fear taking over and tears pooling in his eyes, “Are you sure hyung? I’m not sure Jaemin hyung can just go back to normal. And what about the drugs? How are we supposed to tell him that you guys all stopped when he left and got sober? How am I supposed to tell him that I was never even taking the drugs? Hyung this is all messed up I did this it’s my fault,” 

Jisung was starting to work himself up so much that his breathing became labored and Mark had to grab him by the shoulders and ground him before he started hyperventilating. “Jisung, hey Jisung listen to me. It’s not your fault okay? We can help him, we are going to figure it out.” 

Mark had Jisung copy his breathing to calm down and then he pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back trying to ease the tension as much as he could. “We’ll figure it out Mouse, we will.” Mark continued to hold Jisung until he was calm, hoping that his words weren’t said in vain. 

__

As promised, practice started the next day and Jaemin was the last one to arrive in the practice room. He had stayed in Jisung’s bed for the entire day, refusing to eat or drink anything aside from water and ignoring anyone who came into the room. He hid under the covers and pretended to be asleep if anyone did come in and Jisung was the only one who actually came and sat on the bed and tried talking to him. 

Jaemin ignored him still but when he came to tell him practice was going to start the next day he whispered a soft,  _ okay _ before Jisung left. When the time came around for practice Jaemin was the last one to arrive, and as soon as he walked in all eyes were on him. He didn’t know what to do with the attention and he felt awkward and ashamed making eye contact with the members. 

Eventually, Jaemin just lowered his head and walked to the corner of the room and decided to sit there until Mark called the group together to officially start practice. It was strangely quiet in the practice room, nothing like the usual rambunctious noises that came with their practices from before. Even Donghyuck who was always causing trouble was quiet and not even trying to provoke something. 

Tensions were high and Jaemin couldn’t help but think it was like this because of him, but he didn’t know how to solve it. Thankfully he didn’t have to think much longer on the subject because Mark pulled everyone’s attention and they started practice. 

It was no surprise to Jaemin that he had forgotten most of the choreography for their songs, but he found that he actually missed the burn in his legs dancing gave him. He messed up everything he did, but he was going to blame that on his utter lack of sleep. Still, this was a good distraction from Jeno, so he welcomed it with open arms. 

That was until he started noticing everyone staring at him every time he messed something up. He knew he was doing a bad job but he didn’t need everyone to make it obvious that he was messing up. The longer practice went on, the more mistakes Jaemin made and the more the others would stare at him only making him angrier. 

During one of their breaks, Jisung came up to Jaemin who was facing the wall to avoid eye contact with everyone. They were all looking at him in such a pitying way he couldn’t squelch the idea of punching them all in the face to make them stop. Jisung came over quietly and placed his hand on the small of Jaemin’s back. 

Jaemin turned around in a huff to see who it was, “What?” His tone was short and he almost felt bad when he saw Jisung shrink back in fear. 

“Hyung, are you feeling okay?”

Jaemin rolled his eyes before taking a drink of his water and turning his attention back to Jisung. “I’m fine Jisung why?” 

“You just seem a bit off, are you sure you’re,”

Before Jisung could finish his sentence Jaemin cut him off. “Jisung. I said I was fine now will you and the others stop treating me like a baby?” Jaemin tried to turn away but Jisung had a different idea and yanked Jaemin back with more force than Jaemin was expecting. 

“No hyung, you’re not fine. You’re lying to us and you’re lying to yourself. I know you are hurting and if you would just open up,”

“Open up?  _ Open up _ ?” Jaemin was seeing red. Something about what Jisung said made Jaemin lose his cool and his raised voice caused everyone in the room to turn towards them. “You want me to open up Jisung? Fine. I’ll  _ open up.”  _

Jaemin raised his hands in anger, and Jisung flinched back afraid he was going to get hit. “Something happened in that town, Jisung. I found a happiness I didn’t know was possible for someone as undeserving as me. There isn’t a word for whatever it was I had out there with Jeno,” After Jaemin said that however, he realized he was wrong so he started over. 

“Actually there is a word for that. It’s love. I’m in love with him, okay? If you’re looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love. And when you love someone you just, you, don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes and call you crazy. Even then.  _ Especially _ then you just, you don’t give up. And that’s exactly what I did Jisung. I gave up. I gave up and because of that, I lost him. I lost him and I lost myself again, just like I did when I agreed to be in this, this  _ stupid _ group.” 

Jaemin threw his hands in the air and stalked away from Jisung. He didn’t remember when he started crying, but when he realized that he was he just cried harder. His head hurt, his heart hurt, everything hurt. He just wanted it all to stop. He wanted Jeno to hold him and tell him he was going to be okay but like most things, Jaemin managed to fuck that up because Jeno was never going to hold him again.

He could hear Jisung coming after him but Jaemin didn’t want Jisung. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore because the more he talked about it the more pain he felt. Jisung always thought it was a good idea to let out the frustration and deal with it head on, but Jaemin was different. Jaemin believed in the art of storing everything painful away and never dealing with it ever. Out of sight out of mind, and there was only one way he knew that would push these feelings, this pain away. 

He stalked down the hallway and up the stairs to his room, locking Jisung out. He made his way over to his backpack he had taken with him to the no name town and dumped everything out on the floor. He frantically searched through his few belongings he took from the house until he finally found what he was looking for. 

The small white pills glistened in the light with a strange glow, an inviting pull that Jaemin hadn’t experienced in what felt like months. Jaemin knew how long it had taken him to be able to look at these pills without having to physically restrain himself from swallowing the whole bag, but in this moment that didn’t matter. Jaemin was in too much pain and he needed it to go away. 

Jisung had made it to the room and was pounding on the door begging Jaemin to open it, but Jaemin couldn't hear him, wouldn’t hear him. He ripped open the bag with the remaining drugs and quickly swallowed three pills dry, drowning out the pounding still coming from the door. 

From experience, Jaemin knew the drugs wouldn’t take effect for a while, and he wasn’t willing to let Jisung coddle him until they did so he left the door locked and even went as far as putting a chair in front of it just in case Jisung got any ideas. Jaemin shut off the light and curled up in the nearest bed, waiting for the pain to stop and the euphoria to take over. 

“Jaemin hyung please, don’t do this. You can’t shut me out like this! It’s not good and I’m worried about you!” Jaemin put his hands over his ears in a sad attempt at blocking out Jisung’s words. He was still painfully sober, so Jisung’s words were hitting him like a freight train, one after another. He knew this wasn’t going to fix anything, he knew that. Why did Jisung have to remind him?

But what else was he supposed to do? He didn’t know how to handle this, and with SM being the way that they are they were going to force him to take the drugs again anyway. There was no doubt in his mind that now that Jaemin was found, concerts would be starting up again back at the normal grueling pace. And the best way to keep the idols from getting tired was to pump them up with drugs so Jaemin was just getting a head start. 

Still, Jisung continued to pound on the door, even daring to drop the formalities when calling for him, only using his first name. Jaemin ignored him still and only when he started to feel the once familiar rush flow through his body, was he able to stand up and walk over to the door removing the chair and finally unlocking it for Jisung. 

Once he heard the door unlock, Jisung wasted no time at all opening the door and barging in, almost knocking Jaemin over. The once angry tone he was using to get Jaemin to open the door vanished when he saw Jaemin’s state. He also brought back the formalities calling Jaemin hyung again. 

“Hyung, please tell me you didn’t,” Jisung’s voice trailed off as his eyes searched Jaemin and then scanned the room, probably looking for the drugs Jaemin just took. Thankfully, Jaemin thought to hide the drugs before taking them because he knew Jisung would immediately take them away, and Jaemin couldn’t let that happen. 

He gave a half smile to Jisung, feeling the drug do its thing all of a sudden forgetting why he was even crying in the first place. What was there even to cry about? Life was great! He was in a kpop group, a kpop group that was told was going to take over the world according to several news outlets. Jaemin had nothing to worry about! He had loving fans and five boys to call his brothers, what else did he need?

“Hyung,” Jaemin looked at Jisung confused as to why he was frowning. He walked over to Jisung and put his hands on his face, squeezing his cheeks together and made it so his lips turned up in a smile. 

“There you go, that’s more like it! You gotta smile Jisungie! It’s all about the smiles you know?” Jisung placed his hands on top of Jaemin’s and gently removed them from his face. 

“How many did you take hyung?” He sounded sad when he said it. Why was Jisung sad? Jaemin leaned back as far as Jisung would let him, (he was still holding on to Jaemin’s hands), and looked at him. 

“How many what?” Jisung gave him a knowing look before he sighed and asked again, this time a bit more specific. 

“How many pills did you take?” Jaemin pursed his lips and looked up to the ceiling trying to recall how many he took. But that took too long and Jaemin had too much energy to be thinking that hard. So he shrugged his shoulders and then yanked his hands out from Jisung’s and darted around him outside the room. 

Jisung tried to pull him back in but Jaemin was too fast and he managed to grab the attention of Renjun who looked very concerned with Jaemin’s mood change. Jaemin had skipped his way over to Renjun and was talking very excitedly about something Jisung couldn’t hear. Renjun sported a glance at Jisung trying to ask ‘what the hell’ before Jisung just closed his eyes and shook his head. 

Thankfully Renjun took the situation in stride and returned the same amount of enthusiasm that Jaemin was giving, the two of them walking away to hopefully burn through some of Jaemin’s newly acquired energy. 

Jisung stood and watched even after the two left the room, his concern for Jaemin and his overall health in general skyrocketing when he felt someone come up behind him. He didn’t have to turn around to know that it was their leader standing behind him, able to feel his concern coming off him in waves. 

“Well, I guess that makes the end of practice today. Is he going to be okay?” Mark asked. Jisung sighed before he turned to Mark and shook his head and shrugged his shoulders at him. 

“I don’t know hyung. He’s hurting and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. He was all alone out there trying to fix his addiction, while we all had each other. He had no one to lean on and still managed to get himself off the drugs, but since he was pulled back to this hell hole kicking and screaming, he thought his only option was to turn back to the thing he hates the most.” 

Mark rubbed Jisung’s back and released a heavy sigh of his own. “We can help him Mouse, don’t worry. If the four of us managed to get off the drug then so can he.” 

Jisung shook his head at his leader, looking away from him and back towards the door Jaemin and Renjun went out of. “This is different, hyung. He found something,  _ someone _ , out there and that was taken away from him. I don’t know if we are enough for him to do this all over again.” 

Mark pulled Jisung so he was facing him, making direct contact with him. “We have to be, Jisung. We love him too and we can’t just let him destroy himself okay? We’ll help him through it.” 

Jisung stared at Mark in awe for a moment, knowing that they made the right choice in putting him as the leader of the group before he pulled Jisung into a tight hug. Jisung returned the hug easily, glad for the reassurance from Mark. 

Jaemin was going to be okay. He was going to be okay and Jisung was going to make sure of it because Jaemin is his brother and he would do anything for him. 


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be kinda really short because it’s more of just a transition? I guess, showing Jeno’s POV when he comes home and finds Jaemin gone. 

Jeno was able to convince his boss to let him leave work a whole fifteen minutes early, but only because he was moping around and his manager was tired of seeing it. Jeno’s eyes lit up when his manager all but yelled at him to go home, only trying for half a second to stay and finish out his last 15 minutes. 

He quickly took his vest off and put it in his locker in the backroom before thanking his manager and rushing out the door. He slowed his pace however when he realized that he told Jaemin that they could talk when he got off work, but what was he supposed to say? Jeno had never been in a relationship, hell he’d never even really had a crush on anyone. 

He remembered having fleeting crushes in school, but he always denied that they were in fact crushes because he was led to believe that a boy liking another boy in  _ that _ way wasn’t allowed. And it wasn’t like he had some big moment where he realized that he was in fact gay, it was more of just something he came to know himself. He knew he couldn’t ever picture himself with a girl, marrying her, and creating a family with her, he just knew he liked boys. 

Thankfully Jeno’s Aunt and Uncle were both more than okay with Jeno being gay, honestly, they didn’t really care. Jeno remembered when he came home to tell them he was so nervous he was sure he was going to throw up before he could even get the words out. When he finally did however get it out, his Aunt and Uncle shared a look and then looked back at Jeno and all they said was, “Okay?” 

When Jeno’s head snapped up at their response, his Aunt started laughing and pulled Jeno in for a hug, stroking his hair and told him, “Honey, thank you for telling us but who you like doesn’t change how we feel about you. You can’t control who you love, so who are we to be mad about if you like the same sex?” 

Jeno had never felt more loved in his life. He wished his parents were here to do this with him, but he was glad he at least had someone to tell him he wasn’t wrong for liking boys, and his aunt had told him that both his parents were looking down on him proud and unashamed. 

Since then Jeno didn’t exactly advocate his sexual orientation, but he didn’t really hide it either. It wasn’t like he had much of a chance to show it in the first place, he was surrounded by people he grew up with and he couldn’t see them as anything more. 

Until Jaemin came. 

When Jaemin walked into that store what feels like a lifetime ago, Jeno realized what it was like to have a crush, and he didn’t even know his name. When he walked in with his bright blue hair Jeno was almost sure his heart stopped beating. He had never seen someone look so effortlessly beautiful with such an unnatural shade of hair color, and he wasn’t sure what to do about it. 

Jeno found it weird to think that there was a time when Jaemin wasn’t in his life. A time when he went home after work every day and did nothing more than play video games, or watch TV until he passed out. He never thought he would not only be spending every single day with another person but eventually even move in with them. Granted it wasn’t really moving in with him since the house wasn’t his and they didn’t pay anything as far as rent or anything like that, but at the end of the day he and Jaemin were living together and Jeno never thought something like that would happen to someone like him. 

And now not only was Jeno living with another person, another  _ boy _ but he kissed that boy last night. Well Jaemin kissed him first, and then he kissed Jaemin, but none of that mattered because  _ they kissed.  _

Jeno couldn’t remember when he started actually having feelings for Jaemin past a simple crush, but he knows he’s had to suppress the urge to crush his mouth against Jaemin’s for an amount of time he wasn’t willing to admit. 

He hated to see Jaemin struggle with whatever he had going on inside him, but Jeno didn’t want to bring those issues to light in fear of them becoming worse or even unbearable for Jaemin. In the last few weeks, Jeno has noticed a drastic change in him. He was happier, more carefree, and while the nightmares still happened every so often, the episodes where he was unresponsive and shut Jeno out were ancient history. 

Jeno was happy to see Jaemin happy, but he was still somewhat concerned about both his mental and physical state. He hoped that since they crossed that invisible line between friends and something more, that Jaemin was more willing to open up with what was going on so Jeno could help more than just sleeping in the same bed as him at night. 

At that thought, Jeno picked up his speed, nervous to talk to about last night, but also just as excited because he was going to see Jaemin. If he wasn’t so familiar with the house and the route to it, Jeno might have missed it altogether because it was so dark. There were no lights on in the house which was weird because Jaemin was always waiting in the living room or the kitchen for Jeno to come home, with the lights on. 

Jeno figured maybe he was in the bathroom or the back room or something, with a light on that Jeno couldn’t see. He shook any weird thoughts from his mind as he stepped up to the front door, sure he was just acting crazy because he was excited to see Jaemin. 

When he opened the door, however, there were still no lights on. All the doors were open and everything was in the same place as it was this morning when Jeno left, aside from Jaemin on the couch. Jeno stepped further in the house, flipping the light on and crossing his fingers that he'd find Jaemin sleeping on the couch. 

To his dismay, the couch was empty, and Jaemin was nowhere in sight. Jeno called out his name a few times but was met with nothing but silence. He continued through the house, turning lights on as he went, still unable to find Jaemin anywhere in the house. 

He checked the guest bedroom the two of them had been using as a last ditch effort, knowing full well that Jaemin was never in that room unless Jeno was with him (for reasons Jaemin seemed determined to not share) but he went anyway, hoping Jaemin was in there. When he came up empty again, he turned out of the room to leave when a piece of paper caught his eye.

He stopped short and picked the paper up, his name written on the outside in a print that he didn’t recognize but knew it had to be Jaemin. He unfolded the paper confused as all get out, wondering why Jaemin was leaving him a note, and then he read the letter. 

_ Jeno, _

_ I’m sorry.  _

_ I’ve been waiting all my life for someone like you, but you came to me at a strange time in my life and I’m sorry I can’t be with you forever. There is something between us and it is the most beautiful thing I have ever felt, but I can’t stay here. We are two different people, two people that can’t be together and I am sorry for that. Please understand, and I’m just, I’m sorry. _

_ Jaem _

Jeno threw the paper down and rushed out of the room, frantically searching the house yet again. 

“Jaemin!  _ Jaemin _ ! This isn’t funny, where are you?” 

Jeno was frantically checking every single room, opening every single door, because there was no way he was gone. He can’t just be  _ gone.  _ They were supposed to talk. They were supposed to figure things out, Jaemin was supposed to be  _ here.  _

Jeno continued to stomp around the house, refusing to believe that Jaemin was gone, that he was no longer here, that he went back home. This was home, didn’t Jaemin know that?  _ This was home. _

Jeno pulled at his hair before he dropped to the ground in a huff closing his eyes shut as tight as possible. This wasn’t happening, this couldn't be real. He was dreaming, he was having a nightmare and he was about to wake up from that nightmare at any time and find Jaemin sitting on the couch smiling at him like he always did when he got back from work. 

But when Jeno opened his eyes again, nothing changed. He was still alone, and Jaemin was nowhere to be found.

How was he supposed to find him? How was he supposed to contact him when he came to this town without a cell phone and the only way Jeno could call him was at the house where he was no longer at? Jeno was losing his mind, and he didn’t know what to do about it. He needed to find Jaemin, and he needed to find him  _ now _ . 

Jeno stood up from where he was, running into the room where he found the note, quickly grabbing it and leaving the house right after. He ran the entire way down to the bus station, not daring to stop and talk to anyone even if they tried. Maybe Jaemin was still there, maybe he hadn’t left yet and he could stop him. Talk him out of whatever crazy idea he had plaguing his mind, and bring him back home. 

He was out of breath when he finally made it to the bus station, not very many people milling about at this time of the night, but still making quite the scene bursting through looking deranged. He ignored the strange looks from people as he scanned the people looking for the familiar face of Jaemin, but came up empty. 

He cursed under his breath before he walked over to a bench and stood on top of it, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting Jaemin’s name. “ _ Jaem! _ ” and of the people that turned when he shouted his name, none of them were Jaemin. He called his name again but Jaemin was still nowhere to be found. 

He jumped down from the bench and was about to run around the entire station looking for Jaemin, but he bumped into someone and effectively knocked down him and the stranger he ran into. “Oh my god, I am so sorry I wasn’t, Minjee?” Minjee squinted up at Jeno, her glasses missing, and Jeno rolled his eyes, not at all surprised. “Minjee, where are your glasses?” 

Minjee scratched the back of her head and gave an innocent giggle trying to come up with a reasonable excuse as to why she didn’t have her glasses. She came up with nothing in the end just releasing a sigh and telling Jeno, “Who knows. I had them one minute and the next minute they were gone. I should probably get contacts but I just hate putting things in my eyes so,” 

Normally Jeno didn’t mind listening to Minjee and her ramblings, but he really didn’t have time for it today so he put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Minjee, I’m really sorry but I have to go. I'll talk to you later okay?” 

Minjee furrowed her eyebrows, hearing the strain in Jeno’s voice. “What’s wrong?” Jeno glanced around the area, sitting the two of them on the bench he was just standing on before quickly explaining to Minjee, 

“I can’t find Jaemin. He left a note at home saying how we are two different people and that he was sorry. I think he left but I don’t understand why so I need to find him,” Just as Jeno was about to make his exit and go back to looking for Jaemin, Minjee’s eyes widened and she snapped her fingers. 

“That’s where I had my glasses last!” Jeno stayed silent in confusion as Minjee came to some realization. “I was here earlier and I ran into Jaemin! That’s where I had my glasses at! I knew I was here for a reason.”

Jeno’s interest was immediately piqued when Minjee mentioned Jaemin, and he grabbed her shoulders to get her attention. He noticed as he shook her shoulders that her glasses were sitting on top of her head, tangled in with her hair. He rolled his eyes before leaning forward and untangling the glasses and placing them on her face. “Hey, there they are!” Minjee shouted excitedly. 

“Minjee, you said you were here earlier and you saw Jaemin, did you talk to him?” After adjusting her glasses to sit better on her face she looked at Jeno and nodded her head. 

“Yeah, he was here a few hours ago,” Jeno’s shoulders visibly deflated at the information. “And he was with some scary lookin’ dude and two other guys were following them.” Jeno shook his head not understanding what was going on but urged Minjee to go on. 

“Did you know the man he was with?”

Minjee shook her head, “No idea. I’ve never seen him before in my life. He was wearing a suit that probably cost more than the entire contents of the store you work at.” Jeno was about to ask another question but Minjee continued to talk, “Oh wait! You didn’t hear did you?”

“Hear what?” 

At Jeno’s question and confused state, Minjee’s face fell, looking sad when she spoke. “I guess he was something kind of famous.” Jeno shook his head still not understanding what Minjee was talking about. “He’s an idol Jeno. An idol in a pretty big group by the sound of it.” 

“Minjee how,” 

“My friend. I don’t really follow that stuff but she does. She saw him in town last week or something like that and she recognized him. He must have just been here for a vacation or something and had to go back to work.” 

Jeno shook his head harder this time, not believing what Minjee was telling him. There was no way Jaemin was an idol. There was no way! Jaemin would have said something to him if he was. Jaemin wouldn’t keep something like that from him, would he? 

“I didn’t find out until a little bit ago because my friend told me the group he’s in tweeted about Jaemin being back and how they were having a concert this weekend or something like that. He told me he was going home when I saw him here, so I didn’t know.” 

Jeno’s head was spinning with all the information Minjee was giving him. And just when he didn’t think he could handle any more information of who Jaemin supposedly was, Minjee spoke up again. “Oh and Jeno?” Jeno looked up to meet Minjee’s eyes again, hating the sad look she gave him, “He told me to tell you he was sorry,” 

And that’s what broke him. 

“He said  _ what?” _ anger was laced within Jeno’s words and Minjee leaned back in sudden fear. But Minjee didn’t get the chance to say anything before Jeno was back to talking, “Who’s the company?” 

“The what?”

“The company Minjee, what company is his group under?” 

Minjee scrambled for words, unable to find them before Jeno leaned forward and grabbed Minjee’s shoulders again. “I need the name of the company Minjee, please.” Jeno’s bravado broke at the end, going from sounding demanding and scary to sounding just plain sad and desperate. 

Minjee shook out of her stupor at the change in Jeno, pulling out her phone and scrolling through until she found what she was looking for. “SM Entertainment. They’re in Cheongdam-dong .” 

Jeno nodded his head in thanks to Minjee before he made his way to the ticket booth. 

“One ticket to Seoul please.”

_ Sunday at the festival. _

Minjee was at the festival with her friend Suni and she was looking at a stack of paintings of strictly pigs when Suni suddenly grabbed her arm and began to shake it, almost out of its socket. 

“Suni, jeez what is it?” Minjee tried to get her arm free from Suni, but whenever she tried she just gripped tighter. 

“Ohmygod,ohmygod,  _ ohmygod! _ Minjee do you see who that is?!” Suni pointed towards two boys standing by each other, one of them bent down petting a dog. Minjee squinted through her glasses trying to see who it was but even with her glasses she had terrible sight if the person or thing wasn’t directly in front of her face so she quickly gave up. 

“No I can’t see, who is it?” She asked, not all that interested as she went back to try looking at the pig paintings with one hand. 

“That’s Jaemin!” At the name, Minjee turned back to her friend and tried again to look at the person Suni was pointing at. She stepped closer to get a better look and finally she recognized Jeno to be the boy standing up meaning the one crouching down was in fact Jaemin. 

“How do you know Jaemin?” Minjee asked curiously. When she last saw Jaemin and Jeno a few weeks ago, Jaemin was still unfamiliar with the entire town aside from Jeno and herself. She also hasn’t seen Jaemin around town lately so there was no way he and Suni would have met then either. 

Suni turned back to Minjee, exasperation clear on her face. “Everyone who’s anyone knows Na Jaemin.” Minjee gave her friend a confused look trying to piece together what she was saying. 

“He’s not from here though, how can everyone know-” 

Suni cut Minjee off before she could finish, “He’s not just a normal person Minjee, he’s an idol!”

“An idol?” Minjee sounded confused, and Suni rolled her eyes. 

“Sometimes I wonder how we are even friends. Are you even a teenage girl?” Minjee still looked at Suni confused, causing Suni to roll her eyes again and turn her full attention onto Minjee. “That’s Na Jaemin and he’s an idol in the SM group NCT Youth! He’s super famous right now and his group is probably going to take over the entire trade of kpop music.” 

Minjee thought this over for a moment while Suni seemed to be doing the same. “Well, at least they were until a few months ago when SM announced they were going on hiatus for an undetermined amount of time.” Suddenly she snapped her fingers and then began clapping excitedly, shaking Minjee. 

“Oh my god SM is giving him a well deserved break! SM is so nice I am so happy for him!!” And then with lightning speed, Suni took out her phone and aimed it at where Jaemin and Jeno were still at the booth with the dog. 

She pulled up the camera and took a few shots of the boys before they finally stood up and left the booth, and Minjee watched over her shoulder as she added a filter to the picture she chose and also added stickers covering the faces of both Jeno and Jaemin, and then finally typed out a caption. 

_ It’s so nice to see SM give their artist a vacation! We look forward to what you will bring us! Rest well :)  _

She added a few hashtags to the post as well, but she typed them out too fast for Minjee to read, and then she tagged SM Entertainment to the post and sent it through with a shout of glee and turned back to Minjee. 

Minjee couldn’t explain the feeling she had after watching Suni send out that post, but it was something she didn’t like. She had a feeling that whatever Suni just did wasn’t going to end up well, but it was out of her hands and she couldn’t do anything but hope her gut was wrong and that everything would be okay. 


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter is going to be told from different points of view, the first one will be Jaemin, then after the paragraph break it will be Jisung for a little bit, and then after that one, it will be Jeno. Then the next chapter will probably still be with Jeno and then move back to Jaemin. (I promise the slight confusion for POV will make sense in the end) 

The concert was today and the boys were all in the backroom getting ready. Jaemin stayed on the side most of the time, not wanting to ruin the good mood the other boys had going. It was definitely a different vibe from what their concerts used to be, this one was better, more genuine. He felt the constant glance Jisung kept throwing him, but he pretended not to notice. 

After that first practice when his emotions were running high from fighting with Jisung about Jeno and he took the drug on his own accord making him forget the pain of Jeno, he didn’t need a staff member to make sure he took it. However that didn’t mean he was trusted, so a staff member still stuck to Jaemin’s side ignoring everyone else. 

When the boys all broke off the get to their places for the concert, Jaemin was the first to leave to find that staff member that normally had his drugs. He wasn’t able to find her so he went to the bathroom to take some from his stash he kept from when he ran away. He had increased how much he took without anyone knowing because he was starting to get used to his usual dose and that wasn’t helping him to forget the pain. 

Since he would take too much time to crunch the little white pills in the bathroom he decided to just take it as a pill. Just as he threw that small pill in his mouth the bathroom door opened and Jisung walked in. Jaemin shot him a quick smile and tried to leave but his arm was pulled back. 

“Hyung, are you really going to stay like this?” Jisung sounded disappointed, but Jaemin couldn’t find it in him to care. He smiled at Jisung again and removed his arm from Jisung’s grasp. 

“It’s the only way for me to be.” and tried to leave again, but Jisung wouldn’t allow it. 

“Hyung!” Jisung’s voice pierced through Jaemin’s head, causing him to turn in shock towards him. “It’s not the only way hyung. You are throwing your life away for what? Do we not matter to you? Do we mean nothing?”

“Jisung,” Jaemin tried but Jisung stopped him again. 

“No, Jaemin. You don’t get to Jisung me. You are throwing your life away instead of asking for help. We are here too you know. We all love you and we all want what is best for you, and you taking these drugs is not it.” 

Hearing Jisung’s words lit a fire in Jaemin. A fire he didn’t realize was still within him, so he couldn’t help when his outburst hit. “Yeah you all love me but guess what Jisung, you guys stopped. You guys don’t take the drug anymore, and you don’t have to. I don’t have that luxury because SM is basically shoving them down my throat. And so what if I take more? It’s my life and not yours. You can’t tell me how to live it.” 

Jisung took a step back, regret heavy in his eyes. He tried to speak but now it was Jaemin cutting him off. “Did you really think I wouldn’t notice that you guys aren’t taking the drug anymore?” Jaemin laughed without any humor attached to it before he went on, “It was you guys who wanted to start taking these drugs in the first place, I didn’t want to. I wanted to get to where we were without it but we were all so desperate and you guys decided it was worth it. So sorry that I’m a little bitter that I’m the one who never wanted this from the beginning and yet here I am dependent on them while you guys get to do what you want.” 

And with that Jaemin stormed out. He left Jisung standing in the bathroom, his mouth agape with no words coming to mind. Jaemin ran into the staff member that gave him the drugs, and he couldn’t be happier. 

“Where have you been?” the staff member asked, but Jaemin ignored her and he took the white powder from her hands and made his way over to a far off table just as Jisung burst through the door. Jaemin quickly ran off to a secluded table in the hopes he would be able to take the drug before Jisung got there. The staff member wasn’t able to keep up with him but Jaemin didn’t care. If he got in trouble for that later then oh well. Jaemin heard his name being shouted at him but he ignored it, knowing it was probably Jisung coming over to try and make him stop.

Jaemin knew fighting with Jisung right before the concert was a bad idea, but he couldn’t help it. He was easily irritated these days and Jisung trying to tell him what to do was too much for him. He couldn’t fight with Jisung and push down his memories of Jeno at the same time, it was all too tiring. He wished for nothing more than the sweet release and happiness, albeit fake, that the drug gave him. 

He focused on making the lines of the white powder as straight as possible, counting them out loud to try and drown out the noise behind him.  _ One, two, three, four, five, six.  _ Once he was satisfied with all six lines being neat and ready for him, he took no time at all to bend over and quickly snort up the first three lines in a matter of seconds. 

Tonight’s concert was the first concert in however many months for Jaemin, and it was the first time he was going to have to actually smile and pretend like his entire being wasn’t hurting from the loss of Jeno and the life he created with him. After the third line Jaemin pulled his head up and leaned back to allow the drug to enter his system faster. 

Just as he was bending down to finish taking the last three lines of the white powder, he heard his name again. Except this time it wasn’t his full name. It was a stupid nickname that only one person called him. A nickname that was made up for no real reason, said by a voice that has been haunting Jaemin’s dreams ever since he was dragged back to Seoul. 

“Jaem,” 

Jaemin looked towards the source and was honestly convinced that he was seeing things because there was no way he could be standing in front of him. Not right now, not ever. But his voice was unmistakable, and when Jaemin locked eyes with him he was thrown back to a memory he wished he could avoid.

_ Jaemin and Jeno were laying outside in the field, Jeno’s head in Jaemin’s lap as he picked at the grass around him. Jeno suddenly threw the pile he was collecting on his chest, causing Jaemin to startle above him.  _

_ “Jeno what the hell was that for?”  _

_ Jeno pouted and squinted up at Jaemin, “I’m bored.” Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at his childlike demeanor. Jeno rolled from his back to his stomach, resting in his elbows and looking right into Jaemin’s eyes. “Come on Jaem, let’s do something!”  _

_ Jaemin rolled his eyes and pushed Jeno’s face away from his, pulling his hand back after Jeno licked his palm. “Okay what the hell is with that, you keep calling me Jaem.”  _

_ Jeno shrugged his shoulders and sat criss-cross in front of Jaemin. “It’s a nickname,”  _

_ “What the hell kind of nickname is that?”  _

_ Jeno shrugged again and started pulling at the grass, starting a new pile on Jaemin’s knee. “Dunno. Too lazy to finish your name I guess. It just rolls off the tongue.”  _

_ Jaemin scoffed at Jeno’s logic, eyes rolling before looking back at Jeno. “It’s two letters less than my actual name Jeno.”  _

_ Jeno let out an exasperated sigh and threw his head back, and shouted to the sky, “Too much!” _

_ “Jeno!” _

_ “Jaem!”  _

_ The two boys locked eyes in a staredown. Jeno easily giving in, making Jaemin smile triumphantly. “What if you also shortened my name, to make it even?” _

_ Jaemin looked at Jeno with a ‘are you being serious’ look, but either Jeno didn’t pick up on it or he was one hundred percent serious.  _

_ “What so I’m supposed to call you Jen?”  _

_ “Yeah! Isn’t that so much easier?” so the latter then.  _

_ “Jeno, oh my god no that’s no different than just calling you Jeno!”  _

_ Again, Jeno shrugged his shoulders and went back to piling grass on Jaemin’s knee before deftly laying his head down on it. “Whatever Jaem, I just don’t have time for the ‘in’ part in your name so I’m going to have to drop it. I’m a very busy man you know.” _

_ Jaemin scoffed louder this time, rolling his eyes again before thunking Jeno in the head. “You’re an idiot.”  _

_ To which Jeno easily retorted back with, “I’m a delight.”  _

Jaemin blinked the memory away, praying that Jeno standing in front of him would also go away because he didn’t think he could handle it if he was actually there, but when his eyes cleared of the memory and Jeno was still standing there, he knew this was real. 

“Jaem,” he said again, making all of this way too real for Jaemin. 

“Jeno?” he hadn’t said his name in what felt like forever, but it still felt so right rolling off his tongue. His voice was barely above a whisper but he knew he was still heard when Jeno’s eyes disappeared, the telltale sign that he was smiling. 

“Jaem, I-” Jeno took a step towards Jaemin, and on instinct he took a step back. Jaemin tripped over the leg on the table he had the speed on causing it to almost topple over, but he caught it at the last second. That drew Jeno’s attention to the table, noticing for the first time the white powder on it. 

Jaemin followed Jeno’s line of sight and watched as confusion dawned his features. Jeno slowly looked back at Jaemin, questions on the tip of his tongue, but before he could ask them Jaemin watched as his face twisted from happiness to a look of pure disgust. 

Jeno looked at Jaemin like he just stepped in dog poop and didn’t realize it until now. Jaemin felt his heart drop all the way to the pit of his stomach, and he knew he deserved to be looked at like that, but not from Jeno. Not  _ his  _ Jeno. 

“Jeno please, I can explain,” but Jaemin wasn’t given the chance. Jeno’s face became blurry as he watched his form take two steps back and threw his head back in laughter. Jaemin looked at

Jeno confused, not sure what could be so funny in this situation, but when Jeno brought his head back down and locked eyes with Jaemin again, he wished he just kept laughing instead. 

“You know, it shouldn’t shock me that you do this.” 

Jaemin held his breath as Jeno put his hands on his hips and chuckled again. His voice was different, it was harsh and cold. Nothing like the warm and comforting voice he became so accustomed to. 

“Of course people like  _ you  _ would do something so disgusting in the first place. You aren’t worth anything anyway. No one would like you if you were to show them the real you. You’re just pathetic, and I should have seen this coming from a mile away. You’re nothing without the drug. I’m surprised you even got this far in life without it.” 

Each word stung, and Jaemin found himself pushing further and further away from Jeno. No, this wasn’t Jeno, there was no way. Jeno would never say these things he would  _ never _ . But, he also wasn’t wrong. Everything he was saying,  _ everything  _ that was coming out of his mouth, was true. 

Jaemin was nothing without the drug. 

Jaemin felt the tears well in his eyes, and fall down his cheeks as he tried to back away from Jeno, but he was advancing on him too quickly. Words were coming from Jeno’s mouth, but Jaemin couldn’t hear him. Things began to move too fast, and somehow too slow all at the same time, and Jaemin was unable to wrap his head around anything other than,  _ run.  _

He didn’t know how or why Jeno was there, but what he did know was that he needed to be anywhere else. So before Jeno could get any closer to him, he turned on his heel and ran towards the nearest exit he could remember. 

As soon as he turned though, he immediately hit a brick wall. A brick wall that turned out to be a person, but Jaemin was too focused on getting out, that he didn’t have time to comprehend who it was he was running into, only hearing a faint, “hyung?” before he pushed off the body and ran willing his body to carry him anywhere that was away from here. 

___

Jisung was worried. He was worried for Jaemin physically, and he was worried for Jaemin mentally. If he thought the Jaemin  _ before  _ he sent him away to his family home was bad, he was not prepared for the state Jaemin would return back in. 

He was spiraling fast, and while the other members managed to kick their addiction (not by choice by any means) they were able to keep that sobriety because the staff was more focused on Jaemin versus the other five members because they didn’t run away. 

Jisung was currently looking for Jaemin, feeling awful for yelling at him. Knowing full well what a fragile state he was still in. And the stress of his first concert in months didn’t help either but still Jisung couldn’t hold back his anger towards the situation. 

Jisung had never seen his hyung cry so much after he was dragged back early last week, and that was saying something because Jisung was always the one Jaemin came to when he was emotionally unstable. 

This hit Jaemin a lot harder than Jisung was prepared for, but he wasn’t about to let all his hard work go down the drain simply because the company wanted nothing more than to make money off of him. 

Jisung sighed to himself, trying to figure out what to do when Mark called him over. He walked over to where Mark was standing with Donghyuk and Renjun, a concerned look on his face. “How is he?” Mark gestured towards where Jisung was just standing knowing that he was looking for Jaemin, Donghyuck and Renjun looking that way as well. 

Jisung didn’t really have an answer for them since he didn’t actually know how Jaemin was doing. Ever since Jaemin came back he was more closed off than ever. The most open he had been with Jisung was the night of their first practice when he blew up about Jeno and they got into that fight. Jisung shivered at the memory and gave his attention back to his leader. 

“I don’t know hyung, not good.” Jisung gestured towards where Jaemin walked off to, “I’m going to keep an eye on him though, I just saw him take two pills and I’m pretty sure it’s the speed.” Mark nodded his head and the three of them moved out of his way. 

When Jisung finally found Jaemin at a distant table, he made his way over, taking it somewhat slow so he could try and figure out what he was supposed to say to Jaemin. It was weird for Jisung to not know what to say, especially to Jaemin since they had always been so close. But he couldn’t help but feel guilty because he was the one who put him in this situation.

He thought he was helping him by getting him away from this life, but all he did was make it worse. He was able to help Jaemin find happiness sure, but he also was the reason that happiness was taken away and he was dragged back. 

Jisung couldn’t help but think that if he had never sent Jaemin away, that this would have never happened. But again, he was afraid if he didn’t send him away, Jaemin would be dead right now with the route they were going down. 

It was a war within Jisung that never settled, and quite frankly he was sure never would. There was no real winner in this moment of time, Jisung did what he thought he had to do to save his hyung and honestly speaking, he would do it again if it meant for Jaemin to be happy. He just wished it didn’t end up the way it did. 

Just as Jisung was turning the corner, another person came flying around, running directly into him. Jisung stumbled back a bit, but gathered his footing enough to hold up him and whoever ran into him. When they both were standing again Jisung looked down to find that it was Jaemin who had run into him, panic and fear evident on his face. “Hyung?” 

Jisung said this in shock, but either Jaemin didn’t recognize him or there was something else going on because instead of saying anything back Jaemin pushed off Jisung and made a mad dash to where Jisung was just talking to the other members. 

Soon after Jaemin ran off, another boy with dark hair and tiny eyes came running after him, screaming Jaemin’s name. Before the boy could get very far, Jisung threw his hand out and grabbed his upper arm, stopping the boy from going any further. 

The boy whipped around looking at the hand on his arm and quickly trailed it up to meet Jisung’s face. The boy was red in the face, and there was obvious concern in his eyes, but Jisung didn’t let that deter him. The boy was only slightly taller than Jisung so he didn’t have to really lift his head to meet his eyes, only raise them a bit. 

The boy pulled his arm out of Jisung’s grasp with relative ease, but Jisung wasn’t going to be stopped that easily. Whoever this guy was, he was chasing after a very scared looking Jaemin and Jisung already brought enough pain into Jaemin’s life, he wasn’t going to let it happen anymore. 

So before the boy could run after Jaemin, Jisung stood in front of him and pushed his chest back as hard as he could, making the boy stagger back a bit and look at Jisung, concern replaced with rage. He tried to move forward but Jisung simply pushed him again. 

“I don’t think so buddy, who the hell are you?” the boy glared at Jisung, giving him a quick once over before narrowing his eyes and lowering his voice to reply, 

“Older than you  _ buddy _ , now get out of my way.” and again, as the boy tried to move past Jisung he merely shoved him back with his palms on his chest. It was then for a brief second that the rage in the boys’ eyes faded back to the initial concern Jisung saw on his face that it clicked. 

_ A samoyed  _

The puppy Jaemin told Jisung he saw on the first day he had escaped SM. This must be Jeno,  _ the  _ Jeno that Jaemin had been talking about every time on the phone. The Jeno that really helped Jaemin to stop taking the drugs. The Jeno that Jaemin was in love with. 

“You’re Jeno,” Jisung meant to ask it as a question, but it came out more like a statement. The boy locked eyes with Jisung, probably trying to place how he knew him, but quickly giving up before asking, 

“Do I know you?’ Jisung shook his head and took his hands off Jeno’s chest, taking a step back and giving Jeno some space. 

“No, but Jaemin hyung talked to me about you a lot.” At the mention of Jaemin’s name Jeno’s face contorted back into concern and he looked to Jisung for help. 

“Look, I don’t really have time for this right now, something is wrong with Jaemin. I came in and found him sniffing something up and I don’t think he was hearing what I was saying and then he just ran away. So either help me find him or let me go.” 

Jisung took a moment to let what Jeno said sink in before he realized what he said. “Wait, he was sniffing something? What do you mean?” 

Jeno shifted from one foot to the other, his patience wearing thin. “I don’t know there was something on the table and he was sniffing it up his nose. I was telling him that it was okay that I was here and I always would be no matter what and then he freaked out, started crying, and ran away.” 

“Oh my god,” Jisung couldn't think. He couldn’t get his brain to tell his feet to move because if what Jeno said was true then that meant that Jaemin not only took the speed in pill form, but he also snorted it. So he had three, four times the amount of the drug he normally did in his system and now he was probably out in the street hallucinating and on the verge of an overdose. 

Hands on his shoulder finally broke Jisung out of his daze and he locked eyes with Jeno again. “We need to go find him, he’s in trouble and we need to find him now!” Jisung wasted no time, finally able to make his feet move and he grabbed on to Jeno’s arm pulling him to where Jaemin was last seen running off to. 

The two boys ran through the backstage area, keeping their eyes peeled for Jaemin but not having any luck. Jisung let go of Jeno’s arm in favor of going up to staff and people alike asking if they’ve seen Jaemin running past here, but all they did was shrug their shoulders and go back to whatever they were doing.

With how close the staff had been keeping Jaemin to them due to recent events, Jisung was finding it incredibly out of character that they would just let Jaemin out of their sight, but he couldn’t think of that right now. He was about to run to another part of the stage when he heard Jeno screaming. “Hey! Kid! Over here!” Jisung looked over and saw Jeno standing by a door that led to an alley on the side of the building that opened up to the street. The door was halfway open and Jeno was already halfway out the door when Jisung started running towards it. 

Jisung busted through the door right behind Jeno and bolted down the alleyway into the street. “Hyung! Hyung!  _ Jaemin hyung!!” _ Jisung was shouting as loud as he could, looking everywhere for Jaemin, but he couldn’t find him. There were too many people on the street and Jisung just couldn’t seem to find him within the crowd, and he was losing hope. 

Jisung was about two seconds away from standing on top of one of the cars to get a better view when he saw Jeno standing a couple of feet from him, his hands put out in front of him as if he were trying to calm an animal, and following that line of sight he finally saw Jaemin, or at least a version of Jaemin because the Jaemin Jisung saw in front of him was not the Jaemin he knew. 

And even though all he wanted to do was run over and pull Jaemin back inside and never let him out of his sight again, Jeno talking to him made him stop. Jisung didn’t want to overcrowd Jaemin and make things worse. So instead, he sat back and hoped and prayed Jeno would be able to diffuse the situation. 

__

As soon as Jeno ran down the alley and into the bustling sidewalk, dread instantly filled his stomach. If what the kid said was true, then Jaemin is probably going into overdose with the number of drugs pumping through his system, and the shock of Jeno showing up definitely didn’t help. 

It was all Jeno could do but hope that Jaemin didn’t run too far in the streets of Seoul, because there was no telling where he could be by now given the amount of time he had since Jeno ran into that kid. 

Jeno could hear the kid calling Jaemin’s name, but he knew that wasn’t going to do anything considering Jaemin’s condition. When Jeno first found Jaemin, snorting up whatever white powder was on the table, Jeno knew he had to take his next steps carefully. So using the calmest voice he could muster, swallowing down the panic, he tried to get Jaemin away from the table and over to him. Only the more Jeno seemed to talk, the more tears began to fall, and pain was shown on his face. 

Jeno knew Jaemin wasn’t in his right mind, and although Jeno’s words were nothing but encouraging, the fear and hurt in Jaemin’s eyes were telling a different story. But Jeno didn’t know what else to do, so he just tried, again and again, to tell Jaemin everything was okay before he bolted. 

Now he and some kid he ran into who apparently knew Jaemin, were on the street looking for him while he was literally losing his mind. And just as Jeno was about to run down to the next street, he caught sight of someone turning in circles, not following the flow of foot traffic and Jeno knew he found him. 

Jeno moved forward, getting closer to Jaemin that way he could hear him, but not too close in case Jaemin tried to run again. He didn’t have time to call the kid over, and he also didn’t want to lose sight of Jaemin in the process so he just had to hope the kid would find him eventually. 

As he got closer to Jaemin he saw that he was not only turning in circles, but he was also roughly shoving his hands through his brown hair, yanking hair out each time his hand moved away from his scalp. 

“Jaem?” Jaemin’s head snapped up at the name, his entire body stilling completely. He moved his head trying to find the source so to help him out Jeno said it again, “Jaem, over here,” When Jaemin finally turned towards Jeno, his eyes were unfocused and crazed like he wasn’t actually seeing anything so Jeno tried again. 

“Jaem, over here, can you look at me?” Finally, Jaemin locked eyes with Jeno, the haze clearing if only slightly. Jeno smiled at Jaemin, hoping he would see it as encouragement. “That’s it Jaem, that’s perfect.” Jaemin was still moving around frantically, but there was something keeping him on Jeno, and Jeno was determined to keep it that way. 

“How about we go inside Jaem, can we do that?” Jeno was keeping his voice light, hoping it was starting to calm Jaemin down enough that he would follow him inside, and when Jaemin’s eyes locked with Jeno’s, he was sure it was working. That was until Jaemin’s face contorted into pure unadulterated panic, and his face visibly paled. 

“No, no, no, no, you can’t be here. You can’t  _ be here _ !” Jaemin started backing away from Jeno and covered his hands over his ears and closed his eyes in what looked like an attempt to make Jeno disappear, “You’re not supposed to be here I’m a monster, I’m disgusting. You think I’m disgusting!” 

“Jaemin, no I don’t please Jaemin just listen to me,” Jeno tried to reason with Jaemin, but the closer he got and the louder he made his voice, and that only pushed Jaemin closer to the edge of the sidewalk where cars were zooming past without a care in the world. 

People were now starting to crowd around Jeno and Jaemin, looking on as the scene unfolded in front of them, and Jeno knew that wasn’t going to help anything at all but he decided to ignore it as best he could and keep his focus on Jaemin. 

Jaemin started pulling at his hair again, mumbling something about being a monster and disgusting and how Jeno shouldn’t be there when Jeno heard the whispers around him. 

_ “Isn’t that Na Jaemin from NCT Youth?” _

Again, Jeno ignored this in favor of keeping Jaemin from stepping out into the street, but then another commotion sounded and more whispers and audible gasps were passed around, 

_ “Oh my god, that’s Park Jisung from NCT Youth!” _

Jeno turned his head to see the kid from earlier standing on the edge of the crowd that started, and he quickly motioned him over. The kid, who he now knew was Jisung, quickly made his way over to Jeno, and Jeno lowered his voice so only Jisung could hear. 

“I think he’s hallucinating. He keeps calling himself a monster and no matter how soft I make my voice or use simple words he’s twisting them to sound the opposite. I think I’m just adding to the problem, so you should give it a try.” 

It hurt Jeno to admit that, but it was the truth. It seemed that anytime Jeno tried to ease Jaemin into a sense of comfort, his drug muddled mind didn’t see it as such but instead more like a threat. Jeno wasn’t sure why that was happening but if that was the case then there was no way he was going to be able to help Jaemin. 

Quickly the two boys switched places and Jisung called out for Jaemin. His head whipped up immediately, likely at the familiar tone, and the look of relief and comfort crossing Jaemin’s face gave Jeno hope. 

“Hyung, let’s go inside okay?” The look of relief was quickly replaced with the fear from moments ago, making Jeno’s world fall once again. Jaemin kept looking between himself and Jisung, panic becoming the main emotion on his face. And although Jeno knew this wasn’t the same Jaemin he knew from before, it still hurt that Jaemin would look at him like that. 

He missed his smile, his giggles. He missed the way Jaemin’s face would light up when Jeno brought him his favorite snack. He just wanted his Jaemin back. 

Even with the familiarity of Jisung, Jaemin was still reluctant to come near either of them and was instead moving closer and closer to the street, making Jeno all the more nervous for Jaemin’s safety. And it seemed that no matter what Jisung said to Jaemin, he was too stuck in the high of the drug to take notice that they were there to help him, not hurt him. 

While Jisung was still trying to convince Jaemin to come away from the street, Jaemin was obviously talking back to him, but the sobs wracking his body were too strong so it was hard to understand him, and Jeno was honestly more focused on Jaemin’s movements versus his words. It wasn’t until Jeno heard his own name from within the sobs that he actually paid attention. 

Jaemin kept repeating Jeno’s name over and over, mixed in with sorrys, and it took everything in Jeno to not start crying with him. Jaemin has nothing to be sorry for and Jeno hated that he thought he needed to apologize to Jeno for anything. 

Jeno remembered the first time Jaemin walked into the convenience store. He remembered how jumpy he was, and how fear seemed to take over his entire body, how dull his eyes were. He remembered his bright blue hair and how much Jeno fell in love with the color blue that day. He had never in his small town life met someone quite like Jaemin. Jeno remembered how as he got to know Jaemin, he began to see who he truly was. A boy with a bright smile and a loud laugh who had a carefree and childlike wonder about him, but now all he could see was a broken boy. A kid who was promised the world but was thrown to the sharks and forced to survive.

Jeno found himself wishing that he never went to work that day. That he just decided to stay home with Jaemin. To talk about their kiss the night before, and maybe even kiss him again. If he would have just never left, they wouldn’t be in this situation. Jeno just wanted to make this boy the happiest he had ever been because that’s what he deserved. 

Jeno stepped forward past Jisung, getting impossibly close to Jaemin, ignoring Jisung’s question asking what he was doing, making one final attempt to bring Jaemin back. 

“Jaem,” he said his name softly, glad to see Jaemin look his way, “Let’s go home, hm?”

And for a moment, Jeno could have sworn he got through to him. That Jaemin broke through the haze of his hallucination and saw Jeno for who he was. He swore he saw a moment of clarity where everything was going to be alright, and hope blossomed through his chest. 

The hope was shattered when fear once again took over Jaemin’s eyes and he turned his heel directly into the street where a motorbike was speeding directly towards Jaemin. 


	17. 17

Somehow time stopped. Jeno wasn’t actually sure it was all real. He felt more like he was caught in a dream, and everything was suddenly set in slow motion. 

Jeno watched as Jaemin took one last step backward putting him in the busy street, looking to his left he saw Jisung lurch forward, the crowd surrounding them putting their hands over their mouths, and the motorbike headed straight for Jaemin. 

Jeno didn’t think, he just reacted. He felt himself dart forward, but everything was still moving too slow. He was moving too slow, and at this rate, he wouldn’t make it in time. And just when he thought he wouldn’t make it, everything sped up and he wished it would slow down again. 

There was a pain coursing through his body, a pain he didn’t know was possible and that was when he knew this wasn’t a dream, because you can’t feel pain in a dream. 

Jeno tried to open his eyes, but that proved to be more difficult than he thought. Eventually, he managed to pry them open and after blinking a few times his eyes landed on Jaemin, lying on the ground not too far from him, his body convulsing. 

Immediately Jeno tried to sit up to help him but he was pinned down just as quickly by unfamiliar hands. “Hey, dude just maybe stay down that bike hit you pretty hard.”

“Jaemin,” Jeno mumbles, weakly trying to push the unfamiliar hand off him but the pressure on his chest stays firm. 

“It’s okay, Jisung has him, he’s gonna be okay and so are you just, stay, okay? Hyuck! Come here and make sure this kid doesn’t try and get up again.”

Someone else is suddenly looking down on Jeno, his hands replacing the one from before preventing him from getting up. 

Jeno still tried, but he found that the harder he tried, the more tired he got and the more difficult he found it to keep his eyes open. And then after one last ditch effort to get to Jaemin, he laid his arm out across the pavement towards him and the last thing he heard was a frantic, “Oh shit. Hyung!! MARK HYUNG, HE’S PASSIN’ OUT HYUNG!!” And then darkness took over.

__

When Jeno woke up he was in an unfamiliar room with white walls staring at him and a constant beeping sound ringing in his ears. He shuffled in the bed and brought his hand up to rub the sleep from his eyes. He looked around the room, eyes landing on a slumped figure in the corner. Jeno didn’t recognize the figure, and when he tried to sit up straighter to see who it was a sharp pain in his ribs stopped him, eliciting a yelp from his lips waking the stranger up. 

The stranger was suddenly by his side and when Jeno opened his eyes he vaguely recognized the face as being the same one who was pushing him down before calling someone else over to hold him down. 

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Who are you?” Jeno’s voice was scratchy, way overdue for water and it seemed the guy looking over him realized this as he brought a cup over with a straw, holding it out for Jeno. With too much difficulty Jeno managed to pull his arm up to take the cup and swallow down the water emptying the glass in record time. 

After Jeno finished the water, the stranger took the cup from him, setting it back on the table. He then dragged the chair he was slouched in before to sit next to Jeno, looking over him with a million questions in his eyes. 

“You’re Jeno?” He asked. Jeno looked at the stranger in surprise before he schooled his features and looked the stranger up and down.

He had a small face that made him look incredibly young, but the dark bags under his eyes told a different story. His brown hair was pushed back away from his forehead, but not in a styled way more like he had been roughly carding his hands through it. He looked overall tired, but he still managed to give Jeno a reassuring smile that somehow put Jeno at ease.

“You seem to know my name but I don’t know yours.”

The man chuckled at Jeno’s words, but he failed to see the humor in the situation. The stranger cleared his throat in an attempt to stop his laughter before he bowed his head ever so slightly. 

“I’m Mark. The leader for NCT Youth.”

“Yeah, I don’t know if you know this Mark,  _ leader of NCT Youth _ , but that means absolutely nothing to me. Now. What are you doing here?”

Mark’s eyes narrowed at Jeno before he relaxed back in his seat and took Jeno’s form in again. 

“Jisung told me about you Jeno, well not everything. Just the important things like how you were the one who our Jaemin was hiding with all these months.”

Jaemin stared at Mark, not knowing what he was supposed to say. It almost sounded like Mark was accusing Jeno of taking Jaemin away from him. 

“He came on his own, I didn’t even know him before he showed up where I worked.”

“Hey, hey calm down I’m not accusing you of anything here Jeno-ssi,” Mark put his hands up in defense at Jeno’s words. 

”Just Jeno is fine.”

Mark smiles at Jeno, “Just Jeno it is. All I wanted to say was thanks. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that spark in his eyes. And although he was dragged back here against his will, for a minute I saw that spark, because of you. So thank you for coming back for him. Sorry it ended you in a hospital, but in the grand scheme of things, it was all worked out in the end. You saved him, and you saved the rest of us. So, thank you Jeno.”

Jeno wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say to that, so he just stared back at Mark waiting for him to say something else. And to be honest Jeno was kind of surprised with what Mark said next. “Look, Jeno, it’s not really my place to say anything but there’s something you need to know about Jaemin.” Jeno nodded at Mark, urging him to go on but Mark kept fidgeting with his shirt. 

“What is it?”

“He didn’t ask for the drugs Jeno, you have to understand that the company was who forced it on us. He wanted to say no, but we pressured him into saying yes. He was the most against it and he tried really hard when he was out there with you to stop. At least that’s what I heard from Jisung, so try to understand, please?”

Jeno was so lost. Jaemin was taking drugs while he was with Jeno the whole time? Looking back at all the mood swings and weird bouts of nervousness made a lot more sense to Jeno. It seemed like Mark was about to leave without saying anything else but then he thought better of it and turned back to Jeno. 

“By the way, how the hell did you manage to get backstage?”

Jeno scoffed at Mark’s curiosity as he leaned back against the bed and waved his hand in the air. “I’ve snuck backstage to more concerts than you would think. It’s really not that hard and the security here kind of sucks.” While Jeno wasn’t really that big into the whole concert and music thing, Ten was so on more than one occasion he would go with him to whatever concert and they always made it a goal to sneak backstage. 

Mark couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled from his chest at Jeno’s nonchalant answer, finally turning away and walking out of the room still laughing, leaving Jeno alone to ponder Mark’s words.

__

After leaving Jeno’s room, Mark made the short trip down the hall to Jaemin’s room. Each time Mark went in there Jaemin was still asleep and Jisung was still by his side, this time being no different. Mark walked in and watched Jaemin’s chest rise and fall in even breaths, Jisung holding his hand passed out in the chair next to the bed. 

Mark looked at the two a moment more before he released a sigh and walked over to Jisung, placing a hand on his shoulder making sure to keep his voice low to not startle him too much, “Mouse,” but that was all for nothing since Jisung jumped at least a foot in the air. 

Jisung looked around the room frantically, his grip on Jaemin’s hand tightening noticeably so, Mark tried his best to keep his voice calm for Jisung. “Jisung, Jisung it’s Mark, it’s Mark,” Jisung locked eyes with Mark and released a breath, slumping back down in the chair, releasing Jaemin’s hand ever so slightly. 

Mark waited for Jisung to look back up at him, rubbing his back in small circles. When Jisung finally picked his head up from the bed, Mark asked, “How is he?” Jisung sighed again and held Jaemin’s hand closer to him. But before Jisung could answer Mark noticed the handcuffs around Jaemin’s wrist. 

“Jisung what the hell are those?” Mark pulled on the handcuffs and looked at Jisung waiting for an answer. He watched as Jisung swallowed and took in a few breaths before he looked up at Mark with tears in his eyes. 

“He kept waking up in a panic, not knowing where he was. He screamed so loud hyung, I’ve never, I’ve never seen him like this before.” Jisung’s voice was shaking and Mark was impressed that he was able to keep from breaking down this entire time. 

“He was trying to claw his eyes out, and asking where he was and why we were hurting him. He sounded so scared, he didn’t sound like himself.” It was then that Jisung finally broke down. Mark watched as the tears flooded from Jisung’s eyes and Mark couldn’t believe Jisung was there the entire time, watching someone he looked up to so much break down like that. After a moment Jisung was able to control his tears enough to start talking again. 

“I think he’s coming down hard from the drugs, but he’s doing better. He’s woken up a few more times since then and is kind of okay.” Jisung coughed out a humorless laugh, “Or at least he’s not screaming at the top of his lungs anymore. He just cries mostly.” 

“Mouse,” Mark kneeled in front of Jisung, grabbing his attention but Jisung closed his eyes as soon as Mark pulled his face to look at him. 

“It’s my fault hyung. It’s my fault.” Jisung took a sharp breath in and Mark pulled him to his chest, causing Jisung to let go of Jaemin’s hand and curl it into Mark’s shirt. 

“I was the one that sent him away and I was the reason he was dragged back here. I thought I was helping him, I really did. I just, he was so sad hyung, he was so sad and I just wanted him to be happy and I thought this would help but I just made it worse and,” Jisung’s breath hitched after each sentence and towards the end of his rant, it was hard for Mark to understand his words. 

Jisung started hyperventilating, trying to catch his breath but the harder he tried, the worse his breathing became. Mark pulled Jisung’s face away from his chest and grabbed either side of his cheeks trying to get his attention. 

“Jisung, Jisung I need you to listen to me, Jisung?” Jisung was crying uncontrollably and Mark wasn’t sure if he could even hear him talking, but he continued anyway. “Mouse, please can you breathe with me? You will feel so much better if you breathe with hyung.” 

“It’s my fault, my fault hyung, I did this to him!” Jisung was repeating the same thing over and over and Mark was losing faith that he would be able to get Jisung back to breathing normally. But still, Mark tried remembering that this exact thing happened when Jaemin was first back in the dorms just not this extreme. 

“Jisung, Jisung please here let’s try this,” Mark gently guided Jisung’s head in between his legs rubbing his back to soothe him. “Shh, it’s okay, deep breaths Mouse.” Mark continued to rub circles on Jisung’s back, and he finally heard Jisung begin to breathe normally again after a few minutes. 

Once he had his breathing under control, Jisung looked up at Mark, almost sheepishly. Mark smiled at Jisung encouragingly and then brought over tissues for Jisung who took them gratefully. Mark pulled up a chair next to Jisung and placed his hand on his leg to get his attention. 

“None of this is your fault, you know that right Mouse?” Jisung looked like he was about to say something to rebuttal his words but Mark wouldn’t allow it. “No Mouse, no buts. You are not the reason for this so please don’t blame yourself.” 

Jisung kept quiet, but Mark knew what he was thinking. He knew he was going to blame himself for this and there was nothing he could say to make him think otherwise. The only thing he could think that would change his mind was Jaemin himself, and even then he was sure Jisung was still going to beat himself up about it. 

“Okay hyung.” Jisung smiled at Mark, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Mark decided he would bring it up again later, but left it alone for now. 

The two of them sat in silence, Jisung picking up Jaemin’s hand again rubbing circles on it. After a few more minutes of silence, Jisung spoke up his voice barely above a whisper and still pretty raw sounding from his own crying. 

“He talks about him you know.” Jisung kept his eyes on Jaemin as he said it, and Mark looked at Jisung in confusion. Before he could ask who he was talking about Jisung spoke up again, “Jeno.”

Mark’s eyes widened before Jisung spoke up again. “In his sleep. He mumbles his name and sometimes he cries, sometimes he smiles. But it’s always his name. It’s always Jeno.” Jisung looked over at Mark finally, “I think he really likes him hyung. I think Jeno became something to Jaemin out there, I think he made Jaemin hyung remember who he was before SM tainted him. Before SM tainted all of us. When he said he loved him in the practice room that day, I think it was true.” 

Mark kept eye contact with Jisung before he flicked them over to Jaemin and back to Jisung again, releasing a sigh. Jisung looked to be on the brink of tears again, so Mark leaned forward and ruffled his hair and Jisung has never looked so vulnerable than when he asked, “He’s going to be okay, right hyung?” 

Mark locked eyes with Jisung, and placed his hand on the side of Jisung’s face, “Yeah Mouse, he’s going to be okay. We’ll make it so.” And for the first time that night, Jisung gave Mark a smile that seemed genuine, and Mark knew things were going to work out. 

__

The first thing Jaemin was aware of was the dryness in his throat. He tried swallowing past it, but no matter how hard he tried to rid the feeling it just became worse. Opening his eyes was almost as hard as swallowing, but once he finally did he regretted it almost immediately when he was met with bright white lights. 

He squinted at the light trying to pull his arm up in order to rub at his eyes but was cut short when his arm was caught making a clinking noise that echoed around the room. Jaemin was forced to open his eyes then, blinking repeatedly until he was finally able to see, and what he saw was something he was  _ not  _ expecting. 

“What the,” 

“Hyung?” Jaemin looked around the room, trying to find the voice and finally landed right in front of him, someone was laying across his lap. He blinked a few more times which allowed him to finally see who it was. 

“Mouse,” Jisung looked up at Jaemin, squinting at him still trying to wake up, and after about ten more seconds realization hit him and all sleepiness was eradicated at seeing Jaemin awake. 

“Oh my god  _ hyung!”  _ Jisung launched forward and pulled Jaemin into an awkward hug, Jaemin’s arms still attached to the side of the bed. But still, Jaemin tried to hug him back as well as he could, feeling Jisung’s body shake with emotion. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you Jisungie, but I would also like to be able to hug you back but I can’t,” Jaemin let his last word drag out hoping Jisung would get the point, and thankfully he did. Jisung pulled back and looked down at Jaemin’s hands, a look of shame on his face as if he was the one who put them on Jaemin. 

“You were thrashing around, trying to hurt yourself. And when they put the cloth ones on, you managed to get out of those so this was the only way hyung.” Jisung kept his eyes downcast as he spoke, but Jaemin called out to him to get his attention. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure I was more than half out of my mind Jisung, I’m not mad.” Jisung finally looked up and gave him a tentative smile. “But do you think you could get someone to take these off for me now?” 

Jisung’s eyes widened as if just realizing Jaemin was still handcuffed to the bed. “Oh yeah here let me,” and then Jisung pulled a safety pin out of his pocket and went to the right side of Jaemin’s bed, kneeling down. 

Jaemin looked down at Jisung, not really understanding what he was doing until he heard the click of the handcuff, causing Jaemin to look at Jisung with awe and amazement. “Jisung since  _ when  _ can you pick locks?”

Jisung just stood up, a small smile on his face as he stood up avoiding eye contact, moving to the other side to work on his left hand. “There’s probably a lot you don’t know about me hyung.” 

Jaemin couldn’t believe what he was seeing. What the hell did Jisung need lock picking as a skill for? He was a  _ kid. _ Jaemin was going to ask him again where he learned to pick a lock but Jisung cut him off by cursing silently at the handcuff. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Jisung huffed and finally looked up at Jaemin. “This one’s stuck, and I can’t get it open.” Jaemin raised an eyebrow at Jisung but he just shrugged his shoulders and stood up looking down on Jaemin. “I’ll have to go get someone to unlock it.” 

Jisung started to walk away but Jaemin stopped him before he could. “Jisung, wait.” Jisung turned around looking at Jaemin curiously, urging him to go on. “What happened?” 

Jisung took a deep breath in before he pulled a seat over to sit next to Jaemin, taking his hand in his own. “How are you feeling?” 

Jaemin went over how he was feeling, wanting to be as truthful as he could with Jisung, but also wanting to make sure he knew he was okay enough to know what happened since he didn’t remember anything at all. His head definitely still hurt and his body was a little sore. The lights were still pretty bright but nothing he couldn’t handle so he shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head. 

“I feel okay, the lights are a little bright but nothing I can’t handle. Now tell me what happened.” 

Jisung took a deep breath in and then closed his eyes before he whispered his next words, keeping his eyes shut. “You almost overdosed hyung.” 

Now, this was something Jaemin couldn’t wrap his head around. He always hated the drugs and he couldn’t imagine that he of all people would almost overdose, no matter what SM tried to get him to do. “Jisung, there’s no way,” 

“You don’t remember, do you?” 

“Remember what Jisung?”

And all it took was one word for the memories to come flooding back to Jaemin. Flooding back in such a powerful wave of emotion and pain he almost wished he never asked Jisung what happened. 

“Jeno.” 

And then Jaemin was thrown back. He was thrown to him being happy with Jeno, smiling and laughing with him, cooking and eating with him, laying down with him. And then he was reminded of how he was taken away from him. How empty he felt, and how lost he was. He remembered how when he came back to the company it didn’t take any convincing for him to start taking the drug again. How easy it was to slip back into the habit of the drug and apparently going overboard with it. 

He remembered standing backstage, and Jeno seeing him at his lowest. He remembers the panic when he realized that Jeno finally saw who Jaemin truly was and he vaguely remembers seeing Jeno laying in the street before passing out, and suddenly it was all too much. The air was too hot and he couldn’t breathe. Tears were streaming down his face and before he knew it, Jisung leaned forward and pulled Jaemin to his chest. 

Jaemin calmed down a bit at the physical contact but he couldn’t stop crying. But Jisung just held Jaemin close to him, rubbing his back to try and bring him comfort. “It’s okay hyung, shhh, it’s okay.” 

Finally, Jaemin was able to get his crying under control as he pulled away from Jisung and let Jisung wipe his eyes, giving him a soft smile of appreciation. Jaemin cleared his throat, already aware how raw his voice was going to sound but deciding to ignore that fact for the time being. 

“Is he, is Jeno here?”

Jisung wiped some more stray tears from Jaemin’s face before he softly nodded his head, and that just made Jaemin pale, more than he probably already was. “Do you remember what happened in the street hyung?” 

Jaemin shook his head. All he could remember was a brief picture of Jeno and everything else was just memories of feeling lost and sad, pouring copious amounts of the drug into his system just so he could feel something again. Jisung took another deep breath, something he’s been doing quite a lot of Jaemin was quickly noticing, before he spoke again. 

“You stepped out on the street and a-a motorbike. It came out of  _ nowhere _ and it was just speeding towards you but you were so out of your mind you didn’t see it.” Jisung gulped hard, closed his eyes briefly at the memory before he continued, “He pushed you away from it, or jumped in front of you, or something I don’t really know it all happened so fast, but it hit him hyung. The bike hit Jeno and then you passed out either from the shock or the drugs I don’t know,” 

Jisung went on rambling about how everything happened so fast and how he didn’t know Jeno could move so fast, but Jaemin wasn’t listening anymore. He was almost sure he was going to be sick because Jeno got hurt. Jeno got hurt,  _ because of him.  _

This was exactly what Jaemin was trying to avoid. That was why he came back to SM so willingly because he wanted above all things to protect Jeno because he never did anything bad in this world and he didn’t deserve to be thrown into the mess that was Jaemin’s life.

Jisung was still rambling but Jaemin could feel the bile coming up his throat, so he had to squeeze Jisung’s arm to get him to stop. “I think I’m going to be sick,” and literally moments before Jaemin could no longer hold it down, Jisung was there with a trash can holding it under his mouth. 

Since Jaemin hadn’t eaten in who knows how long, he was basically just dry heaving and only getting rid of stomach acid, but still this went on for at least three minutes before he was done. 

“I’m sorry hyung,” Jisung whispered these words to Jaemin, and he could hear the emotion in his voice before he cleared his throat to make it more stable. “He’s okay though. The bike caught sight of Jeno in enough time to slow down so Jeno didn’t get too hurt. He’s going to be sore for a while but there’s nothing serious. Mark hyung made sure to check on him since I haven’t really left here.” 

Jisung’s voice trailed off at the end of his sentence, causing Jaemin to look up at Jisung and give him a small smile. “Mouse,” Jaemin tried to move his hand to brush it through Jisung’s hair but the handcuffs stopped him again. This seemed to put Jisung in motion, standing up and wiping his face, and sniffing. 

“I’m going to go find someone with a key to get that off, I’ll be right back hyung.” and before Jaemin could say anything Jisung walked out the door, making sure to close the door quietly so as to not disturb anyone. 

Jaemin stared after Jisung, not sure how to deal with the situation displayed in front of him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, going over everything Jisung told him, trying his best to process it all. It wasn’t long until he heard the door open again and he looked up towards the door, “Well that was quicker than I exp-” but Jaemin cut himself off because while he was expecting Jisung to be the one to walk through the door, a mix of dread and excitement swirled in the pit of his belly.

“Jeno.” 

_

Jeno stood in the doorway, hesitating on if he wanted to come in or not, and Jaemin was kind of glad that he was still handcuffed to the bed because if not he was almost positive he would have done one of two things: run out the door and as far away from Jeno as possible, or he would run off the bed and straight into his arms. And he wasn’t sure which one was worse. 

“Hey Jaem,” Jeno gave a shy wave and in that moment Jaemin knew if he wasn’t handcuffed to the bed he would definitely run into his arms. Jaemin could sob at the nickname, knowing that Jeno was the one to give it to him and he was the only one to use it.

It rendered Jaemin speechless, and he was honestly surprised he was able to keep his breathing under control and his heart rate at a normal speed. Seeing how Jaemin was obviously having issues talking, Jeno continued to supply the conversation. 

“So, Na Jaemin of NCT Youth huh?” Jeno gave a soft smile as he stepped further into the room, silently shutting the door behind him, leaning on the door not wanting to crowd Jaemin since he still had the deer caught in the headlights look at seeing Jeno. 

Jaemin tried to speak but failed at coming up with words to which somehow Jeno knew exactly what Jaemin was trying to ask and answered him. “Your leader, uh Mark? He came to my room and gave me the spark notes version of who you are and all that.” 

Jaemin felt a blush creep up his neck and sit on his cheeks, ducking his gaze away from Jeno, only bringing it back to his attention when he heard Jeno chuckle. “If I would have known you were a worldwide pop star I would have made you buy  _ so  _ many things for me.”

This finally elicited a laugh out of Jaemin and Jeno took that as a chance to move forward and get closer to Jaemin’s bed, standing at the foot of it leaning over the bottom of the frame. “How are you doing?” 

Jaemin swallowed around his nervousness and made sure to keep eye contact with Jeno. “I would say I feel like I’ve been hit by a car but it seems like that’s your line.” Jeno choked on his breath and rubbed the back of his neck in nervousness, refusing to meet Jaemin’s eyes. 

“Yeah well, technically it was a bike, not a car so,” Jeno finished awkwardly, and Jaemin hated the sudden tense atmosphere. The only time it was ever this awkward when it was the two of them was when they first met. When Jaemin first came to the no-name town, and he  _ hated  _ it. He wanted everything to go back to normal, to when it was easy between the two of them. 

Before Jaemin could try and break the awkward silence, Jeno beat him to it. “Why didn’t you tell me Jaem?” Jaemin looked up at Jeno to find he was looking down at Jaemin’s feet instead of his face. “I mean I had a feeling you were probably in some kind of band, but why didn’t you just tell me?” 

Jaemin was shocked to hear that Jeno assumed that he was in a band when they just met, deciding to focus on that instead of his actual question. “How did you know I was in a band?” 

At this Jeno looked up and gave Jaemin an  _ are you serious _ type of look and it almost felt like they were back at that house, fighting about nonsense things. “I don’t know any normal person who just decides to dye their hair bright ass blue unless they’re an idol.” 

Jaemin shrinks back into the bed hating how completely true the statement actually was, but Jeno’s laugh brought him back to the conversation. “So why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped you Jaem. I would have understood.” 

Jaemin narrowed his eyes at Jeno, feeling a sudden fire burning in the pit of his stomach. “Would you though?” 

Jeno looked at Jaemin in complete confusion, “What do you mean?” 

Jaemin sighed before he looked at Jeno again, “How could you understand Jeno? No offense, but you didn’t even recognize who I was when I walked in the store and I’m part of the world’s highest grossing rookie kpop band. How would you be able to understand what I was running away from?” 

Jeno looked taken aback at Jaemin’s words, but Jaemin continued his voice a bit softer now. “When you didn’t recognize me right away, I saw a chance. An opportunity to start over, and not have to be Na Jaemin of NCT Youth, but just Jaemin. It was the first time I was looked at not because I was in a kpop group under SM but looked at for  _ me _ . You didn’t see the person SM created for the stage, and I was too selfish to give that up.” 

“Jaem,” Jeno stepped around the bed and sat on the edge, closer to Jaemin, causing him to close his eyes. 

“When I’m on stage, I’m not me. I’m a monster that was created and formed through the help of drugs to make me seem more lively and happy. I wanted to get away from that so Jisung helped me. He said I didn’t have to be Na Jaemin of NCT Youth, that I could just be  _ me.  _ And I had that, I had that and I didn’t want to ruin it.” 

Jaemin kept his eyes closed as he spoke, squeezing them tighter when he felt a pair of hands on his legs. Soft, so very soft, and Jaemin wanted to cry at the contact. He wanted Jeno to touch him more, but he also wanted Jeno as far away from him as possible because Jaemin was nothing but a liar and brought only pain to Jeno. He didn’t deserve the comfort from Jeno, who did nothing but tell him the truth and layout his heart to see and what did Jaemin do? He lied to Jeno. He lied about his real identity, and he lied about the drugs. 

“They created a version of myself that I hated and I just wanted to be loved. I wanted to have someone see me for me, and like me for me. I just wanted  _ something.” _ Jaemin choked on the last word and he felt the featherlight touch of Jeno’s hand tighten ever so slightly, grounding him if only a little bit before Jeno cleared his throat. 

“I could have helped you Jaemin. If you had just told me from the beginning, none of this would have,” Jeno wasn’t able to finish his sentence because Jaemin’s eyes flew open and there was anger in his eyes that made Jeno halt his words. 

“And what Jeno? What if I told you? How am I supposed to believe that if I told you that I’m a kpop idol and the company I’m under thought the only way to get their artist to bring in any money was to force drugs into their system and not allow them any leeway, huh? You’re telling me that you wouldn’t just call me crazy and write me off as a weirdo?”

Jeno tried to defend himself but Jaemin wouldn’t allow him. “You don’t think I know how crazy that sounds? Who in their right mind would believe someone like that Jeno? Huh? Who?” 

Jeno leaned forward to try and take Jaemin’s hand in his own to calm him, but then he noticed the handcuff and frowned at it looking back at Jaemin hoping for an explanation. When Jeno didn’t receive one, he moved forward attempting to unlock it with a paperclip he found on the bedside table. 

Jaemin huffed in annoyance before he tried to yank his hand back. “Don’t even try, Jisung already tried and said it was stuck.” And as soon as Jaemin said stuck, he heard the unmistakable sound of the handcuff unlocking, and his wrist was freed. 

“Can  _ everyone _ pick locks? What the actual hell.” Before Jaemin could go on, Jeno took his wrist back in his hand and began to rub the red marks, silencing Jaemin. 

“I would have listened to you Jaemin. I would have heard you out and I would have done everything in my power to help you. I could have helped you with the drug addiction. I know it’s not easy to do that alone. I just wish you would have trusted me enough to allow me to help.” 

Jeno continued to soothe the red marks on Jaemin’s wrist. Moving on onto his other wrist to do the same. And while Jeno was trying to be sweet, and understanding, Jaemin couldn’t get it out of his head that Jeno didn’t actually mean any of it, he was just saying this to make him feel better. 

“How was I supposed to know that Jeno? I barely knew you. You really think I was going to just lay all of that on you the first day we met? I wanted to get better, but I didn’t want you to witness me at my lowest. You didn’t need that type of burden in your life.” And apparently Jaemin’s last comment was what finally set Jeno off. 

“If you were that concerned about me and not helping you bear the burden of this then why did you start using again?” Jaemin stared at Jeno a moment, not sure if he heard what his brain was telling him he heard. “You were obviously able to stop when you were with me in that nameless town, so why did you throw all of that away and become the person you hate the most? And why would you leave me with nothing but some  _ bull shit _ letter saying you were sorry and that you loved me, huh? Explain to me that Jaemin.” 

Jeno’s eyes were sharp, hardened with an edge Jaemin had never seen before. What kind of question even was that? Jaemin wasn’t sure how he was supposed to answer that question, it sounded more like an accusation. 

“I didn’t think I was ever going to see you again Jeno. They dragged me from that place, back here, back to what I used to be. What else was I supposed to do?” And then as a delayed reaction, he realized what Jeno said, “And I never said I loved you in the letter.” 

Jeno narrowed his eyes at Jaemin before he sighed and released a humorless laugh deciding to ignore his last comment, “That doesn’t mean you had to start using again, Jaemin. You don’t need me to be there for you to decide you don’t like who you were on the drug. You were able to stop it all by yourself when you were in that nameless town, so why change?” 

Jaemin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Jeno wasn’t listening to him. He didn’t understand who SM was and what they did, which means he was right to not tell him his life story from the beginning. He wished it didn’t hurt so much to be right. 

“See, I knew it. I knew you wouldn’t understand Jeno! You don’t get it. You don’t understand who SM is and what they do. You don’t think I  _ tried  _ to stop? I tried Jeno, I did. If I didn’t do exactly what they said you know what they would have done?” Jeno looked at Jaemin expectantly, and it was surprisingly hard to say it out loud. 

“They would have used you against me Jeno. They would have hurt you and everyone else in that town because they knew what that place meant to me. They knew where you _ lived _ and they would have done whatever it took to you in order to get me to act as their puppet again. So sue me for wanting to keep you happy and alive.” 

Jaemin turned his head away from Jeno, tears slipping down his face angrily and the only noise in the room was Jaemin’s heavy breathing and the methodical beeps of the machines. Jaemin didn’t have it in him to look at Jeno, afraid of what he would see. Even when Jeno tried calling his name, Jaemin couldn’t look. It wasn’t until he felt the feather light pressure of Jeno’s fingers under his chin, moving his head to look at him. 

“How could I be happy knowing you were no longer by my side?” 

Jaemin choked on a sob and didn’t even try to stop the tears, allowing Jeno to caress his face. “How could you be happy with a filthy addict like me?” Jaemin’s words were muffled by his crying, but he knew by the way Jeno pulled him forward to his chest and stroked his head, shushing him, that he understood. 

Jaemin wrapped his arms around Jeno pulling him impossibly close, and clutching at his shirt like he was drowning at sea and Jeno was the only thing keeping him afloat. He cried and cried, and he cried some more. Jaemin cried so much he wasn’t sure how he was  _ still  _ crying. He was going to get dehydrated at this point and pass out. 

But Jeno just held him tighter, never stopping his hand from running over the back of Jaemin’s hair and down his back. “I would never be able to forget you Jaemin. How happy you made me, how beautiful you made my life when you walked into the store that day. You are someone to look up to, you are so strong and you don’t deserve whatever shitty situation you were thrown into. And I just want the chance to show you that you are worthy. That you aren’t a filthy addict. You were born to love and be loved Jaemin, please understand that. I could never leave you alone.” 

And just when Jaemin thought he was finally running out of tears, Jeno had to go and say that. He was crying all over again, with a fervor he didn’t know was possible. Jeno continued still to rub his back and head, but seeing as how Jaemin still wasn’t calming down Jeno decided to try a new tactic. 

He pushed Jaemin’s head away from his chest for a moment, making Jaemin’s breath get caught in his throat at the loss of Jeno being so close, but before he could ask what was going on Jeno moved Jaemin to the side of the bed, climbing in next to him, and then shifting so that Jaemin was laying on his chest. 

Jeno pulled the blankets of the hospital bed to cover both of them, resting Jaemin’s head to lay over his heart. A new wave of tears washed over Jaemin at the realization and Jeno couldn’t help but chuckle at him, to which Jaemin immediately whined. 

“Don’t laugh at me,” Jaemin was still crying but he tried his hardest to make sure his words came out clear. 

“I’m sorry, my poor baby, how about you get some sleep.” Jeno pulled Jaemin closer and went back to petting Jaemin’s head and back, nodding his head. 

“I’m not your baby,” Jaemin mumbled his voice still thick with tears but Jeno could hear the sleepiness behind his words, and he knew Jaemin was moments from passing out. 

“Are you sure about that? Seems kind of like you are.” Jeno finally heard his tears cease and quickly after he felt the even breaths of Jaemin, knowing he was asleep. 

“I’m not going to leave you. You’re never going to have to suffer alone again, I promise.” Jeno thought Jaemin was already asleep, but apparently, he wasn’t because he felt Jaemin’s arms tighten around his middle and a mumbled  _ thankyou  _ escapes from Jaemin’s lips causing Jeno’s lips to turn up in a smile. 

Although Jeno was still somewhat sore from being hit by the motorbike, he never felt more at peace than he did right now having Jaemin so close to him. He hated seeing Jaemin cry, but he was glad he seemed to get most of it out, and it also seemed to help him fall asleep a lot faster. 

Now that Jeno knew Jaemin was heavily addicted to the drugs his company was forcing on him, and that was why he was acting so strange when they were in the house together, he had an idea what he was going to have to go through again a second time, so sleep was the best thing for him now. But now that he knew, he was going to be able to help Jaemin through all of it. 

Jaemin came into his life all of a sudden, but when he came home and found that note and the house empty, the dread he felt was something he never wanted to feel again. When Jaemin came into Jeno’s life, he did something he didn’t think was possible in his no-name town. He brought something exciting, something real, something beautiful, into his life, and Jeno was damned if he was going to let that go. 


	18. 18

When Jaemin woke up again, his bed was empty but there was another person in the room with his back facing him so Jaemin couldn’t tell who it was. He sat up and rubbed his eyes waiting for the person to turn around, partially hoping it was Jeno but knowing it wasn’t him. When he did finally turn around Jaemin was just as happy to see him as he would be if it was Jeno. 

“Mouse,” 

“Hi hyung. How are you feeling?” 

Jaemin nodded his head at Jisung and then patted the space next to him, motioning for Jisung to come sit with him. After falling asleep with Jeno right next to him and then waking up alone again Jaemin was feeling extra needy wanting to have someone close. 

Jisung hesitated a moment before he walked over and instead of sitting on the bed, he hovered next to it. He stared at Jaemin’s hands, refusing to look up, so Jaemin ducked his head in order to lock eyes with Jisung. “What’s wrong Jisung?” Jisung had a pained expression on his face concerning him immensely. 

When Jisung finally met Jaemin’s eyes, shame was written all over his face when he said, “Hyung, I have to tell you something.” Jaemin cocked an eyebrow at Jisung, not sure why he looked so serious but tugged him down on the bed anyway. 

Jisung looked at the bed they were sitting on, pulling at the sheets and still refusing to look at Jaemin. Jaemin waited patiently for Jisung to say what he needed to say, but he would be lying if he said the amount of time it was taking Jisung to speak wasn’t putting him on edge. 

Just as Jaemin was about to break the silence, Jisung looked up at him with tears in his eyes and without really thinking Jaemin shot forward and pulled Jising to his chest rubbing his back in an attempt to calm him down. Jisung roughly pushed Jaemin away, leaning back and away from Jaemin. 

Jaemin kept his distance from Jisung, not entirely sure what the hell just happened but figuring he should probably give Jisung his space. Jisung sniffed and roughly wiped his face before he finally spoke up, “I don’t deserve that from you hyung. Not me.” 

Jaemin didn’t understand why Jisung was acting this way, and he just wanted to make him feel better but it seemed Jisung wanted nothing to do with Jaemin. It hurt that Jisung was pushing him away, but Jaemin sustained himself and kept his distance until Jisung was ready. 

“I never took the drug you guys did.” Jaemin shook his head, not understanding what Jisung was talking about, but before he could voice his confusion Jisung spoke up again, “I took the speed one time, didn’t like how it made me feel so I never took it again.” 

Still, Jaemin was confused, not understanding what Jisung meant. He had seen Jisung smoke with Donghyuck on more than one occasion so there was no way what Jisung was saying could be true. Jaemin also found it hard to believe that the company would just allow Jisung to not take the drug. “Jisung, that doesn't make any sense, how is that,” 

Jisung held a hand up to Jaemin, making him stop mid-sentence. “Please hyung, it’s a bit of a story. Can you just hear me out before you decide what to do with what I tell you?” 

Jaemin had never seen Jisung look so scared, or so unsure in his entire life. Not even when they were trainees. “Of course Jisung,” Jaemin tried to sound encouraging, but honestly he was more than scared to hear whatever it was Jisung was about to tell him. 

As it turns out, Jisung had tried the drug offered to the boys by the company one time and didn’t like how it made him feel. Hated the high strung effect it gave him and he was more concerned about what would happen after the drug was out of his system than focusing on the concert or practice, or whatever it was they were doing for the day. 

Jisung tried talking to the company about it, but they wouldn’t listen, telling him that if he wanted to debut that he was going to have to find a way to get over it. The next time it came to take the drug for a concert, Jisung instead managed to get marijuana inside, something he had smoked briefly before and was more comfortable with the effects of that. 

“I’m sorry hyung, I didn’t know how to tell you. By the time I figured it was okay for me and I could get away with it, you had already been on the speed for so long, I didn’t know what it would do to you if you mixed the two and I couldn't let something bad happen to you-” Jisung had stood up from the bed in the middle of his explanation and was now rambling as he paced the room, refusing to look Jaemin in the eye. 

Jaemin took in the information, and when he thought he would be mad, he realized he was more relieved than anything that Jisung was only smoking weed. “Mouse, stop pacing and come here for a minute will you?” Jisung abruptly stopped his pacing and turned to look at Jaemin, not moving. 

“Are you mad?” 

Jaemin laughed at Jisung, shaking his head. “No, Jisung I’m not mad. Will you come here please?” Cautiously, Jisung made his way over to where Jaemin was still patting the bed. “Jisung, I could never be mad at you for not getting addicted to a very addictive drug. How could you think I would be mad at you for that?”

Jisung looked down at his hands, “Because you were the one against the whole thing in the first place and I found a way around it but didn’t tell you.” 

Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at Jisung and the shame he wore around his shoulders. “Jisung, even if you did tell me about the weed it wouldn’t have worked for me anyway. I would have still used the speed because weed makes me very tired and slow moving.” Jisung looked up at this, wiping his eyes. 

“Really?” Jaemin nodded his head, and then after a moment realized for most people that was the general mood it put them in. 

“How is it that doesn’t happen to you though?” 

Jisung rubbed the back of his head awkwardly and released a laugh. “Well it mostly just calms the nerves I have before going on stage and then I feed off of the rest of you guys and match that energy every night.” 

Jaemin nodded his head in understanding, not at all surprised that Jisung of all people was able to do something like that, but Jisung still seemed unsure of the situation. “Jisung, really I’m not upset you don’t have to be scared.” 

“There’s more hyung,” Jisung said. Jaemin cocked an eyebrow, waiting for Jisung to continue. “When you were gone, in that town with Jeno?” Jaemin nodded his head, “The other hyungs got sober.” 

This piqued Jaemin’s interest a bit more. He distantly remembers saying something to Jisung about knowing that they all got sober, but he can’t remember how he even knew, because Jisung telling him this now was all news to him.

When Jaemin was discovered missing, the company immediately went into an uproar. It took them a little over 24 hours to realize he was even gone, and that only being because they had an off day before the next concert, and they all figured he was asleep in his room or something of the sort, Jisung being the only one who really knew where he was. 

Once the rehearsal was to take place, however, Jaemin’s lack of presence was more than noticeable and it took no time at all for the managers to flood the practice room asking where Jaemin was. Shortly after the managers came in the room the CEO himself was in the room asking questions about where Jaemin was and who talked to him last. 

When no one was able to answer, the CEO started to really get angry and that was when all hell broke loose. The CEO started grabbing random boys, some who weren’t even associated with the Youth team, throwing them around and shouting for answers that no one was able to give him. He ended up calling the entire Youth members into his office where he spat at them as he yelled, but still, no one was able to give an answer. 

The CEO sent them all back to their dorms and locked them in their rooms for the next week, not allowing them to come out and refusing to give them any food or water. Luckily the boys had some water in their rooms for various reasons, but since they weren’t getting any new water or any food, that also meant they weren’t getting the drug. 

The first day was okay, they were more worried about where Jaemin had gone to be concerned about the drug, or even realized that they were going into withdrawal. But then the second day was when they started noticing some major differences and they were clawing at each other’s neck and that was when Jisung realized that cutting the drug out cold turkey was about the worst thing that could be done. 

With Jisung being the only level headed one he had to deal with the other four boys losing their minds and searching for anything and everything that would give them the high they were so used to. Eventually there was so much noise and ruckus that the CEO finally had the guards open the door to see what the hell was going on, but when the CEO saw the state of the boys, he decided this was the best punishment he could give them. 

“Until one of you boys tell me where Na Jaemin is, you’re not getting a single ounce of the drug. Do you hear me?” and the CEO stayed true to his word. While he did start giving the boy's food and water and not locking them in the dorms, he kept them completely cut off from the drug so they were all forced into a sober state that the CEO wasn’t expecting. 

Whenever Jaemin would call Jisung, he always had to make sure and find a quiet place to talk to him, not waiting to let Jaemin know just how much chaos was caused by his disappearance.

“It was hard to control four of them at once, especially with me being the youngest. I had to yell at them so much hyung, it was weird. But I didn’t know how else to help them.” Jisung took a deep breath and looked back at Jaemin, afraid of what his expression would be. 

“I’m sorry Jisung, I’m sorry you had to go through that by yourself.” 

Jisung shook his head and lowered his gaze. “I wouldn’t have had to do it if we just listened to you in the beginning hyung. If we would have just said no, none of this would have happened and you wouldn’t be in this hospital right now and,” Jisung was starting to become hysterical, hyperventilating and talking too quickly so Jaemin pulled him closed and tried to get him to take deep breaths in and regulate his breathing. 

Once he was breathing normally again Jaemin held his face in his hands, “None of this is your fault Jisung. Do you understand me?” Jisung was about to say something more but Jaemin pinned him with a look and so Jisung nodded at him. “What happened next?”

Jisung went on to tell Jaemin that the situation got worse before it got better, the suddenness of the drug no longer being in their system was taking a toll on them to a magnitude that Jisung wasn’t expecting. He figured that if they stayed off the drug long enough, it would just wear off. But it turned out that just cutting the drug out like that was more dangerous than taking the actual drug itself. 

That’s how he knew that in order to help Jaemin he was going to have to take the drug, even though that was the thing he was trying to get away from. Jisung had given Jaemin all the extra pills he had, so there was absolutely nothing left in the dorms that he could give to the other boys so it made for quite the riots with four recovering addicts all locked in the same dorm, but they managed to get through it. The other four obviously still have the urge, but they remember what it was like to come off the drugs and how hard and debilitating it was so they were more than repulsed when the idea of taking the drug came up. 

When the boys were no longer as heavily dependent on the drug, they had to keep that a secret from the CEO since he assumed the boys were still being punished by not giving them the drugs. So anytime he would stop by they all acted like they were out of their mind and they would beg for the drugs. The CEO laughed in their faces and slammed the door as an answer, leaving them alone for an extended period of time. 

“I didn’t tell them that I was the one that helped you escape, in case something happened that way I would be the only one to take the fall.” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened and he smacked Jisung’s arm. “What the hell is that supposed to mean you, idiot?!” Jisung rubbed his arm where Jaemin just hit him and looked at Jaemin confused. 

“What else was I supposed to do hyung? I’m not about to get them in trouble for something I did!” 

“So you would rather get yourself killed instead of asking for help?” 

“Well if it saved you, then yes,” Jisung said it with such conviction that Jaemin was rendered speechless. He knew he had a close relationship with Jisung, the closest with him versus anyone else, but he didn’t realize how much that same feeling was extended towards him. 

Jaemin pulled Jisung forward into another hug, Jisung returning it quickly before pushing back and locking eyes with Jaemin. “There’s more.” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened, he didn’t realize just how long this story was but he figured he should have expected at least this much considering the amount of time he was gone. He nodded his head motioning for Jisung to go on. 

“When the CEO found you, he came into the dorms and he told us to get ready. He said there was going to be a concert this weekend and that we better not mess it up or else worse things were going to happen to us,” 

Cut to when the CEO tracked Jaemin down and dragged him back to the company, shoving the drugs he spent so long expelling from his body right back in. The whole time Jaemin was forcing the drugs back into his system the rest of the members were hiding their stash and just acting like they had taken the drugs. 

No one knew how they were supposed to help Jaemin since he was already so far gone, back into the mindset of the drugs, even more so now than he ever was. They were all coming together trying to find a way to help, but they kept coming up dry. 

And then the day of the concert came and that was when Jaemin truly lost his mind and almost overdosed. Because of that whole thing going down, the cops were obviously heavily involved and thanks to Jaemin’s state, the entire company of SM Entertainment was under investigation and all the artists were taken into various hospitals to be tested for drug use, and then eventually transferred to rehab facilities to help them get sober. 

“SM Entertainment is over hyung. There is no way they can stay standing after a scandal of this magnitude. The CEO was taken in, arrested for something I don’t actually understand, but basically he’s going to jail and I don’t know if they will ever let him out.”

Jaemin sat back in the bed, running his fingers through his hair trying to process everything Jisung was telling him. It was a lot to take in all of a sudden and he couldn’t believe it all came down to something like this, but he was kind of glad it did. 

“Are you saying we just became jobless?” 

Jisung laughed at Jaemin’s reaction and patted his leg. “Seems that way dude. Think we can apply for unemployment?” 

Jaemin continued to laugh with Jisung, an unknown weight lifting from his shoulders as he did. He was free. He was no longer under the terror that was SM Entertainment and he never had to take the drug again. 

The door slid open loudly, whoever was on the other end used way too much strength so it bounced back and ended up closing again. 

“Really Hyuck, learn to chill will ya?” Mark’s voice floated through the room and tears immediately sprung to his eyes at hearing his leader's voice for the first time in much too long. Before Mark could say anything else Donhyuck was bursting through the room making a beeline for Jaemin’s bed. 

“ _ Hyung!!!” _

Before his feet could leave the floor Renjun stepped forward and yanked his collar back to stop him from jumping on top of Jaemin. “Dude, you can’t just jump on him like that. He’s already in a hospital bed for the week, don’t make it longer.” Renjun smiled warmly at Jaemin before he finally let go of Donghyuck who immediately rushed to lay on top of Jaemin. 

“I missed you hyung,” Jaemin smiled down at him and patted his head. 

“I missed you too Hyuck.” The rest of the boys filed into the room, teary smiles on all of their faces which in turn made Jaemin tear up. “Hey stop it y’all I’m tired of crying,” He chastised the room and they all laughed. 

They all wiped their faces, taking turns hugging Jaemin, and then they all sat around his bed asking him how he was feeling and whatnot. Jaemin of course said he was fine, not wanting to worry them any more than they already were. Jaemin told them how glad he was they were sober and as soon as they did, everyone turned their head in shame. 

“Yeah, about that,” Chenle started, but Jaemin cut him off.

“You better not be apologizing. I already yelled at Jisung for that, don’t make me yell again.” 

Chenle looked at Jaemin giving him a thankful smile to which Jaemin easily returned. Before anyone could start crying again Mark jumped in and asked Jaemin, “Alright enough of this family reunion and sad shit. I wanna know about Jeno,” Mark wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Jaemin, who immediately flushed at the hidden innuendo Mark was giving. 

“What about me?” All six heads turned towards the door where the voice was coming from, Jeno standing with something in his left hand and looking around the room in mild concern. “Uhh, is this a bad time?”

It was silent for a tense 15 seconds before Mark finally clapped his hands together and shouted, “Okay! I think that is our cue to go,” Mark started herding all the boys that were surrounding Jaemin’s bed, pushing them out of the room while he was urging Jeno in. 

“Hold up, I want to know about this Jeno dude cuz I’m pretty sure Jaemin is in love!” Donghyuck was fighting against Mark’s hold as he sing-songed the love part of his sentence, trying to get over to Jeno who was backing into the nearest corner. Jisung ended up coming over to help Mark by covering Donghyuck’s mouth and smiling apologetically at Jeno. 

When Mark finally got all the boys out of the room and shut the door a faint, “Ew, Hyuck did you seriously just lick my hand?” which broke the weird tension in the room making Jaemin and Jeno burst out laughing. 

Jeno walked over to Jaemin and set the box of juices on the table, Jaemin inspecting the box before looking back at Jeno. “I managed to find a box without any strawberry flavored ones in them. Aren’t you proud of me?” Jaemin squinted at the box that had ‘strawberry flavor’ plainly printed on the box and looked back at Jeno. “Okay so maybe I just took all the strawberry flavored ones out of the box. Sue me.” 

Jaemin rolled his eyes and laughed at Jeno’s antics before looking back at him with a smile. He scooted over on the bed and patted the side, Jeno sitting down and immediately grabbing his hand and brushing his other one through his hair. 

“How are you feeling?” 

Jaemin shrugged, not really sure how he felt. He was glad that he saw his members and was able to confirm that they were all okay, but all the things that Jisung told him were still swimming around in his mind not making much sense to him of how everything panned out the way it did. 

He lied to Jeno enough in the past few months, he didn’t want to lie to him ever again, even if it was something small. “I’m kind of worried about what happens next.” he admitted. 

“What do you mean?” 

Jaemin took a deep breath in and looked at Jeno. He took his time looking over every feature on his face, his slanted eyes filled with nothing but soft feelings, his pink lips slightly turned down in a frown. He wanted to commit Jeno’s face to memory, because he wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen next since technically he was out of a job. 

Was he going to have to move back with his parents? And what about Jeno? He already had a place to call home and that place wasn’t Seoul. Jaemin didn’t know where he and Jeno stood, and he was honestly kind of scared to ask. 

The fact that Jeno came and found him after he left should have been answer enough, but Jaemin wasn’t vain enough to assume that now Jeno knew the truth about everything Jaemin and his life before he met him that he would stay. Jaemin had a lot of issues and a lot of drama going on and he would understand completely if Jeno wanted no part of it. 

The thought of Jeno being gone from his life again was almost enough to send Jaemin into a panic, but he didn’t want to show that with Jeno in the room so he steeled his features and offered a smile to Jeno. “Jeno,” but before Jaemin could even get his name out, Jeno was sitting on the edge of his bed pulling Jaemin’s face to his and connecting their lips. 

It wasn’t anything dramatic, just a quick touch of their lips, but it still had Jaemin’s mind reeling. When Jeno pulled back, he kept his hands on either side of his face and rested his forehead on Jaemin’s. “I hope you weren’t about to say something like ‘you don’t have to stay here with me after seeing all that because I would understand if you want to leave’ bull Na Jaemin.” 

Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh at the way Jeno called his name, and then he immediately burst into tears. Jaemin lowered his head to rest on Jeno’s chest and Jeno pulled him close, rubbing his hands up and down Jaemin’s spine. Jaemin wished he could just stop crying already. He felt like he has cried more in the last few months than any person has cried in their entire life. 

“It’s okay Jaem, I’m not going to leave you. I’m here to stay and you are stuck with me so you’re going to have to deal with it.” Jaemin continued to cry into Jeno’s chest for the next few minutes, trying his hardest to get himself together so he could face Jeno again. When he finally did, Jeno made sure to still keep him close and Jaemin had never felt more secure. 

Jaemin looked at Jeno and he tried to imagine what the hell Jeno saw in him. How could someone as humble and sweet who had done nothing bad in life manage to care for someone like Jaemin? Jaemin was a drug addict, he was obviously largely mentally unstable, and he was now jobless. How could someone care for a person like that?

Jeno started shaking his head at Jaemin and then began shaking Jaemin as well. “Uh, huh you get out of your head right now Jaemin. I don’t know what you’re thinking right now but I know it’s nothing good so you need to stop.” 

Jaemin’s eyes began leaking again and he just wished he could stop. He heard Jeno’s words, he heard the conviction and he heard the truth behind them but Jaemin just couldn’t believe them. He wanted so badly to believe Jeno, to believe that Jaemin was worth someone caring for him, but there were way too many things stacked against him for him to believe that. 

“Jeno, how can you care for a person like me? How is it possible for someone like you, to even tolerate someone so dirty and-” 

Jaemin’s words were immediately cut off by Jeno crashing his lips to Jaemin’s again. This time there was nothing simple about the kiss. Jeno was pouring everything he had in him into the kiss. He needed Jaemin to know, to understand that Jeno cared for him and he wanted to continue to care for him until Jaemin believed him and then care for him even after that. 

Jeno could feel the tears from Jaemin’s face as they continued to flow, Jeno’s own tears mixing in. When he finally pulled back he looked at Jaemin’s face, his eyes still closed, and called his name. “Jaem,” slowly, Jaemin opened his eyes and looked at Jeno. “Please, don’t say that about yourself. You are someone that deserves love and you are someone that deserves to be cared for, in every capacity. I can’t bear to not be by your side, so please, please, allow me to stay with you.” 

Jaemin stared at Jeno unblinking, processing his words slowly. And then Jaemin leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Jeno’s forehead before leaning back with a small smile and wiped the tears from Jeno’s face. He still wasn’t able to fully believe that anyone should care for him in any way with all the damage he had done, but whatever Jeno asked for Jaemin wanted to give it to him because that’s what he deserved. 

“Okay,” Jaemin whispered, and the brightest smile lit up Jeno’s face. He pulled Jaemin to his chest, squeezing him tightly and kissing the top of his head, and mumbled into his hair. “Thank you.” 

They stayed like that until the door burst open again, Donghyuck running in the room laughing at top volume with Mark’s voice following from down the hall. 

“Hyuck you little shit get back here!” 

Jaemin and Jeno pulled apart at the commotion and watched as Donghyuk skidded in the room and slid under the bed in a rather impressive show of agility, making sure to put his finger to his lips to signal Jeno and Jaemin to stay quiet. 

Mark walked into the room seconds after Donghyuck effectively hid under Jaemin’s hospital bed, and Mark scanned the room asking with his eyes where he went. Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other for a second before they both pointed to the underside of the bed. 

Mark rolled his eyes and then kneeled on the ground coming face to face with Donghyuck who immediately screamed and tried to scramble further under the bed, but then Mark grabbed his feet and pulled him out. He dragged Donghyuck out of the room, forcing him to bow in apology to Jeno and Jaemin before shutting the door behind him. 

Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other for a few seconds before they both burst out into laughter. “So that’s kind of normal and something you may have to get used to,” Jaemin told Jeno once they both calmed down. 

Jeno pulled Jaemin closed again, trapping him in a hug, and sighed before he answered, “As long as you’re there I don’t care if he sets my hair on fire.” 

Jaemin pulled back, suddenly serious as he looked at Jeno’s hair and then back down at his face. “Don’t joke about that, he might actually do that.” Jeno rolled his eyes at Jaemin and laid down on the bed pulling Jaemin down with him, the two of them falling asleep within minutes. 


	19. 19

_ Three months later  _

Jaemin had to stay in the hospital for another day, the doctors running tests on him to make sure the mass amount of drugs he took in such a little time frame didn’t do too much damage, and once he was cleared for that they recommended him to a rehab facility. Jaemin was against the idea at first, thinking that if he could kick the drugs the first time without help, he could do it again. 

Jeno however reminded him of how difficult it was to do that all by himself, reminding Jaemin of all the nights he suffered alone, and then he was on board with it. He didn’t feel the same way he did the first time he came off the drugs, but then the third day came and Jaemin was thrown back to when he was in the town going into withdrawal on his own, and he was glad to have the help of medical professionals. 

And of course Jeno.

Although Jeno couldn’t be in the rehab facility with Jaemin, he was there every day he could visit and was in constant contact with the doctor in charge of Jaemin, making sure to be there on extra bad days. Jaemin was still surprised every time Jeno showed up, still expecting him to leave and never come back but day after day Jeno showed up that doubt inside Jaemin shrunk in size. 

Jeno ended up moving to Seoul with Jaemin, he stayed with the other members while Jaemin was in rehab at the company’s dorm. With everything that went down, the people of SM Entertainment, excluding the artist, were put in custody and questioned to determine who was involved in the whole drug aspect of the company.

Obviously, the artists were cleared, and then very little of the crew were cleared, mostly the stage crew were the ones in the dark, the managers and higher ups being the ones orchestrating the whole thing. Jaemin was happy to know that the staff lady that helped him in the harness during the last concert he performed before he went to the no name town was cleared, she was too sweet to be involved in anything like that. 

Since most of the artist had nowhere else to go, the dorms that the company had for them were open for them to stay, although most of them were in rehab centers trying to get sober, so the dorms were mostly filled with trainees who had yet to be forced into taking the drug, and Jeno. 

Although the rest of the Youth team was mostly clean, the doctors still recommended a short stay with the rehab facility to make sure they were okay and well prepared for any future backlash that came with getting sober from the drug. They only stayed for a few weeks, and then after that, they were in the dorms with Jeno, and they actually got fairly close in that short time, Jeno feeling like he’s always belonged with them. 

Jaemin stayed in the rehab facility for about three months, his addiction was somewhat more drastic than most people from the company. But once he was deemed sober, he came home. The boys made a surprise welcome home party for them and of course, Jaemin cried. He was so happy to be home with his brothers, with Jeno, and sober, that he couldn’t help it.

“Aigoo, our baby hyung don’t cry!” Jisung came forward to wipe Jaemin’s tears with his sleeve before he pulled him into a hug. Each member after that came up and hugged Jaemin, squeezing tightly and welcoming him back. 

When it was Mark’s turn he held Jaemin for a beat longer than the rest and whispered in his ear, “I’m so proud of you Jaemin-ah.” Jaemin squeezed back harder, tears falling from his eyes once again making Mark laugh when he pulled back, wiping his face again. 

Jaemin looked around the room, confused seeing all his members, but no Jeno. His stomach immediately sunk to the floor and panic was starting to set in before Donghyuck got his attention, “Psst, hyung!” Jaemin looked over to Donghyuck and followed where he was pointing, finally finding Jeno holding a cake in his hands and a smile on his face. 

Jaemin relaxed at seeing Jeno walking towards him with the fire from the candle illuminating his face. When Jeno was finally standing in front of him Jaemin looked down at the cake and read out loud, “Congratulations, we love you.” Jaemin looked up at Jeno again and he nodded his head urging Jaemin to blow out the candles. Once he did, the whole room erupted in cheers and Jeno set the cake on the table, finally pulling Jaemin into a hug. 

He kissed the side of his head and whispered in his ear, “I’m glad your back Jaem. I’ve missed you,” Jaemin held Jeno tighter, hoping that was enough to tell Jeno how happy he was as well because he knew if he tried to talk right now he would burst into tears again. 

When Jeno finally pulled back, he placed another chaste kiss on his forehead and then turned the both of them to face the rest of the boys who had smiles on their faces bright enough to rival the sun. And then Mark clapped his hands together gravitating everyone’s attention to him. “Alright gents, I have an announcement so everyone gather around.” 

The boys looked around at each other in confusion since they were already gathered around, but each of them took a step forward anyway which seemed to appease Mark who began talking again.

“So as you all may know SM Entertainment kind of went under thanks to the whole drug thing.” He looked around the room, the boys nodding their heads in confirmation and then Mark smiled, “Well, it looks like there is someone out there who wants to buy the company and rebrand it. Give it back its name and give the artist a place to call home.” 

“What the hell does that mean?” Chenle asked, the confusion in his voice matching the confusion on everyone’s face. 

“It means we can still be a group. We still have a company and we can do it all, without the drugs.” 

The room was silent for a moment as the news settled in, and the room was in uproar of screams and shouts of excitement. 

“We don’t have to break up?” Renjun asked, and Mark shook his head, his arms prepared for Renjun who jumped in them. The rest of the boys were hugging and asking questions to the air, the answers getting lost in the excitement of the news. 

Jaemin was standing still at the news, Jeno in the same frozen shock next to him. He assumed that when SM Entertainment was discovered what was essentially a drug ring, that they would never be able to come back. All the artists under the label would no longer have a place to call home and after the news came out that they were doped up on drugs the entire time, who would want them anyway?

Jaemin was ready to give up his dream as an idol and start to look for a career that he wouldn’t completely hate. He was expecting to go back and live with his parents until he figured out what to do, maybe even go back to school even though he loathed school. 

But now the tables have turned and he doesn’t have to do any of that. He had the chance to continue to live his dream as an idol, and this time he wasn’t going to be high on drugs. The people were going to see him for who he really was. He turned to Jeno who had tears in his eyes and pulled him close. 

After everyone got over the initial shock of the news, Mark sat them all down and explained the nitty gritty details. Obviously, they all had to have a clean bill of health and anyone who didn’t want to sign back with the company was in no way obligated to. The new CEO wanted to meet with every group individually, whether they planned to stay or not, just to meet them and find out where they stand with their future plans. 

“This is going to take some time to get started back up, the contracts have to be made and all the legal stuff that I don’t understand, but basically we just have to decide if we want to go on as a group, who wants to stay and who wants to leave.” 

The room was silent as Mark’s words settled over them, no one wanting to break the silence, so Jaemin did it for them. “Do we have to keep the name?”

“The name?” Mark asked. Jaemin looked around the room nervously, shrinking slightly into Jeno’s side at the attention, but Jeno pushed him forward and urged him to speak up. 

“I still want to be a group with you, but I would rather not have a name attached with the stuff that happened before. I don’t want to be NCT Youth anymore.” 

Mark nodded his head in thought, and the rest of the boys seemed to be on the same page. There was no way they could keep going forward if the name they went by was weighed down by memories that would forever haunt them. “What did you have in mind?”

_ 2 Years Later  _

Jaemin was standing backstage with Jeno, the first concert of their team, under a new name with a new place to call home and Jaemin was starting to get nervous. 

It had been so long since he had performed in front of any size crowd, and performing sober was a first as well. All that time ago when they first debuted and had their first performance, Jaemin was so hyped up on the drug he didn’t have the chance to feel any sort of nerves, so this was definitely a first for him. 

He was pacing in a closed off section backstage, Jeno long forgotten as the words in Jaemin’s head started to take control. What if he went out there and everyone hated him? What if he was more likable when he was on a drug that made him appear happier and more lively? What if-

“Hey,” Jeno’s voice stopped Jaemin in his tracks, soft and inviting. Jeno walked up to Jaemin and placed his hand on his hips, pulling him closer and placing a kiss on his forehead, lingering there for a moment. “Everything is going to be fine. They are going to love you, just like I do, but maybe just a little less since I love you the most in the world.” 

Jaemin laughed at Jeno’s attempt at lightening the mood. It worked, but he wasn’t willing to boost Jeno’s ego that much. He looked up at Jeno, his insecurities flaring again, but Jeno simply smiled at him and brushed back Jaemin’s hair. “You have always been talented in everything you do and have had a natural talent in having people fall in love with you.” 

Jaemin tried to push Jeno away but he held on tighter not letting Jaemin go. “Uh huh, I’m not done yet. You are a beautiful person and a beautiful soul. Anyone who thinks different is wrong and you are going to kill it out there with the rest of your members. They are going to fall in love with you all over again and you are going to continue to live your dream you have worked towards your entire life, okay?” 

Jaemin felt the tears building up in his eyes but Jeno was quicker than him and bringing his hands up to stop the tears. “Careful Jaem, you’ll mess up your makeup,” Jeno laughed as he did it, Jaemin trying his hardest to stop crying because Jeno was right. 

Not only about messing up his makeup, but everything else. He had been working towards this dream for most of his life and while he already had his dream once, he doesn’t like to count that time because the drugs blurred his vision through it. This was a new start and he was finally living his dream properly. 

Jeno kissed the top of Jaemin’s head one last time before he urged him over to the rest of his group as they prepared to take the stage. “I’ll be here the whole time, you have nothing to worry about. Now go show em’ what you got,” Jaemin nodded his head at Jeno and then made his way over to the other members. 

Before he got too far away, Jeno reached his arm out and smacked Jaemin’s ass, and when he turned around Jeno acted like he didn’t do anything and then winked before urging him onto his members. Jaemin shook his head and jogged over to where the members were waiting for him, big smiles and nervous energy throughout. 

“Alright boys, let’s go out there and show them who we are,” Mark said, making sure to look at each member. Then after shouting out a very loud  _ fighting! _ Mark led the new team out to the stage to introduce themselves anew. 

_ “To the world NCT! Hello, we are NCT Dream!”  _


End file.
